Baffled!!

[Agent M]

Hey Swirly,

 

OK so I broke down and went to see the new guy at the lake, and lo and behold the ex was there too. Ugh. I ignored the ex as I pulled up (but he was looking at me) and I'm sure he noticed me ignoring him and looking at the new guy. Then I went over to say hi to the ex after I parked and he was talking with his father and didn't say anything. The father's g/f said hi, then finally he said hi and his dad said hi. Then he said he had to go into the store and pay for his breakfast, and he walked away. So I also went into the store to get a water a bit after him, and I talked to him a little in there. Then me, him, and the new guy talked about pool outside for awhile. The new guy sat there and didn't even say anything! Then the ex saw this old couple he knows and abruptly left us and went over to talk to them for about 25 mins., then came back to us to say he was leaving. How f'ing humiliating. So I hung with the new guy for awhile, and he was acting just blah.......then the new guy's father came along and it started pouring, they sat in the car for awhile, then the new guy took off! What a bust. This is ridiculous. For some reason i can't get it through my head that the ex just doesn't like me anymore, and I can't seem to stay away from him. Perhaps it's the intense pain that I just can't take. What do you think of this?? Now I'm about to call a psychic!!

 

Yes, I know what you mean about the ego...mine must be totally blown. And my friend today was like...wow, you just can't seem to let go of this. We've got to stop perseverating so much. I feel somehow we've got to cut it short. Perhaps we can "sponsor" each other. Or, like you said, find something interesting enough to divert our attention. My problem is that nothing seems to interest me b/c I'm too bugged about this ex. Tonight I think I'll go play pool again.

 

Yes, I guess I'm a little lonely too, and that feeds into this. And my last ex did the same thing as yours...wanted to get back together and started treating me really well as soon as I was unavailable. I think he knows by now that it's not going to happen, hence I haven't heard from him in awhile. Annoying. Where was he when I wanted him?

 

One of my g/f's thinks that if I met someone I really liked right now, I wouldn't care about the ex and that's probably true. How about for you?

 

Yeah, maye you should blow off that shrink for now. It does help to purge everything here on these pages, and it's nice you got a response from two new people. I'm having the dreams now too. It does make you think more about him.

 

Distractions. We need distractions. I think I'll go lose myself in the pool game....hopefully the guys will leave me alone tonight. I hope your out having fun and that your football party tomorrow is a blast. talk to you soon............

[swirly27]

swirly swirly swirly, u poor thing. i have the same worry i will c my ex on msn while im loged on, as i woulnt know what to say or wether to start the convo. u aren't going wrong anywhere its just men for ya.

if u havent been on the site 4 2 years or whatever it was does that mean it was ok till then?

as i have got older i have started to depend on love to, i think it is natural to. when people r young they arn't seeming to want to settle down now a days and when you met someone you think i wonder if this relationship will work? its wierd how us humans feel so desperate to feel loved by that one person in our lives, cos when they are there everyone at some point wonders if they r actually meant to be with them and if things don't feel right we analise y they arent and usually end up making it worse, i know as i have done it, you feel you should communicate with your partner, but when u talk about problems and they think it may be them, its amazing what their minds tell them to do, and when a relationship ends you crave the feelings of being loved because u r so lonely, in fact a lot like u have told me lol. u cope well though, its not easy i know.

hope u have the best to come.

 

Thanks Josalina! Are you referring to when I posted for the first time back in 2004? That breakup was the worst one I had ever gone thru and luckily found this site back then. I think because I clicked with that guy on SOOOO many levels and it was mutual and out of the blue and he's the only guy I ever thought was the 'one'. We were still in the butterfly honeymoon period when he ended things with me so it was HORRIBLE. I took it very hard. But it took a long time to get over him......months. Even when I dated another guy last year, I still thought of this other guy. But I learned alot and since it didn't kill me, I guess I came out stronger.....who knows though cause right now I don't feel very strong.

 

I do think alot of my feelings and hurt are not about this ex in particular, but just that I am lonely now and felt another chance at something and its gone.....again! I get envious of other people and wonder what is wrong with me that I am single....but I know thats not the way I should think. Its just hard, and to have a great connection with someone and they disappear like this guy did, it hurts triply then. But this site is helping me TREMENDOUSLY this time around. I am so glad I found it. After reading these new posts last nite, I felt ALOT better!! So thank you so much for taking the time to read these and give some advice.

[swirly27]

Swirly27

 

I read through the first initial post. One thing really stuck out at me - you stated he is flaky with phone calls anyway so you didn't really worry too much about that.

 

This is a mistake. Just because someone is consistently disrespectful to people in general doesn't excuse it. And it certainly doesn't mean you should lower your standards to date this guy.

 

The bare minimum is phone calls when you say and showing up when you say. If that goes there is no relationship to say. I am not even friends with people like that. How could you ever depend on them or believe what they say? This guy is totally replaceable. You can find too many guys out there who are schmucks and will treat you like you don't matter. He is not worth any amount of thought.

 

Find yourself a guy who does what he says he is going to do. Find one that treats you like you are the most wonderful person on the planet. Those men are out there and they are worth the journey. Don't get caught up or hung up with one of the losers lining the road, they are just for learning about what you don't want.

 

Thanks Island Girl!

I hear what you're saying with me being ok with his flaky-ness at first. I think what was really hard was I couldn't tell if I was getting worked up too much, since we were just dating and only did or a short time or how I should be feeling. I KNOW in my head that yes, people should call when they say and show up when they say......but he would call a million other times when he wouldn't say and he was always the one asking me to hang out each weekend, so I kept thinking 'He's Gotta Be Into Me'. The other friends factor was a BIG FACTOR though too. One of my best gf's is good friends with him and when I would say stuff about him not calling this day or him forgetting a plan this day, she knows him as such a great good guy that she would downplay his actions a bit.....now, I don't want to paint the wrong picture, she always says how I feel is what is important and she wasn't saying it wasn't flaky of him to be like that.....I just think she sees him as this non-jerk, non-player, and he pursued me and asked about me, so she ASSUMED it wasn't anything against me cause he seemed so smitten with me. Thats what he told his friends anyway. I listened to her I guess, but its cause I wanted it to work too. I know in the end I did the right thing, but I guess when we clicked so well, conversated so welll, had so much fun and such a chemistry and passion, I didn't want it to go away. But, luckily I didn't settle for it either.....so now I just hurt thinking about what could have been, what I wanted to be and hurt because I never even heard back from him. That hurts alot.

 

But, when I came home last night and read these posts, it made me feel better and that is always a WONDERFUL thing. All my other friends that didn't know this ex tell me the same stuff I hear here.....but it always helps to hear it more and more. Thanks so much!!

