Walk Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 IMO, the girl probably didn't want sex because you wouldn't talk to her for 6 days, then out of "boredom" you decide you'll see her. She's got to realize this on some level, and although being on her period probably made her feel less inclined toward sex... I leaning toward the fact that she didn't want to have sex with you because of your NC. If I were in her shoes, I would've used it as an excuse. There's no way I desire having sex with someone who stops talking to me, and then when he does, he wants me to give him a hand job??? Whatever. No way. Now.. if you two had a real relationship, and you weren't constantly playing games with her... then I'd say maybe she just felt ill that day. There are times during my period that my stomach and body hurts so bad I don't want to be touched. But in your case... I'm betting she just didn't want to be used for your sexual pleasure and then have you (on a whim) decide she wasn't worthwhile enough to even talk to the next day... You treat her like crap John. Get some help. You don't deserve her love.
Hitman10000 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 It's obvious dude, go jackoff if you gotta relieve yourself.
Pink Amulet Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 What a wonderfully insightful and well thought out suggestion! But remember John to clean up well afterwards... you wouldn't want to have your girlfriend sit on any remnants next time... it may soak through.
norajane Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 IMO, the girl probably didn't want sex because you wouldn't talk to her for 6 days, then out of "boredom" you decide you'll see her. She's got to realize this on some level, and although being on her period probably made her feel less inclined toward sex... I leaning toward the fact that she didn't want to have sex with you because of your NC. If I were in her shoes, I would've used it as an excuse. There's no way I desire having sex with someone who stops talking to me, and then when he does, he wants me to give him a hand job??? Whatever. No way. Now.. if you two had a real relationship, and you weren't constantly playing games with her... then I'd say maybe she just felt ill that day. There are times during my period that my stomach and body hurts so bad I don't want to be touched. But in your case... I'm betting she just didn't want to be used for your sexual pleasure and then have you (on a whim) decide she wasn't worthwhile enough to even talk to the next day... You treat her like crap John. Get some help. You don't deserve her love. I think Walk is spot on...though, I wonder...if she's been seeing John for 3.5 years, she must have some kind of intimacy, insecurity, or self-esteem issues herself. How else would she be so patient for that long when he's constantly going into NC with her and refusing sex when she has wanted it from the start?
a4a Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I think Walk is spot on...though, I wonder...if she's been seeing John for 3.5 years, she must have some kind of intimacy, insecurity, or self-esteem issues herself. How else would she be so patient for that long when he's constantly going into NC with her and refusing sex when she has wanted it from the start? well match made in heaven then huh?
norajane Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 well match made in heaven then huh? Exactly!!!
Lostgurl Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I thought you were "opposed" to sex? Just in case that was a serious question.... no woman will be horny 24/7. And when she's on her period, she might not want to have sex for various reasons. Like, feeling gross because it is messy and she feels bloated, because she is cramping/ feeling crappy, or just because she's trained herself not to be/feel "sexual" when she's menstruating. Are you real? LOL! Are you real? I love that! actually i think he's from another planet. Where i come from girls having sex while their granny is visiting is unheard of! Yuckie Yuck! Yuck! John1776, Do you really have sex when granny is visiting?
Author john1776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 IMO, the girl probably didn't want sex because you wouldn't talk to her for 6 days, then out of "boredom" you decide you'll see her. She's got to realize this on some level, and although being on her period probably made her feel less inclined toward sex... I leaning toward the fact that she didn't want to have sex with you because of your NC. If I were in her shoes, I would've used it as an excuse. There's no way I desire having sex with someone who stops talking to me, and then when he does, he wants me to give him a hand job??? Whatever. No way. Now.. if you two had a real relationship, and you weren't constantly playing games with her... then I'd say maybe she just felt ill that day. There are times during my period that my stomach and body hurts so bad I don't want to be touched. But in your case... I'm betting she just didn't want to be used for your sexual pleasure and then have you (on a whim) decide she wasn't worthwhile enough to even talk to the next day... You treat her like crap John. Get some help. You don't deserve her love. I didn't go 6 days without talking to her. I went 6 days without initiating contact. To me no contact strategy means none initiated from my side but that it's up to me to respond or not when the other person is calling. She asked for space to cool off and she got it. It was that simple. I know I would have pissed her off more if I called her and tried to get her to talk to me. I don't see anybody commending me on the fact that I did leave her alone when she requested space. Does my relationship have to conform to your standards or the majority standards for it to be considered "healthy?" I don't think so. To me the majority of people are all fools on the same side! So don't talk to me like I'm some danger or threat to society. I'm not. I'm just a stranger who minds his own business in his daily life. I don't go around looking for trouble.
