Any tips on how to regain his friendship and trust again??

[tine_23]

I would really appreciate any tips you can give me...thanks!

 

I broke up with my ex 2 months ago...and I regret it cuz I kinda wanna keep him a bit in my life...I would like to keep him as a friend...we didn't say we would do NC and when I sometimes (every 1 or 2 weeks) talk to him on MSN he answers back...if he would want to ignore me...I don't think he would answer...it's easy to act as if you're not there on these things...

 

We didn't talk for about a month (june to july)... we were mad at each other... because of everything that had happened...I haven't talked to him since last tuesday... It was the longest conversation he had since our break up and we didn't argue...he talked about his training, his next competition (swimmer)... and I talked about my new room I just finished decorating...

 

I had asked him about starting our friendship all over again and he told me that it's ok...we'll start talking again...but that doesn't mean he wanna get back together... so I told him that I don't know from who or were he got this "information" from (that I wanted to get back together with him) but I do not wanna get back together...just like him... which is not true...but I didn't want him thinking that I'm still not over him... it's coming thought... anyway... I told him that I just can't stand the fact that it's still a bit weird when we're around each other...

 

I don't understand why he keeps acting weird and kinda a bit mad even thought he said it is ok with him if we talk again... he wasn't mad when we left each other..then I got mad because he was ignoring me and we didn't say we were doing NC...we go into an argument... He told me it was stupid to act the way I did... that I was being mad for no reason... then he got mad...

 

When we broke up he even told me that we were going to see each other often because we have the same friends... and do our training at the same pool... Why is he still acting like he's mad???

 

 

The truth is...I'm still thinking about him (friend or love I don't know but I wanna keep him in me life)... trying to regain the friendship we had before we started to go out with each other...we used to be friends... that's why I don't understand why he acts weird... I mean he said he didn't love me anymore and I told him I didn't either...(which is kinda true not all true...you know what I mean...)...I can act normal around him...why can't he act normal around me??? he has stayed friends with most of his exs...why not me??

 

Any tips on how to gain his trust and friendship again?? Thanx alot!

[norajane]

Some people don't really want to be friends with the person that dumped them, and just say, yeah, sure, we can be friends, so that things aren't as awkward if they run into each other.

 

Friends also means different things to people. Once you break up, friends usually means a lot less friendly than before you started dating.

 

It's not really fair of you to expect him to want to be as close as you were before you dated. That's just not realistic.

 

If you want to regain his trust, then keep things casual and stop getting mad at him. Why would he want to be friends with someone who's always mad at him?

 

It takes time to become friends in the first place, and even more time after a hurt or disappointment. If it happens, it won't happen on YOUR timetable, and it might not happen until he starts seeing someone else.

[SmoochieFace]

When a relationship is over, it's over. Staying 'friends' with an X would impede the process of moving on... at least it did for me.

[tine_23]

Maybe I should have said that we were a couple only for a month... our vision of the relationship was just not that same...and he agreed with me... that's why I left him...a month isn't that long...

 

I'm almost over him...I feel it! I still think about him but I have more fun living my life now!... that's why I think I'm ready to "be friends" again...cuz I agree it takes time...

[SmoochieFace]

Maybe I should have said that we were a couple only for a month... our vision of the relationship was just not that same...and he agreed with me... that's why I left him...a month isn't that long...

 

I'm almost over him...I feel it! I still think about him but I have more fun living my life now!... that's why I think I'm ready to "be friends" again...cuz I agree it takes time...

 

Yeah, I see your point. One month doesn't exactly constitute a 'relationship'. That would be akin to me saying that my week-long HS 'thing' long ago was a 'relationship'!

 

In your case... being friends with him is a possibility.

[tine_23]

Am I acting too intense by like talking to him every one or two weeks...

 

he does seems to wanna talk to me when I start a conversation...

 

what is a good frequency to talk to you ex when you try to become friends again...???

 

what should I say to let him know that I'm happy we're talking again and that I'm enjoying the time we talk together...as friends of course...without like sounding too desperate... still not acting like too " you're like my brother!" type of frienship...

[norajane]

Why don't you wait and let him start conversations with you? Give him the opportunity to take a step toward friendship with you instead of trying to push it on him.

[tine_23]

that was not my question...

 

sometimes you have to push a bit on people...not everyone is as comfortable to make first contact or are "lazy" in relationships...

[whichwayisup]

I'm almost over him...I feel it! I still think about him but I have more fun living my life now!... that's why I think I'm ready to "be friends" again...cuz I agree it takes time...

 

Maybe he isn't over you quite yet to jump into a buddy-buddy friendship. Just because you want him in your life, doesn't mean he wants to have you in his life. I don't mean that harshly, sorry if it reads that way.

 

sometimes you have to push a bit on people...not everyone is as comfortable to make first contact or are "lazy" in relationships...

 

Give him some space and see what happens. Let HIM email/call/IM you. You can't force yourself on someone if they're not into it. It will just make him mad and he'll back off completely from you.

 

This isn't just about you and what you want. Takes two people to decide to continue a friendship.

[tine_23]

I think he is over me... we broke up because he didn't have time for a serious relationship and when we talked 2 weeks later I asked him if he still felt something for me and he told me like 3 times..." Not right now...I don't have time" or "Not right now...I have too much on my shoulders"... and then when we talked like 2 weeks ago he told me "ok we'll talk like we used to in the beginning of our friendship...but that doesn't mean I wanna get back together or that they're might be something between us in the future"... to me that means he's over me...

 

I agree with yall that it takes time for friendship to come back and that it's a two way thing... it's just...I miss what we had as friends...it's hard...

 

Sometimes I think I should never have gone out with him...we should have stayed friends...our realtionship didn't last that long anyway... I don't think it was worth enought to losing his friendship...

 

So...what now? I wait...and what if he calls me or email or IM...what do I do then?

 

[SwayLady]

Sounds as though it's always you that initiates the contact. If he wanted to be 'friends', he'd be initiating contact too I feel.

 

You can't force friendship, on someone who doesn't want to be friends. I doubt I'd contact him again. I'd be curious to see if he would then initiate contact with me.

 

Another thought....

 

Perhaps he's reading up on relationship forums and he's trying to do the NC thing without letting on to you he is

[tine_23]

... and what if he calls me or email or IM (which I kinda doubt too ...)

...what do I do then?