[swirly27]

Hey Swirly,

 

OK so I broke down and went to see the new guy at the lake, and lo and behold the ex was there too. Ugh. I ignored the ex as I pulled up (but he was looking at me) and I'm sure he noticed me ignoring him and looking at the new guy. Then I went over to say hi to the ex after I parked and he was talking with his father and didn't say anything. The father's g/f said hi, then finally he said hi and his dad said hi. Then he said he had to go into the store and pay for his breakfast, and he walked away. So I also went into the store to get a water a bit after him, and I talked to him a little in there. Then me, him, and the new guy talked about pool outside for awhile. The new guy sat there and didn't even say anything! Then the ex saw this old couple he knows and abruptly left us and went over to talk to them for about 25 mins., then came back to us to say he was leaving. How f'ing humiliating. So I hung with the new guy for awhile, and he was acting just blah.......then the new guy's father came along and it started pouring, they sat in the car for awhile, then the new guy took off! What a bust. This is ridiculous. For some reason i can't get it through my head that the ex just doesn't like me anymore, and I can't seem to stay away from him. Perhaps it's the intense pain that I just can't take. What do you think of this?? Now I'm about to call a psychic!!

 

Yes, I know what you mean about the ego...mine must be totally blown. And my friend today was like...wow, you just can't seem to let go of this. We've got to stop perseverating so much. I feel somehow we've got to cut it short. Perhaps we can "sponsor" each other. Or, like you said, find something interesting enough to divert our attention. My problem is that nothing seems to interest me b/c I'm too bugged about this ex. Tonight I think I'll go play pool again.

 

Yes, I guess I'm a little lonely too, and that feeds into this. And my last ex did the same thing as yours...wanted to get back together and started treating me really well as soon as I was unavailable. I think he knows by now that it's not going to happen, hence I haven't heard from him in awhile. Annoying. Where was he when I wanted him?

 

One of my g/f's thinks that if I met someone I really liked right now, I wouldn't care about the ex and that's probably true. How about for you?

 

Yeah, maye you should blow off that shrink for now. It does help to purge everything here on these pages, and it's nice you got a response from two new people. I'm having the dreams now too. It does make you think more about him.

 

Distractions. We need distractions. I think I'll go lose myself in the pool game....hopefully the guys will leave me alone tonight. I hope your out having fun and that your football party tomorrow is a blast. talk to you soon............

 

Oh Agent! You know, part of me envies you and part of me feels bad that you had to go thru that this past weekend. The part that envies you is because you do what you want to do, no thoughts about consequences cause thats how you FEEL and what WILL happen is you will get to a point where you're tired of trying or you've had it or something else and because you are able to run into your ex easily, you even have other excuses to do so, like the new guy......and because of these sequence of events, you may bring yourself closer to being over it....if the ex keeps acting like this. The part that feels bad though is the part for you hurting......why was the new guy acting blah? How did it come up that you went over there, did the new guy call? Maybe he feels awkward because he can sense you still feel for your ex? What also sucks is NC is the best route, from an objective point of view, but you need to do what you need to do. You need to move on from the ex and its almost like you need to start over again....you had 2 months under your belt before you guys met up but now its kinda like it has to start from square one. But, whatever it takes to get you over this and thru this. I too may call my psychic today too, we'll see. Let me know what yours says....

 

Yes, nothing is a good distraction when you are going thru a heartbreak. NOTHING. 2 yrs ago, with my other breakup, I went to an Eagles games, as I am a huge Eagles fan and even being there didn't distract me......BUT, the more busy we are and the more things we try to throw ourselves into, the more new experiences we'll have and the more new people we'll meet and those new things will start to be in our minds, even making new friends and such and little by little, those things won't be just for distractions anymore, they'll be new priorities of things to think about or new memories. Its just a process that takes time and I am not very patient. lol

 

Yes, I am kind of laughing that my other ex wants me back now.....UGH, men. He HAS to know I would be on a rebound and now he says he wants to settle down and make someone happy and that person is me. I wanted to say ARE U KIDDING ME!! I told him I had no romantic or physical interest in anyone right now. (but also really in him). If I met someone right now that caught my eye or I was attracted to that showed interest, yeah it probably would help with not thinking about my ex so much, it would be a distraction, but for me right now it would be a rebound. The test is if you met a GREAT guy and he blew you away.....then your ex called you.....would it affect you AT ALL? If the answer is anything else but NO WAY, then to me I'd be afraid it was all just a rebound. But, those things sometimes work out too. So, who knows. Meeting new people is always a good thing and as long as I am honest with myself and any new guy, thats all I can do.

 

I had an ok weekend. Yesterday me and 2 gf's went to a crafts fair thing in my town. It was nice and I bought some stuff so this week I will be decorating for fall and stuff like that. I love scents and decorations and candles and stuff so that will make me feel nice. It was weird though cause him and I went to a fair on the same street over the summer, but it didn't bother me too much. Then I went to another friend's house and we watched a movie and then I went to another friend's house to chat and smoke cigarrettes! haha So, I was a busy bee last night. But, the gf I watched the movie with, we almost were going to go out with other people who invited us and it was a bar I've never been to and I asked where it was and it was in the town my ex lives in!! So, I was hesitant to go and luckily my gf is prego and didn't feel well and I was glad cause I didn't want to run into him....of course PART of me did, but I was more relieved when we weren't going. Yes, today is the football party so I am excited to eat the yummy food that will be there.

 

These posts really did make me feel better last night, so that is wonderful. Agent, we definitely can be each other's sponsors thru this, it'll just take time, which sucks!! I am just TRYING to keep busy and do stuff. October is filling up big time for me, so thats good. I go on a trip with my mom over Halloween so that will be good. Shopping is always fun, new projects, whatever can keep my mind a little distracted can only be beneficial.

[Agent M]

Well, to answer the first part of your reply, the new guy was at the tavern playing pool when I got there. He was in a great mood and said he was just tired earlier. Anyway, he got a little drunk and told me how into me he is, but that he would want an open relationship. That started a big debate between us, and I felt like I was with my ex all over again (the debate part). Then his dad was in town for the day and stopped by, and the cool part is that his dad was backing up everything I said! Wish his dad was a little younger lol. I ended up leaving late, and decided I will continue to pursue a friendship with the new guy, but definitely not a serious romantic relationship. I am so tired today, I don't know why.

 

Good point about things becoming new priorities and not just distractions. I feel like I'm in serious trouble with this whole thing, like I can't let go. Don't you? A week will go by and I feel I need to see him again, like maybe he changed his mind, almost b/c it is too horrible to be true. It's too hard for me to believe he doesn't want anything to do with me. But, somehow I've got to brainwash myself into thinking differently and realigning my priorities b/c he's just a waste of time and energy. That's why I brought up the sponsor thing. We've got to think of some really good distractions that don't take too much money.

 

Glad you had fun last night....and how was the football party?? Meet any new people? Have fun? I went out w/ my sister today, then out with a g/f for awhile. It was fun. But in bed early tonight, so tired. Projects are good distractions, but I find that anything I'm doing alone is not good. The thoughts only come back. I suppose some volunteer work might be a good idea, but that too can be boring. I don't know, I'll have to look in the paper. Anything to stop this thinking.

