Author newbby Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 ahh ok. well i did say i was guessing.... i just couldnt be back in the a now, and reading these posts reminds me of how trapped i felt. i really thought that i would never meet anybody like my exmm too, and thankfully, i havent!!
LilMa06 Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 This post was so therapeutic for me, I were looking for a way to cope with the ended so called relationship with Ex MM and i'm not miserable, just kinda numb and i don't know which is worse but, i really needed to hear this (or read) congratulations Newbby!
Author newbby Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 This post was so therapeutic for me, I were looking for a way to cope with the ended so called relationship with Ex MM and i'm not miserable, just kinda numb and i don't know which is worse but, i really needed to hear this (or read) congratulations Newbby! i'm so glad this thread has given you some hope. i wish on you a lovely sg
Adunaphel Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 It is great to hear that you met a single guy whom you are happy with, and who is treating you well. Thank you for sharing this great news with us, and thanks also for the very good advice. You seem to have been doing great work on yourself. Congratulations for it!
Author newbby Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 It is great to hear that you met a single guy whom you are happy with, and who is treating you well. Thank you for sharing this great news with us, and thanks also for the very good advice. You seem to have been doing great work on yourself. Congratulations for it! thankyou very much! it all seemed to come together at once. i have been working hard on myself for years, but it only occurred to me recently that my idea of where i was emotionally and mentally was outdated. i dont know if this makes any sense? i thought i wasnt ready for a relationship, but then i went for it anyway, and realised i was. or maybe i just met the right guy..
UnknowingOW Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 :) :) :) Newbby...i'm soooo happy for you! You deserve it girl! :D :D :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:
Author newbby Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 :) :) :) Newbby...i'm soooo happy for you! You deserve it girl! :D :D :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: thankyou!!! i wish lovely sg's on you all
movinon05 Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Newbby!!!! Just saw this thread! I'm absolutely thrilled for you!!!!!!!! WTG!! We're both doing great!!!! To all you girls, I am another one who was able to move on!!!!! It does happen!!!!
Author newbby Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 hey MO!!thankyou!!, it feels good doesnt it? i really never thought i would get to here, and it wasnt very long ago at all, that i was back there.
movinon05 Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Absolutely. I never thought I'd get here either, but being treated with respect and dignity and having someone interested in you without any strings or drama is the most refreshing feeling! I empathize with everyone in an OW/OM relationship, but having been ground through the mill, I can honestly say there is hope for all! You just have to believe and allow it to happen. I now look at it as having my whole future opened up with wonderful possibilities. No more pity parties for me!!
lindya Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 hey MO!!thankyou!!, it feels good doesnt it? i really never thought i would get to here, and it wasnt very long ago at all, that i was back there. Congrats newbby You always sound very smart and together when you post on this site...and I'm sure you'll have lots of great things to offer this relationship.
Author newbby Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 Congrats newbby You always sound very smart and together when you post on this site...and I'm sure you'll have lots of great things to offer this relationship. thanks lindya thats a really nice thing to say
freakygal78 Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I hope you don't mind newbby if I share my story on your thread and eat my words as it were as I have met a SG and now am as happy as a pig in the proverbial! I posted my story already with regards to the MM at work I was having an EA or at the very least innappropriate friendship with. For about 7 months I built a fantasy world around him and spent so many weekends messed up about him. I had a huge crush on him and so stupidly let him know so he had me where he wanted and messed with my head to boost his burgeoning ego. Well, I finally got myself to a point where I could only just be objective about the situation and detach myself somewhat and start going out and having fun with friends and not sit at home moping over him feeling sorry for myself. Then he went for a vacation with his family for 2 weeks and so I guess I had a window of freedom there. I'm glad I had that emotional distance from him as I was pleasantly surprised by a development with a work colleague and good friend of mine in his absence! Yes, the younger guy I had befriended and confided in throughout all the workplace bashing I was being subjected to, revealed his feelings for me recently when it looked like I was going to leave. For the first time in ages, I felt open to something enduring developing with someone. I had to do a reality check when things started to get physical and sat him down going through all the pros and cons - of course most of the pros were from his end and most of the cons from mine! He was very positive about it and said he genuinely cared about me although I was wary because of various factors - the age gap (7 years), working together and the possible tainting of his reputation by being involved with me (I had been the fodder for recent malicious workplace gossip) - but not once did I think - 'oh yeah, and I'm still hung up on this MM' because to be honest I would not say I was totally over him - these things don't happen overnight, but it would be safe to say that I am all but over him now and of course this was helped by the realisation of how ugly things could get in this impossible situation. So glad now I never let this become a PA if it ever even eventuated to that! Anyways having said all that - I have been