Problem with Husband,lies and uncertainness

[BlueClover]

I would appreacite feedback, this issue is killing me and I cant speak to my mother, or anyone because I am embarassed.

I am a 26 year old newlywed with my 30 year old husband. We have only dated for 9 months and we already got married last month(too soon, i tell ya). The thing is, he REALLY wants a baby. He is so established with his life and career. Also, All his freinds are parents so he gets inspired. My problem is, i reallly feel like I am NOT ready. It appears like we are getting by from check to check. I am unemployed and I really want a job, I am new to the area and I dont have a single freind.

I am so upset that he told his family and everyone at his job that I was newly pregnant! I am not! I remember the day before we got married last month when HE disposed my birth control in the sink. I never agreed to it. However, because i didnt say anything, he thought it was ok to tell everyone i was pregnant. I strongly feel I dont want a child right now(I do maybe in a year or two) Ive tried telling him a few times and he gets depressed. Or he plays into this childish role and starts to get upset. After a day of actually lisenting to me, he starts to want to have sex again. He always wants to have sex. I enjoy sex, but, i am getting to a point where i just hate it.

What hurts me the most was how fast he wanted to get married. He makes great salary, but, situations are touph right now. I dont even have a wedding ring . I didnt have a real reception or anything. We just went in to the courthouse and got married(Althogh, he promisses me a reception in the future). I didnt realize our wittnesses thought I was pregnet. Everyone thought I was getting married because I was pregenant. It hurts me. It also embarasses me to Lie to people that i am expecting. There was nothing more that i wanted to do on my wedding day than to walk out.

 

I feel so powerless. I feel so controlled. I feel like I dont have a voice. All because I dont have money. I would have bought BirthControl a long time ago, but, he wouldnt give me money for it. Dont get me wrong, he is not a villian or a angry person to me. I mean, really, he just wants a baby. I feel guilty because I know women do really want a kid and here i am refusing. He cooks all our meals, really he is loveing. But, our communication is terrible when talking about serious issues.

Today i went to my doctor and I am waiting for my blood tests to see if I am pregnant. If not, i am getting on Birthcontrol right away!. I just dont know how to tell him. I almost want to lie to him about it. I offered counseling for the both of us, and he thought I was nutts. He refuses.What do you guys think about this situation? I dont know what to do?! What needs to be done here because I am lost for words.

thanks for the ear

[a4a]

YIKES!!!

 

Sounds like he is pretty much using you for an incubator.

 

Have you communicated your desires to him?

 

Is he majorly religious or something?

 

Cultural differences?

 

Huge red flags here......

[BlueClover]

a4a: We are just two young former college students trying to make it. No cultutal differences or rituals. Sometimes I feel he wants to get me pregnant so I wont leave. He comes off as very insecure and always tells me not to leave him.

Yes, I Have communicated my desires to him.The problem is, he is not hearing me. I avoid confrontation and I avoid wanting to hurt peoples feelings. I am not a wuss or anything, i just avoid yelling and confrontation, however I am feeling very taken advantage of right now.

[amaysngrace]

 

I avoid confrontation and I avoid wanting to hurt peoples feelings.

 

 

You sound a lot like me...a people pleaser. I was married nine years to an abuser who loved to control me. At first it was a compliment to be 'taken care of' but really it did me a great disservice, as I'm finding out.

 

He is treating you as though what you say doesn't matter. And possibly he believes this.

 

You need to be careful that you are indeed correct in thinking he wants you pregnant to keep you. My exH trapped me. I know it usually is the woman doing it but he did it to me. And it took me a really long time to leave because there were children involved.

 

I know I would've done it much sooner if I didn't have to take them into account. I really hope for your sake the test comes out negative.

[BlueClover]

amaysngrace: your right, I am very much a people pleaser. I was that little girl that colored inside the lines of my coloring books. My Doc just called and the test was negative! Im so releived. I told my husband and he appears to be really upset(sad) .He said he was sorry and He feels stupid for pressureing me. However, he is still trying to convince me to have sex with him ugh, I hate this whole situation. At least tommarow i can go back on the pill! this is about taking control of my life.

[amaysngrace]

I am so happy for you!

 

You know what is right for you and what isn't. Listen to your little voice. It knows best most of the time.

 

Unfortunately, your husband sounds a lot like my exH.

 

Some men feel it is their mission in life to throw on us the garbage they feel inside. Just know, however wrong he gets, it's him not you.

 

I have a question...you said you couldn't speak to your mom about this. Did either of your parents or anyone close to you advise you not to marry him so soon?

[BlueClover]

amaysngrace: thanks

 

Acutally, my parents think he is great. They said I made an excellent choice. My problem is, i just dont talk about 'sex' or those kinda things with my mom. I didnt know how to tell her i needed money for birthcontrol. She sent me money (it was retuned, wrong address!!) I just feel its a bad refelction of myself if i dish out my dirt to her. I hate gossip and I avoid bad talk about myself. Also, her house is crowded and filled. If i wanted to go back home, I know there would be no room for me.

tootles.