Alexandra-Girl Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I'm just curious how people feel about their partner immediately after a non-confrontational break-up. Do most feel anger? resentment? sadness? doubt of feelings? relief? denial? vengence? happy? Used? What describing words... Further, how often do you remain friends? or do you immediately cease contact? Basically how are you affected? I think the results will be interesting to hear.
leopardprint Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I usually feel hurt, lost, and lonely IMMEDIATELY. I feel blind sided, kind of like, "Oh my god... where did this come from? I was so happy! Why did I let this happen?! Why did I say that?! I should have never done *this*, *this*, or *that*!" I usually feel guilty right away. Yeah, hurt, blind sided, guilty, lost and lonely, all in that order, immediately after the break up. I never remained friends with my first ex (he cheated on me), my second ex I remained friends with a little bit (it wasn't a real serious relationship to begin with, and he was younger, so eventually I moved and started college somewhere else - so I fell out of contact quickly with him like the rest of my highschool buds - nothing personal), and my third relationship, he told me we were staying friends, but I'd hear from him once every couple of months, and one day he just added me on myspace and I haven't really talked to him since. My now ex and I are going through the breakup now. He's calling me his bestfriend, and asking me not to go NC, but I don't know what to do. I'm still dealing with this one. Sometimes I immediately cease contact (go the NC route) to scare the dumper into coming back to me; scare them into thinking if they dump me, they will lose me forever (because they're usually telling me they don't want me completely out of their life, or what they don't want to stop talking). But, I usually end up breaking that within the next day or so. That's my uber short response to how I am affected. You don't want the 378 BILLION page novel about leopardprint and her CRAZY insane break up antics!
Brittanyjean06 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 well I've only had one true break up so far and um I felt devastated I can't even describe how I felt, only one who has gone through it will know...the hazyness just being outside felt unreal...I don't know and on top of that I had to go back to school ( senior year ) and the pain was unbearable I felt like I was living a nightmare.........but I feel a whole lot better! after a year haha he stopped talking to me cold turkey and hasn't spoken to be in a year but my ex was a sociopath, truely one.
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I'm just curious how people feel about their partner immediately after a non-confrontational break-up. Do most feel anger? resentment? sadness? doubt of feelings? relief? denial? vengence? happy? Used? What describing words... Further, how often do you remain friends? or do you immediately cease contact? Basically how are you affected? I think the results will be interesting to hear. My ex and I broke up at night. After that, I made myself a sandwich and coffee, sat and watched TV, my mind blank, it hadn't sunk in yet. I went to bed as normal, still no feelings whatsoever, except for numbness. I wasn't feeling anything. The next morning i woke up, I have a painting in my bedroom wall that he made for me, I took one look at it and bawled my eyes out (now you have to know, I don't cry and most definately never bawl). Its when everything came back to me, the whole dialogue. I stayed in bed for the whole day, in my tear stained, snot coloured PJs . I just allowed the sadness to flow. Then the tape started of every little thing we used to do, more bawling. Then that night, I did what any (in) sane person in my position would do, I got drunk with my friend at home, trying to process everything. I am laughing about it now... .
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I think this break up was hard for me as I was dumped . So I think it is not only the demise of the relationship but the bruised ego . Like: What???? You are dumping ME??? What the hell is wrong with me???? I must say, I had to get over myself pretty quick to try and deal with everything else .
LaraV Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I think this break up was hard for me as I was dumped . So I think it is not only the demise of the relationship but the bruised ego . Like: What???? You are dumping ME??? What the hell is wrong with me???? I must say, I had to get over myself pretty quick to try and deal with everything else . ImmaBeAlright - I'm curious, do you stay in touch with your ex? You've dealt with the "ego" thing so fast! I'm so jealous! I'm still mending my bruised one - and I know what you're talking about - the whole, "you're dumping ME?" Ah, the ego. But, as to not hijack the thread...after my break up I went to bed, numb, thinking, "OK, I guess we just broke up..." But then when I woke up, I had to run to the bathroom because I felt sick. Then I spent the next of the day in utter numbness. I think it wasn't until a week that it all finally set in, and then I just felt like I had lost something REALLY important in my life, and just felt so devastated that I just knew I'd never get it back. I felt like sh*t is what I'm saying.
KittenMoon Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I cried so hard I got a migraine and literally had to sit still for the entire day, unable to cry because my head hurt so much.
jgaz3124 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 We broke up on the phone because we had gotten into a fight, this was at night so then I cried and went to bed. The next day I woke up thinking that we would make up and get back together at some point soon. I was ignoring me for the first half of that week and then in the middle of the week he started to talk again. We saw each other this saturday and he told me he wanted to remain friends and I felt relief that he still wanted me in his life like that but then it became to painful because I just kept hoping that he would want me back and I kept calling and texting him and he was ignoring my calls but he would answer my texts. Anyways yesterday I finally gave up hope that we will get back together and it hurts so much that I can't be friends right now. Today I woke up after 4 hours of sleep and I haven't stopped crying since. I am hoping that I can now just get it all out and move on from here but who knows.
