Charisma Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Hey gang, I've recently started dating a great guy I met a couple of years ago and things are not too bad between us. Here's my dilemma: He's up for a promotion at work that would require him to move 1000s of miles away. Even though I would love to see him get it, as it's something he's dreamed about for quite sometime, I just can't imagine losing him. A big part of me wants the promotion to go to the other contenders, so that I don't lose what we have. I know it's possible to have a long-distance relationship and if our friendship is strong there will always be something there, but I feel horrible that I want him to lose. How can I deal with this situation? Am I being selfish?
superconductor Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Why are you putting yourself through all this angst? Move with him!
Author Charisma Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 I don't think he'd ask me to since I have to leave my job and family. Also, we've just recently started dating after a couple of years of being acquaintances, so it's too new of a relationship to ask someone to do that. I guess I fear that it'll end before it ever began. It's just not right for me to be selfish and get him to give up his dreams. Should I tell him how I feel or just be happy for him when the time comes?
superconductor Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 It's just not right for me to be selfish and get him to give up his dreams.Yes, you're right. That would be selfish, and would serve no good purpose. Should I tell him how I feel or just be happy for him when the time comes? Why don't you do both? Tell him - or, better yet, show him - how you feel and see how things progress.
RecordProducer Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Noooo, don't tell him how you feel. And don't feel bad about being selfish. Of course you want to be with him, how can you be happy for his promotion when it would mean that you would lose him. The thing is: there is nothing you can do. You have no options to analyze or discuss with him yet. You can only shut up and wait. Wait to see what will happen, wait to see if he will invite you to go with him, wait to see if he suggests that you continue a long-distance relationship, wait to see how it develops, and what happens next. You can only say NO to his suggestions. You can't suggest things without knowing his exact feelings. Because if you show that you're possessive, you will definitely push him away from you. Let HIM suggest options and chase after you. You be... rather indifferent and happy for his success! And if he moves and wants to stay in a LDR or just friends, you be happy. And suggest that you date other people and see how things go. Got it? The more he distances from you the more YOU run away from him. That's the only thing that brings men after us - rejection, challenge, the cat-and-mouse games, indifference, independence...
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