Ang2002 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 The guy I am seeing says that he is not ready to have a girlfriend. He says he likes me very much and he is not seeing anyone else and does not want me to see other guys neither, but that he needs time before beeing my boyfriend. I don´t understand it quite well, if he does not want to be with othere girls why he is not ready to have a relationship with me. Is there a way to make him change his mind? I mean something i could do will make him want to be my boyfriend? Any tips on how should I behave to make this happen, as I am not very happy with how things are now, but he ask me to wait.
Author Ang2002 Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 And any suggestion to make him be?
FooD2000 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 ^ yep, put bluntly but that's what it is. I remember saying those exact words when i'm not that interested or i was still catching other fish and comparing but... lets disect. "he says he likes me very much," this is true but he would've used stronger words if he truly wanted something more. "doesn't not want you see other guys," This means the comfort that if he F's up with other girls, you'll be there as his safety net. "Not ready to have a relationship," this means exactly as it sounds, you haven't sparked whatever his mechanism in his head that says "keep this one." How to get him to be your boyfriend? Don't be availible, make him work for you. Give him more catch (I always push this but... dammit it's how it works). Whatever you do... don't bring up "relationship" anymore. Make yourself desireable and make yourself be somthing that isn't worth losing.
Cliche23 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 There is absolutely nothing that you can do, you cannot make him committ he has to want to do that in order for it to happen. I have been in a similar situation and I waited around hoping that the guy would change his mind, catching feelings and all, in the end he ended telling me he just wasn't ready. He was enjoying the life of being single and not having to answer to any woman. Although he was talking to other females he didn't want me talking to any other man, that's not fair. Regardless of what this guy tells you, it's his actions that count. So don't sitting around twiddling your fingers hoping he will change his mind, you will be waisting your precious time.
superconductor Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 How to get him to be your boyfriend? Don't be availible, make him work for you. Give him more catch (I always push this but... dammit it's how it works). I take exceptional issue with this. It's "game-playing" at it's most manipulative worst. There are only two possible outcomes: He'll grow irritated, even angry, that you think so little of him that you'll resort to infantile games, and he'll write you off so fast it will make your head spin; or,It will actually work, and you'll end up in a relationship with someone who's easily manipulated. Either way, you lose. You cannot make him do anything. As it stands right now, you exist only on the peripheral edge of his existence. He asked you to wait. Take him at his word. I don't suggest that you spend your days alone, pining for what "might have been." By all means, go out with other men. If/when the time comes that he feels he's ready for a relationship, you may or may not choose to follow it up. But don't play childish games. That's a lose/lose situation if there ever was one.
Author Ang2002 Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 What give him more catch means? Sorry but englsih is not my first language.
john1776 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 How long have you known him? Maybe he has read some of the dating guides on this board like mine and taken the advice to wait at least 2 months before dating exclusively as boyfriend and girlfriend? Does he say that he just wants to be friends for the time being? If I was in his position I would not want you to be my girlfriend until we have gone out on at least 6 dates as friends or 2 months (whichever comes last). In my future relationships I won't kiss a girl until the 7th date or 2 month mark. I think it's important to get to know a person real well as a friend before getting romantically invested. Friendship first then romance next. Romantic relationships should be built on the highest level of friendship. My girlfriend is not just my girlfriend but my friend too. I would miss her more as a friend than as a girlfriend when we break up.
john1776 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 How long have you known him? Maybe he has read some of the dating guides on this board like mine and taken the advice to wait at least 2 months before dating exclusively as boyfriend and girlfriend? Does he say that he just wants to be friends for the time being? If I was in his position I would not want you to be my girlfriend until we have gone out on at least 6 dates as friends or 2 months (whichever comes last). In my future relationships I won't kiss a girl until the 7th date or 2 month mark. I think it's important to get to know a person real well as a friend before getting romantically invested. Friendship first then romance next. Romantic relationships should be built on the highest level of friendship. My girlfriend is not just my girlfriend but my friend too. I would miss her more as a friend than as a girlfriend when we break up. I made a mistake letting my girlfriend kiss me on the 1st date when we didn't spend alot of quality time in person getting to know each other.
SoleMate Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 You can't make anyone commit. It is a logical impossibility. However, if he is not committed, you sure shouldn't be either, and therefore you're well within your rights to be seeing other men. If he is really into you, he'll come around. Why do you want to move so fast?
amaysngrace Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 What give him more catch means? Sorry but englsih is not my first language. I was wondering about this too, and English IS my first language!
magichands Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 What give him more catch means? Sorry but englsih is not my first language. Maybe "give him more to catch"... I have no idea. Anyway, I guess "he needs time" is not-so-secret code for waiting around to see if one gets a better offer. And isn't that just the thing to make you feel all warm and happy. Like - I'm not sure... let me sleep on it. Not. Feeling. Special.
