Overweight Spouse and Sex - Catch 22?

[umbo]

HeY LvspecB put me on your buddy list.

[worriedsick]

 

Its not about "caring so little about myself that I allow myself to gain weight" - I've read that over and over and it makes me laugh every time. I beleive that those relationships that put physical attraction in such high standing are lacking many major beautiful things that come along with a real loving relationship.

 

I have been overweight my whole life, usually only by 50 lbs or so, but when I married my husband I weighed 220lbs (5'3 is my height) and the highest I've been in our marriage is 260lbs (yes, I've been very heavy - stayed that way for 3 of the 7 years we've been together). He is one of those "eats what he wants and still can't gain 2 lbs. (he weighs about 135lbs, 5'11 height).

 

He never ever asked me to lose weight, but when I decided that I wanted to he was excited about getting involved in it with me.

 

I feel that any man or woman whos spouse wants them to lose weight specifically (or *mainly*) for sex appeal and status is going to be fairly surprised when they hit 70 or 80 years old and finds out that you indeed will not be beautiful forever.

 

If you have to constantly work to keep your spouse happy physically then you are taking that effort away from the effort you could be spending bonding on many other different levels. Ones that will be there regardless of how age and time masacres your physical features.

 

There is a big difference between letting oneself get fat and the unstoppable effects of age and time. When people get married, they should automatically assume that their partner, like they, will eventually get old. But should we also assume that once we say "I do", that's permission for the SO to balloon up like the GoodYear Blimp? I don't think so.

 

I'm really happy that your husband is a much less outspoken person than some. I have my suspicion that he too is not attracted to the weight gain, but since you were already overweight when you married, he likely wasn't surprised and was already used to obesity. Imagine marrying someone who was in pretty excellent shape and then all of a sudden, they let themselves go. It's quite a shock and a disappointment.

 

Another thing, just because someone is disgusted by how their spouse has let themselves go does not mean they don't love them and have a bond with them - on the contrary, I think many of us stay with our fat partners because we actually do love them. If it was just based on appearances, then none of us would have trouble leaving the tubbies behind!

[umbo]

Any wife who does not mange her weight well is asking for the romance to dwindle, shared outings to cease, limited sex life the list goes on. Now if the husband stops working then will the wife stay or will she deem and view her husband as lazy and a bad provider then act on those feelings. Our wives have a duty to stay attractive as well as the men have a duty to respond to her attractivness.

[worriedsick]

Any wife who does not mange her weight well is asking for the romance to dwindle, shared outings to cease, limited sex life the list goes on. Now if the husband stops working then will the wife stay or will she deem and view her husband as lazy and a bad provider then act on those feelings. Our wives have a duty to stay attractive as well as the men have a duty to respond to her attractivness.

 

You forgot to mention that men have a duty to stay as attractive as possible to their wives as well. I am a woman whose husband let himself go, and to be quite honest, I'm really pissed about it. I keep myself in shape simply because I think obesity is disgusting in anyone and can't stand the thought of being that way. I have tried to encourage him but nothing works after a long time of trying. I do stay because I love him, but I'll admit, I don't look at him quite the same way anymore, and we don't have sex as frequently as we used to. I don't see him as a bad providor for it - just lazy.

[Guest]

I'm really happy that your husband is a much less outspoken person than some. I have my suspicion that he too is not attracted to the weight gain, but since you were already overweight when you married, he likely wasn't surprised and was already used to obesity.

 

Your suspicion is wrong. And its not very nice to assume "he is a much less outspoken person" just because he sees through what some of you people can't fathom. Maybe he just likes curvey in a woman? Different strokes for different folks I beleive is the correct term.

 

My husband has crooked teeth, glasses, tiny ears that stick out, a scrawny body and a big nose, but thats who he is. Should I ask him to change because its "disgusting" kissing a man with crooked teeth? Or because his honker of a nose gets in the way? No, I don't find him disgusting at all, never will. I really can't see someone loving someone else but being disgusted with them... it just doesn't compute.

 

Imagine marrying someone who was in pretty excellent shape and then all of a sudden, they let themselves go. It's quite a shock and a disappointment.

 

You know, I've considered this. Its about the only thing I didn't hate about myself when I was very overweight - I didn't attract the ones whom I don't want to. Being overweight is a good filter for finding the *real* good ones. In friends as well as my husband. Sometimes I even felt bad for those who were so beautiful because they had so much more work to do in picking apart hints that might send off warning signals.

