RecordProducer Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 WHAT EXACTLY would be the purpose of said letter? There has to be reason behind it. Nobody would go that far for nothing! Which would ultimately, if anything, make you question whether HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR and the letter came from HIS mistress, therefore ending your marriage. Unless you give him a second or third chance. Oh, I see. I would think about who would want to separate us - his mistress of course. Well see, for me the letter wouldn't work in the right direction. I would most certainly think it's my sister-in-law. Next one would be his brother then the sister-in-law's daughter and even his first wife who is bipolar and still loves him. My husband wouldn't cheat on me, but let's imagine that he is for the purpose of amusement... he is very reserved and would never tell his mistress that his wife has a problem with his family (that's embarrassing for his family cuz they suck). So the poor mistress would have no clue that her efforts would be futile. Plus if you think about it, if a woman wanted to separate us, she would write ME a letter about him, not vice versa - that's how I would reflect! So too cautious also means - you're losing your track. All together I don't understand dating married people so it's all enigma for me. To me it's like saying: "I am in a cage" "But you can leave, the door is open" "No, I can't, I love being here" "But you're unhappy" "Yes, because I am stuck in this cage" "Well get the F out of there!"
saf Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I think it'll work. What you're not getting is that he's going to WANT to believe it, because it will let him make the decision to be free. You can't compare a man who is having an affair to one who isn't. The reactions will be way differnt
MsColorado Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I don't think my husband would ever believe a letter in the mail that said I was having an affair. First off, he pretty well knows me and wouldn't believe I was having the affair and secondly, I can pretty much account for all my time - we wives seem to have a lot less "free time" than our husbands as we tend to be with the children more and running the household (don't mean to sound sexist but isn't that basically the truth? men seem to get off a little easier in those departments). And I also think the letter could possibly backfire. Men are territorial and don't like the thought of their "woman" (wife or mistress) with anyone else. Dealing with a male ego and especially one that has an already overblown one that obviously feels he can have two women at one time (wife and mistress) he may just get really jealous and set out to completely win his wife back (the spark his marriage was lacking might actually re-ignite!) and dump you altogether.
norajane Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I think it'll work. What you're not getting is that he's going to WANT to believe it, because it will let him make the decision to be free. What you're not getting is that if he really wanted to be 'free' he would have already made the decision to leave, and he would have acted on it. What you're not getting is that he won't want to believe it, because he loves his wife. And even if he didn't, he wouldn't want to believe that his wife would do that to him. It might seem ironic since he's cheating on her, but no man wants to believe his wife is cheating on him.
MrsHellFire Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 This plan sounds like it can do some damage. Especially if they already have doubts in eachother and the trust and love is not there anymore. If I received a note like that, I would definitely wonder why someone would send that???? This person is obviously caught up in breaking us up and I don't know ANYONE who would want to do that besides a mistress-type person. I would be glad the cheating was brought to my attention though.
RecordProducer Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 This plan sounds like it can do some damage. Especially if they already have doubts in eachother and the trust and love is not there anymore. If I received a note like that, I would definitely wonder why someone would send that???? This person is obviously caught up in breaking us up and I don't know ANYONE who would want to do that besides a mistress-type person. I would be glad the cheating was brought to my attention though.Do you realize that you just encouraged Saf and possibly some more women to actually try this dirty destructive plan on some innocent woman? Sometimes it's not good to be too honest. I think it'll work. What you're not getting is that he's going to WANT to believe it, because it will let him make the decision to be free. You can't compare a man who is having an affair to one who isn't. The reactions will be way differnt... and we are yet to see your plan work. Remember, just because the letter may cause problems doesn't mean they will get divorced. You should know better about how easy it is to make someone divorce! Or do you think that you are not a good enough reason to get divorced, but a letter will make the wife kick him out? It will only make her kick YOU out of his life! Even if they do get divorced, it doesn't mean he will be yours. This is a humiliating position for you. You need to think of tricks to divorce him from his wife. As they say, you can bring a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink.
