I messed up bigtime, I love my wife!!

[chadnickole]

Chad, i'm not saying to push the MC issue right now. On monday you can just tell the courts that you decided against the divorce, they will get it cancelled.

 

Don't push anything on her, like I said before let her lead the way, but slowly guide her in the direction of counseling. Good response in your post, I would definetly talk to her in person. This is something she wants to see & hear. Call her tonight and ask her out for dinner and then start talking about what you two want.

 

Remember it's not just what you say but it's a frame of mind that you have to change. You need to change all these things within' yourself. Feel it, experience it, don't ever forget it. This is something you need to be aware of the rest of your life, otherwise things will go back to the way they were and by then it would be all over. Both of you need this instilled into you. It's basically changing negative aspects of your character/personality. Only with counseling will you begin the right journey, however like I said before take one day at a time. There is a time & place for everything.

 

She's the one who started the divorce I just signed the paperwork, so I don't think it is in my power to stop it.

 

I cannot ask her out tonight she is scrapbooking, she is supposed to be coming over to stay the night when she is done, as I have my son and have to be to work at 6am. She thought she would come over and Sleep in his bed, so he did'nt have to be woken up at 5am on a saturday

 

She emailed me and apologized for the letter, she thought it hurt my feelings, Here was my responce to her

 

[COLOR=#0000ff]"You did not make me feel bad it just allowed me to see things from your perspective a little bit clearer, I happy that you felt comfortable to give me that letter. I want you to get whatever it is your feeling out, there is no need in bottling it up. Like I said I'll be here to listen to whatever you have to say, whenever you have to say it. Us being all bottled up is one of the reasons were in this situation!!"[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#0000ff]Hugs[/COLOR]

[chadnickole]

Dude! She's telling you what she needs and wants from you as a husband! She's given you the key.

 

You and her both didn't have the skill set necessary to be married.

 

 

Oh yeah And Gunny, "Dude" was the last thing I exspected you to write. You really threw me on that one!! LOL

[jmargel]

Yes you do have the power to stop it. Either of you can change your mind if you wish. For tonight, just have fun with her, enjoy her company. If things feel good, and go right I would bring up the court thing on Sunday with her.

[riobikini]

Chad, the more I read your posts, the more I see a guy who *wants* to feel in control of the relationship -have everything flowing smoothly without much effort- but one who is hard-headed enough to think *his* way of going about things is the *only* way and refuses to stand back, be quiet for awhile, reflect, re-evaluate, contemplate the issues and problems- and try something *different* than his *old patterns* and who really doesn't seem to have a good understanding of what *real* communication is in the first place (hasn't ever been challenged before or been faced with such important circumstances that called for it) -and is too impatient to learn.

 

So now, you're kind of like a fish out of water -gasping for breath- completely out of your environment.

 

Time to evolve onto dry land.

 

I read your estranged wife's posts. And things are becoming a lot clearer -from her side of these circumstances.

 

She's saying *a lot*, my friend -and maybe you should stop and *listen* for once- without letting your big wide impatient streak get in the way.

 

On Prozac or not -she's giving it you you as plain as the nose on your face (maybe she's doing well enough on the meds to be bold enough to tell you?)

 

I realize it's difficult for most men to gain an understanding of how to communicate with a female -but look- it's certainly possible to some extent given the sheer number of (wise) men who have tried and were successful with it enough to keep their marriage together.

 

And don't be afraid that you're giving anything up when you choose to *listen* and try to understand what she's telling you. You are definately *not* going to lose anything that makes you a man by not living up to your ego-driven (misled) perception of that old dusty high-school image of what it takes to "be a guy".

 

It's out of date, now: you're all grown up.

 

Learning this communication between the sexes is one of the most important (and frustrating/confusing) things you will ever do.

 

It takes time and experience -and still, you'll wind up feeling pretty lost, at times -but it's normally *worth* it when you try to learn how to communicate with someone you truly love and care about.

