lostmike Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 My ex and I were together for 6 years. Before me, she dated a guy for about 2 years. I met her when she was 18 and JUST got to college. We began dating right away. We never fought, and when we did argue, we'd resolve it within 5 minutes and be on our happy way. We never went to bed angry at eachother. About 2 years into our relationship, she went on a cruise w/ her family and came back acting distant towards me. We broke up after me asking her why she was distant and her telling me everything was fine. I got tired of this (knowing something was wrong), so I went snooping. I checked her email (we let eachother have our passwords since we had nothing to hide), and she had minimal correspondence from some dude she met on the cruise and this guy was asking her to meet up. I went nuts. She said she needed space, etc..etc.. and I told her I wasn't going to make it easy for her. We were broken up for about a month and a half with regular contact. We lived in different cities at that time too. After we officially got back together, we grew stronger together. Maybe about 4 1/2 to 5 years into it, we would talk about marriage and she'd say that she knew I'd make the husband she'd always dreamed about and was the man she had always wanted to marry, and would be a great father, but there was something inside her that wondered what and if there was something more out there. We would have this conversation a few times and I'd reciprocate the feelings of her being the one. I still think that way. I broke up with her on May 22 and here's why. I hadn't seen her in 2 weeks (we'd been in the same city (finally) for 1 year now), and I was starting to get angry because we didn't talk for long, but we did talk each day. She began being distant, etc..., so I asked her whats going on. She said nothing and everything was fine. I couldn't help but feel like I was having Deja Vu. SO, I woke up one Monday morning and went out before work to get a glass of juice. I saw her phone sticking out of her purse, so I decided I'd check it. There were text messages from some clown named Evan and they were flirtatious texts. One of her new girlfriends whom I wasn't crazy about (she's a scumbag), was texting my girl saying she should break up with me on the ride home (we took a road trip for a w/e), and stuff like that. I was so mad. I calmed myself down and went in to my room and sat on my bed by her. I laid with her, held her, kissed her, cried on her. Finally about 1 1/2 hours later, she woke up to me crying. She popped up, and said "you're late for work" then looked at me and asked what's wrong. I told her we couldn't do this anymore, that it wasn't going to work. She started crying and asked why. I told her it just wasn't going to work. She was bawling and then wiped her tears and said she'd been thinking the same thing. I said "I know". She asked how and I said it didn't matter. I never said anything about the text messages. Her and I cried and hugged, and talked for the next 2 days(Monday and Tues). She spent the night that night, but we didn't touch or anything. I hated to see her go, but she finally left the next day and it killed me. She was hurting too. We hung out that Thursday all day and she was warm in the morning, then cold as the day went on. A friend and I were going to a club that night and I asked her to come along. She said no. Then she called later and said she was gonna go if we went. She was cold to me there too. That Sat. I asked her to go to a concert with me and she said "No, I cant...we cant do this", so I called her and she said we were broken up and she didn't want me to think I could buy her back or that she didn't want to lead me on and let me think I could win her back. Told her it could be just as friends and she said she wanted to go, but only under those conditions. I asked her the next day about the Evan idiot. She said he wasn't the reason for her distance, but that she did want to go on a date with him. SHe said she knows thats not what I wanted to hear and I told her it is if it's the truth. She said she didn't really like him anyway. She just wanted to know what it's like to date since she's never been able to do that. I went to her brothers graduation party on June 2nd, and she answered the door when I arrived. I gave her a hug and she kissed me on the lips. The rest of the night, she was hot and cold with me. She gave me a ride home and ended up going to the club I told her I was going to. She hardly spoke to me that night and her scumbag friend Rhianna, would pull her away everytime I tried to talk to her. Anyway, We ended up talking a few days later and I told her we couldn't talk anymore. I said if she had questions, I told her to go figure it out and when she did to call me. IF I was around, great, but if not...have a nice life. She was crying and I told her that this was obviously what she wanted and that she obviously moved on, so I needed to also. Then I said bye and hung up. Start NC. Continue NC for a month and a half. She texts me one day out of the blue b/c she was at the restaurant I worked at in college. Then an hour and a half later, she called me and left a message. Same BS as everyone elses first contact. Hey, it's me, just calling to see how you are, blah blah, call me anytime. Take care. I ddin't call her. She would text message me and call 2 more times. I told myself I'd let her call me one more time and then I'd talk to her. She did and I did. We talked for 45 mins and she asked me numerous times if I was dating anyone yet, if I missed her, if I even thought about her, why was this so easy for me. This floored me and I told her that's exactly how I felt. She said I can call her anytime and that she'd like to see me/hang out with me. I told her it wasn't a good idea, but maybe one day. she said I could call her anytime and kept saying this like 5 times. I said I know and then we hung up. I called her 3 days later and asked her if she'd like to get lunch. She said yes and so we did. It was a good lunch, no talk about the relationship. When she dropped me off at my apt, she said numerous times I could call and that she'd like to see me. I said I know and that would be nice. We hugged and kissed on the cheek. I got out and went upstairs. I turned around 3 separate times to get my "last look" at her leaving and each time she was staring at me. I smiled and waved. Since then we've only spoken via IM. Mostly BS, but it's decent. I sent her a text one night that said " I hope you're having a good night at work. You're on my mind. Goodnight". She sent one back that said " thank you, You're always on mine. People at work always ask about you." What does that mean? We've had a couple of text messages since and IM's too but nothing big. 2 weeks ago I asked her to eat again and she said yes, but when I asked her to (Sunday) wasn't good as she had to work. Coudl we do it during the week. I said yes and after a conversation on the phone, we realized our schedules wouldn't allow. Since then we haven't spoken except via IM and text and taht's been minimal. Listen, I miss her so much and really feel like she feels the same, but I also feel like she is probably still confused. I'm wondering if anyone has any experience in a relatioship this long and what I should do from here. She is very reserved on opening up about feelings b/c she gets so emotional. I really love her and feel more now than I did 3 or 6 months ago that I do want to spend the rest of my life with her. Does it sound good for me. Another thing, I have been to the gym (lost 35lbs and I look great), I've been out with other girls (no sex), just hanging out with them. So I haven't put my life on hold, but my heart definitely is. Please advise and let me know what you think. FOr the religious, I have prayed and asked for guidance and 'signs'. Once she called while I was praying on what I should do, Move on or hold on...and she called. All my other answers from God have been about patience, waiting, and faith. HELP!
prncssfce9 Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Your situation sounds hard. I am sort of going through something similar. I just broke up with my bf of 4 years and while I was treated badly throughout the relationship we did have a lot of good times and for a long time I thought I was going to marry him ... I loved him dearly but had to leave. I feel horrible and have to talk myself out of calling him .. but I do from time to time and it hurts to talk to him ... it hurts not to talk to him ending a long relationship is never easy ... i'm not really sure what to tell you to do ... I pray about things too, but I think these things are supposed to be left to us. All a part of learning how to live ... I wish you luck ... i'llcheck on you from time to time
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