LaraV Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Silent- Angry, I told him my ex something during our breakup that continues to ring true; I told him: You don't give anything that isn't easy for you to give. Flowers are easy to give. Vague sentimentalities are easy to give. When he starts giving something that's hard to give, then you can start paying attention. Wow, that phrase is good. I'll have to remember to use it at some point.
johnnytable Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 You see folks, Bendid it just saying what I have been trying to say, only in a clearer way I believe him to be spot on.
the_alchemyst Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I think what he's saying is borderline psychotic.
norajane Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Gee, what if he's just a dumb guy and thinks sending flowers is a way to open the door to conversation? Maybe he's contacting you because he is ready.
johnnytable Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 If sending these flowers was such a "nice and sweet" thing to do, would the OP have fealt so angry about it? Would she want to throw them away? Would she even be posting here with the given title of this thread? Unlikely. Maybe this is just some "dumb guy" that is trying to open communication up with gifts of flowers. Or maybe he is just trying to relieve his guilt and or maintain a connection. Who knows. Bottom line is, are you *happy* that he sent you these flowers? Do they bring you joy? Are they making you feel good? If so, then sure tell him thanks. I feel that if you respond in a nice way, then it just leaves the door open for future contacts like this. In the back of your mind you will be thinking about the possibility of this happening and it will keep you from moving on as quickly. All we can do is give our perspectives. I do know that if my ex had sent me flowers I would have been furious... but each situation is different.
Author silentcharon Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 Wow, people, thanks for all the advice here. However, I have decided to stay in nc. Indeed, he may be a dumb guy thinking that this is the way to let me know he's ready, but still, why would he send me flowers knowing it'd pluck the strings on my heart? I think he did it exactly the way Bendit put it. Here is a guy who can't commit and who dumped you. But he valued "parts" of your relationship, the emotional support you provided him. He STILL needs that "supply" and doesn't want to lose it if at all possible. Bendit nailed that one right on the head, that's why I can't stay in contact with him. When he starts giving something that's hard to give, then you can start paying attention. Thanks, KM, I'll remember that. **** flowers, what I wanted was commitment, I'm not talking about marriage or kids or a house with a picket fence- just loving me. But that is commitment to him. Yet he still wants me around. My answer is no. I can't be friends with him while he acts like we're a couple, it's a f-ed up situation. I just can't believe how many people are willing to let themselves be put on the back burner by their exes, this is just foolish in my eyes. I had to learn this the hard way. Bottom line is, are you *happy* that he sent you these flowers? Do they bring you joy? Are they making you feel good? If so, then sure tell him thanks. Yes, absolutely- I LOVE flowers. Even I buy cut flowers once in a while for myself. However, in this situation, while I appreciate the gesture, I think it were done for wrong reasons. He got me flowers for easter, and signed the card, "Happy easter! Smile! It makes you prettier!" the flowers were beautiful and I told him thanks, because I knew he simply wanted to wish me a happy easter with flowers, and it was done for right reasons. It's just like this: It's your birthday- if you got flowers from your SO, that's great for you. But if your SO forgot, or whatever, and you whined about it, he got you flowers, you're happy about it but you know it was because you complained. The flowers don't look as pretty now do they? You wouldn't be as grateful. Your so got you something because you said something. That's how I feel. I'm staying in NC. My friends saw the flowers, and heard me comment on the flowers (how pretty they are blah blah) so I'm pretty sure the news has gotten to my ex regarding the flowers. So no need to say thanks. If he really wanted to talk, he'll have to try harder.
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