Brittanyjean06 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Well I've heard from time to time that some people honestly never get over their ex's or are still in love with them 10 20 years later?? Woulden't someone come in to their life for them to fall in love? I don't understand that it really scares me on ever getting over a first love...
KittenMoon Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 It's like a mirage- you see it from a distance and it looks amazing. But when you get there, it's not what you expected, if its anything at all.
Apathetic Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Well you ask wouldnt someone come into thier life for them to fall in love with..Yeah that seems possible but honestly it doesnt happen for everyone.Sometimes a person cant get over thier first love or only love & unfortunatly end up never loving anyone else ever again
KittenMoon Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Well you ask wouldnt someone come into thier life for them to fall in love with..Yeah that seems possible but honestly it doesnt happen for everyone.Sometimes a person cant get over thier first love or only love & unfortunatly end up never loving anyone else ever again Oh freakin heck! She's only 19 don't scare her!!!! Or me!!!!
Apathetic Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Oh freakin heck! She's only 19 don't scare her!!!! Or me!!!! LoL! Opps,sorry..
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 haha I'm 18 close though! Yeah it does scare me but my best friend got over hers in two years and she said if she can do it I can do it. And me and her are on the same emotional level.. I meen I don't know I guess I'll see in time, and need to see him for the dirt bag he was haha
the_alchemyst Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Oh, so you are saying that there's a possibility that one may never get over their first love, yes? Oh, my. Oh, no. Oh, my no. Well, I guess some emotions are too hard to get rid off. I'm still trying to find my switch so I can turn it off. I hear boys have them in much more accessible places.
Diver012 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 It's like a mirage- you see it from a distance and it looks amazing. But when you get there, it's not what you expected, if its anything at all. Thats a good way of putting it. The person they loved, didn't turn out the way they expected them too. If they did, they would still be there with them. Its difficult for some people to accept the fact that the person they loved, simply wasn't the person they needed them to be. They cant accept the fact that if they give themself permission to let go, someone else will come along and fill that role for them. In time, that person may also end up leaving too, but its all about letting go, forgiveness, and loving again. My Ex, as much as I loved her, as much as I wanted and would have spent the rest of my life with her, simply didn't meet my expectations. I didn't have any unrealistic expectations, and I did communicate them to her, she simply wasnt able to comply. So she left. It hurts. It will take time, and I wont deny that, but I will wake up one day, and be over it completely. So heres my exercise in letting go: I forgive my Ex for not being emotionally strong enough to share with me her feelings, both good and bad. I forgive my Ex for not being able to stand by my side as I went through a difficult transition in my life. I forgive my Ex, for leaving me without telling me why, or communicating with me before hand that things had gotten so bad for her. The woman I end up with next time hopefully will be able to fill these needs. I need an emotionally strong woman, that communicates with me well. Isnt afraid to share her feelings both good and bad, and basically isnt afraid of making a commitment and see it through. Theres more fish in the sea folks. You just gotta stick your pole in the water and give it another try..
lindya Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Talking to friends, reading people's posts here and thinking of my own experiences convinces me that people only get over ex lovers when they stop defining themselves by the relationship they had, and by whatever views that other person expressed about them when the relationship ended. If the other person handled things insensitively, and attempted to absolve their feelings of guilt by condemning you as "unlovable" or "not good enough", it can take time and quite a bit of fairly painful hard work to get past that. Sometimes it's impossible to really get past it until you've examined that person's opinions, compared them objectively against reality...then either started to address areas where you find yourself wanting, or rejected the ex's opinion as warped and irrelevant. It's not always possible to do that effectively on your own...hence the use of counselling, sites like this and a bit of analysis with insightful people whose opinions you have faith in. I think that the more a person struggles with a break up, the more their psyche is trying to shake them into the realisation that it's in need of a drastic overhaul. If a person is still struggling desperately with a break up more than a year after the event, it's time to make a firm choice: Start getting better by going into counselling and working with the therapist to honestly address whatever painful issues the break up has raised for you.... or close the curtains, sit on a rocking chair and slowly but surely turn into Miss Haversham from Great Expectations.
HeyYouGuys Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I think some people just have very poor coping skills. While others grieve, heal and move on, others repress feelings or obsessively ruminate. It's like picking at a wound. You have to give it a chance to heal. Otherwise, you end up with a big festering sore that never goes away.