 

Counseling for both of you about right now could be the thing that can turn this around; hint: communication should be at the top of the list.

 

Remember: it's usually *two* people who create a problem -and it takes that same pair to work it out.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[Gunny376]

Oh yeah And Gunny, "Dude" was the last thing I exspected you to write. You really threw me on that one!! LOL

 

 

We've got some college students that I work with ~ that say it all the time. LOL!

[Gunny376]

Currently I'm reading "Divorce-Busting" by Michaell Weriner-Davis (get the book!!!!)

 

I don't think your wife wants a divorce, to be honest I don't think she quite sure of what she wants,............but she definately knows that she wants and needs a different life from the one that she's had, and she definately knows that she wants and needs a differet marriage than the one that she had, and she definately knows that she wants and needs a different husband than the one she had.

 

With that said, you're trying to adapt and overcome your short-comings. You're seeking out you weaknesses, and attempting to become the new and improve Chad while retaining the best aspects of the old Chad. Good for you!

 

You flirted with other women ~ just in passing ~ just for fun, and the STBXW wife used that as the last straw. But, the truth of the matter is that is just the tip of the iceberg. No doubt, communication had a lot to do with it. Not knowing what it takes to make a marriage work had a lot to do with it.

 

I've been reading and studying on this for a long time ~ still doing so. And, probally will for the rest of my life. And, I'll probally go to my grave not having all the answers to all of the questions, nor all the solutions to all of the problems ~ but at least I'm working at it and on it!

 

That's because Life is a work in progress. Its about learning and about growing. And when you quit learning and quit growing ~ go ahead and stick a fork in your ass ~ because your ass is done.

 

The reason your wife is divorcing you, is because she's conviced that you can't and won't change from the person that you were and the person that you are.

 

Divorce is not the way to go. She's not going to be any better off divorcing you. Indeed she's probally going to be worse off. After divorce, men's income climbs. Women's decline. 40% of women past the age of thirty never re-marry. The ones that do? They find themselves back in the same mess which they divorced themselves back out of. The divorce rate for second marriages is 62%. Higher for third and fourth marriages.

 

Judges know this stuff ~ they see it and deal with it everyday. They. (the judges) don't want to deal with another child custody case, visitation case, a single mom going to jail for stealing a loaf of bread for her babies case, another non-payment of child support case, etc. They don't want to make the hard decisions anymore than you or I.

 

Put everything in neutral, let it idle. Tell the wife "We've got the rest of our lives to get divorced!" There's no hurry! Let's just chill, pull back and re-group, catch our breaths, take a breather! Meanwhile we get educated as to what it takes, what we did right, and what we did wrong. At least learn from one another, so you don't repeat the same mistakes again.

[ilmw]

And when you quit learning and quit growing ~ go ahead and stick a fork in your ass ~ because your ass is done.

 

.

 

:lmao: :lmao: ... that was to funny.... but very true:)

[riobikini]

Just an observation:

 

re:

 

CN: "She's the one who started the divorce I just signed the paperwork, so I don't think it is in my power to stop it. "

 

***Good example (with your possible implied underlying bitter tones) that, when you aren't in control of something that's really important to you, it automatically becomes someone else's fault -a blame game; you throw in the towel because things didn't go your way. Kind of like: "If I can't have the ball -then I won't be in the game, at all and you'll have to suffer along without me".

 

CN: "I cannot ask her out tonight she is scrapbooking..."

 

If I'm right the scrapbooking thing is a sign she likes things having to do with family, and togetherness -tells me she's really a warm person who cares about the "little things" in a relationship. Not a bad trait to have.

 

CN: "... she is supposed to be coming over to stay the night when she is done, as I have my son and have to be to work at 6am. She thought she would come over and Sleep in his bed, so he did'nt have to be woken up at 5am on a saturday..."

 

Tells me that she's is still on board in regards to concern for the child you have together -says to me that she's not exactly shutting you out where your involvement in his life is concerned.

 

A lot of men in your position right now, would like to be assured about things like that in their own circumstances.

