Adam Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 My girlfriend of 4 years just broke up with me 2 weeks and i think it was intentionally to go out with one of these other guys...but when that ends which it will cause she dated him before for 1 month when we broke last year for awile but i was always around like a "safety net" and she knew it so when her fling would mess up she knew i was a call away... But i was wondering this is the first time in our 4 year relationship that im using the tactic "No Contact" i mean its driving me crazy not talking, wanting to pick up the phone and call her, but i dont want to be a security blanket anymore so my question is... I know what NC is doing to me but what is it doing to her??? (Think more, miss me more, getting scared like where is he???) I dont know if anyone out there can give me a little advice please let me know... Also off the question she posted this a few days ago in her Live Journal. I wish the words that had been spoken could be lost & forgetten. I wish it didn't matter to me. Sulking isn't going to make anything better. Nor do I want to sulk. I thought you we're my one. ... my prince that was going to save me. Only I can save me. This was like 2 days ago...
enough crying 626 Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 well if she left you for someone else then use you as her secrurity blanket that means she does take you serious an is playing games. MAN UP AN BOUNCE!
amaysngrace Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 If you're doing NC, why are you visiting her journal? This sounds like C. Straight up no doubt about it C. Don't kid yourself, okay? It won't do you any good.
amerikajin Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 "No-contact" is designed to help you put some emotional separation between you and her so you can start moving on with life again. It's not intended as a tactic to 'win her back'. It lets her know that she can't just pick up the phone and use you at her convenience. Sometimes, people who break up aren't 100 percent confident of their decision, especially if they start to think that what they had wasn't all that bad compared to what they see in front of them. So there's a tendency among those who do the breaking to occasionally go back and check just to see if their ex has the same amount of interest in them as they once did (and sometimes this is strictly about padding their own ego, too). By cutting them off, you make it clear that they are not allowed to toy with you like this and that you're moving on. You've let them know that you understand their decision but now you're taking control of your own life. I don't know if 'no contact' is necessary for long periods of time, but many times, especially if you've been together a long time, it's the only way to accept the reality that a relationship has ended. Otherwise, regular contact makes things confusing. People get hurt that way.
Winfield Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 No contact is the biggest favour you can do for yourself after a relationship ends...and all the better if both parties concerned stick to it (otherwise, one is holding the other back, which defeats the purpose)... As for wanting to talk to her, and check up on her journals, etc, don't - this is just a phase, and it'll pass... Another thing - why should you care what no contact is doing to your ex? If she were that concerned (ie, thinking about you, or wondering where you are), she'd have contacted you. And, as she hasn't, I see that as her moving on with her life. Only I can save me. Very true - now, move on and good luck!
trulycute Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 i was seriously seeing someone (i fell in love and want to someday marry this man, and i think he fell for me too)for 3 1/2 mths when he told me recently that he doesn't know how he feels, is unsure, doesn't know if he loves me or not, doesn't know if he's ready for a serious relationship right now b/c he has a lot of things going on in his life. he's looking for a second job as well. he told me that he felt overwhelmed by everything that is going on and that maybe i came on too strong sometimes and it scared him. he pursued me from the beginning and always called everyday and asked me out at the beginning of the week to do something with him that coming week, he even called me numerous times while he was away for work and then within a couple of days of him returning from his trip he says he's confused and is unsure...he told me he still has feelings for me, is still attracted to me and cares about me but he doesn't know if he can continue...he still wants us to be together as friends and hang out and not go so fast and work from there...we hung out for 6 hrs that evening, talked more, cuddled, kissed and hugged (nothing sexual), went out to eat, and went for a walk....during the evening i suggested that we take a break from each other for a month and then see how we feel after being apart for that long...he agreed and said he thought that was a great idea...we would then decide after a month if we want to break up for good or continue working on the relationship but at a much slower pace...he said that he would be in touch and in my mind i have already decided to have no contact in that month with him and let him contact me....i want him to miss me....everyone says he'll call within 2 wks b/c he was so attentative with me...him and i had a great connection and confided in each other on everything, alot going for us so i think he just got spooked and ran... what do u guys think?...is this a relationship worth waiting and fighting for?...we're both in our 30's and looking at this as being a more serious thing. sorry about the long post but i wanted to start my own thread but i'm new and haven't figured it out yet how ot do....sorry to the original post..
trulycute Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 sorry everyone--i learned how to post this as a new thread....must be the blonde in me...lol..
newbby Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 what no contact does for the other person is shows them the reality of their decision.
amerikajin Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 TrulyCute, I created another thread for your post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=892933#post892933
norajane Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 The only way to avoid being her doormat and safety net is to not be one. When you go NC, that means IF she contacts you IF she breaks up with her other boyfriend, then you don't call her back, don't answer her emails, no texting nothing. Otherwise, you will be right back where you were before. NC tells the other person you are done and don't want to hear from them or talk to them anymore, that you no longer want to be part of their life. It's not a way to get someone back. She already dumped you several times...you want to go back for more of the same?
thekhris Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 So there's a tendency among those who do the breaking to occasionally go back and check just to see if their ex has the same amount of interest in them as they once did (and sometimes this is strictly about padding their own ego, too). By cutting them off, you make it clear that they are not allowed to toy with you like this and that you're moving on. You've let them know that you understand their decision but now you're taking control of your own life. Good point bud!
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