johan Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Greetings all. A week or so ago I cut off contact with a friend (#1). I didn't mean for it to become total silence. I just had to get away from the computer, and that's our means of communication. It hurt her feelings, and I feel bad. During that time I met a girl (#2) online, and we hit it off. I like her a lot, and she started really developing feelings for me. Last night I told her that a long distance relationship is not what I'm after and, as much as I like her, I didn't want to do things that would encourage her feelings to grow deeper. She was hurt and now it looks like we won't be in touch anymore. At work, I am defensive and grouchy. Today someone called me a "warrior" which I would have considered a compliment, if she wasn't implying I'm passionate about small things no one else cares much about. Which is true, and I know it. It's something we can normally laugh about, the fact that I think everything is so damn important. But today I just got visibly, openly annoyed, and people started apologizing and trying to get me to lighten up. My favorite (#3) teammate is looking for opportunities on another project. A woman (#4) on our team is making it more and more clear that she digs me, even though I haven't shown a single atom of interest in her. Ugh. It was her friend (#5) with whom I rebounded last year, and the truth about her is what made my ex decide it would be "impossible" for us to have a second chance. And this friend of hers is part of the reason I had to get away from my computer. She was starting to ping me and trying to revive things. I don't want to revive things, and I don't want to tell her that. I just want her to move on and quit waiting for me. Tonight I was at the bookstore, and I saw an angel (#6). She looked absolutely delectable. I let myself down, and couldn't find the courage to talk to her. So I came home and submerged myself in violent war movies showing men with amazing courage. It seems like my virtual life soars, and my real life just kind of irritates me. It's not that the people who appear in my virtual life are not real people with real feelings. It's just that my appeal is only evident through miles of fiber optics and copper. Right?? So that's 6 people who are twisting my heart in one way or another. If you count me, that would be 7. Oh I forgot. There is a girl (#8) in whom I expressed interest via an online dating site. And she expressed it back. But she won't clean out her damn inbox, so I can never actually contact her. But I check out her profile regularly, thinking she will at some point. She can tell I look, so I'm sure she wonders what my problem is, that I just keep hitting her profile but I never contact her. Now THAT would be shyness.
whichwayisup Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Tonight I was at the bookstore, and I saw an angel (#6). She looked absolutely delectable. I let myself down, and couldn't find the courage to talk to her. So I came home and submerged myself in violent war movies showing men with amazing courage. Go with number six because you saw her face to face. And, you got tongue tied, abit shy...And seeing as you have called her an Angel - That's all good J! Go scout her out tomorrow!
whichwayisup Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 A week or so ago I cut off contact with a friend (#1). I didn't mean for it to become total silence. I just had to get away from the computer, and that's our means of communication. It hurt her feelings, and I feel bad. If she is a good friend, she'll understand. Maybe explain to her when things get bad in your life or you get stressed out you need to shutoff from everything...And unfortunately for her it means no emails... What she has to understand is you not being online has NOTHING to do with her. Explain that to her so she'll feel better. (It's very easy to take stuff the wrong way online. Ha, especially when someone logs off in the midst of a conversation! It's too easy to assume the worst, when chances are the Log off was a mistake or the computer crashed.)
Author johan Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 Go with number six because you saw her face to face. And, you got tongue tied, abit shy...And seeing as you have called her an Angel - That's all good J! Go scout her out tomorrow! I can't keep scouting her out!! At some point, it's going to look a little odd. I need to actually put the super Johan moves on her. I just don't have any super Johan moves.
Author johan Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 Trust me, if I had those moves, I would be out with that angel right now.
Pink Amulet Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 You would cheat on me? *sound of heart breaking*
CaterpillarGirl Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 You need to start facing reality. If you don't like a girl, tell her you're not interested. Don't ignore her feelings or go "offline." That's so immature. Sorry if this offends you, but the more you immerse yourself in fantasy (i.e. online flirtation, obsessive daydreaming, idolizing women you haven't ever chatted with, etc), the less you will be able to succeed in real life. Reality means being uncomfortable, getting hurt and embarrassed. But it also means true connection, communication, and potentially rewarding relationships. Good luck!
