burning 4 revenge Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 because their juices taste so much sweeter
Author Pink Amulet Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 I submit that men always cheat up. Maybe the other woman is prettier, maybe she's cuter, maybe she's sexier, maybe she's more exciting, maybe she's more attentive, or maybe other reasons. . ... maybe they are easy? Just adding another one in there!
burning 4 revenge Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 because their intimates taste like strawberries
stoopid_guy Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 ... maybe they are easy? Just adding another one in there! Maybe. Depending on the guy, his SO, and the other qualities of the OW, that could be a major factor. because their intimates taste like strawberries Or because their intimates aren't made of modelling clay?
Author Pink Amulet Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 Stoopid Guy, and any other males... I need to ask... Aside from marriage and children... why not just leave your partner? If you can cheat up, why not just trade up?
stoopid_guy Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Stoopid Guy, and any other males... I need to ask... Aside from marriage and children... why not just leave your partner? If you can cheat up, why not just trade up? Excellent question. Serious response (but JMO): There's no valid reason not to just trade up (assuming no marriage and no kids.) In my "swinging single" days, I never even considered cheating. If dating "steady" and unsatisfied with the relationship you're in, just end it and look for someone else. I didn't consider cheating until my marriage went "cold." On the "maybe they are easy?" question; It's all relative. If I had a one-in-a-hundred shot at a physical relatinship with a lady, I'd still consider her "easier." And even though she might be physically less attractive than my wife, it would be "cheating up."
lindya Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 If "up" simply means that the person makes you happier - for whatever reason - then going by posts on this board from people who are in extra marital affairs, there seems to be a strong bians towards cheating up. The question is whether that happiness is anything more than a short term illusion. I'm thinking of some of the posts I've read describing the fall-out when marital problems and hostility towards the spouse resulted in an affair partner being placed on an unrealistic pedestal. I remember reading some of Hard2think's posts on this.
silktricks Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Because cheating "up" feeds the ego better than cheating "down"?
Author Pink Amulet Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 If cheating were about feeding the ego, then people wouldn't cheat "down". This is just going to keep going around in circles!
Asafan Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 If I were to cheat I would only cheat "up". To cheat "down" is just dumb IMO. And the reason you cheat rather than just leave, to me, seems self-explanatory -- Why would you want the hassel, headache, expense, and pain of a divorce when you can just sneak around and have fun. And by cheating "up" I mean someone: A: Prettier. B: Smarter. C: More fun to be with. D: More money. E: Younger. than I believe my current partner to be.
Author Pink Amulet Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 If I were to cheat I would only cheat "up". To cheat "down" is just dumb IMO. And the reason you cheat rather than just leave, to me, seems self-explanatory -- Why would you want the hassel, headache, expense, and pain of a divorce when you can just sneak around and have fun. And by cheating "up" I mean someone: A: Prettier. B: Smarter. C: More fun to be with. D: More money. E: Younger. than I believe my current partner to be. I did refer to the non-married state though. My question was, why bother cheating up if you can just leave your partner for someone "up" anyway. I am only at the stage now where I think of cheating in terms of flings. I will try and put my self in the "affair" head space... Okay... Now... Why does more money matter?
a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Why does more money matter? Your kidding right? Of course money matters..... so does social class. IMHO.
Ripples Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Maybe the cheatee upper wouldn't have the cheater upper? Is that a whole other thread?
Asafan Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I did refer to the non-married state though. My question was, why bother cheating up if you can just leave your partner for someone "up" anyway. I didn't realize you meant non-married. In that case it is still basically the same reason, at least I think so. Why go through the hassel, headache, and pain of a break up when you can just sneak around and have fun. I am only at the stage now where I think of cheating in terms of flings. I will try and put my self in the "affair" head space... I honestly can't even fathom being that kind of person. It is not even something I think about seriously when I am totally fed up with my partner, and if I do it goes through my head and is dissmissed in a nanosecond. I would leave her before I did that. Okay... Now... Why does more money matter? I guess because at this point my wife is chronically ill and is not working; this puts a strain on us financially of course so, I guess that was it. Otherwise I wouldn't have even considered that. Though, I'm sure it is a factor for others for whatever reason.
Author Pink Amulet Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 So wait... hypothetically, you would cheat on your wife with a woman who had more money than you because your wife is ill and you are under financial strain? I fail to see the logic... Are you planning on this hypothetical OW to pay for your groceries or something?
Asafan Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 So wait... hypothetically, you would cheat on your wife with a woman who had more money than you because your wife is ill and you are under financial strain? I fail to see the logic... Are you planning on this hypothetical OW to pay for your groceries or something? Uh, no. I was just answering the question. I think I just mentioned that part because It is something that is an issue in our relationship at this point and obviously it bothers me. I have nothing by sympathy for my wife's chronic physical pain and I do all I can to support her. It just sucks. And I did say in my post that I would never cheat on her.
lindya Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I didn't realize you meant non-married. In that case it is still basically the same reason, at least I think so. Why go through the hassel, headache, and pain of a break up when you can just sneak around and have fun. People take note of dishonest behaviour, even when it's not directed at them. It's part of the way we protect ourselves. You hear someone bitching about their friends behind their backs, you make a note not to get too friendly with them. You encounter, professionally, someone who's cheating on their spouse....you develop reservations about their ability to be honest and upfront about other matters. Every action a person takes has repercussions for his/her personal and professional reputation. For the cheat who doesn't have principles and a conscience that troubles them, that probably doesn't matter...until there comes a time when they need to rely on their reputation, only to find that they don't have one that counts for anything. In terms of being an honourable person who merits other people's respect, I don't really see how there can be such a thing as cheating "up".