 

Just letting you in on a couple of "little" things that you may not be noticing, that I see that are positive, as well as one or two things you probably should work on.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[chadnickole]

***Good example (with your possible implied underlying bitter tones) that, when you aren't in control of something that's really important to you, it automatically becomes someone else's fault -a blame game; you throw in the towel because things didn't go your way. Kind of like: "If I can't have the ball -then I won't be in the game, at all and you'll have to suffer along without me".

 

Just letting you in on a couple of "little" things that you may not be noticing, that I see that are positive, as well as one or two things you probably should work on.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

 

I not trying to be a big baby in a sence and give up because I'm not getting my way, I just don't know what I can do, to change things. In fact I know i cannot change her mind, I just want her to at least think about things. There are much worse husbands out there what I ever even remotly came close to, But in her eyes I was bad enough to call it quits. I cannot tell her she is wrong, its how she feels. So I don't want t o give the impression I'm throwing in the towel. I just don't feel as if I have the power or whatever's needed to save my marriage, If she has already completely given up on it!! Sorry if I read yout post wrong

[chadnickole]

Currently I'm reading "Divorce-Busting" by Michaell Weriner-Davis (get the book!!!!)

 

I don't think your wife wants a divorce, to be honest I don't think she quite sure of what she wants,............but she definately knows that she wants and needs a different life from the one that she's had, and she definately knows that she wants and needs a differet marriage than the one that she had, and she definately knows that she wants and needs a different husband than the one she had.

 

Put everything in neutral, let it idle. Tell the wife "We've got the rest of our lives to get divorced!" There's no hurry! Let's just chill, pull back and re-group, catch our breaths, take a breather! Meanwhile we get educated as to what it takes, what we did right, and what we did wrong. At least learn from one another, so you don't repeat the same mistakes again.

 

I know she does not what the old life past life we had together, but just because of this, like it or not things will be differant, if we tryed again....

Like you've all beaten into me I cannot tell her I've changed, she has to be able to see it herself, but if she chooses to turn her head to my changes than she will never see them. No matter how drastically I've turned around.

 

I will ask her if she would be willing to put the divorce on hold, to at least take things slowly and see if she can forgive and forget, but I truely doubt she will agree with me, it was very difficult for her to get this far, and I believe if she stops it now, she'll feel she's letting herself down, and dissapointing her friends and family!!

[chadnickole]

Chad, the more I read your posts, the more I see a guy who *wants* to feel in control of the relationship -have everything flowing smoothly without much effort- but one who is hard-headed enough to think *his* way of going about things is the *only* way and refuses to stand back, be quiet for awhile, reflect, re-evaluate, contemplate the issues and problems- and try something *different* than his *old patterns* and who really doesn't seem to have a good understanding of what *real* communication is in the first place (hasn't ever been challenged before or been faced with such important circumstances that called for it) -and is too impatient to learn.

 

So now, you're kind of like a fish out of water -gasping for breath- completely out of your environment.

 

Time to evolve onto dry land.

 

I read your estranged wife's posts. And things are becoming a lot clearer -from her side of these circumstances.

 

She's saying *a lot*, my friend -and maybe you should stop and *listen* for once- without letting your big wide impatient streak get in the way.

 

On Prozac or not -she's giving it you you as plain as the nose on your face (maybe she's doing well enough on the meds to be bold enough to tell you?)

 

I realize it's difficult for most men to gain an understanding of how to communicate with a female -but look- it's certainly possible to some extent given the sheer number of (wise) men who have tried and were successful with it enough to keep their marriage together.

 

And don't be afraid that you're giving anything up when you choose to *listen* and try to understand what she's telling you. You are definately *not* going to lose anything that makes you a man by not living up to your ego-driven (misled) perception of that old dusty high-school image of what it takes to "be a guy".

 

It's out of date, now: you're all grown up.

 

Learning this communication between the sexes is one of the most important (and frustrating/confusing) things you will ever do.