[Island Girl]

I don't know if this will help or not but back in my younger days -- well, to be honest I was kind of messed up when it came to relationships and I was a 'playa'. The guy would get destroyed getting into a relationship with me - even dating me. I feel bad about the good guys I hurt along the way but there were a lot of these guys too - the guys who hurt girls before me -- and I was the one who gave them a taste of their own medicine. There are still the ruthless girls out there doing the same thing. Believe me what comes around goes around and he'll get his. And if it is any help it will be BAD. It is MUCH worse for guys than girls when it comes to emotional pain. When they open up and get CRUSHED they just don't seem to be as resiliant emotionally as women. They don't live day to day with their emotions. We do.

 

--- My brother says now -- it is true -- that I now "use my powers for good". And I did have to pay a pretty stiff price in the end for how I treated men who loved me. So I am not advocating bad behavior. I know the male mind very well and I was manipulative but it wasn't malicious. I was just immature and lacking in self-esteem. I thought if the right person loved me everything would be peachy so I made that happen. When their love didn't fix me, I'd move on to the next.

 

Just know when I got my payback - it was a stiff price to pay. His will be bad and it will happen. How long it takes to happen, makes it that much worse for him.

[Agent M]

Whoa....can't wait 'til Swirly reads that. Unfortunately, your reply makes me feel better. It's interesting but I think my ex felt partly the same way...that when my love didn't fix him, it was time to move on. I like how you say you know the male mind well. So, do you know why Swirly's ex was late all the time and blowing her off, and why he hasn't contacted her? thanks for your reply!

[Island Girl]

Because apparently no one holds him to any kind of standard. Everybody seems to let him skate. It is the girl that doesn't make it easy for him that will get him. He'll be attracted to some girl who will immediately sense how he is and she'll make him work to take her out. He'll have to jump through hoops to be with her (to him he'll be really stretching to his limits but in reality it will just be what other people do normally).

 

Because he is no longer a challenge, she'll meet another guy. The other guy will just be a friend, a confidant, who she confides in that this guy doesn't get her flowers, etc. He'll get sucked in and begin being the supportive comforting friend (but he secretly wants to treat her to all she has been missing). He'll finally profess his love (secretly she knew he was attracted and falling for her because of all of the conversations with him). The excuse -- er -- reason she'll will be breaking up with guy #1 will be he just doesn't make her feel special and she has found someone else that will. He will never be able to top the romantic skills of the guy that has listened to all of the things a man needs to do to keep her --- he'll have no one to explain to him that just showing up or calling a lot won't do it. He'll be devastated.

 

I hope that doesn't come off as a bunch of rambling. Or completely useless information.

[swirly27]

Well, to answer the first part of your reply, the new guy was at the tavern playing pool when I got there. He was in a great mood and said he was just tired earlier. Anyway, he got a little drunk and told me how into me he is, but that he would want an open relationship. That started a big debate between us, and I felt like I was with my ex all over again (the debate part). Then his dad was in town for the day and stopped by, and the cool part is that his dad was backing up everything I said! Wish his dad was a little younger lol. I ended up leaving late, and decided I will continue to pursue a friendship with the new guy, but definitely not a serious romantic relationship. I am so tired today, I don't know why.

 

Good point about things becoming new priorities and not just distractions. I feel like I'm in serious trouble with this whole thing, like I can't let go. Don't you? A week will go by and I feel I need to see him again, like maybe he changed his mind, almost b/c it is too horrible to be true. It's too hard for me to believe he doesn't want anything to do with me. But, somehow I've got to brainwash myself into thinking differently and realigning my priorities b/c he's just a waste of time and energy. That's why I brought up the sponsor thing. We've got to think of some really good distractions that don't take too much money.

 

Glad you had fun last night....and how was the football party?? Meet any new people? Have fun? I went out w/ my sister today, then out with a g/f for awhile. It was fun. But in bed early tonight, so tired. Projects are good distractions, but I find that anything I'm doing alone is not good. The thoughts only come back. I suppose some volunteer work might be a good idea, but that too can be boring. I don't know, I'll have to look in the paper. Anything to stop this thinking.

 

Hmmm.....I would be weary right now of this new guy - for one, he is friend's with your ex, so doesn't that bother him at all that he is going after his friend's ex? Also, he blatantly states he wants an open relationship, which is fine, but that just seems funny to discuss right now....but whatever makes you feel better and helps you along getting over your ex too.

 

I do feel the same way with not being able to let go.....but one thing I feel better about is I only talk about it to a few people...people I am very comfortable talking with it about, so no one else has to know how upset I am. My gf that is friends with the ex, she has no idea I saw a therapist or cry as much as I do or nothing....she just knows I am hurt and that I want to stay single for awhile. But, distractions will NOT completely erase our thoughts of them and that is whats hard: But, better to be busy doing something and having ex thoughts than to just be sitting there moping and thinking of the ex.....sometimes though I like to sit and mope and get a good cry out, but its better to stay busier.

 

Here are some of the things I have done in the past to try and be distracted and stay busy: Thoroughly cleaned each room of my apartment, and I mean CLEANED!!! Had a yard sale and went thru every nook of my place to clean out old junk. 2 yrs ago, I went on a hunt for new bedroom furniture - I needed it and it was a treat to myself AND wiped away ANY memories I had with my then ex in that bedroom - I hunted and hunted for the perfect set and bargained too and it occupied ALOT of time - once I found it, after months, I shopped for decorative pieces I wanted to put in the room too and I made a project for picture frames I have in there too where I painted them to match my decor - it turned into a big project and my bedroom is a haven today, LOVE IT. I got a kicka$$ new mattress too and all new sheets and all. Going shopping, anything that made ME feel better, even if just for that day! I went to a spa on Valentines Day this past year so I wasn't home feeling lonely. What sucks is, none of this stuff erased my memories or thoughts of my then ex, but it distracted me somewhat and I looked to take care of myself and I didn't go nuts with spending and gambling or anything, I did things FOR ME and it made me feel better somewhat. I am trying to do some of that stuff now, ONE DAY AT A TIME, and it sucks but its all I can do.

 

Agent, what did you do for those first 2 months you didn't speak to your ex? Can you go back to that place and try and have that same mentality? The thing is, your ex may still think of you and miss you and all, but like you have stated SOOO many times in your posts, HE HAS ISSUES, and you know this.....so he needs to sort them out or realize he has lost you and not see you or hear about you. But HE HAS ISSUES, so you need to heal yourself now and realize you don't want him unless he is going to put forth the effort. Just try and think of how you feel each time you do run into him.....its not satusfying and you end up feeling worse....thats how it would be if you and him were together right now, and it would suck!! Keep thinking of that!!

