almostthere Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I think my bf and i need time apart. however, if he leaves i cannot make the bills and I cannot fail to make rent on time because i have two kids (not his) and i rent from my mom and i dont want to get her mad. i just need some time to see if this is what i really want. i dont think he ever got over his exwife and i cannot deal with that or i am not sure i can. i dont know what to do. and i dont know if him moving out would be the cure all. i really love him. but he really hurts me inside. i dont know what to do.
Author almostthere Posted August 15, 2006 Author Posted August 15, 2006 he doesnt know yet. this is a decision i have been fighting myself about for the past few weeks.
Returning Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 Does he do anything particular to hurt you inside?
silentcharon Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Hmm. This was one of the problems I had, except that we had already broken up. Real estate has gone up a lot the last two years, and when we broke up, it was a terrible time to move out. My city is struggling to keep up with the boom, people are buying houses and renting out places left and right. So for this reason, prices for everything in real estate have gone up. For example, a 150 K house is now worth 250, 300 k. Same with, a 1 bedroom apartment might have cost 650 with util included back then, now it's 800 without utilities. Anyway. Having just applied to school at the time of the break up, I knew, as a student, I couldn't afford to move out elsewhere on my own, even if I wasn't, I would have a hard time. Moving back to my parents wasn't an option for me, as they have 2 kids (6 and 8) and there simply isn't enough room for all the stuff I have acquired over the years since I moved out of my parents (4 years ago.) I asked around my crowd of my friends to see if anyone was looking to buy a house or at least renting out a place, and I found one. That is where I am living right now. I explained my situation, and we agreed on cheap rent in return for me doing things around the house while I went to school. I agreed to help fix up the house, I have experience in this field so it works out for both of us. You could do that. Or look for places where tenants do work in return for cheap or no rent. Most often, places hire cleaners for move in/outs, and they usually offer incredibly low prices on rent, plus, they will pay you as well, the schedule is usually very flexible (you do this on your own time, provided the work is completed by the deadline time.) I did this for a while, and it was nice. I have a lot of other ideas, but what do you think so far? is anything here you could do?
JaneInVegas Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 What does he specifically do (or NOT do) to make you feel insecure about his feelings for his ex? Does he call her? Does she call him? Has he been MIA at unusual times of the day for a long time? Or does he just talk about her a lot? Understandably, it's hard to be with someone who can't completely get someone else out of their heart. If he's not acting on those old feelings and remaining faithful to you in every other way, depending on how strongly you feel about him, maybe you should just help him get over her. (easier said then done, I know!) In my opinion, you should NOT let this become a financial decision! You should throw yourself at the mercy of your mother if you feel this is an intolerable situation. Surely your mother of ALL people would not want you to stay in a miserable relationship just so she can collect money every month. If she's an unreasonable person (like my own dear mother was) you should persue cheaper living arrangements. PLEASE don't sell your soul for money, I hate it when people do that! Like I said before, if he's not acting on his old feelings, maybe you could just help him limp along and show him a better relationship than he had before. Good luck to you!! HUGS
silentcharon Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 In my opinion, you should NOT let this become a financial decision! This is very true. When you do, then you should realize that the relationship is now based on convience, and that is something no one should be in. Ever.
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