Guest Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I was recently introduced to a great girl at an outdoor festival. We only spent a short time together but really hit it off. Since then we've been talking on line and on the phone daily and will be getting together soon, probably this weekend (work schedules are in the way right now). I'm 27 and would like a long term relationship and think I may have finally found the right girl. I don't know that this is bad but almost all of her friends are guys. She really only hangs out with a couple girls. I guess this worries me a little because it doesn't seem quite normal and the last girl I dated had almost all guy friends. She had LOTS of issues! I only dated her for a few weeks and saw it would be nothing but trouble. She is a bit of a tomboy, grew up on a dairy farm, likes camping/fishing etc. yet still feminine and attractive. Oh and she's an elementary school teacher if that matters. Also a little older than me, I'm 27, she's 29. So I'm just wondering any thoughts, experiences, whatever with girls who have almost all guy friends. Are they usually trouble?
superconductor Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 While it's certainly not unheard of for a woman to have lots of guy friends - after all, I have a lot of women friends with whom I have no sexual interest at all (except one, but that's another story for another time) - you can be pretty much assured that almost every one of her guy friends wants in her pants. The other part of the equation is that, because she has so many guy friends, she probably puts men in the oblivion of the friend zone very easily and quickly, writing them off as non-relationship material. Are you up for either one of those possibilities?
Guest Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 yea I think those things seem likely. I won't write her off yet but this is certainly cause for concern. and she seems so wonderful
kellyp1 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I have a lot of guy friends, grew up with 3 older brothers and being surrounded by boys. A lot of my friends wives and girlfriends have had issues with me until they met me and realize I would never do that with any of them as I have a very high respect of marriage and them. With that said, I have been told it is a turnoff to guys when girls have a lot of guy friends. One guy said he felt it would be a threat on his guy time if I got along with them so well. Figure out your threshold but I don't think you should knock a great girl because she has so many guy friends. You will probably find that makes her more understanding of what being a guy means...
Guest Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I have a lot of guy friends, grew up with 3 older brothers and being surrounded by boys. A lot of my friends wives and girlfriends have had issues with me until they met me and realize I would never do that with any of them as I have a very high respect of marriage and them. With that said, I have been told it is a turnoff to guys when girls have a lot of guy friends. One guy said he felt it would be a threat on his guy time if I got along with them so well. Figure out your threshold but I don't think you should knock a great girl because she has so many guy friends. You will probably find that makes her more understanding of what being a guy means... Thanks! I suppose I might feel a bit threatened by it but I'll still give it a shot and feel it out. Again I'm not saying for sure it's a bad thing, just makes me a little skeptical.
vi_pn Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I'm a girl with alot of guy friends...and yes unfortunately most of them just want to get in my pants...at least eventually. But the reason why I have more guy friends than girl friends is because usually they don't cause as much drama as girls or jealousy, they are more spontaneous, fun, and it's fun to flirt sometimes...lol. So with that said, just be aware of how she acts around these guys. If she's a tomboy then you probably don't have to worry as much. But if she was a girly girl like me, you'd probably to have to worry Take the time to get to know her, she seems like a well rounded person.
Citizen Erased Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Most girls are more friendly with guys for the sole reason that as soon as 3 girls are together and one walks away, the other two start b*tching about her. Who wants to put up with that cr*p?
monkey00 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I'm a girl with alot of guy friends...and yes unfortunately most of them just want to get in my pants...at least eventually. But the reason why I have more guy friends than girl friends is because usually they don't cause as much drama as girls or jealousy, they are more spontaneous, fun, and it's fun to flirt sometimes...lol. I knew this girl a couple years ago and it was pretty much the exact situation as above. she was a little tomboyish with some self-esteem issues. however on a social level she was very easy to get a long with and talking to a girl has been as easy-going as her. She was open, friendly and spoke what was on her mind. but on another level she was shy and doesnt speak to anyone unless spoken to, but rather opened quickly. If any guy had to have a girl as one of the 'guys' for a friend, it would definitely be her.