 

My football party was ok. My Eagles won so that is always a plus!! I was there for most of the day, but then later on I got the itch to want to go home and be by myself, so I did. Thats how I get. I really didn't MEET anyone new, but was around people I don't see too often. I am going to try and throw myself into cleaning my apartment this week and decorating for the fall. I mentioned how I LOVE scents and candles and stuff and when I get new stuff and it looks and smells nice, it makes me feel nice....for a little while anyway. I also am going to try and go thru stuff for the yard sale I am participating in this saturday. I am making a list of all the books I own and read cause I can't keep up anymore and then I am choosing a ton to go thru and sell. So, stuff like that keeps me a little distracted. The weekends are the worst though.

 

I did call a different psychic last night though....did you call one Agent? What did they say??

[swirly27]

I don't know if this will help or not but back in my younger days -- well, to be honest I was kind of messed up when it came to relationships and I was a 'playa'. The guy would get destroyed getting into a relationship with me - even dating me. I feel bad about the good guys I hurt along the way but there were a lot of these guys too - the guys who hurt girls before me -- and I was the one who gave them a taste of their own medicine. There are still the ruthless girls out there doing the same thing. Believe me what comes around goes around and he'll get his. And if it is any help it will be BAD. It is MUCH worse for guys than girls when it comes to emotional pain. When they open up and get CRUSHED they just don't seem to be as resiliant emotionally as women. They don't live day to day with their emotions. We do.

 

--- My brother says now -- it is true -- that I now "use my powers for good". And I did have to pay a pretty stiff price in the end for how I treated men who loved me. So I am not advocating bad behavior. I know the male mind very well and I was manipulative but it wasn't malicious. I was just immature and lacking in self-esteem. I thought if the right person loved me everything would be peachy so I made that happen. When their love didn't fix me, I'd move on to the next.

 

Just know when I got my payback - it was a stiff price to pay. His will be bad and it will happen. How long it takes to happen, makes it that much worse for him.

 

Oh Island, that is GREAT!! I always do think that those who hurt us will get theirs in the end. Karma is a great thing. Usually though it seems that people don't USUALLY TRY to hurt others with evil intentions. I dated a guy last year and I ended up breaking his heart, but I never did it with intentions or malice. I was always honest with him and never made empty promises or led him on....but my gosh, if you talked to him, he'd say I was an evil spawn of the devil. haha Maybe not, since he is trying to get back with me now, but you get my point.

 

What scares me is I think my ex was soooo badly burned by his last relationship and thats why he ran! So, once again, I am left hurt even though it may not have anything to do with me. Story of my life it seems. But, he pursued me, I was enjoying life and minding my own business and I am soo tired of that happening. I've never had an ending like this either where I heard NOTHING, so that in itself has to show me something about his character. I don't want a coward.....but my gosh, I still have this hope that he will come back to me....I need to purge it! haha

[Agent M]

OK....I've decided to stay away from the new guy and the tavern and the pool table. It seems I'm getting re-traumatized every time I go somewhere the ex and I were, or somewhere with someone the ex knows or hangs with. Then I end up getting all stressed out and I have to lay low for a few days.

 

I SWEAR I will not go to the lake for any reason whatsoever. Every time I go I think it'll be alright, then for some reason I end up hurt. I have to stop this! I promise, Swirly, I'm not going to the lake anymore! Maybe I should IM you if I get the urge. But I can't go there! For the first 2 mos. I made 3 new g/f's, and we were hanging out a lot and having parties and going places. It was also mid summer. But then that sort of wore off, all the novelty and everything, and I started to think about him again after we saw each other at the street fest, and it's just been downhill from there. SO NO MORE!! I can't handle it.

 

Your list of distractions is inspiring. I like the fact that you were looking to take care of yourself. That's excellent. I'll have to drag myself out somewhere ELSE when I start to feel like socializing with the wrong people, or people I should stay away from. Part of the problem is that I work pretty much by myself all day, so that when I get out, I'm ready to socialize. The lake people are ALWAYS around and eager to hang out, so it's easy to go there.....there's always people around that I know, lots of them. BUt no more.....I'll have to find other things to do at night....maybe a part time job. Learn from my experienes here what could happen if you run into your ex!

 

The thing is, your ex may still think of you and miss you and all, but like you have stated SOOO many times in your posts, HE HAS ISSUES, and you know this.....so he needs to sort them out or realize he has lost you and not see you or hear about you. But HE HAS ISSUES, so you need to heal yourself now and realize you don't want him unless he is going to put forth the effort. Just try and think of how you feel each time you do run into him.....its not satusfying and you end up feeling worse....thats how it would be if you and him were together right now, and it would suck!! Keep thinking of that!!

 

Thanks for the above!! It helped jerk me back into reality...I'll probably end up reading it over and over, and repeating to myself....HE HAS ISSUES...HE HAS ISSUES...HE HAS ISSUES....HE HAS ISSUES..........

Sorry for sort of falling off the wagon on you here.....Jeez......

 

You sound really good in your last post! Keep up the good work!! Glad you had some fun at the football party. What did the latest pyshic say?? I never did end up calling.....

[swirly27]

Because apparently no one holds him to any kind of standard. Everybody seems to let him skate. It is the girl that doesn't make it easy for him that will get him. He'll be attracted to some girl who will immediately sense how he is and she'll make him work to take her out. He'll have to jump through hoops to be with her (to him he'll be really stretching to his limits but in reality it will just be what other people do normally).

 

Because he is no longer a challenge, she'll meet another guy. The other guy will just be a friend, a confidant, who she confides in that this guy doesn't get her flowers, etc. He'll get sucked in and begin being the supportive comforting friend (but he secretly wants to treat her to all she has been missing). He'll finally profess his love (secretly she knew he was attracted and falling for her because of all of the conversations with him). The excuse -- er -- reason she'll will be breaking up with guy #1 will be he just doesn't make her feel special and she has found someone else that will. He will never be able to top the romantic skills of the guy that has listened to all of the things a man needs to do to keep her --- he'll have no one to explain to him that just showing up or calling a lot won't do it. He'll be devastated.

 

I hope that doesn't come off as a bunch of rambling. Or completely useless information.

 

Island Girl - In the 2nd part of your response here, I am a little confused. Are you describing my ex and the next girl he will meet that will make him jump thru hoops to get her or are you referring to me and him and if comes back? Sorry, I just wasn't sure. Also, he was sometimes blah with phone calls and stuff, but when it really mattered, I did call him on it but it really only came up the weekend before the final blowoff and then I ended it....so wasn't that me trying to make him jump thru hoops? I guess not huh cause he disappeared....what did I do wrong? I guess I should have just blown him off. But, I am the one that technically ended it and I am the one hurting though, so its like I was dumped anyway. UGH I should just move on and get over this, but I am just having a really hard time.