blind_otter Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I submit that men always cheat up. Maybe the other woman is prettier, maybe she's cuter, maybe she's sexier, maybe she's more exciting, maybe she's more attentive, or maybe other reasons. That's rich. Considering the numerous conversations between unbridled males that I have been privvy to, being the type of woman who associates more with men than other women. I mean honestly. I doubt most guys put that much thought into it. Considering that fact that the phrase "I just want to get my dick wet" actually exists and is used in reality. I know some people think that, say, the movie "Run, Ronnie, Run" is just a hilarious fiction. Yet, if they cruised through north central florida they would be shocked to witness individuals that actually act this way and stand around drinking tall boys of old milwaukee while making bets on whether a dog will eat someone's puke. I'm suuuuuuure that they actually consider the attributes of whatever drunk whore they get a blow job from in the parking lot of the piggly wiggly.
Asafan Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 People take note of dishonest behaviour, even when it's not directed at them. It's part of the way we protect ourselves. You hear someone bitching about their friends behind their backs, you make a note not to get too friendly with them. You encounter, professionally, someone who's cheating on their spouse....you develop reservations about their ability to be honest and upfront about other matters. Every action a person takes has repercussions for his/her personal and professional reputation. For the cheat who doesn't have principles and a conscience that troubles them, that probably doesn't matter...until there comes a time when they need to rely on their reputation, only to find that they don't have one that counts for anything. I totally agree. In terms of being an honourable person who merits other people's respect, I don't really see how there can be such a thing as cheating "up". Certainly in terms of being honerable, cheating whether it be "up" or "down", is not an honerable act (which is why I put those terms in quotes). I was simply trying to answer the poster's question since she asked for male opinions. Since I have never cheated, do not associate with cheaters, nor plan to cheat, it is all speculation on my part. Just out of curiosity, why did you single out my post?
lindya Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Just out of curiosity, why did you single out my post? It was nothing personal . This part caught my eye, and I thought it summed up quite well the rationalisation that might often underly cheating Why go through the hassel, headache, and pain of a break up when you can just sneak around and have fun. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend who was considering getting involved with a married man (she was also in a long term relationship that wasn't going very well at the time). The desire for fun and excitement is one of the biggies in terms of what leads us to do things that end up causing all kinds of destruction in our lives. "You only live once" "Everyone needs a bit of magic in their life" "I just want to be happy" etc. When I had that conversation with my friend, these were the phrases that were popping up. Very difficult to challenge. I love my friend, and I wanted her to be happy...but it was abundantly clear that long term, taking that choice to cheat (and with a married man who had kids) was going to take its toll on her on all sorts of ways. Partly because generally she's a pretty ethical person, who I don't believe could manage a situation like that without it having a very detrimental effect on her self esteem. Also....well, the odds seem to be against extra marital affairs ending happily ever after.
Asafan Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I C. Please forgive my rampant paranoia The desire for fun and excitement is one of the biggies in terms of what leads us to do things that end up causing all kinds of destruction in our lives. "You only live once" "Everyone needs a bit of magic in their life" "I just want to be happy" etc. Yes, to me this seems the biggest reason people do it. Up or down really has no bearing on it. Its fun to sneak around and do something "naughty"!
stoopid_guy Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I'm suuuuuuure that they actually consider the attributes of whatever drunk whore they get a blow job from in the parking lot of the piggly wiggly. Depends on the guy. Personally, I didn't look for sluts before I was married, I wouldn't look for them now either. Not all cheating is purely for sexual release. (Frankly, it's easier and safer to masturbate if that's all you're after.)
newbby Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 In terms of being an honourable person who merits other people's respect, I don't really see how there can be such a thing as cheating "up". what if the person was usually very honourable, but made one mistake? it might be the case, and therefore the cheater could still be cheating "up"
crazy_grl Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 what if the person was usually very honourable, but made one mistake? it might be the case, and therefore the cheater could still be cheating "up" Or what if their spouse was a cheater too, or even a multiple-offense cheater? Then they could still be cheating "up".
lindya Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 what if the person was usually very honourable, but made one mistake? it might be the case, and therefore the cheater could still be cheating "up" In the context I wrote that, I was thinking of the effect that the act of cheating has on the cheater's worth as a partner - rather than of the woman he cheated with. The use of phrases such as "cheating up" and "cheating down" imply a preoccupation with social status. When people are talking about "trading up" in terms of property, don't they generally mean acquiring a replacement item that has a higher value - both socially and materially - than the property they are replacing? Generally when people upgrade material possessions, they're looking to achieve some higher social standing in the process. So if a guy told me that he'd cheated "up" on me...ie by sleeping with a woman who was younger, prettier, richer, more elegant - whatever "up" means - that phraseology would tell me that he was looking to increase his social status by getting a "superior" partner. Yet cheating involves dishonesty, deception and untrustworthiness - traits that generally diminish a person's standing in society's eyes, rather than enhance it. In that respect, however superior a cheater might regard the affair partner to be, I still believe that he personally loses some of his value through the act of cheating. Hence my view that people always cheat down..ie they bring themselves down by the act.
Recommended Posts