dreamer44 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I met this girl online about 5 years ago..and we slowly became good friends. Recently, it became greater than friendship. We started meeting online nightly, chatting, playing games, and talking on the phone...to the point where we were inseparable, though we had never met. We had pretty much had become boyfriend and girlfriend in spirit. The problem is that she has a boyfriend of 3 years, who loves her very much. She's the type of person who needs to be loved constantly with constant attention. Her boyfriend gives her that...but he doesn't give her the life that I give her. There are certain things she can't talk to him about, and she keeps secrets from him. With me, we talk about anything and everything...we have so much in common, it's scary sometimes. We've have several fights the past week..because she says I don't show her the love she's constantly seeking, even though I feel it in my heart. It's b/c I keep a lot of thoughts to myself, by nature. She says she would rather be loved...than to love another. She knows I love her, but it's not enough. And loving me has become unbearable, because she doesn't think I feel the same way. Having a boyfriend makes her feel infinitely more guilty. Yesterday, she told me that she wanted to just be friends. When she first fell in love with me, her expectations of me were so high, and I failed to meet them. I didn't call her/text her enough, I didn't show I wanted her enough. By being friends...she can think less about her feelings for me. We still love each other deeply...but starting today, we just can't say it to each other. She says she wants to take it day by day...that maybe her love for me will never go away...that maybe she'll feel different when we actually meet. I could use some advice about what to do. I love this girl so much. I felt so empty today...that I broke down a couple times at work. It's painful when you love somebody so much, but can't have them.
allina Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 We still love each other deeply... I love this girl so much. I felt so empty today...that I broke down a couple times at work. It's painful when you love somebody so much, but can't have them. I have a hard time understanding how you can be in love with someone you have never MET IN REAL LIFE. Why haven't you two met?? Also, she seems dishonest and needy. Are you hoping that she'll leave her bf for you?
insomnie Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I love this girl so much. I felt so empty today...that I broke down a couple times at work. It's painful when you love somebody so much, but can't have them. Uh. Doens't sound like you ever really "had" her, seeing as how you've never even met. Plus she had a boyfriend the whole time you were together. Basically, it you just got out of an imaginary relationship in which you were the OM and she was a long-term cheater with, by the sounds of it, some severe emotional problems (she sounds very dependent and needy). And you are pining away for this person you aren't even sure is real (as in, she could be a 70 year old man for all you know). Isn't that a little ridiculous? How old are you? How about you get out of the house and meet a real person?
whichwayisup Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Yes, you connected on a spiritual level - You two clicked on the phone and online - But, the facts: 1)She has a boyfriend. 2)She's online and you two have never met face to face - YOU don't know her as well as you think you do, just as she doesn't know you that well. She sounds high maitanence, and honestly, she's cheating on her boyfriend by letting feelings of affection grow for you. She "needs" attention, so it seems it's all about her... You deserve a girl who you can be with face to face, grow together and GO out, have fun - Not be her second best, online as well.
Author dreamer44 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 I know my situation may seem a little strange and a little hard to believe..at first I thought like you guys did..that there was no way I could fall in love with somebody online. I've even told her that, and we've had many arguments about it. This just didn't happen suddenly...it was a buildup of over 5 years of friendship..and I've come to see her as very special. We do know each other very well... there are things we talk about...that can't be scripted. We're both in our late 20's, educated...we both know what love is. She knows the things I like about her, I know what she likes about me. She's even shown me her webcam..for hours at a time...and she never asks me for anything in return. She lets me just look at her in real time...while we chat or talk on the phone. I am hoping that she'll leave her boyfriend for me. But her boyfriend has told her he'd kill himself if she left him...and she believes him. She's scared, but she tells me how much she wants to leave him. And it's hard for me to visit because we're both busy and thousands of miles away...but we've talked about it many times. She fears that she'll never want to let me go, if we met. I think it's good that we met online...so many marriages end these days b/c they don't know their partner. Believe me when I say we connect so well..sometimes my stomach hurts so much, laughing with her. I appreciate the advice, guys.
TheSilentType Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I don't mean to be harsh, but I think this girl likes the attention she receives from you but really doesn't care to have a more deeper relationship with you. I knows its been five years, but you guys have never even met! Trust me, if either of you cared, you would have made the effort to meet atleast once in FIVE YEARS! Your not going to like what I have to say, but you really need to start limiting your online interaction with this girl. You deserve better, and should make more of an effort to develop a real relationship with a girl who 1) does not have a boyfriend and 2) you can physically see and talk and in person. Then you will have a more meaningful relationship with someone whom you can actually do things together with rather than just sit behind a screen exchanging messages. The way I see it, the current relationship you have with this girl is very imbalanced. She definitely gets more from you than you from her. You want more from her, and frankly she won't give it to you. Slowly limit contact with her over time, and then move on. Don't care about her; take care of yourself first. Life is too short....love the one's that love you...and leave alone that ones that don't Hope this helps, and hope I wasn't too harsh on you. Good luck.
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