[swirly27]

OK....I've decided to stay away from the new guy and the tavern and the pool table. It seems I'm getting re-traumatized every time I go somewhere the ex and I were, or somewhere with someone the ex knows or hangs with. Then I end up getting all stressed out and I have to lay low for a few days.

 

I SWEAR I will not go to the lake for any reason whatsoever. Every time I go I think it'll be alright, then for some reason I end up hurt. I have to stop this! I promise, Swirly, I'm not going to the lake anymore! Maybe I should IM you if I get the urge. But I can't go there! For the first 2 mos. I made 3 new g/f's, and we were hanging out a lot and having parties and going places. It was also mid summer. But then that sort of wore off, all the novelty and everything, and I started to think about him again after we saw each other at the street fest, and it's just been downhill from there. SO NO MORE!! I can't handle it.

 

 

Your list of distractions is inspiring. I like the fact that you were looking to take care of yourself. That's excellent. I'll have to drag myself out somewhere ELSE when I start to feel like socializing with the wrong people, or people I should stay away from. Part of the problem is that I work pretty much by myself all day, so that when I get out, I'm ready to socialize. The lake people are ALWAYS around and eager to hang out, so it's easy to go there.....there's always people around that I know, lots of them. BUt no more.....I'll have to find other things to do at night....maybe a part time job. Learn from my experienes here what could happen if you run into your ex!

 

 

 

Thanks for the above!! It helped jerk me back into reality...I'll probably end up reading it over and over, and repeating to myself....HE HAS ISSUES...HE HAS ISSUES...HE HAS ISSUES....HE HAS ISSUES..........

Sorry for sort of falling off the wagon on you here.....Jeez......

 

You sound really good in your last post! Keep up the good work!! Glad you had some fun at the football party. What did the latest pyshic say?? I never did end up calling.....

 

Agent, I thinks its a GREAT idea that you are going to stay away from the places and people that will bring you around your ex or reminders. My gf that is friend with my ex, she is not around him or his places that I am having the same problems as you. She was GREAT friends with him when they were growing up, like in highschool, but even though it is a reminder, she was my GOOD gf before he came into my life, so I am not going to lose that with her. It does hurt going over that way, but I have more memories and time logged over there BEFORE I met him, so hopefully I just don't run into him. I think now if that party does occur, I won't be going.

 

I am really glad if my words help you....good that they help someone...wish I could help myself with those words. HAHA I am doing ok today but I am far from over this boy and that SUCKS!!! I decorated some today and finished writing my list of books. Oh, another thing I used to throw myself into last time I went thru a bad breakup was video games. Not sure if you are a fan of them but I am and I would buy new games and that takes concentration, so thats distracting too. But, it is good to get out and be social for a bit and then if you need to be by yourself again, thats a good mix. Thats how it is for me anyway.

 

You know I thought of the same thing, if you have urges and want to be talked out of them, we could exchange IM's or something cause that is always helpful too. 2 yrs ago when I was going thru my break up, I had a friend who was going thru one too. We weren't all THAT close, but in that time of need, when we needed to talk or cry or be talked out of doing something, we really relied on one another, cause friend are great but NOTHING beats talking to someone else who is going thru it....NOTHING. So, heck we could even exchange #'s. How funny would that be! haha

 

Yes, I talked to a different psychic last night and she said a 4 was coming up when I asked how long it would be till I heard from him....so she was thinking 4 weeks. I told her another one said I'd hear from him in Sept. and she said that was possible, but she felt very strongly, like the others said, that he had issues he had to work out and he got defensive when he felt like he had to be held accountable and that he got feelings for me but that scared him and he acted like a coward. But, she said he thinks of me often, but when he pulls toward thinking of me more, he backs off then too. She sent me tips on what to do when he contacts me, which is basic tips we always hear about, but she says to prepare cause it will happen. So, I still have this hope but how healthy is that? I know if I never hear from him again, the pain will subside slowly and I'll move on eventually and hopefully try that dating service and maybe just meet lots of cool people. I am telling myself never to get all caught up in romance and chemistry so quickly ever again. Have you ever tried the online dating sites? I have to tell you I have met some really cool people on them, the guy who CRUSHED my heart 2 yrs ago I met on one, and even if you're heart isn't totally into it, its cheap and it can be a distraction. I would recommend it and if nothing else, you make some new email chatting buddies. Let me know what you think.

[Josalina]

hey swirly, u sound more positive 2day. hows your decorating going?

i hear u saw a psychic, were they any good? i used to see a old lady who used to do that sort of thing, unfortatly she passed away a few months ago. what tips did she give you for when he contacts?

i had treatment at the hospital today, feel a lil worse 4 wear at the mo, but having a massage at the salon tomorrow which will be lovely, i am trying to keep busy too.

take care

[Agent M]

Really...what changed your mind about not going to the party? Wow, you really are being strong. I jumped at the chances to see him publicly, but as you see it got me into a lot of trouble. In hindsight, I would say better to let the guy contact you. It has to come from him.

 

I think I'm giving up finally. As I said before, I played all my cards, and now I'm just giving him permission to treat me more and more casually every time he sees me again, which makes me feel worse and worse. Once your pride and dignity start really getting bruised and you begin to feel humiliated, it's not even worth a try.

 

The video games are a great idea! I hadn't thought of that, but it would be a great distraction! I'm going to get some....any suggestions?

 

Yes, that would be cool to do IM's or phone numbers and help each other out! I am not online at work, that's the only bad thing for IMing. You are in eastern standard time, right?

 

Yeah, I'm so scared of getting caught up in romance and chemistry right now it's not funny. That's part of the reason I am RUNNING away from the new guy. I am taking off my rose colored glasses and I see that he is just in it for the fun of it. He's not going to treat me like #1. This morning however, I had this revelation that I've been unconcsiously picking guys who won't stay with me b/c I'm a little afraid of "the future" and the end to all this drama although I hate it. Now, I think I'll try to change my attitude and look for guys who want a future with me and stop this playing around. It's just been a game, and an avoidance of real committment I guess. It's weird when you think about something so much, then you realize things about yourself that really surprise you. Like I was always thinking about other peoples intentions, but mine were no more noble, I guess.

 

Interesting about the psychic. Kind of comforting in a way, sounds like he is going to seek you out, eh? It will be interesting to see what happens. One thing I've noticed about psychics is they seem to get timeframes all screwed up.

 

I have tried the online dating scene and I'm just not into it. It would be nice to have some new email buddies, esp. men, but don't you find that they always have one thing in mind? That bugs me about men. When I go out...they always hit on you with one thing in mind.

[swirly27]

hey swirly, u sound more positive 2day. hows your decorating going?

i hear u saw a psychic, were they any good? i used to see a old lady who used to do that sort of thing, unfortatly she passed away a few months ago. what tips did she give you for when he contacts?

i had treatment at the hospital today, feel a lil worse 4 wear at the mo, but having a massage at the salon tomorrow which will be lovely, i am trying to keep busy too.

take care

 

I am doing better today and the decorating went ok so far. I brought all my fall decorations out of the attic but only put a few things up. I just keep trying to do little things that make me feel nice, even if just for 5 minutes. So tonight I think I will finish decorating my place. Thanks for asking!!