Author john1776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 I wish the moderators would delete this thread since it has gotten off topic. I find it very disrespectful for someone to hijack my thread and go off topic.
Author john1776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 I think Walk is spot on...though, I wonder...if she's been seeing John for 3.5 years, she must have some kind of intimacy, insecurity, or self-esteem issues herself. How else would she be so patient for that long when he's constantly going into NC with her and refusing sex when she has wanted it from the start? I was honest with her from that first night that I did not want to go all the way. So I don't see how this is my fault. I never expected her to kiss me on the first date but she did. We never got a chance to discuss how fast to take things.
Author john1776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 If you never want to have kids then get your tubes cut. I think the kids issue is just a façade for you. When it really comes down to it is it possible that you are just too insecure for intimacy or let alone sex? I see that time of the month as a challenge. If you can get a girl hot enough to want you when she is menstruating then you can boost your ego a bit. I even make a little game out of it for myself. You can write the days in a calendar for most gals. Variations of this have worked for me many times. She comes home from a days of work and I have a hot bath all prepared with the whole 9 yards going in the bath room, candles, bath oils, music… Then I have a nice meal going in the kitichen for her and whenever she is done in the tub we can start with a glass of wine and then the meal… And so on I think you get the picture. This kind of stuff also works at all other times of the month as well… My point is maybe you should put a little more energy into making sure you are meeting her emotional and physical needs and less time dwelling on your own insecurities or sampling home cleaning products… Well see that's where you got it all wrong but like alot of posters on this thread I don't expect you to ever admit that you could be wrong about your observations. So believe whatever you want. I cannot afford to get my tubes cut. I don't have medical insurance. Besides what is wrong with abstinence? Maybe that doesn't work for you but don't try to force your beliefs on me. Abstinence is an option and it's not a wrong road to travel either. I was taught abstinence in family life education back in high school. Nowadays I guess that's not taught anymore. The risks of getting her pregnant far outweigh the temporal benefits of having sex. I'm thinking about the long term reprecussions of my choices. That's a sign of immaturity. If I was totally immature I would have only concerned myself with instant gratification and not the future. The risk of paying for my pleasure for at least the next 20 years of my life is not worth it. Besides that I can't even orgsam during intercourse. That's all the more reason to not go that route. If she is cheating then that's her own selfishness getting in the way. That proves she does not love me. There is no excuse for cheating. I don't care what the circumstances in the relationship are. Cheating is a choice that only the cheater must take responsiblity for. There are other alternatives like breaking off the current relationship before messing with somebody else. So to me cheating is a sign of cowardiess! It means you don't have the guts to end a relationship and endure a period of alone time before finding someone else. Anyone who condones cheating in any fashion are the ones with issues and are just as guilty as the ones who cheat.
a4a Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 yeah but John your gf probably does want to have intercourse...... that is the point. Have you asked her if she wants to lately? Could be why she is backing off...... cool off time ...... ya know?
Author john1776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 yeah but John your gf probably does want to have intercourse...... that is the point. Have you asked her if she wants to lately? Could be why she is backing off...... cool off time ...... ya know? She's been with me long enough to know where I stand. She knows whether she can accept it or leave. Neither route is right or wrong. What is wrong is trying to change your partner into doing what you want them to do. It's also wrong to cheat on the side to get what you want. I'm not the one who is trying to change her. I'm not going to ask her while she's on her period because I know what the answer is. I have not led her on. I'm not the one who said I wanted sex on the first date. I never gave her any expectations about when we would have intercourse. I guess she assumed I would be ready someday. Just before I left last night we did kiss and she bit me on my neck. So she's still in the mood for nonsexual affection. She always walks me to my car when I leave. It's very unlikely that she is getting any action on the side because she doesn't have a car or a renewed driver's license. The only way she can leave the house is if her father takes her places. He takes her to work. She's always home late at night. So the chances of her cheating are very slim because she doesn't have the means or the time to go anywhere and do it. Her parents wouldn't allow other her to have guys spend the night either. If I recall correctly she says she masturbates too when I'm not around. That is a turn on for me. I'd like to watch her one of these days.
a4a Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 she is 28 and lives at home? that would be tough on the sex life.