seeing SG for two weeks now - it's early days yet - he works on my floor and we had been good friends for months before anything physical developed. I guess most of you will think I've had a 'rebound' thing to comfort me while MM is on vacation but I find that I'm actually really into this guy and we already had a friendship as a foundation and it's so much a better thing than pining away after good old unavailable MM which was really starting to becoming so self-destructive for me. I have also had some counselling sessions in the meantime and the many issues I quoted to justify my fixation with MM - i.e. commitmentphobia and trust issues are excuses I have constructed in my mind to stop myself from taking a risk and becoming close to someone. Sure we all need time to heal from past hurts and this is an ongoing process. We all have to be open to change to let it happen. To reiterate some very relevant points that Newbby pointed out - I don't think it was a case of not having met the right guy, I had dated innumerable men since my divorce five years ago. I now see it was ME who was not receptive and it was ME who had narrow ideas about what could be rewarding and fulfilling. I had this idea in my head I'd always be a lone wolf - maybe some kind of scarlet woman no-one would ever be able to become close to emotionally because I was scared to open myself up to beign loved and loving back and possibly be hurt really badly again one day. Now I am cautiously optimistic about my future with this young cutie and he adores me totally - can you imagine what a huge contrast this is from being thrown crumbs of attention or just even occasional glances from MM? He makes me feel really special and know that I deserve this and I can be emotionally intimate and have fun with someone who is 100% available so now I guess I have to eat my words newbby about my all-pervading commitmentphobia issues. Sure he can leave me for another younger girl but so can a 31 or 41yo (let alone a MM!) - that is a risk I'm willing to take - at least I'm not sharing him with someone else. It's all been a learning curve for me and things are still developing but I've been spending weekends having fun with this lovely guy and not thinking about MM which was so constant and unhealthy. I know this sounds a bit trite to OWs and I have to admit I even scoffed at Newbby's post when I read in whilst in that state of mind but it can happen. MM gets back from vacation tommorrow and he's yet to find out about our r'ship so I will see how that goes and perhaps give you some updates but I'm concentrating on being happy with this guy now who's made me see there is a light at the end of the tunnel and put some wind in these jaded ol' sails again
Jessie61 Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Newbby, I am absolutely delighted for you!!! Well done!!! I am also one of those people who have genuinely moved away from the A and found REAL love with a single guy. The difference is amazing. I find that it is just as exciting as the A - but with one major difference... He is available and there is NO stress!!! So my new post-A life wins on all fronts! Congratulations to you!!! Fantastic stuff!!!
Author newbby Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 i havent been here for ages, i just came back to have a little look at whats been happening with you all, and i found that my old thread has been posted in. of course i don't mind freaky gal! i am really happy for you! i read with interest about the cp and how it has not bothered you with this new sg, this is great. i have found that occasionally a few cp things would come up with sg, but i found that he is honest and open, and caring enough that i could discuss things with him honestly myself. he was so lovely and reassuring without putting any pressure on me whatsoever, that i found that any fears dissapeared very quickly. well, i can honestly say, i've never been treated so well. i'm happy for you freakygal!!! thanks jessie, thankyou very much!! yes, this is just as exciting, in fact much more exciting than with mm. the reason is, that i can see it going somewhere and i can look at my future and see him loving and caring for me, and us doing things together. i know that some people with mm do get taken out in public, but my relationship with mm was not like that, too many risks, and so for me, the fact that i am being taken to dinner and the theatre often is also very exciting!! yes, this feels REAL too, and the difference is amazing. i'm happy for you too, jessie!!!
freakygal78 Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Well the R with my SG is going great guns still and we are really close and he is very attentive and loving towards me and the feelings are reciprocated on my end. I guess the only problem is now that MM is back from family vacation he expected me to be the fawning sad SG hung up on him still. I cannot describe the beaming smile on his face when he saw me after his return. It was very hard not to melt but I have kept it strictly cordial and business only since. I am happy with my SG and want to keep it on the straight and narrow. Since he has caught onto our fledgling R however, MM has made overtures in the hope of sustaining my interest in him. I can't pretend that all residual feelings are gone but I have tried to keep it 'friendly' rather than resort to the intense repartee we previously exchanged. SG knows about the 'thing' I had with MM and is rather possessive of me at work making his presence in my life well known. I don't think he has anything to worry about as I am devoted to him but still he has his doubts - I don't blame him in a way. It would all be OK if MM was out of the picture although with 12 1/2 weeks to go , I'm not too concerned. I just have to maintain that professional distance then my R with SG can carry on unfalteringly. A lot of it IS up to us. I'm not being sucked back into his hopeless vortex again as the pain of that unhealthy attachment is still only too real in the back of my mind. I want someone I can go out with, someone I can cuddle on the sofa and someone it is not taboo to be seen with in public. Sure that forbidden excitement might not be there as much with a SG but it's a wonderful feeling being cared about and made to feel like Number 1 and not having that goddamn angst in your life all the time.
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