leopardprint Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I keep thinking I'm doing better, that I'm coping, but I end up waiting for him to come online every night - just for an IM, usually about nothing. I KNOW I need to stop talking to him, but when someone who meant the WORLD to you breaks up with you, and then says they don't want you out of their lives because you're their best friend and they don't want to stop talking to you... Ugggggggh!! It just eats me alive! I know, KNOOOW, I should do NC, but my body won't let me - or maybe it's my mind - or maybe it's my heart - or maybe it's all of them together, which is why I can't do it. I always break NC, and he always alows me too and acts like I never initiated it. It's nights like these where I sit here, just reading through random LS.org posts, just to pass the time (or maybe I'm waiting for his IM or call or something). I've moved to a different state, so I have no one to talk to, no one to vent to, and no one to call. I get restless, I get chest pains, and I just can't sleep. I need to stop doing this to myself, but I just... ugh... I can't. I mean... hey guys and gals. What's up? Anyone on tonight feeling lonely? Please... someone be out there tonight.
magda Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I know, KNOOOW, I should do NC, but my body won't let me - or maybe it's my mind - or maybe it's my heart - or maybe it's all of them together, which is why I can't do it. Maybe you're just in the habit of him. (Actually there's no maybe about it.) I know there are too many emotions involved to separate them out, but if you think about him as a habit you need to break, it might help. It's easier than thinking of him as the love of your love (which if you're at this stage, he's not!) And it's hard like quitting smoking is... you need new associations to replace him for all the old times you'd reach for him. Pang of loneliness? Instead of calling him you need to find an alternative course of action. I'm just saying... it's possible. Hard work, but it's possible. It takes 21 days to form a habit and as long to break one!
Author leopardprint Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 Maybe you're just in the habit of him. (Actually there's no maybe about it.)... Yes, you're right. He was my siginificant other AND best friend. It WAS a long distance relationship, so we were on the phone ALL day, EVERY day, ANY and EVERY chance we got. He's on the top of my buddy list, he's on the top of my phone list, he's PLASTERED all over my myspace and website. I haven't had one day in the past two years where I HAVEN'T talked to him. I keep wanted to delete him and block him on my buddy list... but... I just... ARGH. Can't! My fingers won't let me! And he hasn't changed his "In A Relationship" status on anything online (even though he's changed other things like backgrounds, music, etc), and has even told me he hasn't told anyone we've broken up. It's things like that that keep me hooked on him - hooked on "hope". I've never been addicted to anything; I've never smoked, I don't really ever drink, I don't gamble, etc., so I've never had to deal with getting over a habit. I have no idea how to do this. I know where I should start (NC, delete him from my phone, buddy list, delete his emails, store away pictures, etc., etc.) but my body just... will NOT do it. Argh, I need someone to hack my cellphone and computer and do it for me.
magda Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Two years is pretty rough. You could start a new IM name and don't add him to it or tell him the name. A new name for your new phase in life. You can also ban yourself from myspace by changing the password to something you'll never remember, some gibberish letters. You can still get back the password sometime at a later date but you'd have to take that extra step to do it which will prevent reflex checking. They say a habit takes 21 days to form and it'll take at least as long to break one. Try googling "breaking habits" and there's some good advice there. You might want to say goodbye to the internet for awhile, period. Like, drop your comp off at a friends house if need be and stay off at work, too. Cut text messages from your phone serivce for awhile, stuff like that. I mean, drastic times call for drastic measures. Once you decide to do it, you can do it!
Author leopardprint Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 You might want to say goodbye to the internet for awhile, period. Like, drop your comp off at a friends house if need be and stay off at work, too.... Ok... remember that line I said about me not ever having been addicted to anything? Yeah, you just made me think... I'm addicted to the internet more than anything. How I make my living IS on the computer (graphic designer/web designer), so I'm on the computer, BASICALLY, 24/7. Like right now. At four in the morning. I'm also a forum junky (some other ones, and now LS.org) and an online gamer junky. I think if someone took the computer away from me... I might die. No, I'm serious. My heart would just stop, and I would keel over and DIE. :lmao: Hehe, ok maybe not THAT serious, but you're exactly right. I need to do something to get away from the internet, because that's the only real means of me continuing contact or knowledge about him, at this moment. I mean, drastic times call for drastic measures. Once you decide to do it, you can do it! Thanks magda.
magda Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 LOL, I know many people like you. I've been thinking of turning off my computer for awhile, too. Step 1: go to bed! No but really, there's a whole world out there and the internet allows me to be a hermit if I want to, whic his not good for me. Now really... bed...