Guest Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I'm a girl with alot of guy friends...and yes unfortunately most of them just want to get in my pants...at least eventually. But the reason why I have more guy friends than girl friends is because usually they don't cause as much drama as girls or jealousy, they are more spontaneous, fun, and it's fun to flirt sometimes...lol. So with that said, just be aware of how she acts around these guys. If she's a tomboy then you probably don't have to worry as much. But if she was a girly girl like me, you'd probably to have to worry Take the time to get to know her, she seems like a well rounded person. I never was a girly girl. I still till this day can't stand pink and getting dressed up isn't my bag. I don't mind having guy friends at all. It's nice to have the male friend perspective too on various things. I find it easier to talk to my guy buddy about certain things as opposed to my gal pals. Guys are just a lot easier at times to talk to and they are also at times a lot easier to get ahold of too. There are certin guy friends that I'll act guyish around, while others I'm more reserved. I joke around a lot and will occassionally give a slap on the back for a job well done or if the person is being a total doofus. It just depends on the person and my mood.
Lostgurl Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I think that she is a strong person, women who are beautiful, indepentant and strong have a hard time making other female friends. Females are a jealous type and they feel threatened by a women who is succesful, strong and beautiful. By the way, just out of curiousity, does she have older brothers?
Aloros Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I don't see it as a problem, personally. I'm a girl with a lot of guy friends. I'm a bit of a nerd and a tomboy, so it's easier to find guys who share my interests. There's nothing untoward going on at all. I don't think any of us would date one another, even given the chance.
superconductor Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I don't see it as a problem, personally. I'm a girl with a lot of guy friends. I'm a bit of a nerd and a tomboy, so it's easier to find guys who share my interests. There's nothing untoward going on at all. I don't think any of us would date one another, even given the chance. Exactly my point. Lots of male friends means lots of men in the friend zone.
Adunaphel Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Do not look at the number of her male friends, look at the way she acts around them. If they are actually *friends*, great - you'll know that she is a girl who can consider guys *persons*. It may seem silly, but to some women, guys are first of all "persons". Others will be able to see men just as "males". If she flirts with them, tries to get their attention, causes trouble (even if unintentionally)with their gfs - not so great. This girl sounds like a very interesting person. I think it is also positive that she has at least a couple of girlfriends. I am wary of women who are unable to get along well with anyone who is female and axpecially of those who basically "hate women". (just my personal opinion, coming from my own experience, liable to change. But whenever I hear "women are all b*tches" from the mouth of some woman, I always find myself wondering "is she so bitter and suspicius of others because she knows herself so well?")
Cecelius Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 It's a red flag -- may mean nothing in the case of an exceptional woman, but usually it's bad news. 1) ABove reason - she friendzones people easily (bad for you becoming romantic with her) 2) She friendzones people easily (these male friends are all sniffing around her, so even if you do get somewhere, you have all these other dudes along for the ride). 3) Attention ho - can't tell, but you may find she's the kind of person who needs her ego propped up by lots of men. It means that any connection you may have with her is likely superficial and temporary 4) Back story - last potential issue - you may find that a lot of these dudes have gotten somewhere in the past. It may not be your cup to date her if they have gotten the goods without the effort. If she has a good head, hasn't hooked up with them, has a reasonably clean past regarding promiscuity and cheating, and these dudes don't seem to be in it for her undies, then she may be okay.
lindya Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 It's a strange one. When I hear women saying they prefer the company of male friends I always feel a bit put out. I think of my female friends and how fantastic they are...and wonder why anyone would forego the opportunities to have bonds like that. Then again, I think it's easy to start assuming that all women are as wonderful as one's friends are...and forget about the less delightful ones out there. Every now and again I'll encounter the type of women who, I think, are responsible for the "I don't relate to other women" mindset I quite often read on this board. In a nutshell - gossipy, cliquey, thick and boring. Any time I've been in a social situation featuring those types, I must admit to having found the men easier to get along with. They've tended to be friendlier and more open to meeting new people. The main thing I'd wonder, in relation to a woman who surrounds herself almost exclusively with male friends, is why she hasn't met women who are on her wavelength. Maybe she hasn't pursued the kind of experiences, profession and lifestyle that would help her to broaden her social circle? I'm not buying the idea that some women can't have female friends because other women are just jealous of them. There are plenty of very hot chickies out there who are popular with men and women alike. I'd say the more likely reason a woman doesn't have female friends is a) she feels threatened by other women, and tends to avoid them...or b) she's "slumming it" as regards lifestyle and professional choices...and therefore not meeting her type of people.
