The Other Woman

[Teacher's Pet]

Next Tuesday will be the 1-year anniversary of when me and my ex first met. Well, online.

 

We "winked" at each other on Match.com, and quickly became friends, met a week later, and started dating about 4 months later, and you all know the rest of the story (for the most part).

 

But there's another underlying story.

 

She wasn't the ONLY person I was "talking to" at the time.

 

In fact, I was talking to 3 women online at the same time.

 

The first one, we'll call her "J", was a very attractive (ok, I'll say it...HOT) nurse who lived about a half hour from me. We talked on and off for a long time, and finally in October (when me and my ex were just friends), we met. We went out twice, had a nice time, but there was really nothing more to it.

 

The other one, we'll call her "R", is a very attractive gal who lives about 2 hours from me. We started talking, actually a little before I started talking to my ex. We had exchanged pictures and all, and she commented that she found me attractive. She digs us chunky boys, it seems.

 

I remember asking her the big question "Are you single?" and her reply was "Not really." When I asked what that meant, she told me she was seeing someone (who lives right near me, actually) but she wasn't really "crazy" about him, so she wasn't ready to commit to him. I told her that I'd love to go out with her sometime, but would feel better if she wasn't already with someone, even though it wasn't serious.

 

We talked almost every day for months. She really wasn't happy with this guy. While he seemed like a NICE guy, he wasn't very attentive to her. It seems like he had her around as a sort of "trophy" (she's 24, he's I think 40?), but nevertheless, he did treat her well. She admitted while he wasn't perfect, she felt "safe" and "comfortable" with him.

 

There were times when she would get upset with him, not over major things, but things about him which she wish would change. Not bad things, I guess, but he had a lot to learn about being in a relationship.

 

I always liked this girl a lot, even though we never met. She was always sweet to me, would call or email me just to see how I was doing, and we always vented off each other. If nothing else, we were long (though not THAT long) distance best friends. Deep down inside, I knew there could be MORE between us, but I'm no "homewrecker".

 

Then, suddenly, "B" and I started dating. Kind of took me by surprise, as we were doing just fine as platonic companions. Things were great with "B" for the most part (well...wait until Part TWO of "Beautiful Failure"), but I always thought of "R"... The one thing "B" lacked, "R" gave me in abundance. She was emotionally available to me, and she really gave me a lot of comfort. It was always a sheer JOY to talk to her.

 

Things between me and "B" got rocky soon enough, and "R" and her beau got rocky as well, practically at the same time. "B" and I worked through our problems (for the most part), and "R" took a short "break" from her man, though they got back together, but never were truly 100%.

 

In April, "R"'s mom died, after a long battle with her health. Her bf, though he was there for her, just didn't seem to provide "enough" support for her.

 

I was there for her. We talked a lot about things. "R"'s father died tragically several years before, and she always had a problem coping with it (it was a horrific accident). She was coming to terms with being orphaned at 24. "R" is well educated and has a great job, so she is quite self-sufficient, but you can never replace the love of family, so she was hurting quite a bit.

 

"R" and her bf broke up around this time, and she began dating other men casually. She didn't want to be alone, especially not while grieving the loss of BOTH parents now. She told me she didn't "sleep around", she just didn't want to sit home at night feeling sorry for herself (sounds like someone we know?)

 

In June, "B" and I broke up. Well, she dumped me, and by definition, I had to let go, right? I remember telling "R", and SHE was devastated, because she knew how hurt I was. Every day for the first couple of weeks she called me and emailed me to check up on me, and make sure I was ok. I always lied and told her I was fine. I knew what she was going through was a LOT more serious than my situation, so I played it off. Being 2 hours apart, it was easy to pretend things were ok.

 

"R" and I have become quite close again. Her job is going really well, and things are actually picking up for me, job-wise. She mentioned that her job was asking her if she'd be interested in relocating, and that move would bring her about 15 minutes away from me. She told me about this, and that she'd like to come up and visit the area to see if this is a place she'd like to live. So I told her I'd be MORE than happy to take her out and show her around.

 

In the meantime, she's gotten other work offers, so she's not sure what she wants to do, but she still wants to see me, after over a year of just "talking".

 

This week is the anniversary of her dad's death, and she's been very upset. She admits she's lonely without her parents, and without having a boyfriend.

 

She also admitted she regretted not giving me a chance a year ago when she wasn't so happy in her situation.

 

We wound up having a very emotional talk, and I admitted that I think I "chose the wrong girl". Last night, I stayed up all night thinking about this.

 

I wound up with "B", mainly because "R" wasn't available to me. While "B" was 6 months of WILD sex (and yeah, some actually LOVE, but coupled with a multitude of problems), "R" was the ONE stable factor in my life all this time, and it took me 6 months of heartache, and over 2 months of "recovery" to realize that I was right.

 

I was with the wrong one all along.

 

"R" has done more for me, emotionally, then "B" did for me in 6 months of actual DATING. "R" knows what's it's like to be in my shoes, and I in hers.

