American Guy Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I have been working at a company for six years. I am a married man, no kids. About a year ago I was on a work assignment for the company and a female coworker that I've known for a few years was working alongside me on the same assignment. Our work relationship was ordinary and normal until we were both on this assignment together and I experienced very strong chemistry between us. All of the sudden this person went from "coworker" to "wow, what a woman" in zero seconds flat. We were standing next to each other during a work task we both were participating in and she stood very close to me, violating my personal space, she seemed very warm, almost affectionate, smiled at me a lot, talked to me, etc. From that point on she came by my office a lot, we chatted many times, at lunches together, she seemed to enjoy my company more than usual. But being the married man that I am, I never took it to the next level because I adopted the philosophy that maybe I was misreading her, that it was just some sort of fantasy that was all in my mind. So I decided that if this "thing" was going to go anywhere I was going to let her make the first move, whatever that move may be I had no idea. Over the past year there were times I could've just reached out and kissed her but I didn't, I wanted her to make the first move. She never did. Even as recent as a few weeks ago she and I were in situations at work where she would've had ample opportunity to make a move. Nothing happened. Now I sense things have cooled between us. Sure, she's still nice to me but seems weary of me now, which makes me sad. And yes, my marriage is not going well and she knows it. Her marriage? I have no idea other than she's married to a toad who doesn't appreciate her but she's standing by her man. My questions are: Is it all a fantasy? Should I have made the first move? Her NOT making the first move, is that an indicator that it's all in my mind? Should I now, even though it might be too late, make a move? Or should I just cool things down and just be a coworker again? She's said she's looking for a change, any change, even a radical change in her life and her work. I want to start my own business. I've even thought of asking her to simply run away with me. Any help, ideas, suggestions would be appreciated.
whichwayisup Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 she's standing by her man. End it now. Not only because of what I quoted, because you haven't tried to fix your marriage. Find out what needs you and your wife are missing. It's obvious that this OW has your attention...It happens, sexual attraction, crushes etc...Problem is, PURSUING IT when one or both people are married. It's just only going to end in so much heartache. The other option is, both you and her divorce your spouses and start a life together. Fantasy... What do you think? Is this woman someone you can see yourself with? Not only for good and easy times, but the rough times as well? Is she loving and giving? Do you know what she's like in a bad mood? You may not know all about her seeing as both of you are caught up in the affair, the fantasy side of this...So, because of that, reality doesn't sink in..... Personally, I think you owe another chance to your wife, to work the marriage out.
freakygal78 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Hi there American Guy! I can relate in part to your situation however I am the OW in this situation. Long story short, I have worked closely with a man 12 years my senior on a project now for about 7 months and we have got closer and closer over this time. First it started with glances (instigated by him) then emails, meetings out of work etc. I confided my growing attraction to him and it seems the flirting has got worse from there. I'm totally aware he is married but it was more to the effect of 'I want to get over you'. At first it seemed like a pathetic naive girl was fawning over him and sure - he was enjoying the attention and the ego boost from this but lately he's started sending me sexy songs of longing and dissatisfaction (geez I wonder who with?) and it's fuelled the fire a little. He told me he would never cheat on his wife as he had been cheated on by another partner before but I'm wondering if he is actually developing 'feelings' for me and like you does not know how to act upon it or if it's just blind lust which is bound to develop between two reasonably attractive co-workers over time whether attached or not - it's not rocket science! I have started to distance myself lately from emails, glances at him because I guess I'm scared of what might happen out of this now he has become so much more forward than in his flirting than before. So I guess maybe that's what's happening with her or she's concerned about sustaining her marriage and stopping this 'thing' with you or the potential problems of getting involved with you. It's refreshing to see that not all MM think of OW as a bit of brainless crumpet though and you have or at least think that you have feelings for her as well. Although I know how addictive this kind of interaction is (I'm involved in it myself at the moment) the only outcome I can see here is a messy one which is why I'm trying hard to get over it. Have you talked about your feelings for each other directly before? Despite myself, I must admit that I will always cherish the only physical contact I had with this man which was a long hug and a hand-hold after a D&M chat
Guest Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I completely relate to both, but in my situation the moves were made and still continue to be the problem is we are both married with kids. It started with just joking with one another at work. I moved away and came back and it went right back to where we left off. As my boss i respected him but there was this strange bond and sexual tension in the jokes and it turned to flirting. And with my husband being away on business and him knowing this he commented that we should hangout outside of work. He stated he would love to learn how i party with my friends and what I do when I am drinking and me being a complete smartass flirted back that I would love too! He then had me doing strange things like at the end of the night call him with the ending days numbers which no one else did. Then he asked what my cell number was and I gave it to him saying he could call anytime. We talked here and there outdside of work. Them all of a sudden "bam" he would touch me in the office when we were alone and this went on for a week or two and one night when we were there late with other people he told me to meet him I agreed. I met him and we just hung out not getting overly physical even though you could tell we both wanted too. THe next day the rumor was out at work because his wife called looking for him and my husband called looking for me. The over night guys put two and two together and spread it like wildfire. He went through a huge investigation and we both could have lost our jobs but we covered it and I transfered. Needless to say we still talk everyday and have been together a few times. Its now been exactly a year and we have very strong feelings for one another but neither of us wants to end our marriages because of the kids and so on. What I didnt mention is he has a huge reputation for affairs and I did know this and he denies it. After being with him I have a hard time believing the rap he has is true. My question is to myself everyday is "what am I doing?"
