Guest Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 Hi all! I've been in an on again off again relationship with my boyfriend for a number of years (he is 37 - I am 30). Amid everything we always seem to end up back together. This time we decided to move forward with "us" and now we are living together and planning to move into a house. There are a million and one things about him and us that is RIGHT! He's, by most anyone's standards, a GOOD MAN! Not a slacker, cheater or beater. He's very mentally and basically emotionally healthy. He's held me during my lowest times and loved me through our ups and downs. My problem is... I can't decide if I 100% want to move forward with things. 1/2 the time I think it's just fear holding me back (fear of commitment - I've never been married or this commited before) and 1/2 the time I think my concerns are valid in that he'll never be as emotionally available as I'd hoped my life mate would be. But how much good is an "all-in" emotionally available guy if he isn't loyal and trustworthy and solid and a provider and all the things I have now!? I am very confused and any advice is REALLY appreciated! Questions are welcome too! Thanks!
Guest Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Not sure why my reply post isn't going through... does this board have a Big Brother watching it!? Please bump my post so I can possibly get some replies. Thanks!
Returning Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 This guy seems to be ticking all of your boxes apart from emotional availability. I take it you find him attractive, he makes the earth move for you, and he is not boring. Therfore, the answer to your reluctance to commit must be within yourself, you may need to get to know yourself better to answer the question. Are you mentally and emotionaly healthy? Do you engage well with the world at large, feel conected generaly? Hope you find the answer
SoleMate Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Please read His Needs, Her Needs by Harley Willard and think about what your deepest emotional needs are, and how well he fulfills them. I would also consider how much I trust myself in big decisions generally. Do your friends and family consider you level headed and reasonable? Do they think he's good for you? Would you be thrilled to wake up next to him for the next 50 years? Also don't dare be influenced by a fear of being alone. Anyone in an unhappy marriage will tell you that single loneliness is better than married despair.
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