 

I actually call psychics that I find online. I had talked to one in the beginning of this year and she hit some stuff DEAD ON so I have called her a few times and some others as well. So, we'll see what happens. They are all saying that my ex has issues and I scared him and that he WILL be contacting me here soon.....so we'll see. Sometimes I call just cause I am feeling hopeless and want to talk about it and it makes me feel better. HAHA whatever works huh.

 

I hope you are feeling better today!! Great idea with going to the salon, that is always well deserved. I am going to have to make an appt. there here soon. I went and booked a nice package this past Valentine's Day.....just as a treat to myself, so that is awesom! Keeping busy just sucks because nothing takes our mind off the thoughts, but it helps interrupt it and if we focus on making ourselves happy, then its definitely therapuatic in the long run. Hope it goes good for you, cause my mind drives me nuts!! haha

[swirly27]

Really...what changed your mind about not going to the party? Wow, you really are being strong. I jumped at the chances to see him publicly, but as you see it got me into a lot of trouble. In hindsight, I would say better to let the guy contact you. It has to come from him.

 

I think I'm giving up finally. As I said before, I played all my cards, and now I'm just giving him permission to treat me more and more casually every time he sees me again, which makes me feel worse and worse. Once your pride and dignity start really getting bruised and you begin to feel humiliated, it's not even worth a try.

 

The video games are a great idea! I hadn't thought of that, but it would be a great distraction! I'm going to get some....any suggestions?

 

Yes, that would be cool to do IM's or phone numbers and help each other out! I am not online at work, that's the only bad thing for IMing. You are in eastern standard time, right?

 

Yeah, I'm so scared of getting caught up in romance and chemistry right now it's not funny. That's part of the reason I am RUNNING away from the new guy. I am taking off my rose colored glasses and I see that he is just in it for the fun of it. He's not going to treat me like #1. This morning however, I had this revelation that I've been unconcsiously picking guys who won't stay with me b/c I'm a little afraid of "the future" and the end to all this drama although I hate it. Now, I think I'll try to change my attitude and look for guys who want a future with me and stop this playing around. It's just been a game, and an avoidance of real committment I guess. It's weird when you think about something so much, then you realize things about yourself that really surprise you. Like I was always thinking about other peoples intentions, but mine were no more noble, I guess.

 

Interesting about the psychic. Kind of comforting in a way, sounds like he is going to seek you out, eh? It will be interesting to see what happens. One thing I've noticed about psychics is they seem to get timeframes all screwed up.

 

I have tried the online dating scene and I'm just not into it. It would be nice to have some new email buddies, esp. men, but don't you find that they always have one thing in mind? That bugs me about men. When I go out...they always hit on you with one thing in mind.

 

Well, thats just how I feel 'right now' that if the party was tonight, I just think going would make me feel worse....seeing him might make me long for him more, or god forbid something bad happened or he was rude or something. I just think it'd be best if I stayed away, for my benefit. I had a dream last night thought that I saw him walking down the street and I turned around and he had sunglasses on so I couldn't tell if he made eye contact with me and I just said hi and kept walking....it was weird.

 

See, the things with the psychics is weird and here I am wondering though.....all this money and thinking and hoping and I may never hear from him again. For all I know, he's on and over it and forgets my name and thats it. So, who knows. I do want to see him but just as bad as I want to see him, I am sooo afraid to see him. He has NO CLUE how sensitive I have been about this or how upset I have been and I am afraid if I see him, on purpose, it will hurt me more. I'd rather run into him in a store or something gay like that.

 

As for video game, I have a PS2 so I am always into playing role playing games or games with people talking and secrets and puzzles and buying and selling stuff. I like it and it does take concentration so that distracts our minds and its just another thing I tried to do to distract me. I read alot too, but usually romance stuff, so sometimes that hurts me when it makes me think of him, but oh well. Getting lost in a book can be a good distraction most of the time. What about a pet as well? I have a cat and I have wanted to get a 2nd one for awhile....so looking for one and getting the supplies and stuff like that will be a distraction for me.

 

The online dating, I totally hear you. I have tried a few of the sites and have met and chatted with alot of men and alot did just want to talk about sex....but then I told them to bite me and moved on. But, I did meet the 'crushed my heart' guy 2 yrs ago on one and then met 2 other guys and went on a date with each one and they were nice guys, just nothing there for me and then I met the guy I dated last year on one. Its a good way to chat with new people and usually its thru emails and then you can exchange IM's with them and if they go the sex route, its an immediate turnoff for me and I don't talk to them anymore. So, if anything, it could be a distraction and could lead to some fun talk. One of the guys I went on a date with, we became friends and I used to talk to him about my guy problems. haha But he has a gf now and we don't really talk too much, but he was a really nice guy.

 

Yep, I am Eastern standard time and I don't log into my IM anymore at work anyway but you figure we have this site to write on whenever and then I can be logged on whenever I want at home because I have DSL....so if you ever want to IM me, I'll be on then. Can you get PM's on here? I think I can now, so let me know.

 

I have wondered if I am somehow attracting or being attracted to men that somehow I know somewhere inside it won't work because its a safety thing for me too.....but I don't think so. My Dad asked me if I am the one afraid of committment so I get close to guys that won't give it.....but I really don't see that happening because these last 2 guys that have broke my heart, they were there interested, pursuing and good guys, good jobs, attraction, respectful....so I don't know how I could be doing that. The other ex, the one that wants me back, he had a good job, good morals, all that jazz too....but his personality I didn't click with as much and the attraction wasn't there as much for me. So, I don't know what I am doing wrong. lol

 

I guess I can say that I feel better this week so far than last week, but I am still sad. I still miss him and I still think about him and just want to hear from him sooooo bad. I am just going thru one day at a time and it BLOWS!

[Josalina]

hey swirly, i got a book of dreams it says when u see an ex, it presages a return to familiar occupations and surroundings; sometimes a proposal is on its way from someone you knew long ago.

the book also says that the eyes are the windows of the soul, to not see someones eyes means they are closing their eyes of the truth.

If you dream you are taking a walk through pleasant surroundings then you will enjoy success in love and business. If the path is strewn with briars and other brush, you will experience hardships but if you manage to get through them then you will overcome all your adversaries and make your fortune. To walk in the night hours brings with it much discontent.

 

u may not believe a word of it lol but i just find it interesting and thought i would let u know.

[swirly27]

hey swirly, i got a book of dreams it says when u see an ex, it presages a return to familiar occupations and surroundings; sometimes a proposal is on its way from someone you knew long ago.

the book also says that the eyes are the windows of the soul, to not see someones eyes means they are closing their eyes of the truth.

