gaspoweredzombie Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Now I kow you've probably heard this before, but. Well I'm not a regular joe, I don't even fit in the category of regular joe. I've been called "eccentric" by most people and worst things by more blunt people. But that aside, I've never been able to maintain a relationship for more than maybe a week or two. Granted these women I went out with either didn't like me, were doing something terrible or were just too young (in that case I felt it appropaite to break it off and she agreed). I've never met the right woman and with every passing month and year I feel like i'm never going to find anyone. Yes I know about wining, dining and going out to find women. But I'm not blessed to be living in a city, with clubs and social things. I live in a rural small town, with nothing but teenagers and really . . . well, gross people. I'm not the type that, I guess, attracts women. I'm tall, skinny, somewhat shy, and somewhat of an A.d.h.d type (Well I'd say kid, but I'm 22 now, so it doesn't help). I don't know what to do anymore, I'm afraid I'll just go on being alone until my spirit gives out. Even though I'm young (and inexperienced) I already feel like i should just give up for the rest of my life. I'm just no good at relationships, I try to be a nice guy, but then I just give out the "geek friend" vibe. Tell me, should I give up, am I a failure?
Pink Amulet Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 No one is "good at relationships" at 22. Especially if those relationships only lasted a week or two! The very short duration of these relationships seems to be in direct relation to the fact you live in a rural town... A smaller population turns your sea of women, in to a wading pool, limited choice means 'settling' (I despise this concept). I am so happy you haven't settled. Perhaps if you save up a bit of money, you will find a job in the city. Lots of women there. Many are bound to be suitable to your eccentric personality! P.S Don't talk yourself down! You look like a cutie to me!
Author gaspoweredzombie Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 Thanks for the reply Pink. I appreciate your advice, it seemed very logical and well thought out to me. Though waiting may hurt I guess, wait I shall have to. Oh and I'll try and keep that in mind Pink, though it's hard for me not to put myself down sometimes. Something of a natural reaction from growing up in this boring hole.
bella_girl Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 By the way... I like tall skinny guys... different people are attracted to different things and I def like tall skinny guys. So don't think that you're not the sort to attract girls. Actually all my ex's have been somewhat eccentric, apart from tall and skinny personality is absolutely what I go for. I know it can seem sometimes like its never going to happen, you'll never meet anyone let alone the right person for you.... but it will. The more you stress and worry about it the less likely it is to happen. If you live in a small rural town can you travel more? Can you get to the next small rural town? You could at least then meet some new people... or does your town have like a team that travels it doesn't have to be sports team could be something your into (geek things!!) if not start one..... there might be other people interested, conventions you could attend that sort of thing... As they say... think outside the box.
Pink Amulet Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 What is the population of your town, just out of curiosty?
john1776 Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 The answer is no you are not a failure. I thought the same way as you many times. Believe me when I say that if I can attract someone then I know you can. Have you tried meeting women from an internet dating service? That's how I met my last 2 or 3 girlfriends. Try it sometime. Some services are free while others cost you a monthly fee but it was worth it for me to pay that fee. You have a wider range of options to choose from when you look at online dating profiles. If I can do it you can do it. I didn't even have a picture on my profile and I still succeeded. Don't get discouraged if you can't find a match on the first day or even first week. It took me about 1 month to search for the girlfriend I'm dating now. So you just have to be patient with it. It pays off.
JamesM Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 As a guy who was...and probably still am a bit ...shy with women. And in high school was a "geek" or nerd as we called it...remember THAT movie? That dates me. Anywho, I am digressing.... I can say that looks is NOT everything. Personality and self confidence are. When I left high school, I had shaved a couple of times but still had baby cheeks and was 5 ft 8 in. I wore glasses and never lifted weights...so I was kinda skinny. When I went to college, it dawned on me one day that these people never met me before! I can be myself. I got contacts, started lifting weights, and just became interested in meeting people. I found that since I knew that they didn't know my geeky past, I could become an "average joe." No, I didn't suddenly become a "jock." No, I didn't suddenly become a babe magnet. But I did become confident in myself. I believe ...looking back 20 years...that this alone is what gave me the ability to date women. Not alot but enough for me to enjoy being a guy. I began asking out women for the fun of it. No expectations. No pressure for sex or longterm relationships...just the fun of making friends and learning what women like and enjoy. As can be expected, I did have some that were more than friends. At 24 I met my wife. I have always felt that this "waking up" period was the key to my not staying a "geek" with low self-esteem. Without it, I wonder if my wife would have realized who I was....because I wouldn't have known myself. When I was in my early teens, I always dreamed of leaving this area, and heading to the "hills." Then when I came back at an older age, I would just "knock the socks off" of everyone, and they would be impressed by me, my looks and my self confidence. I forgot this fantasy for many years, but it came back to me one day at my high school reunion. At my ten years high school class reunion, I went not thinking anything. But I had changed. No glasses. I