TattooedPrincess Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I can't believe how little imagination you women have. You don't get the husband caught. You know a LOT about the wife from all of the conversations you've had with the H. What you do is write your MM an anonymous note claiming to be the lover of the wife, and outing her. He's going to believe it, he'll want to believe it. she'll never be able to disprove it. How do you prove a negative? and voila! the marriage is over and he's yours. That's what I'm gonna do when I'm ready for fulltime. :rolleyes:You have no common sense! This is such a pathetic attempt and I for one know this will not work. Most men will want solid proof and a little note pretending to be some made up lover to his wife is not going to do it. Sorry! unfortunately as a child/teenager growing up and watching my parents fight, dad having a mistress exc! One little tart has already pulled the mysterious lover note to my dad and when that failed she had wrote a letter professing her love to him and stuck it to the door so my mother would be the first to see it. Real cute! To John Doe with a red lip stick kiss on the envelope. Of course this did stare up a verbal fight for two days but neither one of them ran to the judge for a divorce. Men will want solid proof, like actually being there seeing the two lovers together or a solid picture or video of the two together holding hands, kissing exc. Gally geez! Does anyone not watch the show Cheaters? We wouldn’t have such a freaken show if a simple love letter would break someone up, hell simple e-mails don’t do the trick. People are calling for a television crew to investigate their lover to see if they are cheating. Video taped proof and you think a little piece of paper is going to do the trick. To funny!!!
lovernotafighter Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 why oh why is this thread still on the front page?
heartbrokenwifeof2 Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I just caught my 35yr old MM with the 21 year old OW. And I wish she would do something stupid. I cant believe you sit around thinking up plans to break up marriages. There are two sides to every story and men are liars. And yes kids too. I have a 5 and 2 year old that my h didnt spend time with because of the OW. We are working it out and if I ever see her again I will probably beat her ass again. Think before you speak ladies. Oh excuse me ya'll are not ladies!!!!!!!!!
movinon05 Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I just caught my 35yr old MM with the 21 year old OW. And I wish she would do something stupid. I cant believe you sit around thinking up plans to break up marriages. There are two sides to every story and men are liars. And yes kids too. I have a 5 and 2 year old that my h didnt spend time with because of the OW. We are working it out and if I ever see her again I will probably beat her ass again. Think before you speak ladies. Oh excuse me ya'll are not ladies!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry for your pain and I don't mean to throw salt on your wounds, but he did not miss time with his children BECAUSE of the OW, he CHOSE to miss time with his children and made that HIS priority. I hope you are able to work all of these issues out.
Guest Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I have a 5 and 2 year old that my h didnt spend time with because of the OW. He did not spend time with his kids because HE chose not to! My MM has two children, as do I and we always talk about our kids. If his kids have something going on he is ALWAYS there and not becuase he has to be but because he WANTS to be there. He is an extremely hands on Dad, its one of the qualities that I love about him. So, don't blame the OW, blame the looser.
Guest Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 He did not spend time with his kids because HE chose not to! My MM has two children, as do I and we always talk about our kids. If his kids have something going on he is ALWAYS there and not becuase he has to be but because he WANTS to be there. He is an extremely hands on Dad, its one of the qualities that I love about him. So, don't blame the OW, blame the looser. My MM is a fabulous father. He will place their happiness first and he understands that staying married to their mother when he no longer loves her will only lead to a life of resentment. That resentment will eventually tear down any positive dynamics in the family unit.
lovernotafighter Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 I just caught my 35yr old MM with the 21 year old OW. And I wish she would do something stupid. I cant believe you sit around thinking up plans to break up marriages. There are two sides to every story and men are liars. And yes kids too. I have a 5 and 2 year old that my h didnt spend time with because of the OW. We are working it out and if I ever see her again I will probably beat her ass again. Think before you speak ladies. Oh excuse me ya'll are not ladies!!!!!!!!! you said you wanted a threesome with her in another thread...then you beat her ass? you also didn't bother to read this thread or you would know pretty much everyone is against such actions as trying to break up a marriage. I am sorry your hurting but you don't make any sense in your posts..sorry I had to say that
simplicity99 Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 Been the OW twice with the same man. Thought this time was different. Spent a year and a half planning for a life together. Guess what...I am just a statistic..no surprise there. We live 1500 miles apart and he flew to see me every month for a week. I thought this time it was different. he seemed committed, who spends 600 a month for just a "thing". Last visit Aug 7th till the 13th and then I get that call. The one we all know. I can't leave her. I owe her this as the mother of my children. In total, 4 years of my life wasted. Do I love him, more then anything, do I miss him, so much sometimes its a physical ache, but for me, even after the phone calls to him begging for him to change his mind, I realized, if he loved me at all there is no way he would let me shame myself. I was ashamed for not having the courage to walk away. I read these posts and I am empathetic, but under no circumstances would I deliberately get my MM caught. His wife did nothing to deserve the pain that would cause. "What the eyes don't see, the heart don't feel". No matter how hurt and angry I am, and oh so bitter about his lies to me, I will never be that vengeful. I do not see him anymore though he still calls everyday despite my not taking his calls now.
ahotmess Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 I would never "out" him. Lately he's made alot of comments....like an extremely unusual amount of statements like " Well it'd be over if she ever found out." And that makes me wonder if he somehow wishes she would find out about his behavior. What'dya think? But I would never do it, only because I don't want to upset his life. How crazy is that statement?
newbby Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 I would never "out" him. Lately he's made alot of comments....like an extremely unusual amount of statements like " Well it'd be over if she ever found out." And that makes me wonder if he somehow wishes she would find out about his behavior. What'dya think? But I would never do it, only because I don't want to upset his life. How crazy is that statement? ah who knows ahotmess. it could be anything, manipulation, madness, dementia, head got too big for his brain, who knows. i wouldnt read too much into it. just take it as it is, or dont take it. sorry, i am cynical.