 

You guys can prissy it up all you want, saying you love your SO's but then turning around and calling them disgusting to you because their bodies have changed... to me it isn't real love. It's sorta like "Your pretty - you'll do, wanna get married and have kids? 'cause thats what the rest of the world is doing. We can figure out this *love* thing along the way, I'm sure its not too hard." It seems like real selfless relationships don't exist. Everyone is putting themselves first.

 

I understand weight is a problem when health is involved, and out of a concern for the persons health I agree that a SO should come forth with his/her concerns. Just like if one or the other smokes, of course you would be scared for the wellbeing of your SO. But you people are making it about sex-appeal, which I disagree with. Well, not really disagree, you guys can do what you want... but I am just saying I am extremely releived that I am with a man who is beyond that.

[worriedsick]

Your suspicion is wrong. And its not very nice to assume "he is a much less outspoken person" just because he sees through what some of you people can't fathom. Maybe he just likes curvey in a woman? Different strokes for different folks I beleive is the correct term.

 

My husband has crooked teeth, glasses, tiny ears that stick out, a scrawny body and a big nose, but thats who he is. Should I ask him to change because its "disgusting" kissing a man with crooked teeth? Or because his honker of a nose gets in the way? No, I don't find him disgusting at all, never will. I really can't see someone loving someone else but being disgusted with them... it just doesn't compute.

 

 

 

You know, I've considered this. Its about the only thing I didn't hate about myself when I was very overweight - I didn't attract the ones whom I don't want to. Being overweight is a good filter for finding the *real* good ones. In friends as well as my husband. Sometimes I even felt bad for those who were so beautiful because they had so much more work to do in picking apart hints that might send off warning signals.

 

You guys can prissy it up all you want, saying you love your SO's but then turning around and calling them disgusting to you because their bodies have changed... to me it isn't real love. It's sorta like "Your pretty - you'll do, wanna get married and have kids? 'cause thats what the rest of the world is doing. We can figure out this *love* thing along the way, I'm sure its not too hard." It seems like real selfless relationships don't exist. Everyone is putting themselves first.

 

I understand weight is a problem when health is involved, and out of a concern for the persons health I agree that a SO should come forth with his/her concerns. Just like if one or the other smokes, of course you would be scared for the wellbeing of your SO. But you people are making it about sex-appeal, which I disagree with. Well, not really disagree, you guys can do what you want... but I am just saying I am extremely releived that I am with a man who is beyond that.

 

I'm sure I'm going to catch Hell for this, but oh well. I heard an interesting theory while watching the show House - people usually end up with other people who are on the same scale of attractivness as they are. For example, a 5 will usually end up with someone else who's a 5, someone who's perfect and is a 10 will basically have their pick of who they want, but they'll end up with a 10 more than likely. It sounds to me like you ended up with someone who is exactly at the same level as you. I'm not assigning a number by any means, but it sounds like you guys are equal. My husband and I were both fairly attractive people when we met. I'm not trying to be snotty or anything, I'm just basing it off of what others had said in the past. I have stayed basically the same in the 10 years we've been together, and actually lost weight after I had our child. He, on the other hand, let himself go, but still holds me to the same high standards he had when we got married. It's not fair and it pisses me off.

 

As for asking your husband to change, by no means should you - he looked that way when you married him, therefore, you should not expect anything more. However, should he put on 200 lbs, you by all means have the right to tell him whether you like it or not.

 

Attractive people do not simply get married because their partner looks "pretty" (for the most part, I hope). However, the more attractive a person is, the higher their standards are likely to be when looking for a partner.

[Ladyjane14]

....I think obesity is disgusting in anyone....

 

Any other groups of people you consider "disgusting"???

 

I find it weird that if you'd made a racist comment, or expressed your 'disgust' for someone else's religious beliefs or sexual orientation, there would likely have been a huge outcry on this thread.

 

As it is, I have to wonder if it's not just open season on "tubbies". (????)

 

While I do believe it's one thing to have an on-topic discussion regarding obesity and it's effect on sexuality within a committed relationship... I think blatent expressions of "disgust" directed toward "anyone" who's overweight is flat-out bigoted.

