Myownenemy Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 A few years ago, I was help over heels inlove with a man whom I thought to be my savior. I was emotionally abused. He made me feel stupid...and dependant upon him. I was with him for years and for the last 6 months, that I know of, anyway, he had cheated on me on a regular basis with the same woman. After a nasty breakup witht he aid friends who saw me in a bad way. I met the most wonderful man on the face of the earth. Or rather...he met me. And he loved me, in a way that I have never been loved before. I was so numb from my recent breakup...and this man was just so patient with me and waited until I felt the same about him. Long story short...I married him. And I have been married to him for 2 years. And to this day he opens my car door for me and pulls out my chair. If God had come to me tonight and said "I will create ht perfect man for you" there is nothing I would change about my husband. He is a military man, and active duty currently. And has been for months now, and he will be home in another 26 days. But everytime I call him...and he doesnt answer. I automaticly think he is cheating on me. I know in my heart that hes not...but my gut tells me I'm wrong. My history tells me not to trust my heart. And I battle within myself to trust him. I was so blindsided last time I was cheated on...it nearly destroyed me. I don't think I could survive my husband...who I love so dearly...cheating on me. But I feel like a dog whos been beaten for years...and then turned over to a new owner. One that treats me with so much care...but years of abuse keeps me weary. I am afraid my insecurities are going to wreck our marriage. I am afraid that my lack of trust if going to put a wall between us. How can I just get over what my ex did and move on? How can i just put it behind me when it haunts me so diligently? can anyone help me?
Outcast Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 You already understand that your behaviour is irrational but you're unable to fix it. It's like your computer or car - once you've done all you know how, it's time to call in an expert. Go to a counsellor and get expert help to overcome the trauma of the first relationship. But I feel like a dog whos been beaten for years...and then turned over to a new owner. One that treats me with so much care...but years of abuse keeps me weary. Exactly - and it takes an expert to help a dog like that get over its past.
Ariadne Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Hi, Who is he going to date in the war? We can't even get dates here in LA , talk about war zone. The guy is probably trying to do his best to stay alive. Just relax. Hope he comes home safe and soon to you, Ariadne
superconductor Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Adriane is absolutely right. He'll be far too busy keeping himself and his people fed, watered, supplied and in one piece to even consider a little extra-curricular diddling. But that's not the point. The point is to determine what good it is doing you by focusing so much time and energy on a "what-if" scenario. Are you imprisoned by your past? Welcome to the club. Do we all get over it, either on our own or with help? Usually, yes. So take Outcast's advice. She's pretty smart; there are people that can help, and do this stuff every day.
Author Myownenemy Posted August 20, 2006 Author Posted August 20, 2006 I had posted my problems last night also on another site and caught nothing but a bunch of flame. "you shouldn't of gotten married without trust". Well, when I got married....he didnt leave me for months on end. I am so ashamed of my mistrust. I appreciate everything everyone had to offer, and I will be seeking counseling, thank you. It takes so much energy to constantly be on edge.
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