Tenorman Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Johan, sounds like you are finding your "inner hard ass" and right up to and including situation #4 he is starting to find some expression in your real life (at the right times). Good.
Road Rage Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 The answer is.......... You have not found the right woman yet. Keep looking!
Adunaphel Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 A week or so ago I cut off contact with a friend (#1). I didn't mean for it to become total silence. I just had to get away from the computer, and that's our means of communication. It hurt her feelings, and I feel bad. Is she really just a friend? Sounds like she has feelings for you, During that time I met a girl (#2) online, and we hit it off. I like her a lot, and she started really developing feelings for me. Last night I told her that a long distance relationship is not what I'm after and, as much as I like her, I didn't want to do things that would encourage her feelings to grow deeper. She was hurt and now it looks like we won't be in touch anymore. Kudos for being honest with her. She will really appreciate it once she gets over you. Her not wanting to be in touch anymore is very understandable, and as you surely know you don't have to take it personally, she is just doing what she can to heal. Sometimes you can't be friends with all the great people you'd like to be freinds with. At least she is not pretending to be your friend when she'd like more, and she was honest in turn. My favorite (#3) teammate is looking for opportunities on another project. Is she an interesting gal? A woman (#4) on our team is making it more and more clear that she digs me, even though I haven't shown a single atom of interest in her. Ugh. Aw, these situations ain't easy. You'll probably have to send her a clear "I'm not interested in you" signal. She'll feel hurt, but it would not be your fault. It's great that you ar not giving her false hopes. It was her friend (#5) with whom I rebounded last year, and the truth about her is what made my ex decide it would be "impossible" for us to have a second chance. And this friend of hers is part of the reason I had to get away from my computer. She was starting to ping me and trying to revive things. I don't want to revive things, and I don't want to tell her that. I just want her to move on and quit waiting for me. Why you don't want to tell her? It might save you some hassle later on. Tonight I was at the bookstore, and I saw an angel (#6). She looked absolutely delectable. I let myself down, and couldn't find the courage to talk to her. So I came home and submerged myself in violent war movies showing men with amazing courage. I really hope you'll meet your lovely angel soon. Next time, try to talk to her. If it will be in a bookstore again, it will be easier to start a conversation - the "hey, I did really like that book you are buying" line works great when the girl has already noticed you and sounds rather innocuos in the other case. Unless she is buying erotica. It seems like my virtual life soars, and my real life just kind of irritates me. It's not that the people who appear in my virtual life are not real people with real feelings. It's just that my appeal is only evident through miles of fiber optics and copper. Right?? Wrong. I think that many people do not look much different online than in real life, when they 'are themselves' in both cases. Oh I forgot. There is a girl (#8) in whom I expressed interest via an online dating site. And she expressed it back. But she won't clean out her damn inbox, so I can never actually contact her. But I check out her profile regularly, thinking she will at some point. She can tell I look, so I'm sure she wonders what my problem is, that I just keep hitting her profile but I never contact her. Now THAT would be shyness. Lol, some girls like shy guys. Perhaps this might work in your favour once she empties her mailbox! I hope that things will go well with all the people you mentioned. Expecially with person #7, who really seems to be a great person. Give us some update, will you?
Tenorman Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Yeah all of this is great advice... if you girls want to turn Johan into another girlfriend Seriously you've got all that it takes Johan, just add a bit of grunt and rev to your style, go out and knock a few noses out of joint
whichwayisup Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 I can't keep scouting her out!! At some point, it's going to look a little odd. I need to actually put the super Johan moves on her. I just don't have any super Johan moves. Sorry, I should have added my version of scout! Meaning, GO to her and talk to her! You have the moves J, you just gotta be in the right mindset to go for it!
