Angel291 Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 For some reason or another, I always attract men who just want to sleep with me (married men or men that are all ready taken.) Some months ago, I was hanging out with my best friend at her house where she and her boyfriend live. There were a lot of people there at their house. My best friend had to go to work that evening. When it came time to leave I said goodbye and went out to my car which was parked out on the street. As I was getting into my car, I noticed her boyfriend walking all the way out from the house to me. Everyone else was busy inside the house. He came up to me while I was sitting in the drivers seat. He told me that he was going to go around and visit all of his friends on his motorcycle that evening. He asked me if I had his cell phone number. I said that no, I did not. (I never see this man. I had seen him maybe a few times before, about 4 months earlier.) He said that he wanted to give me his cell phone number and for me to give him a call if I wanted to hang out that evening. I went along with it because I was so suprised I could not think if his motives were innocent or not and if they were not innocent, I did not want to be rude. I was pretty shocked by this because the first thing that I thought of was how my friend was going to be at work that night. I therefore thought it was odd for him to want to hang out with me, presumably without her around. I naturally never did call him. Giving my history with men (i.e. that men who are taken seem to always want to sleep with me) I am not sure if I am the best judge on this matter. I suppose I am rather skeptical of men because of everything I have been through with men thinking I am a sex object. So, my question is this; based on his actions, does it seem that he was trying to secretly hit on me without my best friend knowing or do his actions seem like he just wanted someone to hang out with that night? All though this was a while ago, it concerns me for my friend because I do not know if this is a sign that he is cheating or will cheat on her. I still think of it and wonder if he is good for her because of this. Thanks!
Adunaphel Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 For some reason or another, I always attract men who just want to sleep with me (married men or men that are all ready taken.) Aw, that must be very unpleasant. It would be great to figure out, if possible, what it is that draws them towards you, and it would be great if it could changed/fixed. I'd be suspicious too if I were in such a situation. If it's the only time he gave you such an impression, better go with the "innocent util proven guilty" theory. He could have been innocent, or could have been trying to get to know you better for other reasons than checking if you'd be interested in him. I'd take any chance to hang out with my bf's best friends (male or female), and get to know them better. First, you get to know better people who are very important to your SO. Then, if they get to know you, when your bf complains to them about you or something you have done(that happens:D), they get a better prospective, and if they like as a person it can come in handy you when your bf is asking them advice about you. Perhaps he was just hoping to be alone with you to ask you for advice about a problem he is having with your best friend. So I'd say, consider him innocent until you see anything suspicious or get another "something is wrong" gut feeling. I's also mention that episode to your friend. Perhaps she would find it harmless, or perhaps he told your best friend about it himself.
newbby Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 this happened to me with a good friend. so what i did was, when he would say things like "do you want to get together tommorrow?", i would say innocently "yeah sure, i will find out when i am free, and since i am going to be speaking to [name of friend] later on, i will get her to pass the message to you what time will be good for me". this can be adjusted to suit the particular conversation. this way, you are not being rude and you are also being friendly without giving him a reason to think you suspect him, but if his motivations are not pure then you will soon find out about it. in my case i realised my suspicions were correct when he said quickly "oh actually i just realised i have something else to do tommorrow" LOL
newbby Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 For some reason or another, I always attract men who just want to sleep with me (married men or men that are all ready taken.) you are probably just attractive.
Adunaphel Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 this happened to me with a good friend. so what i did was, when he would say things like "do you want to get together tommorrow?", i would say innocently "yeah sure, i will find out when i am free, and since i am going to be speaking to [name of friend] later on, i will get her to pass the message to you what time will be good for me". this can be adjusted to suit the particular conversation. this way, you are not being rude and you are also being friendly without giving him a reason to think you suspect him, but if his motivations are not pure then you will soon find out about it. in my case i realised my suspicions were correct when he said quickly "oh actually i just realised i have something else to do tommorrow" LOL hey, that is a great idea.
Tenorman Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 He asked me if I had his cell phone number. I said that no, I did not. (I never see this man. I had seen him maybe a few times before, about 4 months earlier.) He said that he wanted to give me his cell phone number and for me to give him a call if I wanted to hang out that evening. Angel291, seriously, think about it. I went along with it because I was so suprised I could not think if his motives were innocent or not and if they were not innocent, I did not want to be rude. Next time be rude.