If you dream you are taking a walk through pleasant surroundings then you will enjoy success in love and business. If the path is strewn with briars and other brush, you will experience hardships but if you manage to get through them then you will overcome all your adversaries and make your fortune. To walk in the night hours brings with it much discontent.

 

u may not believe a word of it lol but i just find it interesting and thought i would let u know.

 

Thanks Josalina for the dream insight. Whats weird is I seem to be dreaming about him almost every night - nothing monumental really, but he is in them almost every night. Last night was a bad one, he was saying horrible things about me and my gf was telling everyone what he said. Needless to say I didn't wake up in the best mood this morning. But that is interesting that he was wearing sunglasses in the dream the night before - maybe it means he was hiding the truth!! HAHA Who knows.

 

What is really hard for me to let go or get past if the fact that I spent 6 fun weeks with this man and just like that, I am forgotten. I know that says alot about his character, or lack thereof, but it leaves me feeling really crappy about myself, as though he is the greatest guy on the earth and he doesn't feel I am worth anything.....I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE CASE AT ALL - but it just really hurts and I can't seem to let it go. Hopefully with more team this will fade.

[Agent M]

Hey Swirly,

 

I'm back. Your dreams are really interesting and revealing. I was thinking that the sunglasses symbolized him not seeing (and therefore not really thinking about) you, OR that he is not WANTING to see somthing and is shielding himself from whatever it is. Did he say hi back to you in the dream?

 

I dreamt that I went to my ex's house with him...I was doing stuff in the bathroom and the toilet wouldn't stop running. Finally I got it to. The ex went upstairs. He didn't come down, so i went up and knocked on his door. There was a note on the door, originally written by ME but now TO me, that said "if I seem aloof it's b/c there's no flow between us anymore". The ex was in his bed sleeping while i read it...he woke up and said, do you want to talk about it tomorrow? I said yeah and went away. Someone in his family was also getting married outside. Very symbolic...I'll have to decipher all the little meanings. I like these dreams b/c they tell me where I stand. Now I know more.

 

I know what you mean about being unsure of the psychics. What I can say is, they've always gotten me into more trouble than to begin with. I have to hold myself back from calling sometimes b/c having information gives me more of a sense of control, and it calms me, but then, I've spent a lot of $$ and I still don't really know what to believe.

 

Your distractions are inspiring me to keep busier and do things for myself. I went out after work today and immed. got a movie for tonight. Fri. night I have plans to either go shopping or go to the gym. Sat. eve. is a birthday party. So, this way I don't end up in the house with nothing to do, and decide to stir up some trouble with the bad boys.

 

Yes...I can get PM's on here. I enabled it yesterday.

 

Yeah, it blows to have to go through all this pain, but there are good lessons in it too. Dig deep, I would say, to get to the heart of the matter with yourself. I couldn't face the fact until last week that he doesn't care about me, b/c the reality was just too crushing. But then I was ready, and it wasn't that bad. I really looked at the truth, face to face, and was finally ready to accept it. I'm getting closer to the end of the tunnel and let me tell you, you will be so psyched to get back to YOURSELF, and the things you enjoy without this constant nag, the constant reminder, sitting on your shoulder. I hope I am able to resist EVER letting someone get under my skin again like that...I know you feel the same way.

[swirly27]

Hey Swirly,

 

I'm back. Your dreams are really interesting and revealing. I was thinking that the sunglasses symbolized him not seeing (and therefore not really thinking about) you, OR that he is not WANTING to see somthing and is shielding himself from whatever it is. Did he say hi back to you in the dream?

 

I dreamt that I went to my ex's house with him...I was doing stuff in the bathroom and the toilet wouldn't stop running. Finally I got it to. The ex went upstairs. He didn't come down, so i went up and knocked on his door. There was a note on the door, originally written by ME but now TO me, that said "if I seem aloof it's b/c there's no flow between us anymore". The ex was in his bed sleeping while i read it...he woke up and said, do you want to talk about it tomorrow? I said yeah and went away. Someone in his family was also getting married outside. Very symbolic...I'll have to decipher all the little meanings. I like these dreams b/c they tell me where I stand. Now I know more.

 

I know what you mean about being unsure of the psychics. What I can say is, they've always gotten me into more trouble than to begin with. I have to hold myself back from calling sometimes b/c having information gives me more of a sense of control, and it calms me, but then, I've spent a lot of $$ and I still don't really know what to believe.

 

Your distractions are inspiring me to keep busier and do things for myself. I went out after work today and immed. got a movie for tonight. Fri. night I have plans to either go shopping or go to the gym. Sat. eve. is a birthday party. So, this way I don't end up in the house with nothing to do, and decide to stir up some trouble with the bad boys.

 

Yes...I can get PM's on here. I enabled it yesterday.

 

Yeah, it blows to have to go through all this pain, but there are good lessons in it too. Dig deep, I would say, to get to the heart of the matter with yourself. I couldn't face the fact until last week that he doesn't care about me, b/c the reality was just too crushing. But then I was ready, and it wasn't that bad. I really looked at the truth, face to face, and was finally ready to accept it. I'm getting closer to the end of the tunnel and let me tell you, you will be so psyched to get back to YOURSELF, and the things you enjoy without this constant nag, the constant reminder, sitting on your shoulder. I hope I am able to resist EVER letting someone get under my skin again like that...I know you feel the same way.

 

Yeah, who knows what my dreams all mean. In my dream where he had sunglasses on, yes he said a quick hi back but that was it and kept walking. I think my bad dreams last night was more about my fears, that he would say horrible things about me AND that my gf would tell everyone about it cause I have feared that she would tell someone how upset I've been and it would get back to him....so those things are definitely in my subconscious.

 

I think for me, dealing with realizing that he just doesn't care about me or like me at all isn't as hard as not understanding why......he seemed so into me and then it seems out of nowhere, he blows me off, like the bigtime one that pigroast weekend, and then if it would have been up to him, we'd still be dating, but he blew me off again and then to never hear from him since....WHY? Why pursue me and say all these wonderful things to me and include me in your life and then BAM, disappear. Thats whats wrong with me, I don't understand it and it HURTS alot. Everytime I think I am going to be ok and move on and I will open my heart again one day or someone else will get me to feel that way again (which I know is all true) then BAM, I think 'well HE doesn't want me and doesn't care' and then I am all sad again.

