Mutual breakup but its really hard

[cowgirl]

Ok! Here's my very awkward situation Im in. I was with my partner for 2 years and 6 wks ago we broke up and it was something we decided was for the best in the long run. For ages it was feeling to me more like a friendship than a relationship. We had planned to start a family this year and when it come time to start he said he wasn't sure it was what he really wanted now or in the future and maybe we should wait a bit longer. I told him than that kids are very important to me and I almost finished it than but we stayed together. Right from the start we were chalk and cheese when it came to interests etc but we both thought that hey opposites attract and we had so much fun together that why wouldn't it work. Over the 2 yrs together we had broken up about 3-4 times however we were back together within 24hrs again and all was ok. Come 6 weeks ago we have split and at the time we both agreed it was for the best. However 2 weeks later I told him I still dearly love him and I want to be with him so he knows how I feel. The situation doesn't help as we are still living in the same house, (his house). I have since made plans for myself to build a new home finally and until it's built I have to stay under the same roof as him because financially I cannot afford to rent while Im building. I also have dogs so I still don't have anyone I can move in with because they all have pets. The last couple of weeks or so we have got on really well as mates, Im in my own room now and have been since a week after we split. My problem is that I am so stressed with my new house and it seems forever away so with that Im also stressing because I do still love this man and still want him in my future and he seems to be dealing with it so well and that upsets me at times to. I know that men do deal with breakups differently to women at times. He goes out with his mates sometimes now and with friends of ours and when he does this I get a bit stressed that he maybe going out and picking up other girls as single guys do. He's told me that he doesn't want anything to do with women for a while and to be honest I don't want to get involved with a guy for a while until my situation is sorted. I am a very insecure, sensitive girl and I don't alway's deal with hurt that well. Ive been through this all before but last time I was with the person for 4 years and we were to be married so I can say that Ive dealt with worse and got through it. Anyway, my main reason for my post it to seek your opinions on how to deal with my mind when Im feeling unloved, angry at him for the hurt I feel, and how to deal with being around this guy for a while longer. He is actually away house sitting his parents house for the next 2wks so Im going to enjoy the most of my time even though its sooo hard not having him here. I feel a bit rejected also which is a natural reaction and I miss the hugs and all the fun times we used to have when we were together. I hope you can give me some friendly advice and share some of your experiences in losing someone you love.

Thank You All

[Thursday_le]

my ex...told me all that stuff...about how she misses me but it doesnt mean she wants to get back together....Its like what gives?? She is very insecure about herself and says that " How can someone love me If i dont love myself."

What does that mean.....I just want her back..Ill do anything ...sry this doesnt answer anything for you...I just find it strange that you and my ex are on the same line of sort..

[cowgirl]

I understand what your saying. My x said to me when Ive told him that I still love him that Id agreed with him in us breaking up and now Ive turned around saying that I still love him and want us to work. That is confusing to someone. At the time of breaking up I felt like I loved him but wasn't in love with him however when it happens it makes you reasses the situation and your feelings and some people realise they still really do love thier other half and its just other issues that need alota work. I have to accept that it's over, I just find it really hard some days to get through feeling like I do.

[gabelee]

How about this for a strategy: You love this man but you two are not compatible enough to make a life-long commitment, at least until you are both sure you are right for each other. The only way to "make sure" is for each of you to get out and meet other people. Obviously one of two things will happen: one of you will meet someone more suitable and the old relationship (yours) will dissolve entirely, or you will both come to realize you need ane another and the relationship will be taken up again. I have the experience of fearing being alone and (at least inwardly) emotionally clinging to a person although I know one or both of us is unhappy. This always ends up making both parties more miserable. What I've learned is, in that situation, to proceed with at least an outward positivity in attitude. Show him how strong you're going to be. Be honest, tell him you love him but show him that you have the inner fortitude and character to "get on with your life." My bet is that this will surprise and perhaps worry him, just as his forays with his "mates" are upsetting to you. His forays probably make you feel somewhat neglected, making you want him more. So you need to do the same to achieve balance. Either way, you are standing on your own two feet and making a life for yourself, with or without him. Often I learned too late in these sorts of fuzzy situations, that sulks and depression are NOT the way to either keep a relationship going or pick it up again. On the other hand, positivity will get you many many places. If not him, then at least with yourself (and maybe him, too, or another lucky guy). Oh yeah, and get out from under his roof as soon as you can! It doesn't mean the end of things, but you need some space of your own right now, not borrowed space. Cheers!