Tenorman Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 For some reason or another, I always attract men who just want to sleep with me (married men or men that are all ready taken.) I'm going to sound harsh, but you may also want to take a hard look at your behaviour and work out whether anything you are doing or not doing has a role in this. Even if you're completely innocent - and I think you are - other people are going to eventually notice that it is always "taken" men scoping you and unjustly label you cruel names.
newbby Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 I'm going to sound harsh, but you may also want to take a hard look at your behaviour and work out whether anything you are doing or not doing has a role in this. Even if you're completely innocent - and I think you are - other people are going to eventually notice that it is always "taken" men scoping you and unjustly label you cruel names. it doesnt really matter if she is giving out vibes or whatever. as long as she doesnt do anything with these guys then its their problem. i spent years thinking i was giving out the wrong sort of vibes and attracting the wrong sort of men, but then i realised that unless i was also attracted to those men, then it wasnt my problem. i think it is taking too much responsibility for something that isnt her fault. she is fine, so long as she learns how to handle the men who take her the wrong way.
SoleMate Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Yeah, unless there is something blatant being done, I don't blame a woman for the men who decide to be attracted to her. That attraction happens in THEIR heads, not hers, so they should be the ones called to account for it. I have rarely heard a woman criticize a man for all the women who throw themselves at him. This is the old idea that whatever happens between a man and a woman - even if they are strangers or nearly so - even if one party is not participating except to say stop or "what's going on?" - must be blamed on the woman. She is the one who is supposed to put the brakes on his bad behavior, and if she doesn't put the brakes on hard enough, she is at fault for whatever he does. However, back to Angel291...I think there's almost no chance that this man's attentions are innocent. newbby's idea was perfect! It covers all the bases. Try this a few times and the level of unwanted attention will decrease. In the future, I think that if you are a bit less trusting of the motives of near-strangers, you will have fewer men trying to sleaze you with their cheating hookup offers. I guess I'm saying you need to put the brakes on. I just don't personally derogate you for not having known about this unfortunate reality.
Tenorman Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Like I said I think Angel is innocent. However if she is only sending out the 'vibes' to men who are taken then she may want to ask herself why she is doing that. Further, the guy's set up was particularly nasty. Angel innocently rings him he tries to have a crack, Angel gets upset and tells girlfriend, girlfriend gets upset and tells boyfriend, boyfriend claims he is the innocent one and tells girlfriend that Angel asked for his number and cracked on to him the proof being that she is the one with his number and she is the one who called him and everyone ends up hating Angel and calling her nasty things... In fact, if girlfriend were simply to discover that Angel has boyfriend's number for reasons unbeknownst to her, the same outcome might occur... And solemate I trust you weren't saying I was personally derogating Angel because I am sure you would say it to me directly if you were. I was trying to look out for Angel and get her to think things through herself, why would I bother writing all this otherwise.
Author Angel291 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Posted August 22, 2006 Hi everyone and thank you all for the helpful words of advice. No worries about the comments in regards to my behavior. I do not feel like anyone was being offensive towards me at all. I think you were all very helpful and gave great advice. Thanks
RecordProducer Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 For some reason or another, I always attract men who just want to sleep with me you and a billion other women and children in the world. Are you saying that you've never had a boyfriend in your life? No relationship other than those for sex? I've probably had hundreds of men hitting on me (very likely most of them were for sex). I've had men for sex and a very few for love. I don't think you attract men who want you only for sex; I think you unnecessarily take it as your personal defect. It's their job to ask, but your job to say "no" a zillion times without taking it to close to your heart as an offense. When the right guy comes, you'll know. But there is always a risk of being used for sex. And it always hurts. does it seem that he was trying to secretly hit on me without my best friend knowing or do his actions seem like he just wanted someone to hang out with that night? Yes. And you didn't spend a lot of time having a lively conversation earlier that evening, did you? If I were you, I would tell my girlfriend about what happened, but without any insinuations as to how you perceived his invitation. Just the facts - short and simple. You're just making a conversation and telling her about how you had a great time at her party and her boyfriend asked you this and that afterwards... let HER deal with her BF. You stay on aside.
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