tinktronik Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 My H would never go for it :lmao: He would refuse to have sex with your wife even if threatened with his life. See he is not a typical male..... very very particular and would never have sex just for the sake of having sex..... the guy is weird! I think our spouses may be related A4a . Is he perchance extremely tall , dark haired , green eyed and of scottish decent ?
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 Exactly. My wife won't want the sex either. They can sit around talking and stuff, while we take care of our deepest desires. I'm tired of not living out my fantasies, aren't you? well my fantasy would be a guy that gives a crap enough about me to buy me a birthday present....... or hell maybe that for no reason at all decides to say...... wow honey you look great..... I want to go take a walk with you..... or one that acts like he might want to have sex with me. Or maybe that wakes up and says "what would you like to do today"...... or maybe one that says...... I already took care of that problem. As for sexual fantasies...... I only have one about a alien abduction and various probings........ 1
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 I think our spouses may be related A4a . Is he perchance extremely tall , dark haired , green eyed and of scottish decent ? ehhh...... tall yes, dark haired yes, greeny blue eyes with lil flecks of brown..... (thinking it/flecks is just his BS showing through) Irish....... another Irish one...... man the Irish ones keep pissin me off
AManWithTroubles Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 But doesn't your husband do good things? I remember you saying something about baking. That seems like something helpful and productive. Maybe make a list of his good attributes? Aliens, huh? I think I'll stay out of this part of the conversation for now.
AManWithTroubles Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I think our spouses may be related A4a . Is he perchance extremely tall , dark haired , green eyed and of scottish decent ? My wife is of Scottish descent and is the same way. Maybe it's in the Scottish genes.
hotgurl Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 a4a, I hear ya on the sex part baby. My BF is defiantly all about me pursuing. Although he is not as bad as your hubby. It's such a shame because your hubby could so easly solve your problems if he worked a little.
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 But doesn't your husband do good things? I remember you saying something about baking. That seems like something helpful and productive. Maybe make a list of his good attributes? Aliens, huh? I think I'll stay out of this part of the conversation for now. yeah whipptidy doo da.... he baked a box cake after I asked him to bake me a cake for over a year.... which turned into a joke to make a point about how he says he will do something but never does. Maybe he just lacks a serious sense of urgency? :lmao: 1
ConfusedGal Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Interesting post! SOunds familiar. I am not a nympho at all...But anyways, been married 4 years. Before marriage, my husband would ALWAYS want to jump me... Anything. I mean, a HUG would turn into something sexual....NOW...LOL! Nothing turns into sexual stuff. we are very affectionate...Lots of kisses, hugs, cuddling etc. And thats about it! We do it like maybe once a month?? And we are 27 and 32! He is so stressed with work, and too tired to do anything except cuddle and lie on the couch. Same here honestly, after work and all... Weekends we are always out with friends and stuff. Sigh...And dirty talk!! SO much before we got married! Now it seems funny when he even does it cause I ASK him too... he is so clean, prim and proper, well dressed, shiny-shoed, executive individual. Lol. I dont even mind anymore. Earlier physical was super important. Now, it seems like just affection and friendship and occasional sex (and ok sex. Nothing great!) are fine...
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 a4a, I hear ya on the sex part baby. My BF is defiantly all about me pursuing. Although he is not as bad as your hubby. It's such a shame because your hubby could so easly solve your problems if he worked a little. You got that right..... like I told him he puts zero effort into our marriage..... zero. Unless of course it is something he wants and I just happen to be a part of it. You know I have asked for the following..... even had it on a calendar as he agreed that we need to set dates for such things.....he helped with the calendar and deciding dates/events back in Jan of this year. *river rafting *symphony (casual lawn seats......nice time) *just going to the amusement park since we already have season passes *a simple picnic *a nice day in the closest larger city to us... dinner drinks maybe even a hotel *move my horse from my house to our house....he is too big for our trailer.... need to rent or borrow one. It has been almost 2 years since I have had my horse with me..... I cannot load him on my own...... he is over 17hh now. *rent a boat with friends for a weekend of fun *just a day for us........tv and popcorn.... I don't care. So guess what we have done in the last year?...... well we went to the amusement park twice..... he was a stick in the mud about it..... bitched about the beer prices. (it was very crowded tho) went to his stupidass Nascar race so I could take care of all his drunk buddies and drive his ass 150 miles each way after walking 2 miles from the camp to the stupid track carrying 50lbs of beer in a cooler So yeah a little effort could go a long way..... I mean am I really out of line asking for such enormous things? Besides the camel and the swimming pool? 1
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 DING I got it...... It is not just sex he does not initiate he doesn't initate anything. Like the list in my above post. I bet he would starve if I did not force grocery shopping on him 1
tinktronik Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 My wife is of Scottish descent and is the same way. Maybe it's in the Scottish genes. On second thought if this was the problem , there would not be so many of them.
