Author InaPanic Posted August 26, 2006 Author Posted August 26, 2006 Hi! On another note, I can tell you from my experience and from research, the feeling you have for the OM are a complete fantasy, the release of a chemical in your brain that is driving your obsession. This chemical reaction in no different than that of any chemical addition (cocaine, heroine, etc..), and is only temporary after it peaks. My advice, love your man before it is too late and remember what made you fall in love with your husband. If you feel you do not/cannot ever love your man again, for the sake of destroying a man, you need to decide what you want and don't let him suffer. You might regret it terribly when your husband decides he cannot deal with this and moves on to a new life. I know that my feelings for OM are completely irrational & I do believe there is something being released in my brain when it comes to him. When I broke over & contacted him, it was like this instant satisfaction rushed over my entire body. How do I fight this? I hope you are right that it is temporary after it peaks. I presume you mean by having NC though because by having contact I am keeping up the addiction & probably will never get over it. Do you think there is any sense in my theory that if I attempt this friendship thing with him that it might make it easier to withdrawal in small doses so eventually I will not feel I need him at all? Or is this all bunk I'm trying to convince myself so I can have him in my life?
swirly27 Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 Do you think there is any sense in my theory that if I attempt this friendship thing with him that it might make it easier to withdrawal in small doses so eventually I will not feel I need him at all? Or is this all bunk I'm trying to convince myself so I can have him in my life? Panic- Unfortunately, it is all 'bunk' that you are trying to convince yourself of? If you keep a friendship, it only hurts you, in so many ways. It'll keep up the fantasy, the wondering, the feelings and inevitably will lead to possibly your H finding out, maybe which should be done anyway if you so choose to tell him. Being with the OM is wrong and if comparing to an addiction, you need to just stop using altogether....which is the hardest method but no alcoholic is told to have some drinks here and there to ween themselves off the addiction. There are exceptions to this process I am sure, but your situation is different. There have been relationships I was in where by staying in some contact, whether by choice or no choice (such as seeing someone I work with) over time, the feeling of not having them at all went away and the feelings of wanting them weened themselves....but for other reasons....but in your situation, you NEED to focus on what is right and keeping in contact with the OM is NOT right. You need to cut all contact. Alot of the times, what is best for us to do is the hardest....I am going thru the same thing, the NC, and it sucks. I just called my mom crying and I feel ridiculous because I have not SEEN my guy for gosh, weeks, but its been almost 3 weeks since I have talked to him and it still hurts......but it'll get better because it has to. Just look at this time as withdrawal right now and with time, that goes away. Good luck!
Author InaPanic Posted August 27, 2006 Author Posted August 27, 2006 After talking with him yesterday I thought today would suck again but for some strange reason I have felt better this evening than I have in a long time. Thats not to say tomorrow i won't wake up feeling like crap again as I did this morning. But i'm going to try to think positive & see that maybe just maybe this IS for the best. NC is what I know I need to do but maybe talking to him & seeing him more for what he is could help me too. Today I went to this online site that I met him & he was chatting in the main chat. But he made a complete ass of himself by getting really mean & hateful to another girl on the chat. Totally uncalled for stuff. And I was watching & reading & I was embarresed for him. I think it was good I saw that because I see what I temper he has & how out of control he got. It made me think 'you want to be a part of THIS mans life?'. Hopefully I am coming around & seeing that he isn't mr. wonderful, that he wasn't going to save me from anything except a good marriage & happy family. That he wasn't all i thought he was. God, it feels good right now to even in just a small way, feel a little bit like me again! Now let's hope it continues!
TheSilentType Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 Here's some advice....I don't know how much it will help 1. Turn off computer. Go to Start and click on the "Shut down" button 2. Unplug computer wires from power outlet 3. Get a baseball bat 4. Proceed to destroy computer with baseball bat 5. Call Vatican Church and tell them you have successfully done an exorcism. Next steps... 1. Get some handcuffs 2. Handcuff yourself to husband 3. Proceed to spend entire day with husband at the park or in bed
Confused x 100 Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 Panic, i just read all of your post and I feel for you. I am new here and posted a few weeks ago for the first time about my situation which is similar to yours if you want to read them. Although I am not handling it as hard as you are I am indeed hurting and the NC is very very hard. I am right at about 3 weeks and its been hard but not impossibe and my relationship was for over a year so you can do it. I'm married too and he was the other man so very similar situation.I feel alot of the same feelings you do, what is he thinking, how is he feeling, does he miss me, I think that is human nature. If nothing else I have figured out that it doesnt really matter, the bottom line is he is doing nothing to make ammends so its pointless to worry yourself to death over something you cant control. Believe me I have hard days, very hard days. I havent deleted anything and everytime I look I hurt all over again, today just happens to be a good day for a change. I have had alot of people try to comfort and help me here so I wanted to try and do the same even if just a tiny bit. You havent posted for about a week and I am curious as to what is going on and how you are doing.
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