Author johan Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 You guys are awesome. Thanks! Adunaphel, you responded to it all in line-item fashion. That is cool! Whichwayisup, you're right. And tenorman, you're even closer to the heart of the issue. Some clarifications... I was in touch with #1 last night, and she isn't in a forgiving mood at the moment. Maybe she won't ever be. But I won't be contacting her. You're exactly right about #2, Adunaphel. That's how I feel about it. Uh... #3 is a guy, and I don't want him to leave the team. It's NOT a romantic thing. Work has been on my mind a lot lately, and this guy is one of the few people there I feel I see eye to eye with. #6 just kills me. I'm so pathetic when it comes to girls I have crushes on. When I don't have a crush on a girl, it's no big deal. But when the crush comes, I just psych myself out instantly and totally. #7 is my worst enemy. #8, I'd like to get the chance to talk to. Online of course, where my chances seem to be a bit better.
Touche Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 "I was in touch with #1 last night, and she isn't in a forgiving mood at the moment. Maybe she won't ever be. But I won't be contacting her." Did you ever even ASK her for her forgiveness?
Tenorman Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 A week or so ago I cut off contact with a friend (#1). I didn't mean for it to become total silence. I just had to get away from the computer, and that's our means of communication. It hurt her feelings, and I feel bad. "I was in touch with #1 last night, and she isn't in a forgiving mood at the moment. Maybe she won't ever be. But I won't be contacting her." Did you ever even ASK her for her forgiveness? It was one week! And what exactly was the crime?! Johan, please do NOT ask for forgiveness. You can contact her if you want but do not apologise in any shape or form! Everyone can blame me, okay? Johan, just be a little bit of a bastard, just enough so you know that you can be one when needed. I bet you filled that girl's life with great humour for months on end and you should not have to apologise for something like that!
Touche Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 So if a guy is wrong they shouldn't feel the need to apologize? What's the point in that? Wouldn't that be cutting off his own nose? And I wonder if SHE contributed anything to HIS life. Do you think maybe it was just a one way street?
Tenorman Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 What did he do wrong Touche? And even if he did then let Johan do wrong for once. Spill some blood Johan.
Touche Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 What did he do wrong Touche? And even if he did then let Johan do wrong for once. Spill some blood Johan. I have no idea what he did wrong. I'm gathering that he cut off contact with no explanation. I could be wrong. "Let him be wrong for ONCE?" How do you know he was never wrong before?
Author johan Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 "Let him be wrong for ONCE?" How do you know he was never wrong before? Good point!
Tenorman Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 At work, I am defensive and grouchy. Today someone called me a "warrior" which I would have considered a compliment, if she wasn't implying I'm passionate about small things no one else cares much about. Which is true, and I know it. It's something we can normally laugh about, the fact that I think everything is so damn important. But today I just got visibly, openly annoyed, and people started apologizing and trying to get me to lighten up. I need to actually put the super Johan moves on her. I just don't have any super Johan moves. Okay I'm bound to say wrong things myself and make incorrect assumptions since I don't know any of you and you don't know me and the internet isn't exactly reality. But the impression I'm getting is that many want Johan to stay the same nice funny guy which everyone enjoys and is used to and is comfortable with whereas I sense that Johan is experiencing some real internal change and he may have to insult some people, break some hearts and put some noses out of joint to find and sophisticate his "super Johan moves". But if he goes around apologising for any tiny perceived misdemeanor that some girl on the internet is sulking about then he's never going to find those moves. When I mean 'wrong' I mean being prepared to be a ruthless hard ass steel eyed son of a bitch when the situation calls for it. Perhaps Johan is like that, I don't know.
Outcast Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 he may have to insult some people, break some hearts and put some noses out of joint to find and sophisticate his "super Johan moves". Oh yeah. Every woman wants a guy who bulldozes his way through others' feelings. Mmm mm baby.
Touche Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Good theory Tenor! But if he just cut her off with no explanation, that's not right. If people need time to themselves, the courteous thing to do is to let the other person know. Hell, my H and I tell each other that on occasion. If he just ignored me or I just turned away from him with no explanation, well that would be wrong...not a nice thing to do. I mean it's just common courtesy. And I don't see how being courteous would prevent him from finding his "super Johan moves." Of course we're assuming that's what happened. Who really knows.
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