Stuckasfick Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 I recently found out that a one night stand turned into a living being. There is still suspicion of wether the child is mine. I dont even know this girl , but the child is almost a year old. I will not marry this woman , she is attemping to abuse the system and is endangering a childs life in the process. The child needs to be put up for adoption for its own well being. Enter my problem. Ive met someone during that time , and Im beginning to feel obligated to explain to her. How do you even start a conversation like that ? Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated.
BohemeRose Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Well, if you plan on getting serious with this girl, it would be pretty hard not to tell her, I would think. Having a child somewhere in existance would probably be too much weight for you to bear. Telling her would be more fair to not only her, but yourself. As for HOW to tell her, well...I've never been struck with such a situation myself. (I'll be calling Opera if I ever do!) I think that maybe setting aside some time to talk quietly at home, explaining it to her in as rational a manner as possible, if your best bet. It was a mistake you made before meeting her, which is something she will probably acknowledge. HOWEVER, I might wait until you know for sure whether the child is yours or not. No sense in putting strain on a relationship for nothing.
Road Rage Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 If there is doubt the child is yours then get the necessary testing done to establish the truth. If she does not cooperate then it is a pretty good chance the claim is bogus. It is suspicious you would just now be notified. There may be hope for you. But if the situation is real then may as well accept it and be upfront with your significant other.
Guest Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I'm 21 and recently found out my dad has a 25-year-old daughter out there somewhere. Apparently, my mom has known about this for a long time and it doesn't bother her. It bothers me though. Especially since he doesn't seem to feel bad about having nothing to do with one of his kids. My suggestion to you is to tell your current girlfriend about it, and if possible try to be a part of your child's life. The circumstances are not the child's fault.
Osiris113 Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Boheme is right. find out if it's yours or not first. And When teh results come in tell her. Even if the baby isn't yours you need to tell her because if she finds out you were keeping that from her the trust in that relationship will be in danger. And tell her as soon as possible because she may be concerned that you didn't tell her when the suspicion was there. Like Boheme said.. You don't want to put strain on teh relationship liek that.
Growlrifle Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Instead of putting it up for adoption would there be a chance YOU could take care of it. I mean might be better for the child then to be adopted. But that is your decision ofcourse. I just see no shame in taking care of something no matter what ppl say.
Ladywithafan Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Prior to my meeting him, he found out he had a son when the child was five years old. It happened because there had been paternity testing due to the mother divorcing her husband who had thought that the boy was his son since birth. Appartently, my boyfriend had the "one night stand" with her...left town for a cross country move & she met & got married to someone else. LST...the mother got into bad things (drugs) ended up married 3 or 4 times, my boyfriend took the paternity test & it came back 99% yes. He went to court as she started asking for $$$ acted as his own lawyer & had to pay $5K as that was the agreed upon settlement...he also wanted visitation as had he "KNOWN" he would have had a totally different relationship with his son. I think this "not knowing" for the first five years killed him inside...he doesn't talk about it, when he met me, I had a 2 year old & 4 1/2 year old and he was so into my kids. His son is now almost 16, we've been together for almost seven years and we've been able to spend holidays with his son as the boy lives out of state & was adopted by my boyfriend's sister & her husband as my boyfriend got into bad things too. I think you should do the testing & then deal with telling your girlfriend. I'm sure she'll understand because this situation is totally before she came into the picture and how were you to know if the mother of your child doesn't tell you about a baby??? If the testing comes back negative, there's no need to really tell because it's your past and will have nothing to do with your future with your new girlfriend. Can anyone say, "condoms" at the very least??? We are living in the AIDS era....Hello......
Lostgurl Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I recently found out that a one night stand turned into a living being. There is still suspicion of wether the child is mine. I dont even know this girl , but the child is almost a year old. I will not marry this woman , she is attemping to abuse the system and is endangering a childs life in the process. The child needs to be put up for adoption for its own well being. Enter my problem. Ive met someone during that time , and Im beginning to feel obligated to explain to her. How do you even start a conversation like that ? Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated. Hi there, I think that maybe you should think about getting a praternity test first, to be sure that this child is even yours. There is no sense in telling your woman when your not sure. If you think that it might cause problems between you two, then it would be best to wait until you are sure about it. It will ease your mind as well.
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