BUTAFLY Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 under no circumstances would I deliberately get my MM caught. His wife did nothing to deserve the pain that would cause. "What the eyes don't see, the heart don't feel". No matter how hurt and angry I am, and oh so bitter about his lies to me, I will never be that vengeful. I do not see him anymore though he still calls everyday despite my not taking his calls now. this my be a bit off topic..but Please help me understand this. Its not only simplicity99 or ahotmess but a lot of others who view telling the wife as disturbing his life. I see it from a completely different angle. I feel a person can only make the best possible choice for themselves when fully & properly informed. I feel it should be the mistress to inform the wife because the only way to get the facts, and ask necessary questions is through the horses mouth, not someone who heard or saw something suspicous. I don't get it...please explain.
newbby Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 i suppose butafly it might be a difference between being a knowing ow and an unknowing ow. if you knew all along it would be a bit hypocritical to tell the mms wife, when you are no longer getting anything from him, wouldnt it? not saying that even in these cases there isnt quite a bit of trickery (well, lies) involved, that can send an ows head spinning, but at the end of the day we knew, and telling the wife, just seems rather low. in your situation butafly, i think it is entirely different.
BUTAFLY Posted August 26, 2006 Posted August 26, 2006 i suppose butafly it might be a difference between being a knowing ow and an unknowing ow. if you knew all along it would be a bit hypocritical to tell the mms wife, when you are no longer getting anything from him, wouldnt it? True.. True.
Guest Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 I wish sending an anonymous letter was that easy. As many have already mentioned, a little note will probably not cause an entire divorce. I believe that my MM may never leave his wife, because she cheated on him in the past and he forgave it! I am sure that is how he justifies being with me, and since he has justification for his actions, has no reason to change them. He claims to be miserable and whatnot, but they have a daughter and live in a different state. For him to leave her for me would mean moving quite far from his daughter, which I dont know if he is willing to do...so what is the OW to do? Wait it out until you cant take it anymore? Issue the ultimatum? Are either of these even remotely good ideas?
simplicity99 Posted August 28, 2006 Posted August 28, 2006 I have taken enough from his wife butafly by engaging in this relationship. He may not have any integrity but at least in this instance I can behave with some. I think we all know that at the end of the day we end up starting over. I do not believe telling her would help her make any decisions and the only reason for me to do it would be to assuage my own guilt or exact vengence. Both, to me are selfish and counter-productive. We all deal with our wants and feelings in different ways but all I can do is caution against doing anything that compromises your own dignity. My relationship with my MM is something I don't want to open up for discussion or ridicule by his wife. If nothing else I will have left knowing I spared someone pain that is inconceivable to anyone who has never experienced it.
CurlyLocks Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 Let's face it, there's enough blame to go around equally. My MM's W found out 12 days ago (yes I'm counting), and the last words he spoke to me were "She wants to talk to you". The two years we spent together turned out to be no match for what she spent 22 years building. I'm sure they'll work it out, they have a strong foundation to build on, stronger than a foundation built on a mattress. REALITY BITES!!!
CurlyLocks Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 Let's face it, there's enough blame to go around equally. My MM's W found out 12 days ago (yes I'm counting), and the last words he spoke to me were "She wants to talk to you". The two years we spent together turned out to be no match for what she spent 22 years building. I'm sure they'll work it out, they have a strong foundation to build on, stronger than a foundation built on a mattress. REALITY BITES!!!
CurlyLocks Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 Let's face it, there's enough blame to go around equally. My MM's W found out 12 days ago (yes I'm counting), and the last words he spoke to me were "She wants to talk to you". The two years we spent together turned out to be no match for what she spent 22 years building. I'm sure they'll work it out, they have a strong foundation to build on, stronger than a foundation built on a mattress. REALITY BITES!!! Sunday morning 4 a.m. Constant turmoil within, there is no peace or redemption. Elusive sleep just out of reach, but close enough to taunt and tease. What I wouldn’t give to sleep the pain away, hers, yours, and mine. Loneliness and selfishness lead to betrayal, poor excuses for wounds that will never truly heal. How could I have been so careless with someone else’s life, or my own. Please be careful with your heart.
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