1.5 years and it's OVER...now I'm back! Not quite as unhappy

[Forget About Her]

Well, I came here for my first real break up with my live-in girlfriend of 4.5 years, and it helped me tremendously...so much, that I actually recommend this site to friends of mine who are going through similar tough times.

 

I met this girl and we started dating immediately. We had a pretty good realtionship, and became pretty solid over the past year and a half, but there were just a couple small things I couldn't get past.

 

1) She lied to me on three seperate occassions about 7-8 months ago. One, was that **** quit smoking, and I went to surprise her at her job and she was out back smoking with a co-worker. Two, I watched her smoke a bowl in front of my house through the window one night before coming inside. I asked her when the last time she smoked weed was, and she said a couple of weeks ago. Three, she lied about being at home, when she was at her friend's house, because she thought I would get mad for some unknown reason.

 

2) She's a cigarette smoker, and I can't ****ing stand it. Although she doesn't smoke around me, I don't like knowing that she does it.

 

3) She smokes weed. I don't smoke weed anymore, I quit a couple of years ago, and I'm even a f'ing police officer.

 

I never really got passed those lies that I caught her in about 7 months ago, and tonight it just all came out. We broke up!

 

I'm upset about it, and I feel sad because I felt like I really loved her, but you know what...Maybe she's just not the girl for me. I build myself on loyalty and honesty. Even 7 months later, I still can't get over those lies, and I can't stand the fact that she smokes. Guess it wasn't ment to be.

[Heavenseventeen]

Well, I came here for my first real break up with my live-in girlfriend of 4.5 years, and it helped me tremendously...so much, that I actually recommend this site to friends of mine who are going through similar tough times.

 

I met this girl and we started dating immediately. We had a pretty good realtionship, and became pretty solid over the past year and a half, but there were just a couple small things I couldn't get past.

 

1) She lied to me on three seperate occassions about 7-8 months ago. One, was that **** quit smoking, and I went to surprise her at her job and she was out back smoking with a co-worker. Two, I watched her smoke a bowl in front of my house through the window one night before coming inside. I asked her when the last time she smoked weed was, and she said a couple of weeks ago. Three, she lied about being at home, when she was at her friend's house, because she thought I would get mad for some unknown reason.

 

2) She's a cigarette smoker, and I can't ****ing stand it. Although she doesn't smoke around me, I don't like knowing that she does it.

 

3) She smokes weed. I don't smoke weed anymore, I quit a couple of years ago, and I'm even a f'ing police officer.

 

I never really got passed those lies that I caught her in about 7 months ago, and tonight it just all came out. We broke up!

 

I'm upset about it, and I feel sad because I felt like I really loved her, but you know what...Maybe she's just not the girl for me. I build myself on loyalty and honesty. Even 7 months later, I still can't get over those lies, and I can't stand the fact that she smokes. Guess it wasn't ment to be.

 

I wouldn't want a liar to depend on in my time of need. You should surround yourself with honest people. Her breaking the law could ruin your career as an officer.

 

Obviously she is addicted to smoking, or at least dependant on it, as you once were, but sometimes someone won't change until something drastic happens. You can't force her! However much you care.

 

She has probably moved on by now, so you need to do the same. Fretting over something that was beyond your control will only hold you back in life. You should focus on your career, finding your inner self and eventually finding someone else.

 

Good luck!

[Forget About Her]

I don't think I was clear in my inital post. This is not the girl I was with for 4.5 years. This is a new girl that I met after her. I was with this girl for 1.5 years, and we just broke up 2 nights ago. I miss her, and I feel like I love her, but I can't get past the bull**** lies, and the smoking.

 

I think you were talking about the 4.5 year girl having moved on, and yes, you are correct she has. We are still good friends, and we talk a couple times a week. I have moved on completely from her, and wish her well in everything she does. I help her out with stuff all the time, and I'll always be there for her, as she would always be there for me, but we have both moved on. This post wasn't ment to be about her, more about the recent break up.

 

Thanks for the comment.

[Guest]

Hey, man, I respect you because you seem to have learned from your initial long relationship breakup. And you know that this girl is not for you.

 

Lying begets more lying. It concerns me that she told you she was at home and was then at somebody else's house . . . that could lead to more serious stuff down the road (at another guy's house?).

 

Smoking is a horrendous addiction, I know personally. It is a health choice. Even secondhand smoke is deadly. Distance yourself from it.

 

If that stuff bothered you enough, then let her go!!!

 

You'll find someone better. You'll love someone better.

[AriaIncognito]

Smoking appears to be a deal breaker for you. I'd not continue this relationship, because she's very obviously, a smoker. She shouldn't have to change for you any more than you'd have to change for her. Cut her loose, and find someone who doesn't have that part of your list of dealbreakers, or any part, for that matter.

 

There's no room for settling when it comes to a dealbreaker, you'll always be resentful....

 

Jennifer