Poconobob Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Hi all, I basically a couple years ago posted about the demise of my life as I knew it, divorce, and as they say the next chapter. That chapter opened with my being divorced, she moved to Cincinnati, I moved to St Pete Florida, house sold, all posessions sold, went basically from upper middle class to having nothing. We had it all, new cars, a 400K home, nice healthy family, just she drifted into the "i'm just not happy" syndrome. She wanted to separate, I said at the advice of parents NO divorce. Ultimately our problems with now credit, everything my fault. Out of spite, I let bills go, ultimately lost everything. I even moved a chick int he house while she lived there in a room on the other side. I feel like a dumb a$$ I know I was... I was spiteful and depresssed since I saw her leaving what I categorized as a disabled person in need. That over time is what I've identified as my problem... I became a big baby. I lost her to her infedelity, ultimate denial... and subsequently she was over it. I'll never know if she did for sure or didn't Nobody can beat on me more than I did myself, I became an addict, I did drugs, I used heavily for 6 months. I finally woke up, moved away, and quit. I worked since September 05 when the divorce was final to be a better person... She and I have seen each other when I drove up in March to visit with our son who is 19 by the way. He was best friends with me and stuck by me... We stayed at her apartment, things went well... Nothing out of the ordinary except she said her brother told her she should marry me again and be happy. She said the other day that her other brother said she should marry bob and get back the stuff she lost in divorce...laughing at the notion. She calls me, I call her ... as a matter of fact, she just called, I'll call her back. She and I talk about everything... her job, problems, etc.. When she needs something, she calls me. She swears she has only dated 3X total since divorce, stating she doesn't need a man. bla bla bla Now, she has decided to fly down to visit, stay here with me, even use my xterra. She even wants to go to Disney with me. That may not sound out of the ordinary to you but for her to go to disney with me, huh... because I was an absolute dick head about theme parks, I hated them. She said it is a test of how I changed. I have been told numerous times that I seem like I pulled my head out of my tush. SO WHAT DO I DO? Please bob
seven Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Poconobob -- it sounds like you still have feelings for your ex and would like to have a relationship again but are unclear if her feelings are the same.?? If that's the case, I think it's a good sign that she wants to visit and stay with you. Maybe take it one step at a time, try not to build your expectations too much (hard to do I know) and then just see how it flows when you're spending time together again. At the very least, I'm sure it will be nice for your son to see you both enjoying yourselves together. Have fun at Disneyworld. And if you really want to impress her, you might wear a Mickey Mouse shirt when you pick her up from the airport!! ... or get matching ones.
HokeyReligions Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 She wants to see if you have changed, what about her? go slow, don't get too close too fast. If you think that there may be a possibility of building a NEW life together - not picking up the old - suggest some counseling for the two of you - this will help you both see around the emotions and figure out if this is really right for both of you, or if it is because you are both getting older and are lonley and yearn for something comfortable and familiar.
Author Poconobob Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 Poconobob -- it sounds like you still have feelings for your ex and would like to have a relationship again but are unclear if her feelings are the same.?? If that's the case, I think it's a good sign that she wants to visit and stay with you. Maybe take it one step at a time, try not to build your expectations too much (hard to do I know) and then just see how it flows when you're spending time together again. At the very least, I'm sure it will be nice for your son to see you both enjoying yourselves together. Have fun at Disneyworld. And if you really want to impress her, you might wear a Mickey Mouse shirt when you pick her up from the airport!! ... or get matching ones. I don't honestly know what to make of it all.... She told our son it was my idea to divorce, not hers. That was a half hearted truism since it is true, I didn't believe in separation at the time; changed that mentality since. She has said we get along better than we did when we were married multiple times, which I know is true---but it is for the reason I changed. I feel stupid because I could have changed before because internally it is against my nature to be grouchy. You see, I had a bad brain injury, it caused me to have to learn certain things over, it changed my personality, etc... disabled me too. But, given that, I fed into the disability as a crutch to be on meds, be on psyc meds, etc. My parents are of the opinion she abandoned me at my most needed time. We are not on the matching t shirts but the idea of a mickey shirt, I just might do that. She said the other night that I must wear a red tshirt to disney and she has a rainbow flag???? I have no idea...wait, OHHHHHH I just realized as I typed this. Duh... gay. Well, she has called this morning already. bob
Author Poconobob Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 She wants to see if you have changed, what about her? go slow, don't get too close too fast. If you think that there may be a possibility of building a NEW life together - not picking up the old - suggest some counseling for the two of you - this will help you both see around the emotions and figure out if this is really right for both of you, or if it is because you are both getting older and are lonley and yearn for something comfortable and familiar. Noooo doubt... I guess, it is me that has that mentality, I have to assume that she wants to see if I've changed. She clearly has changed, some for the better, i.e., she has lost 40 lbs...exercises daily, eats healthy, and reads lots, but basically according to her, has had few dates that people don't ask her out. She gets VERY VERY VERY angry with our son if he infers she is going on a date or has a date or anything in between. For example, she was going to watch a guy movie, a movie Thin Red Line... and our son said to her: Are you going to watch that alone? BOOOOOM she went off on him. He is a bit sarcastic too about the subject. She left him when he was just graduating high school, and the problem with that was the beginning of the end of the relatonship all happened the end of the junior year going into senior so as he looks at it, his whole world was screwed. Looking back on what we had, I can see his angst towards both of us. He lived in a nice house, comfortable, happy for years and years to reduced to moving away from that to driving out of that driveway with a u-haul trailer with the remnants of life as he knew it. He looks at pictures of our old life and all.. Part of the "old" life involved my former success as a manager making in the upper 100's to disability payments and income in the 40's, ouch. I've tried to work full time in my former career and as a matter of fact it is a short term goal. I work part time since March at a major home improvement warehouse store and that works for me but I thurst for more. I have in the back of my mind if I made it big again that I'd "earn" her back, etc... she did rather enjoy the fruits, that is for sure. Now she makes in the 60's and is living well by herself with zero expenses except a little rent. Hoooooo hummmm there I go again getting down on myself. Has anyone ever used a life coach or purchased the Tony Robbins stuff? I used to attend seminars for my career, and had a life coach for our business which the owner force fed to us. bob
Recommended Posts