Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Ok, Lor its time to "man up"! God I loved her, God I loved her! Its been 16 years, and I still love her!
Lor Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Oh boy.......what'd I do now? Man-up? I'm feeling pretty good right now actually--very settled in my feelings on the stbX. Not ready to date but checking to see what's there--the technology in dating has changed a lot in 16 years since I had to do it. Not a lot of options in my neck of the woods...most of them are losing their hair. Not that that's a bad thing!! No offense to anyone, just not my cup of tea. I like thick wavy locks . But at my age, I'm not gonna find the hunky 20-something...reality check--I'm 35 on Fri.... I've discovered something. I still love the man I met back in '95. But he's not that man anymore and hasn't been for a long time. I grew up, adapted to 2 more kids and getting older.......and he didn't want to grow up, didn't want anything to change. I'm trying not to become bitter towards others' relationships, their problems, and men in general. And so far I think I'm doing a fairly good job of still trying to see the good vs the bad. I'm trying to expand my life and my choices. Honestly, I've craved affection and attention for so long, I believe due to a lack of self-respect and self-confidence, but now I know I don't have to kiss all the frogs (thanks to Dzl for that one :lmao: ) to be happy. I can be happy and choosy. I'd like to think I'm emerging, kinda like Dgiirl. "Man-up"? SIR, YES, SIR!
ilmw Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I was Wondering if Gunny was talking about himself??? Now I get it...duuuh
dgiirl Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Gunny doesnt talk to himself? Sometimes I have NO clue what he's talking about lol (I still love you gunny!!) Lor!! Happy Birthday!! My bday was on Monday I'm 32. Isnt dating weird? Or just thinking about dating... I rarely dated in the first place, and now, ppl are going online, msn, email, etc. I've yet to meet up for coffee with anyone, however I'm really tempted. But how do u know if they are not pscyho? Anyways, I hang out on okcupid dot com. It's a free dating service so I dont feel so bad if I dont meet up with anyone. I'm glad to see you are emerging too Isnt it a great feeling? I'm honestly reaching the point where I dont even want to date. Not in the sense of, everyone out there sucks, lets give up, but more in the sense that my life is going pretty well lately and I dont want anyone to mess it up lol
ilmw Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Gunny doesnt talk to himself? Sometimes I have NO clue what he's talking about lol (I still love you gunny!!) hahahahahahahah:laugh:
Lor Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Lor!! Happy Birthday!! My bday was on Monday I'm 32. Isnt dating weird? Or just thinking about dating... I rarely dated in the first place, and now, ppl are going online, msn, email, etc. I've yet to meet up for coffee with anyone, however I'm really tempted. But how do u know if they are not pscyho? Anyways, I hang out on okcupid dot com. It's a free dating service so I dont feel so bad if I dont meet up with anyone. I'm glad to see you are emerging too Isnt it a great feeling? I'm honestly reaching the point where I dont even want to date. Not in the sense of, everyone out there sucks, lets give up, but more in the sense that my life is going pretty well lately and I dont want anyone to mess it up lol Thanks! Happy Bday to you, too! This one is looking a lot better than last year's! The whole idea of dating kinda freaks me out. What to expect, what is "allowed", what's not. One thing I did was read some of the heads-up pointers on match.com and they gave some very good advice on how to spot and stay away from the pscyhos. I'll have to check out okcupid. Thing that jumped out at me was how many of the guys profiles I'd read that were into body piercing, tatoos and erotica. Whoa...I've got the (descrete) tatoo but am so not ready for the rest of it! I'm so glad I have people on here to talk to about stuff like this--can't exactly talk to the in-laws or friends about the dating prospects. I understand perfectly about the status of life right now. Emerging is wonderful!! I'd much rather be content like this than bitter. There's so much to do and so much to discover!! I'm taking a carribean vacation by myself this winter--something I've always longed to do. And gonna start skiing again--something the stbX didn't like to do all that much cuz he wasn't that good. I'm really too busy to date, I work a lot, plus I have my house to work on and my kids to take care of. Its only on those lonely nights alone that it starts to hit. Then the morning rolls around and its back to the rat-race and I'm like "What was I thinking?" Its like getting a dog just because, tying him up out back, and petting him every now and then. What kind of guy will settle for a relationship like that?
Author Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 Its like getting a dog just because, tying him up out back, and petting him every now and then. What kind of guy will settle for a relationship like that? Bow-wow! Woof~woof! (Tounge hanging out looking adorable like a puppy)
burning 4 revenge Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 But at my age, I'm not gonna find the hunky 20-something...reality check--I'm 35 on Fri.... What, are you kidding?
