Guest Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 My husband and I have had a rocky relationship for awhile now and have became more friends than lovers. We never have sex and when we do it is not enjoyable. We have no common interest and I am constantly mad at him because I feel that he doesn't want to try to do things to improve our relationship and lives (we can't get pregant and he refuses to have the necessary test done to find out what the problem is, we bought an unfinished house and he is not motivated in trying to work on the things that need finished) For about 6 months now, I have been flirting back and forth with a man from work. He has a reputation as being a ladies man and at first I thought that flirting was as far as I would let myself go....but I was wrong. I have been to his apt a couple of times and we have not had sex, but came really close. The kicker to the situation is that he is getting married in a couple of months. He says that he is not sure if he is making the right decision, but he found a nice girl and wants to start a family. I thought that I could just have a physical relationship with this man and not get emotionally attached, but I am not wired that way. I find myself constantly thinking about the OM and comparing him to my husband (which is making our relationship worse) I feel guilty for what I have done, but at the same time, I want more! I don't know what to do....I know I could never have a good relationship with the OM and that he is getting married, but I can't help but dream about it. And at the same time, I worry about hurting my husband's feelings if he ever found out. He would also divorce me if he ever found out, and I am not sure that is what I want either. He has became a comfort zone for me and I am scared of being alone. I know that I brought this all on myself, but I am so depressed I don't know what to do...my life is in shambles and the only time I am happy is when I am with the OM, but I know that he is getting married, and probally just sees me as another "notch in his belt", as my mom would say. If anyone has any advice please reply....I need all the advice I can get!
SoleMate Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Google for "marriage builders". If you want to stay married, focus on your husband. If you live in a small town and would like to continue living there in peace, focus on your husband. If you don't care whether you stay married, and you live in a large, anonymous, urban setting, and you don't care if you find some other female's nails in your face, then it doesn't really matter what you do.
PinkShorts Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 What was it that made you and your husband marry in the first place? Convenience? Love? You said you have no common interests with him. Do you think it's wise to try to get pregnant, while you are not even sure you want this marriage?
Bryanp Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Think about the fact that this OM is trying to have sex with you while he is about to be married. What does that say about him? He wants you for a quick booty call. You dream about being with a man that has no problem cheating on a woman he is about to marry and no problem cheating with a married woman. He sure sounds like a wonderful guy to me. Open your eyes and use your brain.
Guest Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 What was it that made you and your husband marry in the first place? Convenience? Love? You said you have no common interests with him. Do you think it's wise to try to get pregnant, while you are not even sure you want this marriage? I think the reason my husband and I married in the first place was because he was the ideal man for a husband....he was super sweet, always buying me gifts and clean cut. I do love him, even now, but the love I feel for him is the kind you would feel for a friend instead of a lover. I know this is pathetic, but I keep thinking that if we have a child, I will never be alone, if we do divorce
Guest Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Think about the fact that this OM is trying to have sex with you while he is about to be married. What does that say about him? He wants you for a quick booty call. You dream about being with a man that has no problem cheating on a woman he is about to marry and no problem cheating with a married woman. He sure sounds like a wonderful guy to me. Open your eyes and use your brain. Thanks for the advice....I know that even considering the OM as "good husband material" is crazy and probally the most stupid thing I could ever do, but I can't stop my feelings......I've tried, maybe it's the "bad boy" image...I don't know!
inarut Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I think the reason my husband and I married in the first place was because he was the ideal man for a husband....he was super sweet, always buying me gifts and clean cut. I do love him, even now, but the love I feel for him is the kind you would feel for a friend instead of a lover. I know this is pathetic, but I keep thinking that if we have a child, I will never be alone, if we do divorce I am in the same boat as you right now marriage wise. My husband and I have been married for 7 years but are more like friends. PLEASE, DO NOT BRING A CHILD INTO THAT SITUATION. We have two kids and they are the only reason I am staying in this marriage. He is a wonderful man and the best father but there is just no connection between us anymore. We are basicallly living 2 separate lives. I too was with a MM but he was just an escape from my problems. The situation with him hasn't worked out so now I am miserable in my marriage and freaking out because my MM isn't calling. A child is not going to change your situation. I believe it will just add to the problem. Really think about what you are going to do.
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