 

So on behalf of a few of my good friends who are out busting their FAT asses helping their fellow man along EVERY day, I just have to say... I hope you reap what you sow out there in the real world. To my way of thinking, if you're ever in need of help from a fat person, it would only be justice for them to pass you by.

[superconductor]

Any other groups of people you consider "disgusting"???

 

I find it weird that if you'd made a racist comment, or expressed your 'disgust' for someone else's religious beliefs or sexual orientation, there would likely have been a huge outcry on this thread.

Rightly so, Ladyjane. But there's a big difference (pun intended).

 

Being overweight is something that's entirely under personal control. But being of a different race, sexual orientation, gender, or even eye colour or height is something that's not by choice.

[worriedsick]

Any other groups of people you consider "disgusting"???

 

I find it weird that if you'd made a racist comment, or expressed your 'disgust' for someone else's religious beliefs or sexual orientation, there would likely have been a huge outcry on this thread.

 

As it is, I have to wonder if it's not just open season on "tubbies". (????)

 

While I do believe it's one thing to have an on-topic discussion regarding obesity and it's effect on sexuality within a committed relationship... I think blatent expressions of "disgust" directed toward "anyone" who's overweight is flat-out bigoted.

 

So on behalf of a few of my good friends who are out busting their FAT asses helping their fellow man along EVERY day, I just have to say... I hope you reap what you sow out there in the real world. To my way of thinking, if you're ever in need of help from a fat person, it would only be justice for them to pass you by.

 

To be quite honest, I find most forms of self-destructive behavior disgusting, be it alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addictions, etc. I understand that once these problems have set in, it is quite difficult to backtrack. However, in any of the instances, I hate when people put the blame on something else, like the crap available to eat at all restaurants now (for obesity), the stress of family life (alcoholism and drug addiction), etc. There is some point where people have to take responsibility for their own actions. If someone is obese, nine times out of ten it is out of sheer laziness on their part. The strange thing is, most of my close friends are overweight. That doesn't bother me as much as the fact that my husband is, because I don't have sex with them. However, when they start complaining about how they don't like the way they look and how they hate being fat, I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying something derogatory. I try to be supportive of them all, but they seem to have come to the conclusion that being fat is their lot in life and are willing to deal with it. That's unfortunate, because I really would like to keep all of them around for a while, but if they continue to just blame other factors for their obesity and do nothing about it, they'll eventually develop all sorts of health problems and likely die prematurely.

 

I know I sound like a really nasty person on here, but I don't think I am. I try to be as nice a person as possible to everyone, and help people when I can. However, I do have a deep-rooted dislike for people who won't be responsible for their own actions and choices. Maybe that's what I find so disgusting - the lack of concern for themselves, rather than their actual physical appearance.

[sumdude]

Everyone has a 'picture' or at least on idea of what they find particularly physically attractive and unattractive. I know men who are hot for very large women. I tend to be drawn to petite ladies, I couldn't tell you why but I do. My wife is 5' 100 lbs I'm about 6' 250 with a very broad frame. People sometimes snicker at us wondering 'How do they...well y'know." She fits my preference but she always liked the tall skinny type. She is of course attracted to me otherwise this marriage would never have happened.

 

Sometimes people fall for someone outside thier physical preference profile but I think it's a lot less commen.

 

So it comes down to unmet expectations like most relationship problems. I know I don't quite fit my wife's preference but she loves me. I have gained about 25-30 pounds since we met so I've fallen even further from her preference. I was a bit overweight then and and more so now. She wants me to lose weight mostly because of the health risks and yes because I'm a bit less attractive to her. Plus it makes the act of making love more difficult and uncomfortable as well as my having less energy for it. I guess I'm saying that being attracted to some one physically is normal human nature and when that person changes drastically ofrom the way they were when you fell for them it can affect the relationship.

 

Sex IS VERY important in a marriage, it's the one obvious thing that makes a marriage completely different from any other relationship in your life.

 

She has said in the most kind fashion possible and I can't blame her for it and it's not like she would ever leave me because of it.

 

Have I succeeded ?

 

No yet, it's very hard to break a lifetime of habits and create a whole new set of habits because for most of us overweight folks that is what it takes. My parents were overweight, their parents were overweight we have a certain love of food and lifstyle of enjoying meals and wine etc.