Lor Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Gunny, I picture you more as a snarling doberman, straining at the end of his leash, thinking "c'mon, just a little closer....". thx,b4r, but I'd rather find someone closer to my age than my sons. Dgiirl, I made a profile on that site--already got an email with poetry--sorry, don't do guys that do poetry, unless they like Nascar and can crush a beer can with their forhead, oh, and have all their teeth. Some strange people on that site, and not much in my area. Guess the good ones don't need online sites???
dgiirl Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 lol lor, yah well, there's a lot of weird people in general anywhere Dont let that discourage you! Just ignore the weirdo's. I get a ton of emails from 45+ year old men, but they dont put up pictures, so I'm always wondering if they are married! I wont talk to anyone who doesnt have a picture. Not because I want to see what they look like, but because I dont want to be put into that type of situation. Just think of it as an experience You dont have to meet up with ANY of them. Just chat online and see where things go.
Wolfp Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Gunny, I picture you more as a snarling doberman, straining at the end of his leash, thinking "c'mon, just a little closer....". thx,b4r, but I'd rather find someone closer to my age than my sons. Dgiirl, I made a profile on that site--already got an email with poetry--sorry, don't do guys that do poetry, unless they like Nascar and can crush a beer can with their forhead, oh, and have all their teeth. Some strange people on that site, and not much in my area. Guess the good ones don't need online sites??? Not so sure about the all the teeth thing...might be a bridge too far. Anyone who drinks enough beer, crushing each one in turn against his head after, is bound to fall a little short sooner or later. Do falseys count?
Author Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 When you start having intimate relations ~ "Threesomes" are the way to go. You, him, and a Dr.
Brittanyjean06 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 how does one not get over someone in 16 years? hearing stuff like that really scares me and gives me the wrong idea of getting over someone lol have you not fallen in love with anyone else yet?
Lor Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Uugh, Intimate Relations--big word and the thought turns my stomach at this point :sick: . Not that I'm not wanting it eventually, only don't need the complications right now. I love the pics on the sites that show the guys manly chests, or the ones taken in the bathroom! LOL! OMG, is this what we've come to? You'd be amazed at how many people out by me have falseys...I live way out in the boondocks and saw a posting for a guy in my hometown, reminded me of the movie "Deliverance". I quickly changed my listing to a major city close to me. (shutter) 16 years is not going to seem that long to me with my stbX--I think I'll always love him. But I love the man I married, not the man he is now. And those are the memories I'll hold with me.
Lor Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Hey, okay, internet protocol help needed.....what is the proper thing to do when you get a mail message on one of these, I use the word loosely, "dating" website? I don't know how to do this!! Or if I'm really ready --I put on there I want friendship only, no relationships. I got 3 more messages last night and don't know what to do. Help!!! :lmao:
dgiirl Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 how does one not get over someone in 16 years? hearing stuff like that really scares me and gives me the wrong idea of getting over someone lol have you not fallen in love with anyone else yet? There's a difference between still loving a person, and being over someone. When you are in constant contact with a spouse due to kids or anything, there are moments where you are reminded of the person you fell in love with. For me, these moments are filled with regret and sadness. However, you can still work on being over someone. You refocus to the present moment, the present situation and let the past live in the past. You can move on, you just need to work at it. Time alone is not going to cure your broken heart. Time and actively working on moving on will. My uncle's been divorced for 10+ years. He hasnt moved on. He's still bitter. I think I'm in a much better place than he's ever been. But he choose to be the way he is, and I'm choosing differently. I'm refocusing my thoughts, being present in the present, and now working on forgiveness.
dgiirl Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Hey, okay, internet protocol help needed.....what is the proper thing to do when you get a mail message on one of these, I use the word loosely, "dating" website? I don't know how to do this!! Or if I'm really ready --I put on there I want friendship only, no relationships. I got 3 more messages last night and don't know what to do. Help!!! :lmao: lol Read their profiles, and if they dont initially seem like creeps, just say hey At first, I emailed every guy who emailed me. I thought I was being polite. However, I was losing track of who was who. Dont be scared, but after a few exchanges they'll probably ask for your msn, then your number, then go for coffee. I've yet to reach the number stage cos I'm chicken lol So I try to keep the email exchanges to a minimum so I dont waste the guy's time.