Guest Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I have been happily married for 19 years and seriously haven't really thought about my ex in all that time. A few weeks ago I ran into them. I hadn't seen or spoken to them since the night they broke up with me 22 years ago. When they saw me they turned and ran the other way. I was shocked that I wasn't even worth a 'Hello' after having a 5 year relationship with them. So although I am happily married and never really thought about them I guess that the hurt will always be there because this has triggered alot of old emotions for me and it's almost like going through the break-up all over again. BTW, you guys talk about how difficult NC is. Can you imagine how difficult it was for me to never talk to someone again after the evening that they broke up a 5 yr. relationship? I wished them well and thought that I handled myself with dignity. So where did that get me?
lindya Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Can you imagine how difficult it was for me to never talk to someone again after the evening that they broke up a 5 yr. relationship? I wished them well and thought that I handled myself with dignity. So where did that get me? Don't need to imagine it, because I've been there. Where does handling it with class get you? Nowhere in particular, but snarling like a tiger then boxing them around the ears probably wouldn't get you anywhere worth being either.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Well I've heard from time to time that some people honestly never get over their ex's or are still in love with them 10 20 years later?? Woulden't someone come in to their life for them to fall in love? I don't understand that it really scares me on ever getting over a first love... because, from a sensual perspective you know in your heart that they're the best you'll ever taste in your life
KittenMoon Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 because, from a sensual perspective you know in your heart that they're the best you'll ever taste in your life What do you mean by this? Just curious. This thread is depressing me... making me remember too many good times and the knowledge I'll never have them again. Why doesn't this site have a weeping emoticon?!
Citizen Erased Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 At the end of every relationship, make up a list of all of the traits you like and dislike about your ex. Read that list if you feel weak and want to pick up that phone and I bet the dislikes will be longer then the likes My current boyfriend was my ex I do have to confess. He also had no bad traits. Well, that was until I moved in with him
Teacher's Pet Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I guess it's weird, at least for me. I was with someone for almost 6 years, and I got over her a LOT faster than my most recent ex of 6 months. My 6 year ex took about 3 months to get over.... it's been 2 months with this one, and I'm no where near there... You'd think at 35, I'd be doing better than I am. I suck. -tp
burning 4 revenge Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I guess it's weird, at least for me. I was with someone for almost 6 years, and I got over her a LOT faster than my most recent ex of 6 months. My 6 year ex took about 3 months to get over.... it's been 2 months with this one, and I'm no where near there... You'd think at 35, I'd be doing better than I am. I suck. -tp Refer to post 13 and admit to yourself that that's why. It's just Charles Darwin man. Human nature
Diver012 Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 because, from a sensual perspective you know in your heart that they're the best you'll ever taste in your life I guess in my world, how could they be the best if they left you broken hearted? Sounds like they were just another pothole in the road of life.
In Sync Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Well I've heard from time to time that some people honestly never get over their ex's or are still in love with them 10 20 years later?? Woulden't someone come in to their life for them to fall in love? I don't understand that it really scares me on ever getting over a first love... I think for some we don't get over the hurt. Hurt not dealt with is a buried seed in our souls. It doesn't blossom into a flower but turns to weeds. On the outside we look fine we and go on, but that hurt is festering. Until we make conscientous effort to weed it out by its roots, it'll keep growing and manifests in other areas of our life fears of new relationships, anger, bitterness, jealousy...Someone new is waiting and ready for each one of us who lose a love, but we are often blinded by these weeds that block the view of that potential happiness. Which is it is important to overcome our hurt with forgiveness...the weed killer of hurt.
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 because, from a sensual perspective you know in your heart that they're the best you'll ever taste in your life that makes sense. I will get over my ex because I know in my heart I desearved 100 x better honestly. I guess its a matter of time to see if actually heal over it, some how I know I will. It just doesn't feel like it right now because nothing new has really arrived. I think the people that never realy get over their first loves are the people who had really great ex's. If that makes sense. First loves are a pain to get over because 1) well you've never experienced hurt like this before...first love...first heartbreak 2) you haven't loved anyone else so you feel like you never will again..bc you have no solid proof that you will...only time will tell.