PoopsMcgee Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 This is a very interesting situation that I myself have faced on several occasions. To me, I find it is a huge turnoff when discovering a girl who seems to be giving me all the signals and genuinely likes me, I find out she has a ton of guys friends. I'm not condemning women who are in this category bc there are the fair share of tomboys or girls who are just so laid back and easy going that they are friends with everyone. I've had several friends like that over the years. However, you probably know how competitive most of us are with women and how we react when someone invades the space of someone we like...it's basic human nature, find a mate and protect her. I would honestly play it out a bit, but if you find yourself jealous, and her not treating you special out of everyone else, then slowly fade away from her. As others have said, the fact she has a ton of guy friends means she 'friendzones' guys very easily and you may be interpreting the signals most of these other guys obviously have (and let's face it, 95% of guys with female friends either secretly want to bone them, or would give the situation...it's all in our genes!). I've seen a lot of these kinds of girls really open with the guys, and playfully rough around with them like they are one of them. Once again, I'm not condemning them at all, just saying I'd rather be friends with a girl like that but never serious. I'd say give it a shot and then if you feel yourself jealous then save yourself the eternal anguish and back out. If you find she really likes you and wants to be serious, and really means it, gradually a lot of these guys will back off, and SHE will want to back off from them...otherwise you will be friended like the rest of them and probably miserable.
Guest Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Thanks everyone, many interesting perspectives here! More than I can comment on individually. She is definitely an interesting and diverse person. She mentioned today that all her friends already know about me. I found that interesting because as we all know most of her friends are guys and we haven't even spent time together in person yet besides the day we met. So I'd say she's very interested. We made plans to spend the day together Sunday at a beautiful park. I like that a day at the park is her preferred first date. That beats a dinner date which can be awkward and I've been out with girls who are only interested in finding out how much I'm willing to spend on them. She told me today that she writes poetry for fun. I think that says good things about what kind of person she is. On the other hand she also hosts sex toy parties for women! You know those parties where women get together and one basically tries to sell them toys. This raised a red flag at first but isn't necessarily bad. She says it's lots of fun and she makes quite a bit of money doing it. She stressed to me that when people find out she does this they are shocked and wouldn't expect someone like her to do it. As I mentioned she's an elementary school teacher which is good, I'm always partial to teachers and I think they have strong character. Her and I concur that each other is the first person we've met in a long time that we connect with so strongly. Yep, this is an interesting one. I agree with above posters that it's best to just feel this out for now. Though I really do hope she turns out to be everything she seems to be!
vi_pn Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 It's a strange one. When I hear women saying they prefer the company of male friends I always feel a bit put out. I think of my female friends and how fantastic they are...and wonder why anyone would forego the opportunities to have bonds like that. Then again, I think it's easy to start assuming that all women are as wonderful as one's friends are...and forget about the less delightful ones out there. Every now and again I'll encounter the type of women who, I think, are responsible for the "I don't relate to other women" mindset I quite often read on this board. In a nutshell - gossipy, cliquey, thick and boring. Any time I've been in a social situation featuring those types, I must admit to having found the men easier to get along with. They've tended to be friendlier and more open to meeting new people. The main thing I'd wonder, in relation to a woman who surrounds herself almost exclusively with male friends, is why she hasn't met women who are on her wavelength. Maybe she hasn't pursued the kind of experiences, profession and lifestyle that would help her to broaden her social circle? I'm not buying the idea that some women can't have female friends because other women are just jealous of them. There are plenty of very hot chickies out there who are popular with men and women alike. I'd say the more likely reason a woman doesn't have female friends is a) she feels threatened by other women, and tends to avoid them...or b) she's "slumming it" as regards lifestyle and professional choices...and therefore not meeting her type of people. Well I should say I don't have as many girl "aquaintances" as guys. I just have really close girl friends, the ones that have known me, that aren't jealous or cause drama. And we're all in the same boat as far as looks are concerned, so that helps. I have a very bubbly personality too, so I'm not saying just looks gets me alot of friends. I'd rather be known for my personality honestly. To tell you the truth, I have met them through my past jobs, some from school, but mostly where I've worked, so I'm not sure what you mean by "slumming" it. Right now I'm a sales agent and work with mostly all men who are very professional. Although, it's hard to meet girls as friends in that respect. But it doesn't bother me because working with more men makes me feel more powerful, and I'm treated with the upmost respect because I'm confident in what I do.