[worriedsick]

 

No yet, it's very hard to break a lifetime of habits and create a whole new set of habits because for most of us overweight folks that is what it takes. My parents were overweight, their parents were overweight we have a certain love of food and lifstyle of enjoying meals and wine etc.

 

Not to point fingers, but that attitude is exactly what I was talking about in my previous post. People in this society try to take the blame off of themselves and project it to outside forces for the way that they are. I don't see how it's just okay to chalk up whatever addiction someone has, whether to food or drugs or alcohol, to genetics. Yes, genetics undoubtedly play a significant role in these things, but people are born with free will as well. Most people are intelligent enough to know that if their family is overweight, they too have a good chance of being overweight, and should adjust their lifestyle accordingly, not just say "Oh, well, it's genetics. What can I do?"

[catgirl1927]

Not to point fingers, but that attitude is exactly what I was talking about in my previous post. People in this society try to take the blame off of themselves and project it to outside forces for the way that they are. I don't see how it's just okay to chalk up whatever addiction someone has, whether to food or drugs or alcohol, to genetics. Yes, genetics undoubtedly play a significant role in these things, but people are born with free will as well. Most people are intelligent enough to know that if their family is overweight, they too have a good chance of being overweight, and should adjust their lifestyle accordingly, not just say "Oh, well, it's genetics. What can I do?"

 

I know what you mean. People always externalize blame for internal actions. No one takes responsibility. Sure, there are medical conditions which cause weight gain. But those are rare. Most people are fat because they just don't care enough to work hard to be thin. Some people recognize that in themselves and are happy, and I'm glad for them. But more often than not, people say it's just not their fault. I have a good deal more respect for someone who says, "I know I'm fat, but I'd rather eat than work to be thin," than someone who blames outside sources.

[worriedsick]

I know what you mean. People always externalize blame for internal actions. No one takes responsibility. Sure, there are medical conditions which cause weight gain. But those are rare. Most people are fat because they just don't care enough to work hard to be thin. Some people recognize that in themselves and are happy, and I'm glad for them. But more often than not, people say it's just not their fault. I have a good deal more respect for someone who says, "I know I'm fat, but I'd rather eat than work to be thin," than someone who blames outside sources.

 

That's my point exactly. If someone is happy being overweight, then I guess more power to them. However, they should not expect their SO to be happy with it if it was not present at the beginning, and for those of us who find obesity unattractive, we should not be expected to like it either. In addition, if someone is overweight and they are doing nothing to remedy the situation, then I absolutely do not want to hear whining about how they hate how fat they are. My husband does that and I just want to slap him. It has gotten to the point when he does complain about how fat he is, I tell him to quit his griping. I can only be sympathetic for a certain amount of time before I get tired of "fake reassurance" that I do still think he's attractive. I got tired of lying to him and trying to coax him into getting back into shape. My last attempt is that maybe if he knows I find his body disgusting, he'll be motivated to work out and eat right, but I don't know.

[sumdude]

Not to point fingers, but that attitude is exactly what I was talking about in my previous post.

 

You most certainly are pointing fingers and you didn't even read my post thoroughly before jumping to your conclusions.

 

People in this society try to take the blame off of themselves and project it to outside forces for the way that they are. I don't see how it's just okay to chalk up whatever addiction someone has, whether to food or drugs or alcohol, to genetics. Yes, genetics undoubtedly play a significant role in these things, but people are born with free will as well. Most people are intelligent enough to know that if their family is overweight, they too have a good chance of being overweight, and should adjust their lifestyle accordingly, not just say "Oh, well, it's genetics. What can I do?"

 

Where in my post where I explicitly wrote it was a complete changing of HABITS did I blame anyone else!? They are LEARNED behaviors which yes i LEARNED them in my upbringing. You learned your behaviors and attitudes somewhere right?

 

You obviously take a dim view of overweight people in general or you're projecting your personal issues towards me.

 

You're entitled to your opinion. Just remember that in many societies being portly etc is considered an attractive attribute. I have my battles to fight so good luck with yours.

[worriedsick]

 

She has said in the most kind fashion possible and I can't blame her for it and it's not like she would ever leave me because of it.

 

Have I succeeded ?

 

No yet, it's very hard to break a lifetime of habits and create a whole new set of habits because for most of us overweight folks that is what it takes. My parents were overweight, their parents were overweight we have a certain love of food and lifstyle of enjoying meals and wine etc.