 

It takes time and experience -and still, you'll wind up feeling pretty lost, at times -but it's normally *worth* it when you try to learn how to communicate with someone you truly love and care about.

 

Counseling for both of you about right now could be the thing that can turn this around; hint: communication should be at the top of the list.

 

Remember: it's usually *two* people who create a problem -and it takes that same pair to work it out.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

 

And you know, you are right I've always been used to being in control, but I've also always put my feelings aside to try and work on things, but more as a teacher insread of the husband!!! My goal in the beginning was to make her see what a big mistake she was making, how she was drastically affecting her, mine and our Son's life. I was trying to stop her from (in my mind making a huge mistake) falling face first in the mud, and taking our son and the marriage along with her. She is a very emotional woman, and most of her choices are based on that and that alone. Of course I've very rational and my choices are based soley on that., which is not graet eaither.

 

But now I just want her to see that I've learned I need to make some big changes, and that I'm 100% willing to devote myself to her and our family and to being the best Husband/Father that I can be!!! So yeah I want her to understand that, but I cannot make her see it if she doesn't want to. And I also feel a huge sense of urgencie since 11-13-06 Monday we will be in court and this thing really starts unfolding. I know I need to have some patiance, but I don't want to just wait till Its all over either....

 

I Just wish I has a step by step guide on what to do to save my Marriage!!!

 

I'm dealing with the fact that this marriage could very well be over, but I'm also trying to belive that there is a chance for it to be saved, for the sake of my Son, my Wife and Myself

[chadnickole]

I talked to Nickole tonight, and basically said that even though its not what I want I would support her decision, And that I just wanted her to be happy no matter what the outcome!!

 

I told her that I thought that if given the oppertunity that I've made and am willing to make the changes nessecary in myself, and that I truely felt in my heart that with the help of MC that our Marriage would be better and stronger than ever. And that regardless of how hard all this is, it will make both of us better people in the end, together or not!!

 

I asked her to hold off on the divorce, just for a little while. But told her she didn't have to give me an answer Now, that she could just tell me if she decided to change her mind.

 

She did say that this was very hard on her, and that she thinks about the future if we do reconcile, about how much time and money was waisted in all of this!! I just said that I understand her.

 

I also told her that I'm not resentful for her making this decision to divorce because she is only doing what she feels is right and what is in her heart, and that I cannot be angry at her for doing what is right in her mind, though it does hurt I'll survive!

 

She reflected back to one of her past boyfriends Grandparents storie of how no matter how bad things got they were both to stubborn to leave, and now they've been married for 50 years and are happy that it lasted and happy to be together!!

 

Other than that she was not a big part of the talk, she basically just listened to me, and I didn't pressure her for responces or answers. I finished with what I needed to say, spent a few moments with my son, told her goodnight and went To Wal-Mart......

 

Oh yeah then she called to tell me that Brian the OM was gonna pull in the driveway and she was going to go out and give him a movie that she borrowed, and that he would not come in the house, and would only be there long enough to get his movie and leave!! (she told me this just in case I happened to drive buy i guess)

[chadnickole]

I got my Divorce Busting book back from her tonigh also, I read it in the beginning but think I could use reading it again

[riobikini]

re:

 

ChadNickole: "And you know, you are right I've always been used to being in control....but more as a teacher insread of the husband!!!..... My goal in the beginning was to make her see what a big mistake she was making..... I was trying to stop her from (in my mind making a huge mistake).....falling face first in the mud..... She is a very emotional woman, and most of her choices are based on that..... Of course I've very rational and my choices are based soley on that....."

 

O.K. Chad.

 

You are *not* her father -you are her husband.

 

You are doing this >>>standing sternly at the helm of your ship *commanding*, *criticizing* (essentially belittling) the other adult onboard.

 

This is *not* your job in a marriage.

 

Your mate is *not* your child; your mate is *not* your "charge": your mate is your *equal* partner.

