SUMMER 1969 Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Hello, I had a few other posts on this website, and Once again I need some more advise.. This is kind of long, sorry, but please read... I was dating a guy for a year, he is 33 years old and I am 29 years old.. We live a hour and a half away.. Every week we always get together for a few nights.. Well, about 3 weeks ago I was at his house and I asked him how he felt about me.. He told me that he cares for me and likes me a lot, but is not falling in love with me.. I was upset and I told him that if he did not love me now, he never would and left his house.. Well, We talked on the phone later that week and I told him that I did not want to loose him and I wanted him in my life.. He told me that he wants to have kids one day and get married but not to me.. Well, he kept calling me and talked to me liked nothing ever happened.. He asked me to go to his house and I did, I asked him what was going on between us and he told me we will just take one day at a time.. Well, I went on a week vaction and did a lot of thinking, so when I got home I went to his house again and asked him again what was going on between us.. He again told me we will take one day at a time.. I told him that I am not going to sit around and just have sex with him while he is out looking for someone else.. He told me that there is no one else in his life and he does not want anyone else... So, a few days ago I had to go to the doctor to get a byopsi and he went with me, he stayed over at my house for 2 nights and then had to go home since he had to work.. He asked me to go home with him, so I did and stayed there for 2 nights. Well, today he called me and said that he has to work over time next week so he can not come to see me, but I can go and stay at his place. I guess I am looking for some advise here, do you think maybe he does have feelings for me? Do you think I should just walk away? Do you think I should distance myself from him? I understand you can not tell me what to do, but I am really looking for some imput, I need someone to tell me what they think of this mess.. I can not seem to think clearly.. Thank you, Summer
AlwaysHope Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 hi summer! i'm sorry to hear about your problems, but i have had a similar situation with my now-ex boyfriend. i was madly in love with him and we were discussing getting engaged, and then out of nowhere he said he wasn't sure if he was in love with me. this is essentially telling me the same thing your bf has told you. he's not sure about you. he likes having you around, likes the relationship that you do have, but doesn't want to take it to the next lever. this is not fair to you! eventually you'll start feeling ashamed and used if you keep on with someone who will not make any sort of committment to you. after a year (or two years in my case), you know if you're in love with someone. if your guy says he's not in love with you, you have a couple of choices. if you want to be his friend, and you truly think you care for him only as a friend, then stop spending the night at his place and cut back the phone calls. this is tricky because most people in this situation start sleeping together again and get hurt. if you have feelings for this guy, and you want an intimate, long-term relationship with him, it doesn't sound like he is going to want that too. so you can lay down the law and tell him to stop jerking you around, or you can leave and find someone who will be able to look you in the face and say "I love you" and you know they mean it. don't waste your time on someone who won't be honest, committed, and truthful about his feelings. good luck!
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