Sticking with NC...sort of

[BenThereDunThat]

For those of you who don't already know my story, I work with my exMM. Have been NC for about a month now. Extremely difficult given the fact that we work on the same floor. While he makes great effort to never walk in front of my desk and use different entrances so we don't run into each other, I can still hear his voice and our particular group only has about 20 people in it, so there's always the odd email and meeting invite which brings his name into my inbox.

 

He sent me an email yesterday regarding 2 work social functions coming up. To say that he would be attending one but not the other - so I could plan accordingly. i.e., he would be attending the function with his wife.

 

Of course I got snippy to which he replied 'I was just trying to be considerate.' I said fine, I'm sorry for being overly sensitive, but I'm still sore. From there, I went on to calmly tell him how hard it has been on me to deal with him every work day, how my nerves are shot, I'm so much more relaxed when he's out of the office, etc. Having to deal with the one person who has caused you such immense pain is just plain awful.

 

I also said that I'm tired of having to re-think every invitation I get, missing out on meeting new friends, giving up things I want to do for the sake of harmony. Especially at this stage in my life, being newly divorced and wanting to get out 'there'.

 

I said I was thinking about leaving, because it is just too unhealthy. His reply was 'no, you were here first, I'll go, just give me some time to get things in place.' He's right, I've been there 6 years to his 1. I got the sad sack reply of 'it will mean leaving the city and the company altogether.' Just to drive home the point he'd sacrifice for me?

 

Since I'm in a support position and he's executive (with 2 graduate degrees), he could go anywhere, do anything. I just couldn't bring myself to call his bluff and say 'oh no, please stay, I'll get better, promise!'. So I said yeah, you're right, while I'm not comfortable with being responsible for anyone leaving their job, you should be the one to go since it would take me months, at the very least, to find anything even close to what I'm making now.

 

He did not respond to that last one. Not that there was necessarily anything in there for him to respond to.

 

I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. I guess just to get it out of my head, because the whole exchange has been bouncing around in there driving me nuts!

 

He also eluded to the fact that he understands why I can't be his friend, but there were things he felt that just didn't make sense. I said what? Ask me anything, I have been completely honest about my feelings on this all along. He said oh no, there's no point in having that conversation, it would just cause unnecessary pain for both of us.

 

Um, ok. Are you getting the passive aggressive picture here? Why even mention it then?

 

Sorry for the long post and thanks for 'listening'. Just had to get it out of my head so it doesn't get distorted. Otherwise I'll just bounce it around to the point where I come up with an excuse to contact him about it and I don't want to do that.

[moon17]

I've been in your situation, working with my MM. I've tried NC on several occasions and, painful as it is, I've held out. He's always been the one to contact me and persuaded me to continue seeing him. What I have found that has helped get me through those difficult NC times has been meeting and chatting with other single men via online personals sites or happy hours or whatever. Even if you have no intentions of starting or continuing anything with them, the simple act of flirting, getting to know someone else, talking about likes and dislikes with someone new kind of takes your mind off your MM for a while.

[BenThereDunThat]

Thanks Moon. You're right. I did join MySpace and have gotten a couple friend requests from guys in my area. Even though they're not anyone I would necessarily date, it's nice to have guys to chat with and otherwise occupy my mind!