 

It would be stressful for *any* adult to live in a marriage under those circumstances (always made to feel as if they were the lesser important -maybe even the lesser intelligent one of the pair).

 

And that may be some of the problem that contributed to your circumstances.

 

Check your behavior (past and present) to see if my observation might be correct.

 

Of course, I could be wrong- and in your own words -you may truly be the one who is *always* "the rational one"-the one who always has the "right" answer.

 

(Smile) All said in kindness, Chad, to make you look again at your actions and your way of thinking.

 

You seem to have a very strong "protector" trait in you (and that's highly commendable) but you simply may be taking it too far -and too seriously- and thus, overstepping Nick's boundaries, disallowing her the freedom she needs to be an equal partner in the marriage.

 

Could it be possible that she (or anyone) might resent that and be suffocating from your "fatherly" behavior during the marriage, and be begging to be recognized as an *equal*, intelligent, capable, adult partner?

 

Give it some thought.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[chadnickole]

re:

 

 

 

O.K. Chad.

 

You are *not* her father -you are her husband.

 

You are doing this >>>standing sternly at the helm of your ship *commanding*, *criticizing* (essentially belittling) the other adult onboard.

 

This is *not* your job in a marriage.

 

Your mate is *not* your child; your mate is *not* your "charge": your mate is your *equal* partner.

 

It would be stressful for *any* adult to live in a marriage under those circumstances (always made to feel as if they were the lesser important -maybe even the lesser intelligent one of the pair).

 

And that may be some of the problem that contributed to your circumstances.

 

Check your behavior (past and present) to see if my observation might be correct.

 

Of course, I could be wrong- and in your own words -you may truly be the one who is *always* "the rational one"-the one who always has the "right" answer.

 

(Smile) All said in kindness, Chad, to make you look again at your actions and your way of thinking.

 

You seem to have a very strong "protector" trait in you (and that's highly commendable) but you simply may be taking it too far -and too seriously- and thus, overstepping Nick's boundaries, disallowing her the freedom she needs to be an equal partner in the marriage.

 

Could it be possible that she (or anyone) might resent that and be suffocating from your "fatherly" behavior during the marriage, and be begging to be recognized as an *equal*, intelligent, capable, adult partner?

 

Give it some thought.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

 

I'm sure to an exstent she felt suffocated, she did feel like an equal I was to fatherly and not husbandly enough to her. and being the rational one in the situation didn't make me always right.... Even though I'm sure she looked at it that way (me beliving i was always right and she was always wrong) If fact I know she felt that way she tells me that now!!!

 

Thanks for your insight

Chad

[PWSX3]

I'm sure to an exstent she felt suffocated, she did feel like an equal I was to fatherly and not husbandly enough to her. and being the rational one in the situation didn't make me always right.... Even though I'm sure she looked at it that way (me beliving i was always right and she was always wrong)

Chad, I think you and I have a lot in common. One thing I'm learning is I felt that I always had the right/rational answers, but how do I know that when I never gave my W a chance to tell me or show me hers?

When the W did make a decision I would think that wasn't the right one, but then I look back and think that wasn't the one I would have done or made but it doesn't mean it wasn't the wrong one it was just a different one.

 

I am starting to see since I was making so many of the decisions that she never had a chance to make her own, sure she might have made the wrong choice but she would have learned from that mistake just like I have had to do with some of the ones I have made (even though I wouldn't admit I made a mistake in the past).

This example might help explain what I'm saying. She is a animal lover & always wanted fish, hamsters, dogs, etc. but most of the time I would tell her no.

When she moved out I guess she bought a fish tank for her & my son and got it all set up bought fish etc. etc. Well last week when we were talking about my son she said he wasn't interested in the fish tank anymore and all the fish have died and it's just setting there.

The reason I never wanted her to have a fish tank isn't because the idea of the fish tank we used to have fish when we first got married, but I knew she wouldn't spend the time cleaning it and taking care of it. The problem is I didn't explain to her the reason I didn't like the idea of her getting a fish tank, I just said no we weren't getting a fish tank. We could have handled it in a lot better way, but because I was so narrow minded I didn't take her thoughts and ideas into consideration. I felt I was looking out for the best of her needs just like a father would do to his kid and that was totally wrong...

