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Posted

I had my first real long term commitment of 1 1/2 years to a girl that suddenly came to a halt. I can describe our entire relationship as very stressful. Even though I came to love this girl and have deep feelings , likewise with her, we always had alot of conversations for the sake of our relationship. They were always about how Jealous shes was when I wasnt with her because she never knew what I was doing, say for example at work, and I always reassured her that of course im committed to her but she never accepted it. So teh consequence of her jealousy was that she spent alot of time making me jealous, such as saying things that would hurt me or flirt with other guys, so then I would do the same to her. No matter how childish it sounds we always had our talks and figured things out. I can say I was happiest with her when I didnt have to constantly think if she was cheating on me... anyway things were going very good for the better part of the year and we were really involved in each others lives. The I love you's were always there and even some talk about moving out together and starting a life. However all of a sudden the day she starts her period, she starts to think that we should go seperate ways. So the day after a happy day with her the phone calls stopped and no emails. Obviously I know whats going on so I call and then get the bad news. I wasnt really crushed because it felt like all the stress melted away, however the only thing is that how can a person who says they love you more than anything, someone I found a sort of trust with and had built a pretty good relation with decide in one day that things have to be changed. Now she gave me the whole work, and studies excuse which is the lamest of all. I had always found timer for her when things with work and education got tough because i think life has to be balanced. I always did alot for her to show i cared, such as giving massages, making breakfast, going to the hospital with her, and other times when she above all else needed me, and no I didnt do it because i was scared to lose her. Im just bewildered by the fact that she can suddenly change my life like that, like the relationship meant nothing. I feel like giving her **** or go on a real rebound and make her know about it but it wont solve anything. Could it be her time of the month feelings, like she feels she cant trust me anymore and its hurting to much, or did she find another guy that I dont know about, because the sex was lessening. I feel she did somehting that she can't tell me and is just trying to rid her guilt. Sex is good but it can also be a real killer. So im moving on talking to all my friends again and even other exes who are now friends, even gone out to drink away the so called sorrow, but trust me im not broken down just really ashamed that I had trusted her with my so called love. All I need is a little help with this to ease some pain, I have much to look foward to in life right now and this seems to be the thorn in my side.

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Posted

In the same week of I had 2 dreams of us breaking up and her going with another guy and I had seen on msn an article that stated how you know your girlfriend wants out, also al my friends are breaking up. Is it the time of the year, is it coincidence. All I know is that when i was on my last phone converation with her she started to cry and it seemed like she was waiting for me to beg for me back but all i said is that "it think it would be a good thing also" then bye.

Posted

hi! i'm so sorry about your situation, and i'm going through my first real breakup too.

 

my ex-bf acted a lot like your ex-gf. we had a lot of jealousy and trust issues, and let me tell you that TRUST is the foundation for a relationship. we dated for two years and i can't say that i ever really trusted him (he was a flirt too). so if you didn't have trust, chances are that you would have broken up over it at some point anyways and it's good that you got out without spending more than the time you did.

 

we also had the same problem of one person giving more than the other. i was always sending Emails just to say i love you, cooking meals, bringing him his favorite candy before big tests, and when he went to medical school i helped him find an apartment and move in. i did EVERYTHING for this guy, and realized recently that i didn't get anything back. it seems that this is how you and your ex were too. this says to me that one person isn't as committed, or involved, in the relationship. one person cares a lot more than the other. this imbalance is going to cause problems down the road, especially when it comes to a long-term committment.

 

i think you were very strong not to beg for her back when she called you. when a relationship causes you more stress than happiness, you have to let it go and find that person who will make things better for you, not worse.

 

good luck to you! just know that there are wonderful girls out there who want to be good to a man, and who want him to be good to them in return.

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Posted

Thank you for the support always hope, Can some more people enlighten me on some other aspects or at least give their own experience, it just helps to know that im not suffering from "im the only one syndrome". Also in the last 2 nights I have gone out on the immediate rebound. Not doing anything drastic but just making eye contact, which was very pleasing to say the least because it gave me confidence. Like what they say if you make constant eye contact at a girl until her eyes meet yours then after she turns away if she gives you another look shes interested. I have to say i put it to the test and it worked.

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