Author Brittanyjean06 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 I think for some we don't get over the hurt. Hurt not dealt with is a buried seed in our souls. It doesn't blossom into a flower but turns to weeds. On the outside we look fine we and go on, but that hurt is festering. Until we make conscientous effort to weed it out by its roots, it'll keep growing and manifests in other areas of our life fears of new relationships, anger, bitterness, jealousy...Someone new is waiting and ready for each one of us who lose a love, but we are often blinded by these weeds that block the view of that potential happiness. Which is it is important to overcome our hurt with forgiveness...the weed killer of hurt. I enjoyed reading that great metaphors I think I have bottled it up all inside. Its like when a said song comes on like nikel back- far away , or photograph I really can't bare to listen to it I turn it off, thats hiding the pain. I am going to try to pull some weeds out gradually...very gradually. haha
vertigo Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Thats a good way of putting it. The person they loved, didn't turn out the way they expected them too. If they did, they would still be there with them. Its difficult for some people to accept the fact that the person they loved, simply wasn't the person they needed them to be. They cant accept the fact that if they give themself permission to let go, someone else will come along and fill that role for them. In time, that person may also end up leaving too, but its all about letting go, forgiveness, and loving again. My Ex, as much as I loved her, as much as I wanted and would have spent the rest of my life with her, simply didn't meet my expectations. I didn't have any unrealistic expectations, and I did communicate them to her, she simply wasnt able to comply. So she left. It hurts. It will take time, and I wont deny that, but I will wake up one day, and be over it completely. So heres my exercise in letting go: I forgive my Ex for not being emotionally strong enough to share with me her feelings, both good and bad. I forgive my Ex for not being able to stand by my side as I went through a difficult transition in my life. I forgive my Ex, for leaving me without telling me why, or communicating with me before hand that things had gotten so bad for her. The woman I end up with next time hopefully will be able to fill these needs. I need an emotionally strong woman, that communicates with me well. Isnt afraid to share her feelings both good and bad, and basically isnt afraid of making a commitment and see it through. Theres more fish in the sea folks. You just gotta stick your pole in the water and give it another try.. Great post.... this is exactly like my last relationship... I thought she was the one!...thanks Diver!
Teacher's Pet Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Theres more fish in the sea folks. You just gotta stick your pole in the water and give it another try.. heh heh heh. Pole. -tp
vertigo Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I think for some we don't get over the hurt. Hurt not dealt with is a buried seed in our souls. It doesn't blossom into a flower but turns to weeds. On the outside we look fine we and go on, but that hurt is festering. Until we make conscientous effort to weed it out by its roots, it'll keep growing and manifests in other areas of our life fears of new relationships, anger, bitterness, jealousy...Someone new is waiting and ready for each one of us who lose a love, but we are often blinded by these weeds that block the view of that potential happiness. Which is it is important to overcome our hurt with forgiveness...the weed killer of hurt.[/quot Wow....another post on the same thread, offering words of wisdom..thanks InSync.
RecordProducer Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 It's not the same getting over as in the first year or two. My father never got over the fact that my mother left him. I completely understand that they were not right for each other and my mom wouldn't have been happy with him. He is a weird person and a mamma's boy, although he is extremely intelligent, well-rounded and well-read, artistic man. At this age he wishes he were a different person and is aware that his life would have been different was he born with different personality traits. But for 10-15 years he was grieving over his broken marriage even though he fell in love once, but she left him too. The other women he had wanted him, but he wasn't that much into them. Even his second wife, he basically settled for her sense of humor and fun company just to realize that she is completely crazy, mean, and out of this world. He ditched her. Actually she ditched him then he filed for divorce and she never got over the vanity punch. Twelve years later she still causes problems in his life and can't leave him alone. And they have a son together, although they never lived together. My husband's first wife, whom she divorced 15 years ago still wants to re-marry him. She has severe manic-depression and is addicted to amphetamines (but is very wealthy and successful in her business, check that!). When they were together, he says she didn't appreciate it and if she had him now, she wouldn't want him, but they are still friends and she thinks she loves him and wants him back. She call him once in a while when she is totally down, but is very respectful of his wife (me, that is). So I think when people can't get over someone it's not like the agony at the beginning. It's probably always a very complicated case where it's more about the person that about the one they allegedly can't get over. Also I think when you know you had a real good partner and it ended because you were not good enough or made mistakes, it hurts badly.
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