In Sync Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Wow....another post on the same thread, offering words of wisdom..thanks InSync. Thank you vertigo. I do believe that most of our woes stem from hurt feelings. no matter how big the reaction, if it's in the negative after a breakup it leads back to hurt feelings. We analyze and go in circles about every aspect of what happened but the root cause of not accepting the end of a relationship and taking a longer time to heal is the very real fact that the hurt is real and was never tended to. We cover it up. we pretend that we aren't still hurting even when we are despite the passage of time. I think that along with forgiveness to the other person we think hurt us, it is important that we admit especially to ourselves...I felt hurt by that situation. Not deny it. (and NO, do not try to make the other person apologize to you to alleviate the hurt) But recognize that "the hurt feeling" may and will pop up. Don't poo poo it away and tell yourself it's silly to still feel hurt. And then let it go.
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Well I've heard from time to time that some people honestly never get over their ex's or are still in love with them 10 20 years later?? Woulden't someone come in to their life for them to fall in love? I don't understand that it really scares me on ever getting over a first love... Any breakup that lasts that long needs serious professional help. I don't think such people can't get over their exes, its just FEAR. Fear of being hurt again, so they CHOOSE to hang on to the past and refuse to live again.
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I guess in my world, how could they be the best if they left you broken hearted? Sounds like they were just another pothole in the road of life. I love how you put that. Excellent!
Guest Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 After I ran into my ex and they ran away from me I talked to my spouse about it. My spouse could see that I was really upset and took me to the library to get out 'It's Called a Break-up Because It's broken'. My ex was pretty insensitive with me throughout the relationship. I know in my heart they couldn't hold a candle to my present spouse. Since I discuss everything with my spouse they came to the conclusion that the reason why I am so upset about this isn't so much about losing my ex but that I am upset with myself for allowing myself to be treated this way for five years. So with me maybe it is more about anger than anything (which just happened to resurface recently).
newbby Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 i have known people (mainly guys) who said they still loved their first love of 20+ years ago...i cant even remember my first love! and i am not that old. i think generally relationships can teach us something about ourselves, and if you are willing to learn those lessons, you are far more likely to get over the person, and realise that they were in your life for a reason, and the reason no longer exists....
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 I really do think the pain isn't really from losing than but the pain from how they treated and why you didn't do anythinga bout it, as said up there ^. I can't even explain how many times I re anaylyze my past and what happend how much I wish I could go back in time with what I know now and stick up for my self or get out. I guess I just really wish I could show my ex what I'm all about now, but their my ex so why does it matter? well it was a big part of my life, first love. Like many of us who were with them for a big chunk of our lives. I really only hear guys never getting over their ex's but I don't want to label anything because of sex. Who knows
julieg Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 i think if your first love was as special and magical as mine was it is incredibly hard to get over almost impossible. maybe therapy could help i dunno. looking back through 20 years of time i often think that maybe i made the mistake of my life breaking it off..... you on one hand have this perfect guy that fits you like a glove- after all you were each others first everything. on the other hand you have your ENTIRE life and future ahead of you and endless possibilities.. you may get a second chance years down the road after you/he develop a true appreciation for what you had... or you may not. thats a reality you will have to deal with. i do know that the end was not pretty. it was petty, tit for tat, vengeful etc. looking back all that is incredibly faded into the far away and mostly what i remember is all the love and compatability. i do know that those things have helped me in all my subseqent relationships.
Guest Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 In response to Newbby, yes I agree with you completely, that people are put into our lives for a reason. I think the reason for my ex was that they took me for granted and, generally, didn't treat me very well. In contrast my present spouse is wonderful to me and would do anything for me. Maybe I needed to have the first relationship in my past to really appreciate the final one. In response to BrittanyJean, I agree with you also. We shouldn't put up with being treating that way. And in retrospect, I also wish that I had stood up for myself. I guess that I was just afraid of losing them. It's funny because I can definately identify an unhealthy relationship when a friend or family member are in it and can offer advice but unfortunately I wasn't able to see that in my own relationship in the past. My friends and I often reflection on our exes and past relationships and marvel at how utterly stupid we were.
Guest Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 How sad. Alot of this thread is pointing fingers-maybe that is why some of you can't get over your ex. I doubt all of you are the perfect partner. Accept responsibiliy for your part or else you're doomed to repeat with your ex or your next relationship.
Mollyanna Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 i have known people (mainly guys) who said they still loved their first love of 20+ years ago...i cant even remember my first love! and i am not that old. I don't even know which guy was my first love. I would say I loved them then, but now I even wonder if what I was feeling was love at all. Maybe I have never even been in love yet
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