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 ImmaBeAlright - I'm curious, do you stay in touch with your ex? You've dealt with the "ego" thing so fast! I'm so jealous! I'm still mending my bruised one - and I know what you're talking about - the whole, "you're dumping ME?" Ah, the ego. But, as to not hijack the thread...after my break up I went to bed, numb, thinking, "OK, I guess we just broke up..." But then when I woke up, I had to run to the bathroom because I felt sick. Then I spent the next of the day in utter numbness. I think it wasn't until a week that it all finally set in, and then I just felt like I had lost something REALLY important in my life, and just felt so devastated that I just knew I'd never get it back. I felt like sh*t is what I'm saying. Nope, don't keep in contact with my ex. We have been broken up for a month now so I still have issues with not being with him. I actually thought it would be more of a bummer, but after the first dreadful week, I managed fine. I now can actually listen to 'our' songs, think back and smile instead of throwing shoes at radio . Having said that, I am still very vulnerable when it comes to him so NC is working just fine for me.
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Speaking of EGO, so I was dumped right, I'm feeling all kinds of crap, right. So, last Saturday, I hooked up with a guy for a fun night . Have seen him around for about 2 yrs at gym but never really talked. Well, that kinda ejected my ex from my system, the thinking about him all the time and sadness. I know its not the best remedy and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who couldn't handle it. Now gym dude keeps calling me and I was feeling bad because I cured my ego issues by kinda using him. then I thought: Eff that, ****t happens, he'll get over it. We go at the same time in the morning and I usually get there early for a quick coffee, so apparently (thru his texts) he has been waiting at the coffee shop hoping that I show up. But also, i think I might keep him, in case of emergency . Now, before you all go Dr. Phil on me, I know it is sick and bad and I know where it stems from. I was dumped, felt rejected, so I hook up with innocent bystander so that I can reject him, therefore restoring my bruised ego.
agoraphobia Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Well he was out of town, I was staying at his apartment, I was playing around on his computer. Came across pictures of him with another woman, having sex. I picked up the phone and called him to confront and essentially break up with him. I remember feeling a strange calm after that, I went about my business, packed my bags, washed my hair, blow dry it, too a shower, got ready for bed. I really wasn't thinking about anything, my mind was blank, I was even laughing at the jokes on tv. I guess it hadn't sunk in yet. I went to sleep, woke up at the crack of dawn crying , completely bawling like I don't know what. I called his phone, he didn't answer and I proceeded to leave several incoherent messages asking why? and how could he do this to me. Went to work later in the morning, calm again, almost happy. The next 3 or so months after that has been a variety of inconsistent emotions, especially as I found out that he cheated several times during our relationship with several women. As the sordid tales unravel, some days I'm happy, other days I'm sad, some days I cry everywhere and anywhere, some days I don't think about it. What made it worse is that he didn't beg me to come back, he doesn't hound me or act like he missed our relationship (ouch!) He seemed almost relieved that it's all out in the open and he can move on with his life. I'm hoping one day soon, I'll be able to get my emotions under control, I'll be myself again. And that someday, he'll get what's coming to him. Because you don't mess with people's hearts like that and get away with it. Some of the women he cheated on me with had no idea he had a girlfriend, some of them fell for his dirty tricks too. Karma is a bitch and he will think of me, the day she pays him a visit.
LaraV Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Now, before you all go Dr. Phil on me, I know it is sick and bad and I know where it stems from. I was dumped, felt rejected, so I hook up with innocent bystander so that I can reject him, therefore restoring my bruised ego. Nah, I get it. I did that too, once upon a time when my ex fiancee left me the first time many years ago. Felt good. Did wonders for my ego. I think, though, I let it get too big then - and hence when I met my current ex I thought I was all that and a bag of chips and so I thought that he'd fall for me. HA!!!! HA!!!!! Well, obviously, things didn't turn out that way. I think this time around, though, I want to try something different. Like just being alone. I'm still too wounded from this one to be going around "getting my numbers up" as a friend of mine calls it. I don't even think I can do that now. This one really, REALLY broke my heart.
agnf666 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I'm just curious how people feel about their partner immediately after a non-confrontational break-up. Do most feel anger? resentment? sadness? doubt of feelings? relief? denial? vengence? happy? Used? What describing words... Further, how often do you remain friends? or do you immediately cease contact? Basically how are you affected? I think the results will be interesting to hear. I'm going to do this on my latest breakup. Which was a few weeks ago. We broke up over the phone, he was very mean to me when we dated and basially was looking for another girl to replace me. In which, he swears he wasn't. When I broke up with him I was sad, happy, pissed off, just about ever emotion I could have. Then he started to talk to me a few days later, we have been taking ever since, I went to go get my stuff and he tried the "I want you back" thing but I do not need to be with a man that made me his "Project" im not into that. Keeping in contact is hard sometimes because it hurts sometimes knowing that he is not your boyfriend anymore. He can't completely give me up either he calls me everyday after the break up! Talk about either really lonely or obsessed with me. I honestly can't do NC with him because I think not having him in some part of my life would depress me a little. Then in another hand when I start dating someone else I totally will be talking to him less.
