john2776 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I just moved cities with my fiance a week ago. I transferred with my work, and she has found a new job here also. While I am waiting for a proper task/client to be assigned to me, I've ended up sitting on a desk next to a very attractive young woman. Before I continue writing more, my question is: Is it a good idea to become friends with someone that I am attracted to? As I sit near this girl I talk to her on and off during the day and we have already gotten to know a little bit about each other, including some common interests such as tennis and church. I'm crazy about tennis and play socially with friends all the time, and now that I am in a new city I am keen to meet new friends/players. I play almost every night with my GF and have great fun with her. The work girl has a tennis court at her parents house, and I've mentioned to her that it would be nice to play with her sometime. Afterwards I wasn't so sure it was such a good suggestion. Then last night I mentioned to my fiance that the work girl is christian but doesn't go to church very often (3 times a year) and she said that I should invite her to come along to church with us! Look, I believe in having friends of the opposite sex, and obviously I think I could be friends with this girl at work, but it really bothers me that I find her attractive. For the record my fiance is very hot (9.5) and this girl at work is also very hot (9). I don't want anyone coming between me and my girl. Am I being overprotective of my relationship? Am I being smart? I'm not really sure....
monkey00 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 hey, we cant control attraction. But sounds to me you are indeed interested in her, and as you said find her attractive. Rule #1, never date co-workers. Dont forget you're engaged. Keep this double standard in mind and it should keep you off the clear.
whichwayisup Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 Is it a good idea to become friends with someone that I am attracted to? Well, do you think that attraction will go away or do you think it could 'lead' to something. Can you handle a very casual and platonic friendship? (Meaning, don't get emotionally involved with her.) Is she a 'friend' that your wife could be friends with too? Or would you feel abit self consious about it... Look, reverse the situation. How you would feel if your fiance were in your shoes? Would it upset you, make you feel jealous? Wonder if that guy would make moves on her? She trusts you and I'm sure you wouldn't cheat. Problem is, the fact you're attracted to her and already wondering if it would be OK, should be your answer. Don't put yourself IN a situation where feelings could grow or something physical could happen between you two. I think though if you want her friendship, your fiance should be included, especially if you see her outside of work. You're not married yet either, so who knows "what could happen..." Again, don't put yourself in a situation where in 6 months or a year from now, you're back here posting "I love my fiance, but I love someone else too! Do I call off the wedding and go be with work friend?" Never say never.............
Author john2776 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 Can you handle a very casual and platonic friendship? (Meaning, don't get emotionally involved with her.) Yes I can. But its impossible to ever know for sure how things will pan out in the future. Emotional bonds can form. Look, reverse the situation. How you would feel if your fiance were in your shoes? Would it upset you, make you feel jealous? Wonder if that guy would make moves on her? In the reverse situation, I would be upset, I would be jealous and I can be almost certain that if a guy she was attracted to made a move on her she would permit it. So for me its a no-brainer. She trusts you and I'm sure you wouldn't cheat. Problem is, the fact you're attracted to her and already wondering if it would be OK, should be your answer. Don't put yourself IN a situation where feelings could grow or something physical could happen between you two. I agree with this. The problem is I would have preferred to have gotten this advice and suggestion from her instead of having to post about it on here. I talked to her and she doesn't get alarm bells, because in the reverse she would not hesitate to take the relationship further. You're not married yet either, so who knows "what could happen..." Again, don't put yourself in a situation where in 6 months or a year from now, you're back here posting "I love my fiance, but I love someone else too! Do I call off the wedding and go be with work friend?" Never say never............. Yes I agree, and given that Im getting advice that Im not being over protective, I'd rather play it on the safe side and stay away from this girl.
Green Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I say if you get the chance just do the girl at work and live with the horny guilt the rest of your life if you even have guilt afterwards... you might not have guilt...
Author john2776 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 I feel guilty just for finding her attractive! There is zero chance I could live with myself if I did her.
rina_r Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 If you remeber great writer Dostoyevsky, who said: friendship is impossible between a man and a woman. Rage,passion, love, hate, competition can exist but friendship. Anyway, I think internally you know the answer. You feel like this "friendship" can potentially harm your relationship with your fiancee. If you really love her, stay away from that girl.
john1776 Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Hey can't you choose a different screen name than this? Everybody is going to think you are me. You are impersonating me. You have millions of different names to choose from but you just had to pick this name. Why?