 

My W told me she always felt she was under her dad's thumb and when we got married she felt she was under my thumb and now she is out learning who she is and making her own choices.

Now I'm learning to not always be in charge and let others make the decisions and I still have trouble sometimes but it feels good to say; you decide.

[chadnickole]

Chad, I think you and I have a lot in common. One thing I'm learning is I felt that I always had the right/rational answers, but how do I know that when I never gave my W a chance to tell me or show me hers?

When the W did make a decision I would think that wasn't the right one, but then I look back and think that wasn't the one I would have done or made but it doesn't mean it wasn't the wrong one it was just a different one.

 

I am starting to see since I was making so many of the decisions that she never had a chance to make her own, sure she might have made the wrong choice but she would have learned from that mistake just like I have had to do with some of the ones I have made (even though I wouldn't admit I made a mistake in the past).

This example might help explain what I'm saying. She is a animal lover & always wanted fish, hamsters, dogs, etc. but most of the time I would tell her no.

When she moved out I guess she bought a fish tank for her & my son and got it all set up bought fish etc. etc. Well last week when we were talking about my son she said he wasn't interested in the fish tank anymore and all the fish have died and it's just setting there.

The reason I never wanted her to have a fish tank isn't because the idea of the fish tank we used to have fish when we first got married, but I knew she wouldn't spend the time cleaning it and taking care of it. The problem is I didn't explain to her the reason I didn't like the idea of her getting a fish tank, I just said no we weren't getting a fish tank. We could have handled it in a lot better way, but because I was so narrow minded I didn't take her thoughts and ideas into consideration. I felt I was looking out for the best of her needs just like a father would do to his kid and that was totally wrong...

 

My W told me she always felt she was under her dad's thumb and when we got married she felt she was under my thumb and now she is out learning who she is and making her own choices.

Now I'm learning to not always be in charge and let others make the decisions and I still have trouble sometimes but it feels good to say; you decide.

 

You are right, That is basically how I was and still kinda am, but I'm working on it just as you are. Hopefully in the end our Wives will see we've changed and find it in them to give us a chance to prove ourselves, and we'll will have enough forgiveness to allow our selves to put back in 100% and not hold there feelings against them..... Because even though this really sucks for us and our familys we have learned a ton from this!!

[PWSX3]

You are right, That is basically how I was and still kinda am, but I'm working on it just as you are. Hopefully in the end our Wives will see we've changed and find it in them to give us a chance to prove ourselves, and we'll will have enough forgiveness to allow our selves to put back in 100% and not hold there feelings against them..... Because even though this really sucks for us and our familys we have learned a ton from this!!

I "know" I am still that way, but I am starting to see it when I do control or say something I shouldn't and that is a start, because before I had no clue I was doing it.

 

Yes it's to bad it had to get to this for us thick headed guys to figure it out, but look at it this way as I do, "look how much better people we will be when it's over"!!!!!

 

I won't say either of us will get back with our wives and that will be O.K. because we will be happy with ourselves as long as we keep learning and unless we are happy with ourselves we won't be happy with anyone and I'm starting to believe that.

 

I wish you the best and I know you do the same for me and I appreciate that, it's good to know people care and that's all you can ask for.

[riobikini]

re:

 

CN: " I told her that I thought that if given the opportunity that I've made and am willing to make the changes necessary in myself, and that I truly felt in my heart that with the help of MC that our Marriage would be better "

 

When you make a promise like that -the kind of promise that has potential to drastically pivot circumstances- make sure you are willing to make good on it.

 

The only thing I suggest you might have added (which I think is *very* important) is the verbal, clear, firm stipulation that you also *need* her sincere effort in making her own necessary changes and adjustments, as well. Say it nicely.

