Diver012 Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Ive seen a lot of threads here that mention, "I though he/she was the one" Ive even said it myself, and at teh time of the relationship, I really did think that she was "The One" In other circles I hear this referred to as My Cinderella, or My Prince Charming, or Soul Mate ect... Ive been thinking a lot about this one. I don't think there is really any such thing in the beginning of a relationship. I think 2 people who have been together long enough, can claim that, but it takes decades of being together and working on the relationship for 2 people to reach that level. It used to scare me to think that a relationship had a direction. I know this sounds stupid, but I was asked once where I thought the relationship was going. I thought immediatetly, OH CRAP!! How do I answer this?? If I say Marriage, then shell be running down the street screaming her head off in fear. SO I fumbled some obviouse crap about how relationships grow and evolve, and by the time I finished side stepping her question she was sorry she asked. I guess one of the lessons I have learned is that relationships do have a direction. You are either headed for the alter, or you are headed for the door. Even after marriage there are levels of togetherness that married people must work towards. Sometimes, no matter how much you love and care for someone, you reach a certain level, and you just cant go any further. Sometimes with the help of counseling and marriage therapy, you can get back on track, and sometimes you cant.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I guess one of the lessons I have learned is that relationships do have a direction. You are either headed for the alter, or you are headed for the door. Even after marriage there are levels of togetherness that married people must work towards. Sometimes, no matter how much you love and care for someone, you reach a certain level, and you just cant go any further. Sometimes with the help of counseling and marriage therapy, you can get back on track, and sometimes you cant. I think the major problem is warped expectation. Personally, i look for friends, people to better me and to learn from, to have fun with and to enrich my life. I am not specifically On The Hunt For a Husband.... if it happens, cool..... otherwise i am not rushing down the alter. Maybe you should re-evaluate why you have this all or nothing attitude.
KittenMoon Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I guess one of the lessons I have learned is that relationships do have a direction. You are either headed for the alter, or you are headed for the door. It's not that black and white. My ex wanted to marry him for a long time, I didn't want to get married. I wanted to be treated like a valued respected partner, and occassionally be surprised and romanced- he couldn't seem to grasp this. Some people want the physical signs of commitment the most, some want the emotional. But in the end, it's the commitment that counts.
alphamale Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I guess one of the lessons I have learned is that relationships do have a direction. You are either headed for the alter, or you are headed for the door. Relationships are like business deals....over time they either get better or they get worse and there's usually no changing direction.
bendit Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 There is no "One". There is nine. Just ask Zsa Zsa Gabor.... "I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
Author Diver012 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 I think the major problem is warped expectation. Personally, i look for friends, people to better me and to learn from, to have fun with and to enrich my life. I am not specifically On The Hunt For a Husband.... if it happens, cool..... otherwise i am not rushing down the alter. Maybe you should re-evaluate why you have this all or nothing attitude. Im not speaking of friendships. Im specifically talking about romantic relationships between 2 people. I have also had relationships that turned into friendships as well. Im referring to 2 people, in love, and the different levels of relationships that people move towards, or away from. Believe it or not, your attitude is very similar to mine. Im not on a hunt for a wife myself. Im not even looking for a Girlfriend at the moment. If one comes along, great! If not, hey its cool. If im attracted to someone and their not interested, no loss. If they are, lets see where things take us. But that doesnt mean that there is no direction in the relationship, or as other people put it, diffrerent levels. As KittenMoon put it, she didnt want to get married, and he did. 2 people reached a level and 1 person was ready for the next step, the other was happy where they were at.
KittenMoon Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 As KittenMoon put it, she didnt want to get married, and he did. 2 people reached a level and 1 person was ready for the next step, the other was happy where they were at. Actually, you sort of missed my point entirely.
alphamale Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Actually, you sort of missed my point entirely. thats what I though too
KittenMoon Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 thats what I though too Marriage idealists vs. Emotional idealists. Where will it end?
Author Diver012 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 *Shrugs* Guess Ill just drop back and punt!
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