beach Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 A4A God - as much as I love ya, you need to be more realistic! You cannot ask a dog to suddenly become a kittycat! If you know he will forget a present for xmas or bday, then go buy somethings for yourself - wrap them up- and hand them to him to GIVE to you! If you know he is not going to perform tasks that he is uncapable of delivering... then don't EXPECT it to get done by him! It is YOUR expectations of HIM that is eating away at you.. soooo stop expecting ANYTHING and you will then be happy! He may or may not get the hint after a while... but you will at least have the gifts that you wanted by buying them yourself... :lmao: Also, when you are no longer nagging him, he will perform more in the sack... not as much pressure from you... get it? I know, easier said than done... but worth the consideration... Good luck honey, my heart goes out to you....
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 A4A God - as much as I love ya, you need to be more realistic! You cannot ask a dog to suddenly become a kittycat! If you know he will forget a present for xmas or bday, then go buy somethings for yourself - wrap them up- and hand them to him to GIVE to you! If you know he is not going to perform tasks that he is uncapable of delivering... then don't EXPECT it to get done by him! It is YOUR expectations of HIM that is eating away at you.. soooo stop expecting ANYTHING and you will then be happy! He may or may not get the hint after a while... but you will at least have the gifts that you wanted by buying them yourself... :lmao: Also, when you are no longer nagging him, he will perform more in the sack... not as much pressure from you... get it? I know, easier said than done... but worth the consideration... Good luck honey, my heart goes out to you.... See now you done got me mad at you! This is not my unrealistic expectations....... this man says he is going to do something and then never does it. HE LIES. It is not my expectations it is the expectations that he sets up for me. I don't out of the blue expect him to read my mind. He will ask me sit down and talk about things at length about what he is wanting to do. (example he wants to go to my favorite restaurant for dinner for our anniversary...... again I think wow that is great.....but I know that it will never happen) Now I would not expect anything if he did not lie to me and tell me he was going to do this and that. Now again he is great in the sack.... he just does not initiate sex... wants it but will not make a move unless I greenlight it and start it. We have sex at least 5 days a week on avg. He wants it he is just to lazy to start it. There is no reason why I should have to play the part of his keeper when he cannot even have enough respect or consideration for my feelings. I have no need for such BS in my life.... and so the F what if I expect a person I care about to care back.... obviously he does not. Selfish inconsiderate prick. This is not my doing. Who the hell needs it..... I don't need a man in my life. More so I don't need the obligation of being his partner if he is just a half assed partner to me. 1
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 BTW I am far from a nag. far from it. I ask once. then nicely say "hey what about that dryer vent, do you need my help with it hon?" then just do it myself. bitching and nagging don't work. dog training 101 if you cannot enforce a command do not give it. Then about every 6 months I explode like this. After nicely and in a polite manner expressing my desires to him in a plain manner which yields no results on his behalf.
hotgurl Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 a4a, Was he always like this or did it start after marriage. I have noticed after 5 years my BF are in a rut and he is not as romantic. But I do have to say if he never got me gifts forgot important days. I would hand him his A$$ on a platter. And a blanket to sleep outside. Also we just purchased a house and we are not having us time ebcause of the work he needs to do. Is your lifestyle too demanding of him and he is being a baby about it?