Author john1776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 she is 28 and lives at home? that would be tough on the sex life. Not necessarily because she spends the night at my place sometimes. I live on my own. Plus she gave me cupon books for discount motel rates. We go to a motel every once in awhile. They also come in handy when I have relatives or friends that stay over at my place for awhile. I need my privacy.
HokeyReligions Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Stop trying to apply one rule to everyone! Try communicating with the person you want to know about and stop asking other people. I don't ask someone else what my husband means - I ask my husbnd. If you are this insecure about yourself maybe you should back off all realtionships for a while until you are mature enough to handle them and realize that people are individuals and what works for one doesn't for another.
Author john1776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 Stop trying to apply one rule to everyone! Try communicating with the person you want to know about and stop asking other people. I don't ask someone else what my husband means - I ask my husbnd. If you are this insecure about yourself maybe you should back off all realtionships for a while until you are mature enough to handle them and realize that people are individuals and what works for one doesn't for another. If you don't ask other people then why are you on these boards? I thought this was a board to get advice on relationship questions or problems. If you have all the answers and don't feel you need to ask anybody any questions about your husband then why are you here? This board would not exist if we all just went to our significant others and got the answers from them.
a4a Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 If you don't ask other people then why are you on these boards? I thought this was a board to get advice on relationship questions or problems. If you have all the answers and don't feel you need to ask anybody any questions about your husband then why are you here? This board would not exist if we all just went to our significant others and got the answers from them. true but many times SOs just lie.
Author john1776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 true but many times SOs just lie. That's my point exactly. I come here for the very reason to find out if my SO is lying to me or not. If I knew all the answers then I wouldn't need to be here.
a4a Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 That's my point exactly. I come here for the very reason to find out if my SO is lying to me or not. If I knew all the answers then I wouldn't need to be here. orgasms can relieve some menstrual symptoms....... so maybe she is lying?
norajane Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Not necessarily because she spends the night at my place sometimes. I live on my own. Plus she gave me cupon books for discount motel rates. We go to a motel every once in awhile. They also come in handy when I have relatives or friends that stay over at my place for awhile. I need my privacy. Not that you need more to feel insecure about, but couldn't she just as easily spend the night at someone else's place, or at a motel with another guy? I'm not saying she's cheating, but it's not impossible just because she lives at home and doesn't have a car.
norajane Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Besides that I can't even orgsam during intercourse Is this the primary reason you don't want to have intercourse? How do you know you can't orgasm if you haven't tried it in at least 3.5 years? Maybe you can now.
a4a Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 ummm I don't think I could go without intercourse as a woman for 3.5 years....... nope..... how bout getting the gf a dildo?
HokeyReligions Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 If you don't ask other people then why are you on these boards? I thought this was a board to get advice on relationship questions or problems. If you have all the answers and don't feel you need to ask anybody any questions about your husband then why are you here? This board would not exist if we all just went to our significant others and got the answers from them. Your girlfriends favorite color is canary yellow. Her favorite foods are liver and onions, only she won't eat them around anyone else, she is always in the mood for somebody, except on the anniversary of her first pet's death; if she doesn't clean her fingernails when around you she is signaling to you that she doesn't respect you; .... You are not asking for a relationship question - you are asking someone to tell you what your girlfriend 'means' when she says shes not in the mood when she's on her period. You have received different answers already - pick one and apply it to your gf. You have a 50/50 chance of being right. No, I don't need to ask anyone about my husband - no one else would know. They might make some guesses, but I certainly wouldn't act on them or base decisions on a 3rd party response. Even if they knew my husband.
The slayer Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 That's my point exactly. I come here for the very reason to find out if my SO is lying to me or not. If I knew all the answers then I wouldn't need to be here. You will never find out if your girlfriend is lying to you or not here. You can get the opinion of a bunch of other people, but that wont tell you anything that will inform you whether or not your girlfriend is being truthful. For example some women do feel like sex whilst having their period and some don't, how can that really help? Do you even for sure know she is having her period? No women feel like having sex 24 hours a day 365 days a year. If woman doesn't feel like having sex with you at a paticular moment for whatever reason, it probably just means she doesn't feel like having sex, not that she has completely gone off you. The more useful question for you to be asking here would probably be something along the lines of how can I still express my affection for my girlfriend if she doesn't feel like having sex?
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