lonelybird Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Don't be too available, show some challenge (pay attention the degree of the challenge, too much is not good though); and dates other men same time; make your time occupied. Hey! this is not game, this is human nature;)
Author Ang2002 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 We have been seeing each other since March, even do we stop seeing each other a few times on this months as I didn´t like some of his behaviers. We met on line. At the beguinning he wanted to be my boyfriend, and I wasn´t sure as it was too early and he kept insisting on it all the time. After 2 months or so I finally said yes to him. And then he started acting very wierd like breaking dates with stupid excuses and calling less, I tough something was wrong, so I created a new profile on the page i met him and contacted him as another girl. He wanted to meet me as the other girl and told me he didn´t have a girlfriend. I broke up with him and he told me he was just flirting and joking around with other girls but that he didn´t want to meet any of them. I told him I couldn´t be with him otherwise he stopped beeing on those web sites;he tooked a few days to decide, then told me he was not ready to have a girlfriend and that he wasn´t going to stop beeing on the pages. So i told him I was not interested on seeing him anymore on that conditions. We didn´t see each other for a month and a half, just see each other on line on the messenger, and he always said hi, but i wouldn´t talk to him much. Then one day he called me and asked me to give him on more change and that everything will be different, that he had been dating a few girls during that time and realice that he loved me, and that with any other it was the same than with me, that he started valuing what he had with me when he lost it, and that he would sign out of all the pages, delete all his messenger contacts with girls in front of me if I was going to give him one more change. So he signed out of the pages and gave me his passwords so I could delete the mess contact and we started seing each other again. Since then he always have time to meet up once a week, to busy doing things with his mates, whom he says goes first, and breaking dates at last moments with stupid excuses. When i told him I wouldn´t take this things anymore and we better stop seeing each other, he tols me he wouldn´t do that things anymore,he won´t ever get into that pages again and that he won´t see any other girl and doesn´t want me to date other guys, that he likes me very much, loves me and he does not want to stop seeing me. That he will want me to be his girlfriend one day, but that he needs time and is not ready to have a girlfriend at the moment. That´s the whole story, so what do you guys think?
insomnie Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 That´s the whole story, so what do you guys think? I think he's an @$$hole. Why do you want to be with someone so flaky and indecisive? He's either too immature to realize the grass ain't always greener, and that it's not ok to treat someone like this, or he simply has no respect for you and deosn't even like you enough to want to keep you. When someone loves you, he tries to make you happy. He doesn't need time to decide whether or not you are worth removing his profile off a dating website. He doesn't primise things will change only to tell you he's not ready for a relationship a week later. This guy's full of crap. He just wants you around for when everyone else rejects him.
magda Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 You cannot make a man commit, and if you do somehow succeed, you will pay the consequences. Never commit to a man who doesn't love you more than anyone else in the world, that is what I say. If you put up with his crap behavior he will continue to dish it out because he can! Cut him off! Respect yourself and you'll find someone who treats you with respect. The more you wait around for him the less he sees you as something special, do you see what I mean? I don't mean that you should play games, I just mean that you are making it too easy for him to be a jerk. He knows on some level that he is being a jerk to you and will resent you for putting up with it and think less of you. Be the woman he has to be on his best behavior around, someone who is worth impressing and for whom he will go out of his way.
john1776 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Why not just be friends with him? I am a guy and I have some idea of what a woman has to do to get me to want to commit. You women out there pretty much have the final say in how fast the relationship will progress. Women have the final say in whether to be just friends or lovers.
rina_r Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 You women out there pretty much have the final say in how fast the relationship will progress. Women have the final say in whether to be just friends or lovers. Oh really? So what about guys? Dont they have their dreams, wishes, likes or dislikes? He does not want her. Maybe she is not his type, maybe something else. One cant make somebody else's heart love.
Author Ang2002 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 Well, what I can not understand is why if he soes not want me, he won´t do something as easy as to stop seeing me for good. And why did he signed out of the web pages. To John: so what is is that a woman can do to make you commit?
blind_otter Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Well, what I can not understand is why if he soes not want me, he won´t do something as easy as to stop seeing me for good. And why did he signed out of the web pages. To John: so what is is that a woman can do to make you commit? Because you make it easy for him to keep seeing you even though he treats you like crap and won't make a committment. He's using you.
john1776 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Oh really? So what about guys? Dont they have their dreams, wishes, likes or dislikes? He does not want her. Maybe she is not his type, maybe something else. One cant make somebody else's heart love. How would you know unless you are a man? Women in my past have found their ways to inflame my desire and interest for them. I'm a pretty stubborn willed man myself so it may take alot of work to draw me to you but it works. Women are better able to sedcue and draw than men are. The only thing that would get me to commit to a woman is if she begs me. This only applies if I was not interested in her to begin with. If she persists then I know it's for a reason and I would consider committing.
Wild Card 45 Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 I mean really, at first one might not want to rush into a relationship but if he wants to be exclusive then by proxy you already are. If he has a problem with the title then most likely he has commitment issues or he is wanting to be able to guiltlessly play the field.
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