SmoochieFace Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I just moved cities with my fiance a week ago. I transferred with my work, and she has found a new job here also. While I am waiting for a proper task/client to be assigned to me, I've ended up sitting on a desk next to a very attractive young woman. Before I continue writing more, my question is: Is it a good idea to become friends with someone that I am attracted to? As I sit near this girl I talk to her on and off during the day and we have already gotten to know a little bit about each other, including some common interests such as tennis and church. I'm crazy about tennis and play socially with friends all the time, and now that I am in a new city I am keen to meet new friends/players. I play almost every night with my GF and have great fun with her. The work girl has a tennis court at her parents house, and I've mentioned to her that it would be nice to play with her sometime. Afterwards I wasn't so sure it was such a good suggestion. Then last night I mentioned to my fiance that the work girl is christian but doesn't go to church very often (3 times a year) and she said that I should invite her to come along to church with us! Look, I believe in having friends of the opposite sex, and obviously I think I could be friends with this girl at work, but it really bothers me that I find her attractive. For the record my fiance is very hot (9.5) and this girl at work is also very hot (9). I don't want anyone coming between me and my girl. Am I being overprotective of my relationship? Am I being smart? I'm not really sure.... I think you are playing with fire here. You are going to find yourself in a heap of trouble if you continue to carry on like this. It's one thing to find another woman attractive but quite another to actually pursue her (yes, suggesting that you want to play tennis with her is, in effect, pursuing her) while you are engaged. Does your fiancee know about you wanting to play tennis with this other girl?
Charisma Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I couldn't agree....stay away from her if you can. Don't get involved the temptation would be too great and would jeopardize your relationship with your gf. I also would ask myself if I'm with the right person? If you're having feelings for another girl this could be a warning sign for you. Also, I've dated co-workers in the past and when it doesn't work out, trust me it's really awkward when you face that person on a daily basis.
Author john2776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 Hey can't you choose a different screen name than this? Everybody is going to think you are me. You are impersonating me. You have millions of different names to choose from but you just had to pick this name. Why? it must suck to know that you have a doppelganger. Basically I have been stalking you for months and this is my first step at stealing your identity. Soon I will be sleeping with your GF and drinking your beer. John is my middle name. 27 was the race number I used to become state champion in NSW, 76 is the number I used to become champion in QLD. Therefore john2776. I recently became NT champion using the number 51, so I could change my identity to john277651. But I won't.
Author john2776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 I think you are playing with fire here. You are going to find yourself in a heap of trouble if you continue to carry on like this. It's one thing to find another woman attractive but quite another to actually pursue her (yes, suggesting that you want to play tennis with her is, in effect, pursuing her) while you are engaged. Does your fiancee know about you wanting to play tennis with this other girl? I love this forum! Smoochie, I agree with you. I believe that people that play with fire get burnt. I'm not sure that suggesting a game of tennis equates to persuit, but it I did sense some smoke in the air, hence me questioning the whole thing. Yes I did talk to my fiancee and tell her about my work friend and that I had suggested a game of tennis. Since that my GF has seen the girl and said "Oh, she is not that hot. I don't have to worry about her...." As much as I would love to play a game with her I'm going to give it a miss. Normally I overreact on this kind of thing, but given that everyone can see some danger here, I will play it safe and stay away. The other good thing is that on Tuesday I am getting moved to a client site and won't see this girl anymore except at company meetings.....
Author john2776 Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 I couldn't agree....stay away from her if you can. Don't get involved the temptation would be too great and would jeopardize your relationship with your gf. I also would ask myself if I'm with the right person? If you're having feelings for another girl this could be a warning sign for you. Also, I've dated co-workers in the past and when it doesn't work out, trust me it's really awkward when you face that person on a daily basis. Feelings?? She is attractive! I'm not in love with the chic, I don't even know her very well! If I doubted my relationship everytime a girl comes along who is hot, it would be impossible to stay in a relationship! But point taken, because I can imagine the possibility of feelings developing. And I don't want to go there. Yes I have dated co-workers twice and both times it complicates things so much its not worth doing. I have learnt that one. Thanks for your advice.
SmoochieFace Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 Feelings?? She is attractive! I'm not in love with the chic, I don't even know her very well! If I doubted my relationship everytime a girl comes along who is hot, it would be impossible to stay in a relationship! But point taken, because I can imagine the possibility of feelings developing. And I don't want to go there. Yes I have dated co-workers twice and both times it complicates things so much its not worth doing. I have learnt that one. Thanks for your advice. You may not be 'in love' but you seem to be 'in lust' and that is just as bad if not worse. I think you have received good advice here and I would follow it if I was in the same situation. Stick with your fiancee. You seem to have a great thing with her so do not jeopardise it.
bethbeatrice Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 I believe in never tempting yourself. We all like to think we know how we would act in a sticky situation, but we don't. Therefore, if you never tempt yourself in the first place, you don't have to worry about. Don't forget, you can cheat in your mind just as much as you can physically. I don't think you should ignore the girl at work, just set boundaries and limit your alone time together. You seem like a guy with good intuition and it is nice to see a man that wants to keep things in the clear with your gf
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