Deeko Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I have been w/ my boyfriend for almost a year now and up until about 3 weeks ago, I was very happy and everything. In the matter of seconds, something changed. I don't know what happened, maybe fear, but I realized I was around him ALOT and got the idea that I should break away so he doesn't get sick of me. Since then, I've been playing a head game with myself to try and distance myself (for some reason) and I keep thinking how it'd feel to break up with him. I know I love him, but what's going on? Why am I having these thoughts? I keep telling myself I don't have feelings for him, but I know it's not true. It's like a never ending battle with myself these days. HELP! Its like I've dwelled on this so much, it's starting to become true and feels like something is missing. Adivce, please!
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 You are at a point where you can do one of two things: stop this process dead in its tracks by discussing how you are feeling with your SO, or doing nothing and allowing yourself to fall completely out of love. If you let it go, you'll begin to notice more and more things that irritate you about him. You'll find excuses to not be intimate, you'll pick fights and you'll shut him out emotionally the more you fall out of love. He'll begin to notice and ask you about it and the guilt will set in. You'll feel guilty about what is happening and try in vain to stop the process after it has already gone too far. Once you reach the halfway point of falling out of love, its pretty much over and will continue until you reach the point where you become angry and resentful over feeling obligated to stay in the relationship to spare his feelings. Your anger and guilt with your feelings will build up and will direct itself entirely at him (unfairly, needless to say). You'll tell him things like "I need space/time" when really you are ready to break up. He will be left in a confusion over your motives, which you will still be too guilt stricken to reveal. It will get to the point where all you want is out, and you'll be backed into a corner by the relationship. What do people do when backed into a corner? They bolt and run down the person they see as standing in the way. He will be creamed by you in your attempt to escape the relationship. Ugly way to end things. You can spare yourself of this by coming clean now before its too late and you really do get your sights set on leaving. Tell him how you are feeling - tell him you are genuinely confused by how you are feeling and want to work on making things better. Perhaps airing it out will reveal exactly why it is your love sprung a leak in the first place.
Diver012 Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 You are at a point where you can do one of two things: stop this process dead in its tracks by discussing how you are feeling with your SO, or doing nothing and allowing yourself to fall completely out of love. If you let it go, you'll begin to notice more and more things that irritate you about him. You'll find excuses to not be intimate, you'll pick fights and you'll shut him out emotionally the more you fall out of love. He'll begin to notice and ask you about it and the guilt will set in. You'll feel guilty about what is happening and try in vain to stop the process after it has already gone too far. Once you reach the halfway point of falling out of love, its pretty much over and will continue until you reach the point where you become angry and resentful over feeling obligated to stay in the relationship to spare his feelings. Your anger and guilt with your feelings will build up and will direct itself entirely at him (unfairly, needless to say). You'll tell him things like "I need space/time" when really you are ready to break up. He will be left in a confusion over your motives, which you will still be too guilt stricken to reveal. It will get to the point where all you want is out, and you'll be backed into a corner by the relationship. What do people do when backed into a corner? They bolt and run down the person they see as standing in the way. He will be creamed by you in your attempt to escape the relationship. Ugly way to end things. You can spare yourself of this by coming clean now before its too late and you really do get your sights set on leaving. Tell him how you are feeling - tell him you are genuinely confused by how you are feeling and want to work on making things better. Perhaps airing it out will reveal exactly why it is your love sprung a leak in the first place. Having been on the receiving end of this, I can tell you that this is damn right. I got creamed big time. Its one of the worse kind of breakups someone can suffer through. Reason being, you have no real explanation to offer them, other than, my feelings changed. To your SO, or atleast to me, when I heard those words, I never got an answer. All I got was, I dont know, they just did. For months afterwars I walked around simply wondering why.. till I no longer cared anymore. Good luck. I know this isnt easy for you either, but I also think you should come clean.
silentcharon Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 You can spare yourself of this by coming clean now before its too late and you really do get your sights set on leaving. Tell him how you are feeling - tell him you are genuinely confused by how you are feeling and want to work on making things better. Perhaps airing it out will reveal exactly why it is your love sprung a leak in the first place. I wish I had this advice. I wish my ex had this advice. Perhaps I wouldn't have ended up here if he told me he had some doubts. Ah, well, either way we broke up. But that is some real useful advice, go clean!
Poboy Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I have been w/ my boyfriend for almost a year now and up until about 3 weeks ago, I was very happy and everything. In the matter of seconds, something changed. I don't know what happened, maybe fear, but I realized I was around him ALOT and got the idea that I should break away so he doesn't get sick of me. Since then, I've been playing a head game with myself to try and distance myself (for some reason) and I keep thinking how it'd feel to break up with him. I know I love him, but what's going on? Why am I having these thoughts? I keep telling myself I don't have feelings for him, but I know it's not true. It's like a never ending battle with myself these days. HELP! Its like I've dwelled on this so much, it's starting to become true and feels like something is missing. Adivce, please! im not understanding this part but I realized I was around him ALOT and got the idea that I should break away so he doesn't get sick of me , if you have been with him for over a year , why are you thinking negative of the situation. so what if you are with him a lot , is it necessary to distance yourself... & why will he get sick of you ... has he hinted or showed signs of the same. if he likes you being around and hasnt shown any signs of him being bothered by it , why are you getting bothered.
Author Deeko Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 Thanks for the advice guys. A couple weeks ago I did in fact bring this up to him and he didn't take me seriously. He just told me he wouldn't get sick of me and that it wasn't going to end (like I had feared) and then he started doing things to make me laugh but it didn't solve anything. The reason why I was pulling away was because I didn't want to get hurt. I think that all built up and made me put this steel wall up so I don't get hurt and now I think I'm all strong and could be without him. My logical side kicks in and tells me I do love him and dumping him for what is really no reason other than fear, is the wrong thing to do. It just has felt like we reached the end of the road because we see eachother so much. Granted this is what I have wanted, but now that it's happened, it's like NOW WHAT? WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? My mom tells me that the giddy phase in any relationship eventually wears off. I don't get butterflies or all excited when I get an email from him at work or when he calls me. This could be because it's been a year now and it also could be because I have confidence it will last and I somehow took the confidence and made myself wonder how I truly felt about him. Up until this point, I never really questioned my feelings, I just KNEW. Knowing me though, I need to dwell on something when it comes into my head and just make sense of it before I could let it go. I'm a chronic thinker, but this is really getting me down. Hopefully this kind of makes sense to someone out there.
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