 

That sounds precisely like the attitude my hubby has. He knows I'm not going to leave him because he's let himself get fat because he knows I do truly love him. However, since he knows I won't leave, he feels no motivation to do something about it, even though it's displeasing to me. You seem to be saying that since it's a hard habit to break, it's just too much of a struggle, therefore, you're not going to change because you know there won't be any consequences (in regards to your relationship - your overall health is another story). I still think that saying it's a "habit" is a cop out - what about all of us who have had bad habits, like smoking, and have given it up. Let me tell you, that is an extremely difficult thing to give up, and I did it and to be quite honest, I have the worst willpower in the world.

[sumdude]

I still think that saying it's a "habit" is a cop out - what about all of us who have had bad habits, like smoking, and have given it up. Let me tell you, that is an extremely difficult thing to give up, and I did it and to be quite honest, I have the worst willpower in the world.

 

So out of curiosity. How long did it take and how many times did you try before succeding? I ask because I smoke too though have never tried to quit yet. Many friends have stopped numerous times and backslid then some finally succeeding after a few tries.

 

Mind you, no where in MY post did I say I wasn't TRYING or that I hadn't even attempted to lose weight. I said I haven't succeeded YET So you made assumptions about me because of your frustration with your husband and that sure makes you come off with a holier than thou attitude from what I'm reading. I guess some people just have no faults.

[sumdude]

My last attempt is that maybe if he knows I find his body disgusting, he'll be motivated to work out and eat right, but I don't know.

 

Not likely to be helpful at all, in fact quite cruel and demeaning.

 

(now tongue firmly in cheek)

 

I suppose if he told you he finds your attitude nasty and shallow you would be motivated to change it?

[worriedsick]

Not likely to be helpful at all, in fact quite cruel and demeaning.

 

(now tongue firmly in cheek)

 

I suppose if he told you he finds your attitude nasty and shallow you would be motivated to change it?

 

Okay, let me address a few things. First off, I by no means think I am perfect. I am very well aware of my faults and do make efforts to fix them. I realize that I may be more concerned with appearances than other people (which could definitely be seen as a fault), but I do not discriminate against people because they don't match my "ideal". However, I am not required to like what I see. That's my right as a human, just as it's your right to not like me because you think I'm shallow.

 

As for the smoking, it took me countless times to quit until finally I got fed up with the nasty cough, bad breath and all the other lovely things that come with smoking. And I'll admit, the smell of cigarettes does make me crazy sometimes and I want to "fall off the wagon" so to speak. However, I did it and lots of other people do it too. Therefore, to me it seems that putting down that 2nd dougnut or passing on the 2nd helping of fried chicken should be within reach of others.

 

Finally, for the "nasty and shallow" attitude I have, after our initial conversation about how the reason our sex life had dimished was because I was grossed out, he was very pissed off and did call me shallow. However, I pointed out to him that he holds me to the same standards I hold him, and if I got fat, I know for a fact he would want sex with me less often. In fact, when I was pregnant, he told me he expected me to get back in shape afterwards. When called on it during the blowup, he said it was a joke. Whatever. Afterwards, I did try being more sensitive to him and was "nicer". I threw out all of the bad food in the house, bought countless cookbooks for healthy cooking, etc. He has done nothing to supplement that. He doesn't go to the gym, he doesn't do any form of physical activity around the house, and he eats garbage when he's not home. So, yes, maybe me refusing to listen to his whines about how fat he is could be seen as shallow and cruel, but I am at my wits end. Being nice and supportive hasn't worked and I'm really tired of tiptoeing around so as not to hurt his feelings when he says he's fat. I refuse to lie when he says he fat and come back with something like "Oh, no, you're fine". He already knows how I truly feel and yet does nothing about it, therefore, I'm no longer required to feed his ego.

[worriedsick]

As an observation - most of the people who seem to think I'm evil for wanting my in-shape hubby back are in fact themselves obese. Hmmmm....

[sumdude]

As an observation - most of the people who seem to think I'm evil for wanting my in-shape hubby back are in fact themselves obese. Hmmmm....

 

How would you know? Never seem any of them in person or pictures yet they're all OBESE!

 

If you read my first post you'll notice I though it was a fairly natural reaction to expect your spouse not to change.

