Guest Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 How do you let go... Its been almost two months since he has moved out, I feel so empty.... I dont know what I am suppose to do, what to say, where to go.... Its like I am lost without him, I hate that feeling, its like a knife cutting my heart in two... Ive been married to this man for almost 10 years, we have struggled with communication, not so much on my part more on his..(he's actually a quiet guy) He rarely complained, except if there was no coffee, cream, and sugar. I did most of the complaining, he never wanted to do anything with me, talk with me--he made me feel stupid, he had more time for his friends or co-workers then me... When it came to money, he made good money, but we really never put our money together, it was like we were more like room mates, he paid a certain amount each week, it never equaled to half, I always felt I was paying more of the bills.. Honestly this man made me feel more like his mother then his wife... His friends would say he had it made being with me, a nice home, bills paid, food to eat, clean clothes, no responsibilities.... I have three kids and honestly he rarely played a role in their lives, he has his own kids but honestly he rarely played a role in their lives either... This past year his kids camed to live with us, things started to change fast.. I had more responsibilites, more bills, more anger towards him, I felt alone more and more each day... I told him I hated this feeling and because I felt alone I said I should be alone... After saying that more and more each week, he decided to leave... Wow, he left..... And really to be honest I never wanted him to leave, just spend time with me, talk to me, appreciate me, love me, show me you care about me.. but no I guess I wasnt worth that... This man just doesnt realize what he had, and to be honest I dont think he cares.. Meanwhile, I am betting myself up with the regrets of telling him to leave, I never thought he would do it but he did... Now that we are living apart, I feel more alone, wishing he was here, wanting to take back anything and everything, wanting to change something in myself but I dont know what to change... Living apart, life between us is still the same, he doesnt talk to me much, he doesnt spend anytime with me, his just doesnt care... Whats wrong with this picture, am I so blinded by the thought he just never cared... Ive made a promise when I married him I would love him forever and I met it, but how can I love a man that isnt in love with me. My girlfriend keeps telling me I need to get out and stop thinking about this, but I just cant get over it, it is so hard... The best way to describe how I feel is empty, a part of me is missing.. I made a promise to my friend I would not call him anymore, Monday was the last day I talked to him, he shows no signs he even cares or notices... I heard threw the grape vine he bought a puppy, of all things a St. Bernard, it was sign we will never work things out... Well if he thought he had me as a pain in the ass, this new puppy will be a bigger one... As each day passes I take two steps forward and three steps back... Can someone please get me off this rollercoaster ride...
Returning Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 No, only you can get of the rollercoaster ride. When the penny drops that "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another!" You did everything, so you don't need him, you deserve more than you were getting from this relationship. Better to be content and paddling your own canoe than stuck in a relationship and miserable. In time you will see he did you a favour leaving, a better life awaits, all you have to do is want it. The sooner you draw a line under this and go into NC the better you will feel in time.
dgiirl Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Unfortunately, we cannot rush the grieving process, and 2 months is not much time to get over a 10 year relationship. You have to be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve. I litterally cried every single day almost 24/7 for the first 6 months. And statistically speaking, it takes a person 2 years to get over a divorce. What makes you think you'll be able to do it in 2 short months? Having said that, it doesnt mean you should be sitting at home in the dark under your covers. You need to get up, get dressed, and get outside. You need to keep going to work. You need to keep taking care of your family. If you are taking care of your responsibilities, then at this stage, you are doing awesome! When going through a divorce, you need to grieve the relationship, and more importantly, all the dreams you wished for this relationship. If you always wanted kids with him, you'll grieve the unborn kids you never had. If you always wanted to grow old with him, you'll grieve that. And you need to! Otherwise, it stays bottled up inside of you, and will eventually come out when you least want it. So let it out now. Although they mean well, friends and family cannot bear us being in pain. So they want us to heal quickly. But it doesnt work like that. Confide in one good friend, or rant here on LS. A lot of us know what you are going through and can help you along. The only thing you CAN start to do is to practice refocusing your thoughts. Everytime your mind starts down the path of him, refocus your thoughts to the present. Focus on your surroundings, take in the beauty of the trees, sky, flowers, the architecture of the buildings around you. If you focus on the present moment, you'll realize that noone is there hurting you this very moment. Take comfort in that. Enjoy the moment for what it is A beautiful, tranquil, peaceful present moment. You dont know what tomorrow will bring. He might come back, or a better more compatible and loving man might come instead. But for the present moment, you can appreciate what is around you.
ALLALONEAT35 Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 It seems we have something in common. I am starting to think the rejection is what keeps us wanting them back.. If you really love this guy and I mean love this guy, let him go and if he decides to come back then you will really know what his true feelings are for you. Yeah I know its easy said then done, but you can do it.... Life is to short, try to make yourself happy, you just never know being alone might be the best thing right now... Just keep in mind, the more you try--the more he won't... Seriously why should he, you've done everything to maintain your marriage the whole time why should he do anything.. And by the way, the puppy he got might be filling a empty space in his life, who knows. But your probably right it will be a big pain in the a**. Just sit back and wait for that laugh its going to come, watch and see..
pababs64 Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I feel for you, I am having the same problem, letting go. My husband told me the beginning of this week that he wasn't happy and wanted out, no room for discussion he made up his mind. I am so totally devastated, I love this man with all my heart! Your story is very close to mine that is why I thought I would reply, I am new to this. We have been on the brink of divorce before but were always able to work through it. Not this time, he wants out, period. I would do anything to make this work, to have one more chance but he said he is done I wish I could give you advice on letting go but I don't know how to do it myself. Due to finances we are still under the same roof but every time we pass each other my heart just breaks. I am comforted by him being here but it hurts just the same. I believe my husband is going through a mid life crisis, I did research and it said it can start in your 40's give or take 20 years. I did a google search on midlife crisis and found it very enlightening if you wanted to do the same. I feel for you, and just know, we will no matter how much it hurts survive!
FlyingHigh Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I know what you are all going through. I feel for all of you. I've been there and I'm steadfastly getting better. As my title say "You can't knock down a moving target", you have to make yourself active. Do things you would not ordinarily do. As long as you stay still and think about your situation, it's time spent knocking youself down. This past Saturday, I went to dinner by myself. So many people, especially women fear going to the restaurant alone because it makes them feel like that they ARE alone and don't have anyone especially on Saturday nights. I used to think this way. But, once I did it, it was no big deal. I sat out on the terrace, watched people and took my time enjoying my meal along with a glass of wine. Go out and create a new chapter in your life. Remember, divorce can be be a new beginning for each of us.
Recommended Posts