dancehead Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I guess most of you should have read my stories by now, on the other sections. I have been reading a lot tonight and all I see are really ****ed up situations. Loads of stories about bad break ups, terrible treatment from bf/gf's who have messed up peoples lives. All this makes me wonder if i should look for a serious relationship in the future ever again because all the women I am attracted to seem to do is cause hurt and grief. I see that my ex FWB/OW has caused me nothing but grief and is really screwed in the head. I have come to the conclusion that if don't do NC she will ruin my life forever. The question I have is how do you cope after an affair has ended? I feel the 'affair' was keeping the relationship going with my gf because I didn't have to fix on what was missing I got that elsewhere. Now that big part has gone and how do you fix it, or should I just break up with her. My ex thinks I should stay with her and work on it. She even said I should have sex with her and think of her (the ex) What a bitch. Any comments? I feel very alone now.
inarut Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I feel the 'affair' was keeping the relationship going with my gf because I didn't have to fix on what was missing I got that elsewhere. Now that big part has gone and how do you fix it, or should I just break up with her. My ex thinks I should stay with her and work on it. She even said I should have sex with her and think of her (the ex) What a bitch. Any comments? I feel very alone now. This is exactly how I felt about my MM/FWB. I knew I had him to look forward to but now it's just me and my husband and I am freaking out. It's a tough situation and you are not alone. The part about thinking about your gf being your ex is just too creepy.
laliquel Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 So I've always wondered this: does that mean that after an affair is cut off the person having the affair or cheating on their spouse does not go back to them as if nothing and can carry on as if nothing? I often thought that it was much easier for the cheating person to go back to their life and get on with ebing happy again, than for the OW or OM because they have nothing to go back to?
Author dancehead Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 In theory the cheating partner can easily go back, but I think for a lot of women and some men its very hard. One would think that it doesn't hurt them but from my experience it does and alsoI see this from contact with a married woman who I saw upset over her next guy that she had an affair with. In my case and probably quite often the 'cheater' is emotionally cut off from their partner, often in an unhappy or loveless relationship and the affair was their lifeline and reason to live almost, when its gone its heartbreaking.
Blind Illusion Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 So I've always wondered this: does that mean that after an affair is cut off the person having the affair or cheating on their spouse does not go back to them as if nothing and can carry on as if nothing? I often thought that it was much easier for the cheating person to go back to their life and get on with ebing happy again, than for the OW or OM because they have nothing to go back to? I guess it depends on the person, the reasons for straying in the first place and what, if anything , was wrong with the original relationship to begin with. (was it purely boredom or other deep rooted issues) I know I could never just go back to my marriage, post affair, and be happy because I wasn't happy to begin with in this marriage. Sometimes I think affairs cause a non-retractable change in both the person and the original union. Seems like it is like that for me, anyhow.
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