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 a4a, Was he always like this or did it start after marriage. I have noticed after 5 years my BF are in a rut and he is not as romantic. But I do have to say if he never got me gifts forgot important days. I would hand him his A$$ on a platter. And a blanket to sleep outside. Also we just purchased a house and we are not having us time ebcause of the work he needs to do. Is your lifestyle too demanding of him and he is being a baby about it? You know it is hard to say... he has never given me one gift since I have known him, he went nutso on the engagement ring. Which had to be returned because it would have broken if I ever wore it.... one of those chunky diamonds that sticks way up... he did understand 100%. I take care of everything here and at my own job. Most of the time he comes home and we cook dinner and that is it. On the weekends we do home projects together or separate... he only mows the lawn if he feels like it. I do all of the lawn, gardens, animals, painting sort in general. He builds things when the mood strikes him. I run the errands except the grocery because he likes to go with me/ I hate it. I get the tires for his truck and trailer.... sheesh. We again created a to do list for the house..... so far he has done 1 thing on it.... he goes to work comes home and does only what he wants. Guess what..... that game is over. He used to be a go getter of sorts. Or at least that is what he advertised to me. He used to take trips, do things.(but not with me, but told me we will)...... like he just told me that he is buying his yearly Nascar tickets on the 18th of this month for next years race but cannot buy me a b-day gift.......... wtf? He can plan that ahead.... arrange it... think about it. How sweet of him. He gives me maybe a little support in my world. Never has offered to help with this new house building thing.....but already is chatting about how to spend the cash. I think he duped me? Liar liar pants on fire! he sucks 1
beach Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 See now you done got me mad at you! (example he wants to go to my favorite restaurant for dinner for our anniversary...... again I think wow that is great.....but I know that it will never happen) It was not my intention to upset you... sorry! I would not ever think of you as a nag either, it was just a thought... Make the dinner reservations since you know where you are going - then leave a note that says dinner at ______ 7pm for anniversary celebration... Then go buy him a gift, and while you're out - buy one for yourself as well... he may be shocked and embarrassed when you open something "he" bought you... you'll still end up with a gift you really wanted.. he he ...
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 It was not my intention to upset you... sorry! I would not ever think of you as a nag either, it was just a thought... Make the dinner reservations since you know where you are going - then leave a note that says dinner at ______ 7pm for anniversary celebration... Then go buy him a gift, and while you're out - buy one for yourself as well... he may be shocked and embarrassed when you open something "he" bought you... you'll still end up with a gift you really wanted.. he he ... Better yet for my anniversary I think I should leave a note that I went to dinner with another man I did wrap him up the Tater for a gift If he walked in the door right now I quite honestly think I would chuck a tater at his head...... I am livid. I have a large amount of tolerance but once I reach the boiling point...... There will be a war here tonight. If he is smart he will not come home as I requested him not to. If he does come home he will end up crying. I feel vicious at best right now. (venting so not to worry I will restrain from forking his head) Those Nascar tickets were the final blow to set me off. 1
hotgurl Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 a4a, I am sorry that's horrible. If my BF got that bad I would resent the he!! outta him as well. I want to head him off at the pass so to speak. All I have to say is when you leave he'll be kicking himself big time! Can you imagine if you had kids! I bet it's going to take leaving before he actually does something.
hotgurl Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Have you tried cryng? I know your a strong woman. And I am more prone to anger myself but my BF won't listen to me when I am angry and yelling. He gets all defensive. But if I start crying. Bingo.
