hayds28 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Could someone please give me some feedback here as I'm toren up and very hurt and don't know what to do...This might be long winded but thanks to all who read it. I've been dating this older woman for the last year and a half, shes 39 and i'm 32. I don't think thats alot older but she says it is.She doesn't look or act 39. She broke up with me about a month and a half ago, stating that shes confused, and doesn't know what she wants and wants to spend more time with her friends, and kids which i totally understand.She was in a marriage for 15 yrs and says she doesn't wanna go back to being tied down like she was. We were living together for about 2 months at the end of the relationship when all this happened and I know that living together was a big mistake. She needs her space as so do i. I'm in a new town with my job and don't really know many people at all here at all except her friends.I know all you are going to say go out and meet people but its hard when u don't know anyone. She felt guilty going out all the time and leaving me at home but i told her it was fine but she still felt guilty cause I was alone. I admit in the past that I have made some mistakes in our relationship and i'm the first one to admit it. I had a problem with jealousy, and theres no reason that I should have, she did nothing wrong. Its been almost a month and a half now and we have emailed a few times and can tell that deep down that she still cares for me, I think. It even went as far one day that I went to return something of hers, I didn't expect her to be home cause I was just going to leave it in the door way but she was home. I stood in the door way and we talked for a bit, and caught up on what we each were doing. She told me how good I looked and eventually moved to the couch and talked some more. That lead to eventually going up stairs and making Love the way we used to. It was amazing once again and she told me. After when i was leaving I asked her to consider letting me back into her heart little by little and she said "we'll see." I guess thats where it gets confusing on my part. I'm trying the NC thing and not bothering her cause the last thing I want is to push her away. It takes everything not to pick up the phone and call her. I've read through some of these second chance things and I dearly want a second chance with her. I'm 32 yrs old and have realized the mistakes i've made and now know what she wants and how she wants to be treated. I can honestly say that if given the second chance that I would change for the better. I believe eveything happens for a reason and by me making these mistakes I've learnt now exactly what she wants and that by these mistakes, I can honestly learn from them, cause this woman means the world to me and would not do the childish things I did in the past. Some of yous might say yea right, he'll just go back to his old ways, but i can honestly say that I've been praying to god, and reading alot about relationships and hopefully he will give her the strength and courage to let me back into her heart little by little and love me the way she used to, cause I know myself that i can change, and deep down to I think she still loves me but i don't know. I love this woman with all my heart and who wouldn't wanna change for someone like that who they care so deeply about. I was out with a few of her friends and their boyfriends when she was outta town, and just sat back and observed one guy who was exactly like me about 3 months ago. This woman would get a text message and right away you could see this guy getting all jealous and upset about this. I thought to myself god that was me 3 months ago and I never wanna be like that again. I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart that i can change, cause she just means to much to me to go back to my old ways. Its been almost a month and a half and i still can't sleep through the night and still can't eat, cause of that pain in my stomache. I've lost about 15lbs which i know is not good but have just no appetite for food. Please someone, anyone could you PLEASE give me your feedback on what I should do and from what I've said what do you think shes thinking? She must still have feelings if we made love that day or was it just good sex again. Also i sent her a little email yesterday, just to put a smile on her face and to see her reaction. It was from a web site about different sex positions and what women like in bed. I sent it as a joke to tell her that we could still have amazing fun and be the couple we used to be and she replied..."Looks interesting..I can definately see us doing that." Tell me ladies what's going on in her mind. Do you think she still has feelings for me, and if thers a chance to get a second chance. What can I do to tell her I honestly want to change for the better and love her for a very long time. Thanks to all who take the time to read this and reply...
quankanne Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 sounds like y'all in that twilight zone of an ended relationship – you've broken up, but are dragging out the moving on part, to the point where being sexually intimate with each other is still okay. it's a tough call when you're still emotionally involved with that person, but at some point you're going to have to decide if you want to put up with unsure feelings from her end (she prolly cares, but isn't going to invest in a full-blown commitment again because she's been hurt in whatever way by you) and the confusion of being what's basically a safe booty call. I don't mean to be hurtful, but that's basically what it boils down to when a woman still sleeps with an ex. You're familiar with her body, she doesn't have to worry about getting to know you (she can justify sleeping with you, but not someone new that she'd have to learn), you're available. if you want to preserve your sanity, then you need to let go, as hard as it's going to be. Otherwise, you're going to remain in this half-relationship thing with a fully vested heart. Unless you can emotionally remove yourself and just enjoy the sex? it's a tough call, especially when your heart's involved.
Author hayds28 Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 Can anyone else please give me some advice here as what should i do or what you think she's thinking?
SwayLady Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 She obviously still has feelings for you, she wouldn't have slept with you otherwise I don't think. For the majority of women, we need to feel an emotional connection with a man before we sleep with him, Unlike men, who do not need to have that emotional connection. They can quite easily sleep with a woman, who means absolutely nothing to them. Try wooing her back, with sweet gestures such as sending flowers, rather than sending explicit urls. After all and in sending explicit urls, you may be giving her the impression that all you are wanting her back for, is the sex.
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