stoopid_guy Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I get excited when I think about talking to him just not seeing him naked....uh oh...does that sound like friendship in the air? Yes, sounds like friendship. Just make sure he knows that's all it's going to be, or it's going to hurt him. There's all kinds of reasons you might not be attracted to a guy, and weight's as valid as any. Tell him you're just not attracted to him sexually/romantically. He'll respect that. If you let him believe otherwise you're just playing with his feelings, leading him on for your own ego, or just finding someone to hang out with until someone "better" comes along. He's not going to respect any of those.
soberminded Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Only you can decide if his weight is a dealbreaker for you because everybody has different tastes. You might find those extra pounds on him to be unattractive while other women might find those extra pounds cute and other women might be neutral about it and think nothing of it at all because they are too busy looking underneath the surface. So if you are not sure about him then don't lead him on anymore. Set him free so he can find one of those women who either think it's sexy that he has those extra pounds or women who think nothing of it at all. My girlfriend is overweight and it's never been an issue for me. I take a neutral stand on it. I don't think anything of her weight at all because I am attracted to her personality. She has a great sense of humor and does not take life so seriously. She smokes too. Again doesn't bother me. Sure it would be nice if she lost some weight for herself and her own health but I love her & accept her just the way she is now. Her health would be the only concern I have and not how well she performs in bed.
Sally00 Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Don't tell him he's fat. Try to put the focus on YOU... like "Oh, I've been thinking about working out and stuff..." and then bring him into it by adding, "Would you like to join in?" It's just something you can do together. And it doesn't hurt him by saying he's fat either.
Tony T Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Wow. Thank you. I have actually already suggested going on a bike ride for our next date and he was so excited. Apparently none of his other dates wanted to do anything active and he likes being active. He also mentioned he wants to lose weight so I feel a little encouraged. This is great news. Most women would not want to take the time to help a guy this way. At least you care enought to hang in there with him. Of course, the flip side of this is you could work real hard to get him down to fighting weight and he could suddenly "find himself" and become a player. Only be as nice and thoughtful to him as he is to you. Best of luck to you!
Author Biscuit Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 Ok well I'm not ready to dump him. I do like the suggestion of putting this on me. I love my body, but I do excercise for cardio health not weight so I will include him in the activities and let him know where I stand on weight. I am going to give this a shot dammit.
Rikka Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Good for you Biscuit! I think the important thing is that you are upfront and honest. In the end, the spark may not be there, but at least you won't have any "what ifs". And you may get a fantastic friend out of it all. Like soberminded, i am neutral on the weight issues. I am dating a bit of a "teddy bear" (he used to be a linebacker and a bouncer). Though he is larger than he wants to be, it isn't really an issue. His health is fantastic (and I have a problem keeping up with him in bed), he is just a larger guy. I have met his parents, both of them are larger too.
stoopid_guy Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I guarantee if you saw a nutritionist and closely monitored what types of food you tend to intake, even if you don't change it, you would know why you can't seem to lose that weight. I mean, I bet in college you also regularly swilled massive amounts of beer and ate poorly. I'm just saying. Also, IME, you can exercise every day and not necessarily be exercising to lose weight. Actually, never did eat a lot of junk, just ate a lot. I love good food, and enjoy cooking too. (Wanna really impress a lady? Cook her dinner!) I had a job at one point that required me to weigh 207 lbs or less in order to do field work (my passion.) My body wanted to weigh 212 at that point. I'd almost have to starve myself for a month before my yearly physical to drop those 5 lbs. While loosing, I felt tired, cranky, and just wasn't happy. If I ate what I felt like, I'd go back to 212 and stay there. I'll take my "happy weight," thank-you-very-much! And you're also correct, I exercise for strength and cardio, not weight loss. Weight's simply not a major issue for me. OK, it's going to turn some ladies off. So will the few grey hairs I have now. So might the fact that I drive a pick-up. There are plenty of ladies out there who it won't turn off though, no worries... Ok well I'm not ready to dump him. I do like the suggestion of putting this on me. I love my body, but I do excercise for cardio health not weight so I will include him in the activities and let him know where I stand on weight. I am going to give this a shot dammit. Best of luck to both of you, Biscuit. Please make sure he knows exactly how you feel.
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