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 a4a, I am sorry that's horrible. If my BF got that bad I would resent the he!! outta him as well. I want to head him off at the pass so to speak. All I have to say is when you leave he'll be kicking himself big time! Can you imagine if you had kids! I bet it's going to take leaving before he actually does something. Yep I believe that is the only way to solve it. I have tried everything else under the sun. Unfortunatley I need a kick in the pants to get my butt out of here I cannot leave until Sunday... We aree obligated to volunteer work on Sat.. I need him to follow through on it...... if I go he will not. (long story but I have to get this done as it will reflect on my professional life if not). That is why I do not want kids..... along with the fact I do not like kids I am smart enough to keep our finances separate.... old age brings wisdom or a little in matters of relationships So people the goal here now is to get me to get the hell out of here and not listen to his BS that he uses to drag me back in with. Then again if anyone attacked him I would defend him..... wtf is wrong with me? classic case of non physical abuse BS? Other than treating me like I am nothing he is a great guy :lmao: 1
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 Have you tried cryng? I know your a strong woman. And I am more prone to anger myself but my BF won't listen to me when I am angry and yelling. He gets all defensive. But if I start crying. Bingo. :lmao: I only cry if I get super mad...... weird. not that mad yet. Tater stabbin' mad (visualize me stabbin a tater and crying) I don't think it is worth it..... I mean do you really think he will change and stop the lies? I guess I am just worn out with the whole thing. Do I leave or do I work on it? Honestly its about as important to me at this point as thinking..... what do I want for lunch today? I have disengaged and I am going logical here. A mighty slippery slope for him to be playing on. Not only that but I could take him for half of everything ..... smarty me has my stuff all locked up in a corporation with partners nah nee nah nee nah nah. I wouldn't do that tho... too much wasted energy for a couple of bucks that really are not mine..... he can just pay for my move and keep the crap and improvements I paid for here at his house. What will I have for lunch today?
Mz. Pixie Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Ah yeah...... my birthday snuck up on him, the date changed. ... did not know what day valentines was on and that damn x-mas ...... well you know that date changes every year......so no way to plan ahead at all! He is a decent guy, no bad habits, no addictions, no running around, smart, good looking, kind (in most cases), It would be much better if he just said...... "I don't give a rip about what you want" instead of lying about what he is going to do or wants to do for me. As I explained it to him....... It is like telling kids for months about a magical trip to Disney that they are going to take ........but the day they are supposed to leave guess what? It was all a farce. ******* well before I hit "submit reply" he called back..... I went ballistic. (what made me snap was that he decided to make a large purchase for himself for his big yearly outting, which requires planning, $$, and involves coordination on getting other people involved and he did so immediatley) Hmmmm, I'm having a flashback from my first marriage here. Bad. All of that planning for his yearly outing stuff but it's too much trouble for him to work on his marriage- yup, major flashback. It's also a bit like buying a car that you really wanted and looked really good and you get home and it's a rusty old lemon on the inside. I feel ya A- I've been there. For a hell of a lot longer and I tell ya- I wish I'd cut when it became apparent that he wasn't ever going to be able to give me what I needed.......... 1
Author a4a Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 Hmmmm, I'm having a flashback from my first marriage here. Bad. All of that planning for his yearly outing stuff but it's too much trouble for him to work on his marriage- yup, major flashback. It's also a bit like buying a car that you really wanted and looked really good and you get home and it's a rusty old lemon on the inside. I feel ya A- I've been there. For a hell of a lot longer and I tell ya- I wish I'd cut when it became apparent that he wasn't ever going to be able to give me what I needed.......... I know I have to go. It does kinda suck..... and could use a couple of good kicks in the ass to help get me out the door. Start kickin my butt peeps! Help get my cheesy doodle soda swallowerin' hairy butt outta here! God the logistics of this move are going to be a nightmare... grrrrrrrr!
Mz. Pixie Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I know you do all this great stuff for him- and that's the kind of stuff that I used to do for my ex. I guess I deep down thought that if I did all of that stuff for him and met his needs he would try to meet mine. But he took all that for granted and the more I gave the more he took. Then, I was just empty at the end with little left over. I think back now about how I lived then and it seems like a miracle the way I live now. We didn't go on but two vacations in two years. My H and I just went to a marvelous spa for our anniversary- which is our third trip in one year. Things like that. Plus, he cooks! He organizes my closet! He pays all the bills! He picks my kids up from school for me! He grocery shops without my assistance! He will leave me a card and buy me the most gorgeous gifts. Our vacation was pretty lavish and I was a bit overwhelmed about the whole thing and he said "I don't think it's fair for you to be content with just a regular vacation. For all you do for me and the kids, you deserve to be spoiled and pampered" I'm still not used to it- but I'm getting there! He's probably going to do something to try to reel you back in A- like he has in the past. My ex did that all the time but after about the 14th time I got wise. 1
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