tink227 Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 My boyfriend and i of five years have had a very rough summer. We broke up three months ago but still hung out and slept together and it was a mess. I got jelous of other girls he was testing the waters with even though we were not dating. We eventually got back together last week. We dediced that we were menat to be and we did not want to look for others that we only found happiness with each other. We were even talking about marrige. But heres where it goes sour. During the just friends part of our summer i got so jelous about other girls ( even tho i had other guys) that i checked his voice mails. And he asked me if i ever did because he was finding that new messages would be saved instead of new when he checked them. i lied to his face because i was so embaressed. and now he found out, and he broke it off, he said this time is for good. We have talked a few times since this incident. He told me he still cares for me and i am a good person with so much going for her, but that he could not beleive i lied to his face. He follwed me home the night i confessed to him about the lie because he knew i was so upset and in bad shape to drive. But last night when we were talking i told him i have alot ahead of me this year since i will be a senior in college and maybe time apart will be good but that he will always be on my mind. I asked him if he had hope for us in the future and he replied i cant answer that or you will call me all the time.... what does this mean ... is there hope... i know i messed up but i want to marry this man i love him and need to know if i should persue or move on
AlwaysHope Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 these kind of relationships, where you break up and get back together in cycles, are hard to work out. if you really want to marry this person, and you think he is the only person in the world for you, then the best you can do is sincerely apologize for checking his voicemail and see what he has to say. tell him that it's not in your character to do something like that, that the times were so stressful that it caused you to do something wrong that you wouldn't normally do. trust is the foundation for a healthy relationship, and it can take a very very long time to build trust back. sometimes you can't ever build trust the way it was before it was broken. he is very upset that someone he thought he could trust violated it in such a way, and THEN lied to him about it, which is another trust issue in itself. so try to understand how he's feeling, and apologize and explain yourself in a mature way (without crying and sobbing and appearing desperate). it sounds like you have other problems with him other than just checking his voicemail, but i don't really know your relationship. why did you break up 3 months ago? is that reason resolved? or is it still a problem? it's also really hard to date someone as long as you have dated your bf and then have to watch them date other women. if you break up again, do not contact him and do not try to find out what he's doing. most importantly, DO NOT sleep with him. that makes things SO much more complicated. it will be better for both of you if you can move on and date other people too instead of making yourself miserable over who he's with. if he doesn't want to get back together with you, you are going to have to accept that (as hard as it is!) and try your best to move on. it won't be easy, but you can do it if you need to. good luck to you!
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