kellyp1 Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I do have more guy friends but plenty of girl friends. Part of this is because of my older brothers but as I get older, it becomes more competitive with the single girl friends. The married girl friends are fine but when the single ones feel that biological clock, I have had one make a blatant move on my date (took him in the other room while I picked my mouth off the ground) and others spend the evening talking about how great their lives are, trying to prove something. I am a happy person, like sports, not into clubs, dancing and often my interests go better with married couples or single guys. It is what it is... There are plenty of great guys and girls out there to befriend. I don't think it is as black and white as people make it.
Noos Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Girls in this category are usually very attractive and depend on male approval for their self esteem. She likes the constant ego boost she gets from guys willing to fall over themselves to do stuff for her. She doesn't like other women taking the spotlight off her = attention whore. Some male firends is normal, but disproportionately more signals something else going on there.
singleguy Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 I dated a girl who mostly had guy friends, actually we were in a 9 year relationship. She said she had a problem with having girls as friends because they always ended up not liking her. Well I've found that woman who have lots of guy friends do so for a reason, they are easy pray, like fish in a barrel. just waiting to be fished out. be careful. Use your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, then it's probably not right. How many guys you know like to keep pretty girls as friends ?(sorry for last comment). You need to get another girl you know envolved in the situation and get her to find out more from the so called "friends" of this girl. You might be suprized what you find out and it may help you make the right decision. Good luck
singleguy Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Girls in this category are usually very attractive and depend on male approval for their self esteem. She likes the constant ego boost she gets from guys willing to fall over themselves to do stuff for her. She doesn't like other women taking the spotlight off her = attention whore. Some male firends is normal, but disproportionately more signals something else going on there. i agree all the above is true too, but some woman go futher and have to "feel" accepted. So I say again to be careful and if all your going after is her looks, then you going to be disapointed later, because if you don't really get to know her then you setting yourself up for disaster (like i did)
BlueStreak Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Thanks again everyone. The whole situation raises flags in my head but so far everything checks out. She did grow up on a farm with a couple older brothers so that's probably a factor. We were on the phone for almost 2 hours last night without even realizing how long it was so I've learned a lot about her, almost all of it is good! I'm probing for some of the issues that have been mentioned here but not finding any so far. Well we'll be spending the day together today. It's the first chance we've had to get together in person and I'm really excited. So this will be my chance to feel things out better, but so far so good.
Guest Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 i am somewhat tomboyish with many guy friends & only a handful of girl-friends. do not be threatened by this. my guy friends love me like a sister. i can sleep in the same bed & they wouldn't even think about putting a finger on me, ESPECIALLY if im in a relationship. i grew up hangin out with my brother & have since always enjoyed gettin dirt under my nails. but i too am feminine, and that is both threatening to guys i date & girls they date. people need to just relax a little and judge her friends not in the matter that they are guys or girls, but that they are good people or people you wouldnt want to be around. most guy-girls has lots of guy friends b/c they don't like the catty,girly gossip crap. and would rather chill out, drink beer, maybe even watch the game or go dirtbiking. my bf loves my guy friends & my girl friends (my girlfriends are guy-girls too) we all go out drinkin together. i love the fact i can hug them, kiss their cheek & get drunk w/ them & even crash at their house without having a jealous boyfriend breathing down my back. so if you dig this girl, get to know her friends and don't jump to conclusions.
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