mr112 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 **This is kind of long, but straight to the point.. sorry** I have been with my girlfriend almost a year now and I love her very much. The problem is, every time we get into a little arguement, or debate she just always shuts down and dismisses everything said after a certain point. Keep in mind these arguements do not consist of yelling, name-calling, or anything rash... just simple discussions. My thing is that I dont ever really know why it becomes such a huge deal when in reality it seems like we should just be able to speak our minds, and then work it out. She says she loves me, and I believe its true. I just want to know how to get passed this cycle. Thank you for all advice in advance, and again sorry for being soo long.
Returning Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 She could be behaving tactically. She may have been verbally abused as a child, witnessed it in her own family, or was verbally abused by a previous partner. Withholding Information and not listening empathetically prevents the proper level of intimacy in the relationship from developing.
superconductor Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 It's very likely that she spends most of the time in your discussions thinking of come-backs to your points. She's not really actively listening. (This is extremely common; I hasten to admit that I'm guilty of it myself.) She's probably just run out of ammunition, so rather than admit that *gasp* you were actually right, she'll just shut the argument down. It may or may not have anything to do with her past. Can't really say. But the reasons she acts that way are relatively immaterial. So stop arguing. Make your point, then shaddap.
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