ilmw Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 There's a difference between still loving a person, and being over someone. When you are in constant contact with a spouse due to kids or anything, there are moments where you are reminded of the person you fell in love with. For me, these moments are filled with regret and sadness. However, you can still work on being over someone. You refocus to the present moment, the present situation and let the past live in the past. You can move on, you just need to work at it. Time alone is not going to cure your broken heart. Time and actively working on moving on will. My uncle's been divorced for 10+ years. He hasnt moved on. He's still bitter. I think I'm in a much better place than he's ever been. But he choose to be the way he is, and I'm choosing differently. I'm refocusing my thoughts, being present in the present, and now working on forgiveness. Yeah..this post got me thinking... Getting over people... In my past I have been with several women... (years ago) Thought I would clarify that.. When those relationships ended I would be devistated..but like a 5 year old .. I would get over it rather quick... and move on. Now in my situation...sharing kids...and the possibility of now reconcilation..with DW.. The problem I am facing is... When we got together.. I was not at all looking for a wife/girlfriend etc.. I was infact at a point in my life that I has sworn of the ladies:confused: She came along... and Boom.... I found someone who.. was my ideal! (not perfect..but close enough to get my attention) Scary stuff... now I may have to get over her...I know I will take a very long time to get over her... and I don't know if I could be bothered to find someone else.... because it is not fair to compare people like that. I am deeply in love with my DW... I will always be reminded of all the little things she once did for me... that no one else ever did... the honest pure love that she gave... has had no comparison in all my years... (making myself sound older than I am) Ok...now I am making myself sad.. (buck up little camper:rolleyes:) Oh yeah... my point (geeez.. a butterfly could flutter by me these days and I could lose my attention...makes driving fun.............hahahahah:laugh: Nevermind.......good post though:bunny:
Lor Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 lol Read their profiles, and if they dont initially seem like creeps, just say hey At first, I emailed every guy who emailed me. I thought I was being polite. However, I was losing track of who was who. Dont be scared, but after a few exchanges they'll probably ask for your msn, then your number, then go for coffee. I've yet to reach the number stage cos I'm chicken lol So I try to keep the email exchanges to a minimum so I dont waste the guy's time. thanks for the help. One guy is married....nope don't wanna go there. Another guy has 2 pics and neither of them are clear--another no. The 3rd guy is in australia, seems nice but rather full of himself. the 4th got on me about smoking, then sent the shakepearean poem--what a way to a woman's heart. Oh, I understand the chicken part! LOL At least there's no harm in this.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 thanks for the help. One guy is married....nope don't wanna go there. Another guy has 2 pics and neither of them are clear--another no. The 3rd guy is in australia, seems nice but rather full of himself. the 4th got on me about smoking, then sent the shakepearean poem--what a way to a woman's heart. Oh, I understand the chicken part! LOL At least there's no harm in this. When I did it for a bit I just did email or phone. My husband did internet dating for a while before he met me. He said he quickly grew to realize that when the post said "Voluptuous" that wasn't what he wanted because that mean as wide as she was tall! Just be careful. Don't let them know your address. I'd make calls on a cell if I were you- etc. Stick to someone in your own area and not long distance- there is more of a chance of getting to know that person. Unclear pictures?? Ummmm no- and not pictures that are 20 years old too and you can tell it! And the ones where they appear to have cut out their s/o out of the picture?? Ummm no- invest in a digital camera dude!
Lor Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Thanks for the advice, Mz.P. I know you'd said to concentrate on myself and not date yet, but when the time is right, you know. know what I mean? That tiny sliver of hope that I used to hold onto and spin fantasies around is gone...and I'm glad. I'm not going to go running into a relationship or romance...I've found I like my freedom too much. But it'd be nice to be squired around by a good lookin' guy. There is a guy on one of them that looks kinda cute but he's wanting a relationship-ummm, no. I was thinking of letting him know I think he's cute--but then what if he's not? And what if he were to reply!! Oh man, this is fun, but I think I'm in over my head.
amaysngrace Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I checked out online dating a while ago. It was so great to know that so many available guys existed. It gave me......hope!
Author Gunny376 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 You should approach this the way you approach life ~ don't take it so seriously ~ none of us are going to get out alive anyway, so we might as well kick back, smile and enjoy the ride, laugh, and have a good time with it. Lor, all this internet stuff is, is the 21st Centuary version of flirting, same rules, different medium. Except instead of passing notes in class, you're exchanging e-mails. Have fun with it. This is just a "numbers game" if you're looking for a "whatever" just dating the numbers don't really apply in so long as they meet your criteria for what a date is. Obviously no married guys. There are guys like my bud Bill at work, who lives a very active life, has lots of interests, etc. He doesn't want a GF right now, but he would like to go out and have some fun, going places and doing things. He spends a lot of time with his daughter doing things. If your looking for a LTR relationship, you're as a rule of thumb are going to have to probally go thorough about 100 (just as quickly as you've already dis-qualified the four that e-mailed you) out of 100, you find four possible canidates. out of four ~ you'll fine one worth wasting your time on long term. Of course there "Bed-buddies" and "Friends with Bennies" if you want to go that way. Just go and have fun, just becuase you go out on a date or two with a guy ~ doen't mean your in an exclusive LTR. or that you've got to fall for the guy, nor he you. LOL! I've talked to a lot of my buds, and they've come across a lot of women who are literally just "using" them for sex. The funny part is they're starting to sound like women, "I, I, I felt so used!"
dgiirl Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Ummm no- invest in a digital camera dude! hahahahah I dont take online dating too serious. It's nice to talk to new people and it helps in building my confidence again, but I met my exh on the internet, so I think i want to try something new, something more traditional lol But who knows.
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