Nicoleswrld82 Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 So I hate stories but I have to give a brief background. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for almost 2. I am 24 and he is 28. Young I know. He thinks everything is fine and dandy but I think we have grown apart. We are just two different people and that might have something to do with the fact that we married younger. So anyways I have been feeling disconnected for awhile now and of course along comes this man that I used to work with. He is married as well and has two kids. Same deal with him. He married very young because of the kid and just is stuck. We complained about our spouses a lot and became very good friends first. Finally after about 3 months I went to his place after some drinks while his wife was at work. Nothing happened. I felt like I was basically "dating" him. We would try to meet up when we could but it's difficult for him with the kids and all. The second time though we ended up having sex. Sefish I know. We had a great night together and ended up spending the night talking...We both had never cheated before and now we are both feeling quilty. My problem is I can't tell what is up with my marriage. One day I am okay and thinking I am comfortable why not just let things be and then the next day I want to just leave. I never used to be the type to need a relationship but since being married and having that closeness I know I will miss it. The question is will I miss that feeling or will I really miss my H. I am trying not to let the other married man into the equation but that is hard to do. I know I should just figure the marriage out before I think about the OM. He has the same problem. He told me the other day "either I stay with her and am friends with you...or I leave and am whatever with you" I have feelings for this OM and I finally let him know last night that maybe we should just go our seperate ways and if situations change then maybe we can see what happens. He never responded. (I left a message) I am at a crossroads. it's only been one day that I haven't spoken to the OM and already I miss him terribly. What am I to do??? Advice needed please :-) There are so many other factors but this should suffice.
Bryanp Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Let me see if I have this right. You have been married only two years and you go over to a married man's house while his wife is working and hang out together. On your next date you sleep with him and put your husband's health at risk for STD's. I am curious how you would feel if your husband did to you what you did to him? Look at this OM of yours. Look how he totally disrespected and demeaned his wife by inviting you over to his shared home while she was working. What a class guy. He sounds like a guy of great character. If they will cheat with you.....they will cheat on you. Maybe you should show a little character yourself and be honest with your husband about what you have done and then have the both of you decide whether or not to go to counseling to work on recovery in your marriage. What you have done to your husband and to the OM's wife is very very humiliating and demeaning to them. Maybe you should ask yourself what kind of person you wish to be. Again if the roles were reversed wouldn't you want your husband to be honest with you? Apparently this is all about you and you could care less whether your husband should have any say in knowing the truth about what happen and allowing him to make choices himself based on the truth. You have been married only two years and you do this?
norajane Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Your MM likely won't leave his wife no matter what he said to you the night you stayed up talking all night. He has children. He'll remember that eventually. If nothing else, he'll realize he needs to pay child support and maybe alimony and he'll lose the house, so that will give him a lot to stay for in addition to his kids and his wife. If you want to work on your marriage, you have to come clean with your H and tell him about your affair. Marriage counseling is all about communication, and if you're not honest, it won't bring you to a place where your marriage can be repaired. And get yourself tested for STD's. Your MM may have told you he's never cheated before, but he's lying to his wife (and bringing you into their home!), so you can't count on him being all trustworthy and honest about his infidelities.
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