 

Just keep in mind how much time passed before the first thought you had about quitting smoking and the last cigarette. Think about all the internal forces battling it out. How you would get somewhere and in one moment of weakness you were back to square one.

 

And yes I used that phrase nasty and shallow to goad you. Feel your reaction to that and imagine what your husband must feel like being considered 'disgusting'.

[worriedsick]

How would you know? Never seem any of them in person or pictures yet they're all OBESE!

 

I didn't make the assumption that they were all obese - in many posts, people have themselves admitted they were overweight. I just noticed a pattern that they were the ones who got really pissed at me.

[worriedsick]

As for the nasty and shallow part - it's expected that men are supposed to be the visual creatures when it comes to sex and women are more emotional. Sorry if I stray from the norm - it's hard for me to close my eyes and pretend I'm with the in-shape hubby I used to have when in reality I can feel fat all over the place. I know, it sounds cruel. But does that mean that what I want in our relationship doesn't matter simply because society says I should overlook his obesity because it's the "nice" thing to do? Oh, poor him, he let himself get fat, but you, you're a b**tch because you don't like it. Hmm, doesn't really seem fair to me.

[Ladyjane14]

As an observation - most of the people who seem to think I'm evil for wanting my in-shape hubby back are in fact themselves obese. Hmmmm....

 

 

I wouldn't doubt that you've offended LOTS of people that you don't have a BMI on. :lmao:

Unless your monitor has some kind of super peeking-at-other-posters feature, how would you know who's fat and who's skinny?

 

 

 

 

For the record and in an effort to get back on topic, I do believe the OP has a legitimate problem with no easy solution. But I like the fact that he's willing to work on it without rejecting his mate and treating her in a cruel manner.

 

I think he's got a pretty good shot at reaching an equitable solution, and I think the KEY is in improving the overall quality of the marriage so that both he and his wife are feeling emotionally intimate with each other. That way, they're working together as a team and BECAUSE they're enjoying a close relationship, they can talk about the issues with more confidence. The more they each feel loved and valued in the relationship, the less likely they'll be to perceive the exchange of ideas as personal criticism.

 

Frankly WorriedSick, I don't have nearly as much hope for your situation to improve. Your disgruntlement with your husband is oppositional in nature. It will eventually pit the two of against each other as adversaries rather than teammates. In the end, you can't win unless you're playing on the same team.

 

I wish you good luck with your situation anyway though.

[worriedsick]

I wouldn't doubt that you've offended LOTS of people that you don't have a BMI on. :lmao:

Unless your monitor has some kind of super peeking-at-other-posters feature, how would you know who's fat and who's skinny?

 

 

 

 

For the record and in an effort to get back on topic, I do believe the OP has a legitimate problem with no easy solution. But I like the fact that he's willing to work on it without rejecting his mate and treating her in a cruel manner.

 

I think he's got a pretty good shot at reaching an equitable solution, and I think the KEY is in improving the overall quality of the marriage so that both he and his wife are feeling emotionally intimate with each other. That way, they're working together as a team and BECAUSE they're enjoying a close relationship, they can talk about the issues with more confidence. The more they each feel loved and valued in the relationship, the less likely they'll be to perceive the exchange of ideas as personal criticism.

 

Frankly WorriedSick, I don't have nearly as much hope for your situation to improve. Your disgruntlement with your husband is oppositional in nature. It will eventually pit the two of against each other as adversaries rather than teammates. In the end, you can't win unless you're playing on the same team.

 

I wish you good luck with your situation anyway though.

 

I know it doesn't seem like it because of my posts, but my husband and I DO have an emotional bond and we really do love each other. This just seems to be the thing that is always on my mind. I have tried to play on his "team" but it has had no results. That's why I finally just gave up and have actually reconciled the fact that I'm going to be married to an obese man. Am I happy about it? No. But, I'm not going to divorce him for it either.

[Ladyjane14]

That's why I finally just gave up and have actually reconciled the fact that I'm going to be married to an obese man. Am I happy about it? No. But, I'm not going to divorce him for it either.

 

Here's the problem though....

 

You can NEVER give up on the one you're determined to love. If you've made an active choice to stay in this thing through thick or thin... you can't just "give up" on the guy and accept the you're never going to be happy.

 

In the end, if you become an 'unhappy' person... he might be the one who leaves YOU.

Unhappy people aren't fun to spend time with, right?