 

When two people are working to become strong partners again, it's crucial that both understand there will be future struggles to adjust to the changes in behavior, etc.

 

It's not about *one* person doing all the changing (if it took two to mess it up, it's gonna take two to straighten it out).

 

I read your post -and it sounds like she's in "thinking" mode in regards to the divorce.

 

Good luck.

 

-Rio

[chadnickole]

re:

 

 

 

When you make a promise like that -the kind of promise that has potential to drastically pivot circumstances- make sure you are willing to make good on it.

 

The only thing I suggest you might have added (which I think is *very* important) is the verbal, clear, firm stipulation that you also *need* her sincere effort in making her own necessary changes and adjustments, as well. Say it nicely.

 

When two people are working to become strong partners again, it's crucial that both understand there will be future struggles to adjust to the changes in behavior, etc.

 

It's not about *one* person doing all the changing (if it took two to mess it up, it's gonna take two to straighten it out).

 

I read your post -and it sounds like she's in "thinking" mode in regards to the divorce.

 

Good luck.

 

-Rio

 

I'm not sure what mode she is in all I know is that I go to court this morning for the temp. judgement about our son and support and all that other fun stuff (11-13-06 8:30am) This really Sucks!!!!

[jmargel]

Well call her and talk to her about if she still wants this hearing.

[chadnickole]

Well call her and talk to her about if she still wants this hearing.

 

We showed up to the courthouse seperatly, she brought her S-mom with her. They had us sit down with a mediator, she was looking like she was going to start crying so I gave her a hug and told her everything would be okay. we sat down and hashed things out without our attornys and just when I thought we were finished, Nickole asked "if we decide against this divorce what do we do?" He (the mediator) said just tell the courts and every thing will be null and void.

 

She kinda shocked me with that one, After we were done with the mediator we went back to talk to out attorneys, they signed the temp. order and we were on our way out. she left first, so i didn't get a chance to see how she was doing.

 

When I got back to work, I noticed she had called my cellphone 3 times in 15 mins, She wanted to tell me that she has to drop some dipers off to Daycare. I told her I was really busy and had to catch up at work, so she let me go.

 

Now she just offered to make christmas dinner on christmas day, and invited just Me, my mother and my brother over. And of course our Son will be there too.

 

Maybe there is some hope here guys/gals, we will see!!

[Heartsonfire]

I can't offer you any advice but I wanted to tell you that I've read the whole 15 pages of your thread and I wanted to let you know that I'm rooting for you! I really hope you have a happy ending.

[jmargel]

We showed up to the courthouse seperatly, she brought her S-mom with her. They had us sit down with a mediator, she was looking like she was going to start crying so I gave her a hug and told her everything would be okay. we sat down and hashed things out without our attornys and just when I thought we were finished, Nickole asked "if we decide against this divorce what do we do?" He (the mediator) said just tell the courts and every thing will be null and void.

 

She kinda shocked me with that one, After we were done with the mediator we went back to talk to out attorneys, they signed the temp. order and we were on our way out. she left first, so i didn't get a chance to see how she was doing.

 

When I got back to work, I noticed she had called my cellphone 3 times in 15 mins, She wanted to tell me that she has to drop some dipers off to Daycare. I told her I was really busy and had to catch up at work, so she let me go.

 

Now she just offered to make christmas dinner on christmas day, and invited just Me, my mother and my brother over. And of course our Son will be there too.

 

Maybe there is some hope here guys/gals, we will see!!

 

Chad, have xmas dinner with her. Sounds like her heart isn't into the divorce route. Remember to be there when she needs you, but dont become the doormat. I think maybe you should ask her out for tomorrow night.

 

This is a slow process but it works. I think she's starting to see the guy that she once knew.

[chadnickole]

I can't offer you any advice but I wanted to tell you that I've read the whole 15 pages of your thread and I wanted to let you know that I'm rooting for you! I really hope you have a happy ending.

 

Only 15 page's, I had better post more!! LOL

 

Thank you for supporting me.