stood at six foot, and I sported a full beard. I also had a woman who was more beautiful than anyone could expect that I would get. No kidding...I literally had to reintroduce myself to the "friends" I hung around with. Many of the kids...including the jocks had to come and tell me how much I had changed...most said more than anyone. Did I plan for that? No, but simply taking steps to become myself and build my confidence in my own unique qualities brought me to that goal. From the time I woke up to the time I met my wife was only four years. But the changes began immediately. Once a decision was made, life was fun. I am not sure what your life is like, but I can say that from your first post, you seem not have found who you are. There is a unique person inside of you that is waiting for you to find. Don't try to like things you don't. Don't try to become someone you don't like. Be who you are, and realize that EVERY single person around you has the same concerns and fears that you do. Some have learned how to deal with them, some have learned to hide them, and others still are grappling with them. So, do what you think will build your self-confidence. I believe that you will find that this alone will give you the "strength" to meet women and have fun. Don't try to be a stud, try to be a friend and a listener. This will make you attractive to women. Begin researching how to become a friend to others, how to build confidence in your self, put yourself in the position to "practice" on women. Don't look for sex, look for friendship. I could go on and on with what I have learned. Much of it came from books, but all of it had to be practiced. Reading helps, but actions change. Good luck...you CAN do it. From one less than average joe to another, I KNOW you can do it.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 22 you say? Quit messing about with the little girls and go look for a 37 year old slut.
Guest Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 This is where I get to talk about my own experiences for once. The first time I kissed a woman was when I was 24. I was terribly shy, and not that experienced in life, so I know where you're coming from. So I ask myself "what's the one thing that will change his situation?". Moving will. You might have, say a population of 5000 nearby. My guess is that young people in your location are already moving to larger cities. Well, you probably have to too. That might not be something you want or like right now, but it may be necessary. Being "different" (and I'm speaking from experience here) means that people can't always accept you, but eventually you'll find someone who will. That's where a city helps. A lot.
Author gaspoweredzombie Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 Well I'd like to thank you all for your good advice. It's good to see other people out there that care. Some questions were asked: 1. Rushville tops the scale at 3,300 people, desperately trying to save this dying community, the governor of Illinois named Rushville and the entire Schuyler county area as "One of the poorest districts in all of Illinois" not a direct quote but fairly close. This town itself has nothing of general interest to anyone who isn't christian, in love with antiques (ye gods there are fourteen shops in this town), or has some racial issues they probably should have worked out the moment they born into a multi-cultural society (that is to say we've had an increase in diversity with the general influx of immigrants, nothing I'm generally against, it's nice to see the gene pool deepen for once). Of my passing interests there are only a few, a love of reading, healthy excercise (I live on a farm and used to work as a roofer to get by, this town has no jobs either, especially if you aren't a woman, no offense to the ladies, oh and technicly I live on about 95 acres of land way outside of town), video games, and martial arts (after a fashion, I've studied a few, I have a love of the long sword, hah). Well I guess I rambled a bit in that post, a natural tendency of mine, ignore it. I'd be glad to answer any other questions and ofcourse your comments and sage advice are always welcome. P.s: Also, as a point of fact I was a wild, a.d.h.d kid you probably couldn't stand being around in highschool, I still have some problems controlling my personality in social situations where a pressing need not to fidget or blurt something random out would help. But I can't afford medication and/or don't trust it.
HokeyReligions Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Take a night school course or some volunteer work. Don't be afraid of a diagnosis or medication - move closer to a city and find a job with some health insurance so you can afford the medical care. It isn't always easy but it would be a goal to work towards. And you've probably heard this before - but you are ONLY 22! My husband was 34 when we met and he had only had one serious relationship before me and it was short-term. And he wasn't in a place where he met a lot of people either. He didn't drink, go to clubs, and his hobbies didn't involve women - they were 'guy' things. He was in major construction for years so no women in the workplace. We met in a mall and have been together over 20 years now. My brother was in his late 40's when his wife passed away. He lived in a TINY town with no industry or any real social circle. He farted around with the town whores (sorry, but they were) and finally met a woman in a personals ad. They have been together for over 10 years now. He found a job driving a truck and ended up moving close to her (they lived nearly 100 miles apart when they met thru the personals) and they bought a ranch a couple years ago and will be retiring in another couple of years. It's never too late to broaden your horizons and always too soon to give up.
Charisma Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 You're still young and there's plenty of time to meet people. See what kind of social activities go on in your small town and get involved. I live in a huge city and still have problems meeting members of the opposite sex, so don't get yourself down. My problem is I'm shy as well, and inexperience in the romance department, so it works against me. Not all women are looking for the same thing, so I'm sure one will come along that will like you just the way you are.
Recommended Posts