 

These distractions only get me thru the day but my mind is still constantly on him and how low I feel and it blows. Today is the worst day of the week thus far, I think because of my nightmares last night and waking up and keeping a horrible headache then all day. I am giving this guy way too much power, but I can't let it go right now. Others have hurt me and not wanted to be with me and I too to them, but for right now, I seem to be stuck on what this one guy thinks and I need to stop, but its not working. I even get jealous of what some others are going thru where its back/forth stuff with their exes cause at least on some level, those exes are confused or miss their exes on some level. I HAVE HEARD NOTHING from this guy and it makes me feel almost worse.....not even one slip up on his part, even in a drunken stupor. I shouldn't wish for back/forth BS and I should be glad its consistently not dramatic with him, makes for an easier break and move on period....but it hurts almost more right now that he has no doubts to just completely ignore me. Not a good day for me huh.....lol

 

Agent, I am glad my ideas are helping you. Sounds like you have a nice weekend planned. I actually do not have many plans so I'll have to see what I can do about that. Sunday is easy, thats veg day. Friday night I may go out, but we'll see. Where we go on fridays is a place him and I used to go alot, so depending on how I feel, going there hurts a little. Saturday I may go shopping with my mom, but nothing definite planned so far. I just HATE being broken hearted and I can't believe I'll probably never talk to him or see him again. I just feel really broken today. Hopefully tomorrow is better! I am glad you are seeing light at the end of your tunnel. THAT IS WONDERFUL!

[Agent M]

I told my ex how upset I was. i told him i needed to stay away from him to heal. I told him i didn't want to be friends. He got totally upset and almost cried. What do you think your ex would say if he knew you were upset? Would it be like losing, or is it that it's humiliating, or embarassing?

 

I put a lot of thought into my ex and our relationship tonight. I realize how different we were. I see some things that I could have done differently, but mostly, it was my wanting to be top priority in his life that was his big problem. It sounds like your ex was the same way. What that means is yes, although we got along spendidly at times, I'd have to deal with him being chronically late, not coming home until 3 am, being OK with getting no explanations for anything, having him blow off or be late to important events, and maybe someday when you had kids and they were supposed to go fishing with dad or have a b/day party and dad never shows up, or having him spend weekends in bars and having other girls eyeing him...the list just goes on and on. And when you're dealing with someone who's direspectful and irresponsible, they usu. have low self esteem as well and that brings a whole ration of other problems.

 

Just a few thoughts.

[Josalina]

sorry your feeling so sad swirly, i wish there was something i could do.

agent ur words r comforting, did u break the nc to tell him or did u wait 4 him to contact u, or did u tell him b4 u had nc?

 

i am confused with men, wish i knew how their minds worked.

im not up to much this weekend either yet gonna spend time with my sister at some point but think i am gonna ring a few friends.

i have got to snap out of this hurting and wondering what he is thinking every two minutes, its doing my head in! lol .

 

i think ur ex will contact u swirly, he will realise in the end, but u know men, by the time they realise its to late lol.

guess everything is done for a reason.

hope u both find someone when the time is right who will make u forget but until then take care.

[swirly27]

I told my ex how upset I was. i told him i needed to stay away from him to heal. I told him i didn't want to be friends. He got totally upset and almost cried. What do you think your ex would say if he knew you were upset? Would it be like losing, or is it that it's humiliating, or embarassing?

 

I put a lot of thought into my ex and our relationship tonight. I realize how different we were. I see some things that I could have done differently, but mostly, it was my wanting to be top priority in his life that was his big problem. It sounds like your ex was the same way. What that means is yes, although we got along spendidly at times, I'd have to deal with him being chronically late, not coming home until 3 am, being OK with getting no explanations for anything, having him blow off or be late to important events, and maybe someday when you had kids and they were supposed to go fishing with dad or have a b/day party and dad never shows up, or having him spend weekends in bars and having other girls eyeing him...the list just goes on and on. And when you're dealing with someone who's direspectful and irresponsible, they usu. have low self esteem as well and that brings a whole ration of other problems.

 

Just a few thoughts.

 

I am sure if my ex knew how upset I was or have been, he would feel genuinely really bad. BUT....he's the one that kept blowing me off and he's the one that told my friend I was nuts and wanted more than he did and couldn't go with the flow....so FOR ME, it would be humiliating if I had to contact him again to tell him how I felt. I don't want him knowing how upset I am or have been because I tried to contact him once and make peace and be friendly and he ignored that. He doesn't even want to be my friend, he didn't even give me that option. So, I can't contact him.....or shouldn't. I think if he was nice to me now, hearing how I have been feeling, he would just pity me. Difference too though is we only dated for 6 weeks, so that makes me FEEL nutsy for being this upset over him, but time is not an issue I know when you grew to care about someone. But Agent, you dated your ex for 9 months, so you being this upset makes complete sense....I feel dumb for being as upset as I am.

 

Everything you said in your 2nd paragraph, I totally agree with and understand. The constant BS we would have had to put up with, all the time and it would have driven us nuts. But, in short 6 weeks, we had a great time. A missed call here and blah-ness on times wasn't fun, no, but I keep thinking "Would it have always been like that?", maybe it was just cause we were just starting out and he was hesitant, or he was scared, or who friggin knows. I am making excuses again because I miss him, but I KNOW LOGICALLY that he was the a$$ here, I just wanted this to work out so much and I have a hole now where that short-lived hope lived. UGH. This weather doesn't help the mood either. lol

[swirly27]

sorry your feeling so sad swirly, i wish there was something i could do.

agent ur words r comforting, did u break the nc to tell him or did u wait 4 him to contact u, or did u tell him b4 u had nc?

 

i am confused with men, wish i knew how their minds worked.

im not up to much this weekend either yet gonna spend time with my sister at some point but think i am gonna ring a few friends.

i have got to snap out of this hurting and wondering what he is thinking every two minutes, its doing my head in! lol .

 

i think ur ex will contact u swirly, he will realise in the end, but u know men, by the time they realise its to late lol.

guess everything is done for a reason.

hope u both find someone when the time is right who will make u forget but until then take care.

 

Thanks Josalina - This site really has helped me, especially with meeting great gals like you guys. It makes us realize we are not alone and strangers out there can make us feel better with kind words and advice. When I have been thru breakups before, I didn't used to feel exactly this way - like I would be sad if something ended that I didn't want to, but I didn't feel 'SO' helpless or hopeless or worthless. I think as I get older, it gets harder and the last couple guys I really liked, I really wanted it to work out to be something special with them, and the fact that I am older greatly factors in there. But whoever the next guy is that I like alot, walls and boundaries need to be up for my benefit in the beginning. There was a guy I dated last year, but I didn't 'fall' for him or have all these sparks and clicks with.....I enjoyed his company and I was honest with him from the get go, but that was a situation where I wanted it to go slow because he was wayyyyy more into me than I into him and going slow is usually always a great way to be anyway.

 

I would love to believe that I will hear from the ex someday....but its been almost 6 weeks with NC....whats gonna possibly make him realize now that he misses me or wants to talk to me. It just hurts. Only time..... LOL I hope my weekend is ok. I am going to a purse party tonight, and saturday I think I am going to do some solo shopping, hoping to start a little xmas shopping too. Sunday is veg/football day so thats cool. I found out yesterday I get to go to an Eagles game here soon too so that really excites me, which is good. Heck, we should all exchange IM's and then when we have bored times and sad times, we can IM each other out of our funks. hahahaha