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Maybe you're just in the habit of him. (Actually there's no maybe about it.) I know there are too many emotions involved to separate them out, but if you think about him as a habit you need to break, it might help. It's easier than thinking of him as the love of your love (which if you're at this stage, he's not!) And it's hard like quitting smoking is... you need new associations to replace him for all the old times you'd reach for him. Pang of loneliness? Instead of calling him you need to find an alternative course of action. I'm just saying... it's possible. Hard work, but it's possible. It takes 21 days to form a habit and as long to break one! Exactly! My ex and I used to talk until the early hours of the morning everyday on IM and phone. When he broke up with me, it left a huge void. I looked at him as a HABIT I had to break, just like you said, like cigarettes. Once I started looking at the situation like that, I was more able to move on. I tell you, I quit that habit in a week, was so hard. It also helped that I had my best friend with me for 4 days (she moved in: Operation Damage Control... LOL) to help me through it and to stop me from obsessing and therefore calling and IMing him. It worked. I tell you, at times, I was going nuts, like withdrawals of a crack junkie . I would look at the phone and it would be calling out to me and my brain would be chanting his number . But, it felt good everytime I'd go to bed not having called, IMed, Texted, etc him. I think in order to cope in the first weeks, you need to tell yourself that you are quitting a (bad) habit, its gonna suck, but so does quitting any other habit. I found that after going cold turkey for a week, after that, calling him wasn't in my head anymore. In fact, I don't want to speak to him right now. I am in the process of getting back to me, and it feels good.
Brittanyjean06 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I remember waiting around for a call a text a sign on from aim, a phone call...but after a while it came more clear to me that I will never speak to him again and haven't after a year. Your break up has been 6 weeks right? Its a good thing you guys aren't talking you won't be able to heal, anyways thats still pretty new so I think everything you are feeling is completely normal. Just try to break that habit! and stop going to his myspace...You won't though and I understand that
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Yes, you're right. He was my siginificant other AND best friend. It WAS a long distance relationship, so we were on the phone ALL day, EVERY day, ANY and EVERY chance we got. He's on the top of my buddy list, he's on the top of my phone list, he's PLASTERED all over my myspace and website. I haven't had one day in the past two years where I HAVEN'T talked to him. I keep wanted to delete him and block him on my buddy list... but... I just... ARGH. Can't! My fingers won't let me! And he hasn't changed his "In A Relationship" status on anything online (even though he's changed other things like backgrounds, music, etc), and has even told me he hasn't told anyone we've broken up. It's things like that that keep me hooked on him - hooked on "hope". I've never been addicted to anything; I've never smoked, I don't really ever drink, I don't gamble, etc., so I've never had to deal with getting over a habit. I have no idea how to do this. I know where I should start (NC, delete him from my phone, buddy list, delete his emails, store away pictures, etc., etc.) but my body just... will NOT do it. Argh, I need someone to hack my cellphone and computer and do it for me. OMG!!! Your relationship sounds like mine. We were also long distance. I work from home and so does he, so we were always IMing and popping in to say Hi which would turn into an hour, constantly phoning each other, etc.... I have also thought of deleting him from my IM list and phone, but just can't. I have deleted him from my mobile, but Duh!!! his number is imprinted in my brain.... . I have stored away pics and the stuff he made for me during our relationship. We were also best friends too, and we both would like to get back to friends. But i did make it clear to him that I need to come to terms with our breakup first before we can get back to being friends. Reminds me of the Deborah Cox song: 'We can't be friends, coz I'm still inlove with you'. So far he has respected my wishes, he has called me twice since our breakup, first time I answered and reminded him of our deal, second time, I didn't answer. he left a message: 'It's so sad that we can't even talk anymore, I miss you'. Damn right we can't talk right now, and yeah, you miss me, I am afterall missable . i didn't say that to him though, I never answered. When we broke up, I blamed myself because I had done something (not cheating). But now I don't, truth is, we are compatible in everyway but one, I am quite hot headed and he is very laid back. So it just wouldn't have worked.
Author leopardprint Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 Your break up has been 6 weeks right? Its a good thing you guys aren't talking you won't be able to heal... Umm... yeah, about that... Actually, we are still talking. Ugh - I KNOW, I'm a moron, I know. I don't know if I've said it in this thread or another, but he's constantly still calling me his bestfriend, and telling me he doesn't want to lose that or stop talking to me, so it always makes me break my initiated NC or continue to let him IM me. Tonight is the first night he hasn't signed on IM. I would take that as a sign, but over the weekend, he stopped talking to me, and I took THAT as a sign, but then he IMed me on Tuesday saying he was incredibly sick over the weekend and in bed, and didn't want me to get the impression that he was not talking to me ever again. /twitch Oi, what does this boy want from me! I want to get over him and this habit but I keep getting sucked in... by him AND by myself.