superconductor Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I honestly can't do NC with him because I think not having him in some part of my life would depress me a little. You'll be far, far more depressed and anxious if you keep in contact with him than you would doing full NC.
agnf666 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 You'll be far, far more depressed and anxious if you keep in contact with him than you would doing full NC. Yeah, the hardest part is to ignore his calls. I mean he basically will try to contact me on every number he can until he gets me. He knows my work number as well.
dancehead Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Um where shall I start. There was one break up that I sort of knew was coming before it happened. My gf went on a reality radio show holiday and i had to suffer hearing what she got up to out there on a daily basis. I spent hours not eating and sleeping and even didn't go into work. When I finally saw her when she was back she told me she just 'wanted to be friends'. I cried and didn't sleep and felt terrible for weeks trying to work out what went wrong and why she wanted out. I think I loved the girl. I did try going out with a friend drinking but it didn't really help. Apart from that I had my on-off FWB who flits from lover to friend as she sees fit and everytime she saw a new guy I felt like I was being dumped for another man everytime and the pain never really changed until this time she actually has made the guy her bf. Then I really broke down. Just trying to do NC now but not doing very well.
climbergirl Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Speaking of EGO, so I was dumped right, I'm feeling all kinds of crap, right. So, last Saturday, I hooked up with a guy for a fun night . Have seen him around for about 2 yrs at gym but never really talked. Well, that kinda ejected my ex from my system, the thinking about him all the time and sadness. I know its not the best remedy and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who couldn't handle it. Now gym dude keeps calling me and I was feeling bad because I cured my ego issues by kinda using him. then I thought: Eff that, ****t happens, he'll get over it. We go at the same time in the morning and I usually get there early for a quick coffee, so apparently (thru his texts) he has been waiting at the coffee shop hoping that I show up. But also, i think I might keep him, in case of emergency . Now, before you all go Dr. Phil on me, I know it is sick and bad and I know where it stems from. I was dumped, felt rejected, so I hook up with innocent bystander so that I can reject him, therefore restoring my bruised ego. Why the ? Everyone handles each breakup differently--be it dating/ dating & sex/ hanging out with friends or just being alone. Really, what ever floats your boat and keeps you occupied. And I'm sure your gym guy is in no way complaining about hooking up and having a fun night with you. I got a phone call from someone today who I've blown off for a long time-he had no idea my ex and I had broke up. I happened to be in a emotional funk and his phone call really upped my mood. Not to overblow the 'signs' bit, but your gym guy (and my situation) is a way of steering us in the direction to move on. period.
the_alchemyst Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Immediately afterwords, I felt really tired, both emotionally and physically. When I sat in my car, I felt jaded--it felt like what had happened wasn't real. Then I proceeded to feel appeased, thinking what had happened had been for the best. Then I smiled and drove off, looking back at his room--the one where many memories dwelled, and my heart just literally hurt. After that, I felt annoyed that this scenario had somehow managed to repeat itself once more. After that followed some more jadeness. By the time I had come home, all I felt was sadness, loneliness, and hurt. And I have felt that way ever since.
cowgirl Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Hi all, I broke up with my partner of 2 years 7 weeks ago. Unfortunately we are still live together due to financial reasons for me at the moment and while my house is built. It's going to take a while and I hope I can get through it. It was a mutual decision at first to finish us but than a few days later I told him I loved him and poured my heart out to him and he still maintains that it won't work anymore. He maybe right, I don't know anymore but some days I can go really well emotionally and than "BANG" im a mess again. At the moment we are having time out for a month or so while he house sits but now Im going through a time of him not being around and missing him more. When we first broke up I was quite a mess. I don't deal with hurt too well and Ive been through it all before with someone I was with for 4yrs. Sometimes I feel like he can't stand me, I am hurt, angry at times for him hurting me and my emotions are like a rollercoaster some days. Anyway, Im doing my best to have as little contact with him this next month or so and I don't know, maybe it'll give him time to think over his side of the situation. At the end of the day I deserve better than to have someone hurt me and bring me down to a level I don't want to be again. Whatever way he and I go it will be for the best. Time heals everything.... Take Care
Diver012 Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 I think my very first emotion I felt was utter betrayal, followed by confusion, & Pain. It physically made me sick. They say that one of the hardest breakups you will ever suffer through is being dumped by a commitment phobic. I dont know if thats true or not. Ive been dumped and rejected a few times before, and this one is definetly one of the worst.
Nur Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Surprisingly, I feel like I did the right thing. I only cried a bit, but I feel pretty good.
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