 

We've both lost loved ones (I lost my "favorite uncle" 11 years ago, and I still grieve at times, and I lost a child about 8 years ago, which I admit, I still haven't recovered from), we've both been in unsatisfying relationships (at the same time!), and we both have struggled somewhat at our jobs.

 

.....But we've also both turned to each other through all of this.

 

It's hard enough to build a friendship like this IN PERSON, let alone LONG DISTANCE. And the distance is not THAT long, it's a 2 hour drive!

 

So, here it is.

 

We're meeting tomorrow.

 

I admit, I'm kinda nervous, and even though I've dated online women many times before, this time feels different. I really KNOW her. She really KNOWS me. There doesn't have to be any of that "first date" bullsh*t between us. We know where we've been, and we've both decided to see where we are going.

 

I've already promised myself not to get carried away over this, as I'm still healing, and she's still in mourning. But she has hinted that she feels like she was with the wrong guy, as much I as I KNOW I was with the wrong girl.

 

Tomorrow we'll figure this all out.

 

For better or worse, I think I've found some closure with my ex, in the realization that she was the wrong woman all along, even if "R" isn't "the one" either.

 

I think I've hit a turning point, and tomorrow, well, I don't know what will happen, but it's definately a year overdue.

 

-tp

[Pink Amulet]

*cough*

 

Good luck

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

Again I read the humongous post. (Tough at the middle I started to get dizzy, who's "R").

 

Well, it seems like you have been quite willing to be dating again lately.

 

Good luck with R, she could turn out to be the one after all

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

i have to come back and read that when I can focus, but with all those initials scattered throughout, all I can say is :

 

TP - you stud you!

[Teacher's Pet]

hahaha

 

"B" my recent ex. Dated 6 months, dumped me for a random guy she never met.

 

"R" a friend of mine whom I've never met, but we've become "emotionally attached" over the period of a year, both of us now coming out of bad relationships and trauma.

 

"J".. some nurse I got to third base (someone please explain that to our UK friends, since they don't play baseball there?) with in a Starbucks parking lot, who then ran back to her ex and is now married to him, last I heard.

 

Any questions? LOL

 

-tp

[Mollyanna]

Awesome, no one has taken my initial yet... I can still be in the game

[Teacher's Pet]

lol...there is always room for an "M"

 

Bring "D" and "K" with ya, and we'll party.

 

*shrugs*

 

I don't know if this will happen tomorrow or not, now......

 

-tp

[AriaIncognito]

My initial was already taken...guess TP and I are meant for friendship lol

 

Jennifer

[AriaIncognito]

Oh. And I don't want to be a party pooper, I reaaaaaally don't, but I need to say something. It feels as if you're trying to displace whatever anger/feelings you have for your ex (B) into wanting to make R the one to be with. I mean, I hope for your sake, that what you've come to realize, is correct, but please, please don't put too much stake into this. You've not yet met this woman in person, and well, people in person aren't always the same as online/phone, which I'm sure you know. I just don't want to think that you're just trying to make her become "the one" to not deal with who you just lost...

 

All that said, if you do meet her tomorrow, good luck, but be very cautious with your heart, please.

 

Jennifer

[Teacher's Pet]

Jennifer,

 

You are right..

 

I mean, I'm being cautious not to "expect too much", but this is sort of a mutual thing, too. She feels the same way that I do, so this is a kind of chance to "explore" these feelings.

 

I don't know what to expect, but it sure beats sitting home.

 

-tp

 

P.S. There's always room for a new "J". lol After all, we only had 2 dates, so I don't really count her for too much! Besides, you are too cute to pass up! *grin*

[AriaIncognito]

 

hehehehe

[Teacher's Pet]

Hey....I have met you.

 

I know how cute you are!

 

-tp

[Mollyanna]

I agree with Jennifer, TP... people are usually not the same in person as you have imagined in your mind. I would be so excited and hopeful that they were the "one" and then within 10 minutes of talking to them in person, I was crushed they didn't meet my expectation at all.

 

Guard your heart. But you are right, it is better than sitting at home!

[AriaIncognito]

I agree with Jennifer, TP... people are usually not the same in person as you have imagined in your mind. I would be so excited and hopeful that they were the "one" and then within 10 minutes of talking to them in person, I was crushed they didn't meet my expectation at all.

 

Guard your heart. But you are right, it is better than sitting at home!

 

Wow mollyanna, we could be the same person sometimes...i totally understand what you mean in this post. It's called putting your eggs all in one basket. We both need to learn how to spread our eggs around (haha that just sounds wrong) lol.

 

You know what i mean, though hehe

 

Jennifer

[Mollyanna]

rofl, i am laughing crying picturing me spreading my eggs all over town.

[Teacher's Pet]

Nothing like a couple of chicks willing to spread their eggs...

 

This girl and I have been talking over a year, and we've seen each other through a LOT... so who knows..