Author leopardprint Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 ...said a lot of stuff... OMG, ImmaBeAlright, you're relationship sounds EXACTLY like mine at this point!! But you sound much stronger than I could ever be. I told him the same thing, that I could not be best friends with him because I still loved him, and he said the same things about missing me. But those thoughts of him missing me and wanted to talk to me, always bring me back to contacting him, giving me false hopes of a second chance. I don't think I could EVER not answer the phone if he called.
Author leopardprint Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 I tell you, at times, I was going nuts, like withdrawals of a crack junkie . I would look at the phone and it would be calling out to me and my brain would be chanting his number . But, it felt good everytime I'd go to bed not having called, IMed, Texted, etc him. I do the same thing. I look at my cell phone, pick it up, open it, stare at the "send" button (because he's the top of my call list, I only have to click it twice to call him). I just STARE at it - for loooong periods of time. My mind is screaming, "PRESS IT!!!!! PRESS THE BUTTOOOOOON NOOOOOOOW!!!! CAAAAALL HIM AND TELL HIM YOU LOOOOOOOVE HIIIIIIIIIM!!! HE NEEEEEEEEDS TO KNOOOOOOW!!" And then I usually end up shuting it and throwing it across the room. I usually don't feel as good as you when I don't call or txt him. I'm usually feeling upset and nervous, thinking, What if I just missed a chance to tell him how I feel and convince him to come back to me? What if I missed my chance... But this doesn't help when he's IMing me later that night to talk about cars either. :mad:
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I do the same thing. I look at my cell phone, pick it up, open it, stare at the "send" button (because he's the top of my call list, I only have to click it twice to call him). I just STARE at it - for loooong periods of time. My mind is screaming, "PRESS IT!!!!! PRESS THE BUTTOOOOOON NOOOOOOOW!!!! CAAAAALL HIM AND TELL HIM YOU LOOOOOOOVE HIIIIIIIIIM!!! HE NEEEEEEEEDS TO KNOOOOOOW!!" And then I usually end up shuting it and throwing it across the room. I usually don't feel as good as you when I don't call or txt him. I'm usually feeling upset and nervous, thinking, What if I just missed a chance to tell him how I feel and convince him to come back to me? What if I missed my chance... But this doesn't help when he's IMing me later that night to talk about cars either. :mad: I know exactly how you feel about staring at the phone and tossing it across the room, actually my mobile did break from that (damn break up costing me a fortune ). But it is also saving me money, my phone bill was no joke I tell you . Doesn't the phone seem to assume superpowers in a breakup. My mobile used to be a little small black one and the damn thing would stare at me going 'Use me, you know you wanna '. And my home phone is mounted on the wall by the light switch I have to switch off last as I go to bed... LOL. I would linger over the light switch and tell myself, you can call, you don't have to say anything, just to hear his voice.... LOL @ My reminiscing down psycho lane I don't think I'm particulary strong, its just that I know that I am not ready for small chit chat with a person I had intimate relations and love talks with just a month ago. So for me, I realize that I can call him and we can talk but it will leave me feeling empty when he doesn't say the things he used to say to me, so I'd rather leave it, for my own sake.
Author leopardprint Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 I think you and I relate to the phone thing a bit more than the average dumpee because we were in long distance relationships, and the phone was the most important part about that relationship at one point. I don't know about you, but 80-90% of my time with my ex was spent on the phone. I don't think I'm particulary strong, its just that I know that I am not ready for small chit chat with a person I had intimate relations and love talks with just a month ago. So for me, I realize that I can call him and we can talk but it will leave me feeling empty when he doesn't say the things he used to say to me, so I'd rather leave it, for my own sake. You're absolutely right! You know how I know you're right, because I felt empty everytime I deal with his little chit chat. I feel empty for the EXACT reason you mentioned, because "he doesn't say the things he used to say to me". He talks about cars... CARS CARS CARS CARS and CARS! It feels so meanlingless and there's only so much I can take of that. Don't get me wrong, I'm into cars too, but I'm not the one who's making a career out of it like he is. He works with cars for his full time job, and he goes to school majoring in them full time as well. Then at night, he races around in them. His whole life is nothing but cars now. Oi - when he goes for the night, it leaves me feeling like... NOt like his best friend OR his ex... I feel like the past two years never happened, and I'm just some aquaintance he calls when he has no one to talk to. I feel like he's a completely different guy.
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