stillhere Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Leaving aside the rather obvious question of what you think your MM has been getting out of the affair (the answer is rather obvious to those of us who have been down this well trodden path), do you really think that a relationship that has its roots in profound dishonesty can flourish into a meaningful and happy partnership? I suspect that, in your heart of hearts you know the answer. In truth only 4%, yes 4%, of adulterous relationships go on to become long term partnerships. Most of us would not bet on a horse with those odds. quote] Yes he gets sex from me, and damn good i must admit, but he also gets something else, something that has kept him here this long. He gets emotional support from me that he will NEVER get from anyone else. Is he feeding me bullsh*t? No way in hell. He has never, and will never lie to me. I know this and i'm 100% certain on that. And if he was to ever leave her, we would spend the rest of our lives together. I'm not betting on him leaving, but if he does, we would definetely be a success story, no doubt.
Guest Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Consternation/Still Here, well the next time you take a bet I want in!! If you can beat these odds then good luck to you. FWIW propaganda is the dissemination of falsehoods. You must face facts, sooner or later. The reality of the 'love' that exists within affairs has been subject to rigorous scrutiny within the psychological fraternity over many years. The emotions expressed within an affair are all too predictable as a result. Whether or not you choose to believe it, and I guess you don't, you are playing out a human drama as old as time. The ending is seldom in doubt, only the period of time until reality bites.
freakygal78 Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Ended up drinking last night for the first time in three days (longest i've gone in a year) but wouldn't let him get to me too much so only had one glass of wine. vg for me. Still smoking too much though. Going to have a good girls night out tonight and I'll hopefully meet some one who will sweep me off my feet and make me forget all about him. Oh, who am I kidding? I don't even want anyone else. No one compares to him. He's everything I've ever looked for in a bloke, although wasn't bargaining on a married one! Haha Posh, you sound so like me there it's scary. I remember the Friday nights full of hope thinking I will meet the guy to make me starry-eyed and forget MM - largely I was fooling myself because while the heartstrings are attached, there is no chance even if the sexiest man on earth strutted around in front of me oiled up! haha! You have to make light of these things or they'll kill you - it's our hope that keeps us prisoner to these attachments. And they're guilty of perpetuating it - not saying it NEVER works out but yes it's at a great cost if they weren't already unhappy in their marriage and then there's the potential fallout for us also.
Author consternation Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 Guest, you are rather creepy. I suggest you become more acquainted with this ''psychological fraternity'' you speak of. ps. is this how you talk to your husband?
Guest Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Well consternation, if you find my posts 'creepy', then at least you are paying attention - and that is a start. Yes, I am well acquainted with the psychology of your situation, I have lived through it, and, unlike you, I am a lot further down the road. Is your dilemma unique? Well certainly the details are, and it feels very special to you, after all it is your life, but nevertheless enough generations of people have got themselves into a similar situation over the years to be able to predict the outcome with reasonable accuracy.If you post on a forum such as this you must surely expect to hear all points of view, not just those that re-inforce your own opinions. Now I am NOT saying that MM could be the Man of your Dreams (MoD), nor am I saying that there is no way that you are ever going to trip off into the sunset together; it is faintly possible; similarly, statistically, enough cancers spontaneously go into remission to keep an army of 'Faith Healers' in the business of conning the public, but if you had cancer would you go and see one? I hope that, no matter how much you might wish that the 'Faith Healer' could cure you, you would put your trust in modern medicine. That is the difference between emotion and logic. Lets look into two futures. In the first MoD is in an unhappy marriage. After several years of effort he and his wife call it a day and get divorced. Then you meet him, are swept off your feet, and he is too. From the beginning you have been totally open and honest with each other, all elements of your characters are on display, and you find that the good outweighs the bad in each other. You become an item, maybe even get married. Several years later, when your relationship is going through a sticky patch, you have nothing but honesty and integrity in your partnership. You can trust him to be open and truthful, and he feels the same of you. You can work on your problems with the confidence that you are both being sincere. You don't need a degree in psychology to see that this is a very promising way to tackle the situation. Now look at a second scenario. MoD is still unhappily married, but has an affair with you that is the catalyst for marital breakup. The marriage disappears in a blizzard of resentment and bitterness, traumatising both parties. Nonetheless, you still end up with MoD and become an item. Several years later you are going through an insecure period, maybe you have put on some weight, or he is working with an attractive and flirtatious woman, whatever the reason, YOU are now in EXACTLY the same situation his first wife was in when he had an affair with you, except for one BIG difference. You KNOW this man is capable of infidelity. The fear that what he has done WITH you he will do TO you will undermine your relationship. You will realise that, despite it getting you what you thought you wanted, his lack of integrity is a fatal flaw. THAT, in a nutshell, is why HOW you get your man is almost as important as WHO that man really is. It also explains the appallingly low chances of an adulterous relationship becoming permanent. Now before you start flaming me, and slagging me off, just take a minute to ask yourself where you want to be in 5 years time. Ignore the next 6 months, or year, take a long term view. Then ask yourself whether you are on the road that leads to that destination. If there is even the slightest doubt in your mind then you need to do something about it.
Author consternation Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 Text from MM: ''I don't expect you to text back, very mentally draining but am ok, am sorting things out & be able to talk soon" Replied: "ok" No idea what it all means but good to hear something. Posh - I wish I was over there to find you a nice man. Maybe you wouldn't find someone to sweep you off your feet and help you forget MM... but what about just sweep you onto the dance floor and help you forget for a few hours? Or sweep you off to dinner and a movie? Is it worth even trying do you think?
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