 

I'm not sure if we are getting together tomorrow though..I think she passed out already tonight, and I have to be at work early in the morning, so I dunno if I'll get hold of her

 

-tp

[Teacher's Pet]

"The Date" is on.

 

In fact, she'll be here in an hour.

 

Film at 11! lol

 

Nervous,

 

-tp

[AriaIncognito]

Good luck TP. Keep our 3 some a secret, she might get jealous! lol

[RecordProducer]

TP, I managed to read the whole post awaiting for the "question"...

 

I dated a guy for 4 months online, I fell in love with him (or what I thought was him), we felt close like no one before... When we met in person, it was like any other blind date scheduled on the phone a day earlier. We didn't know each other. What we knew was incorrect. We did date for a while, but it didn't work out.

 

But it doesn't mean that she will be totally different in person. maybe she will find YOU totally different. It's scary - the fact that when you meet her your fantasy and image of her will either blow up like a bubble or you will develop an even closer relationship, whether it's friendship or love.

[Teacher's Pet]

The good thing for us is that we weren't "dating online". When we met, she was in a relationship (not a great one, though), and even though I did like her a lot, I'm not a "homewrecker", so I pursued other "opportunities".....

 

We've known each other just over a year, and for well over half of that time, one or both of us have been in a relationship.

 

We were always "just friends" online, never assumed any more or less, which I think is the best way to be. We never made any "romantic gestures" towards each other in this time, except for some harmless flirting and a few "What if?" scenarios......... We met tonight with no expectations, just some wonderful memories of a year(plus)-long friendship.

 

-tp

[Teacher's Pet]

So, we did it.

 

More than a year of talking, crying, and commiserating both online and on the phone came to a head tonight. Me and "the one I didn't choose" (so to speak) went out on a date.

 

I picked her up from the train station (she lives outside Philly, I live in Northern NJ) at around 5:30, and I gave her a tour of "My New Jersey". She knows the area to an extent, so I showed her NJ through my eyes. I took her around some of my favorite areas, showed her where I grew up, where I went to school, where I played ball, everything. We always talked about childhood, so it felt natural to show her mine.

 

About 7:30 we were both hungry, so we went to dinner at one of my favorite local pubs. I picked it because I know she's a sports fan (it's a sports pub), the food is good, and as a regular there, it gave me an extra boost of confidence. The best part was the fact that since we've known each other so long, and basically confided everything in each other, we both knew it was OK to talk about our ex's, since we already knew each other's stories already. And guess what? We didn't talk about them for long.

 

We had a great dinner and we just talked for a while, had a lot of laughs, and then I had to take her to catch her train home.

 

We talked for a few minutes outside the train station, and we both admitted that tonight was worth the wait, even though we both had our own "situations" going on.

 

I kissed her.

 

WELL.

 

I said "That was a year in the making." and she nodded.

 

We agreed to see each other again, and hopefully arrange it so we could spend a longer time together (even if she has to stay over in a motel....my mom is still over my place for the rest of the summer) and just take things from there. Either that, or I'll take the trip to Philly to see her. It's a 2 hour drive, so it's not a problem. She even said we could make a weekend of it. *teehee I know what that means!* lol

 

I've already promised myself if there is a "sleepover" of any kind, to be a gentleman and let her determine the "outcome". She's been too good a friend, and I've spent a year BEING a good friend to her to let my genitals take charge so fast.

 

Of course, she's always told me she thought I was cute, and she has shared some of her "exploits" with me in our conversations, so I'm sure "that" will develop naturally.

 

But for now, we are FRIENDS, but we have a deeper understanding of each other, and we finally got to SEE each other, besides a couple of JPG's.

 

And MAN, has she got a rack. *chuckles*

 

-tp

[Teacher's Pet]

Good luck TP. Keep our 3 some a secret, she might get jealous! lol

 

Oh, I mentioned it. She's down with that. :)

 

The more, the merrier. Enough of me to go around! hehehe

 

-tp

[RecordProducer]

I've already promised myself if there is a "sleepover" of any kind, to be a gentleman and let her determine the "outcome". She's been too good a friend, and I've spent a year BEING a good friend to her to let my genitals take charge so fast.

 

Of course, she's always told me she thought I was cute, and she has shared some of her "exploits" with me in our conversations, so I'm sure "that" will develop naturally.

You are not dumb at all!

And MAN, has she got a rack. *chuckles*

[Ariadne]

Well,

 

But for now, we are FRIENDS, but we have a deeper understanding of each other, and we finally got to SEE each other, besides a couple of JPG's.

This sounds great already TP

 

(And you kissed).

 

Ariadne

[Teacher's Pet]

So, we did it.

 

More than a year of talking, crying, and commiserating both online and on the phone came to a head tonight. Me and "the one I didn't choose" (so to speak) went out on a date.

 

 

-tp

 

..........and I haven't heard from her since.

 

Ho hum.

 

Next!

 

 

-tp