Author American Guy Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 Thanks for the input and advice, especially the female perspective. I can see now how ridiculous I'm being. I have to resolve my marital issues one way or the other. If I stay married, then this problem is resolved. If I don't stay married, then I'm divorced and can do what I want as a single man. The biggest issue there, to me at least, is that I think women see divorced men as malfunctioning and to be steered clear of. And once word of my infatuation gets out, as I'm sure it will thanks to my W, I won't have any credibility with anyone. I'd literally would have to move to another state and start new all over again, and with the 'net, even that's no guarantee my reputation would stay intact. And if my W divulged my infatuation, that'd be it, the marriage would be over immediately. And if we naturally break up, there is nothing keeping her from revealing my infaturation to my coworker. The irony here is that there is no way my coworker can't know that I have a thing for her. If she claims she had no idea, she's lying, she knows I'm sweet on her. Everyone at work acts like we're a married couple, so this is no real secret. I have no illusions but I do know that if my W told my coworker about my infatuation, that would give my coworker the excuse she'd need to quit being my friend, and that would be the real acid test. Already there have been several cases and incidents where my coworker could have just cut things off, but she didn't and on occasion she's perpetuated the closeness we share. There is no one on this earth who is more critical of himself than me and I beat myself up over it every single day of my life and I'm getting tired of it. I'm my own worst critic. At some point I'm going to have to forgive myself for my penchant for infatuation and as I was told recently, maybe my vulnerability to infatuation is because I'm getting the attention I need and crave from other women and not from my wife. I don't need much, just some attention would be nice, but any attention I get has strings attached and is laced with guilt. There's a lot more to this story than I'm saying here, obviously. I know I've not cheated on my W physically, but emotionally I have cheated on her. The other W is in a committed marriage, it may not be perfect but its good enough for her. Maybe she just likes being close and friendly but now that she knows things aren't going well at home for me, she's distanced herself, still stays friendly mind you, but keeps me at arm's length. I've expressed to her three times now how much she means to me but have never used the "love" word, I have always referred to us as good friends. She must think I'm totally immature and sophmoric. I deliberately told her about my marital problems so that there was full disclosure from me and to maybe cause there to be some distance between us. No, I'm no hero, I just deliberately sabotaged our closeness in order to give my marriage a chance to recover. This is not easy knowing that I have not really been happy all these years and I have no idea what I haven't been happy. I can go on and on about all the minutae that bugs the both of us and that all just degrades into back-biting and nit-picking. I'm going on and on here, rambling. I know what I feel in my gut about my coworker, I know she has feelings for me, but I also know that its most likely 98% fantasy on my part. But its that 2% that keeps me going because that's all it took for me to get married in the first place, the idea that maybe she liked me and later maybe she loved me and even later maybe she'd marry me, and all the while not knowing fully if she really did love me or not. I'm talking about my W here. No one really ever knows if they are truely loved, at least that's been my experience. If there are people out there who know what it is to be truely loved, they are blessed.
BUTAFLY Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 . The biggest issue there, to me at least, is that I think women see divorced men as malfunctioning and to be steered clear of. NOT TRUE But its that 2% that keeps me going because that's all it took for me to get married in the first place, the idea that maybe she liked me and later maybe she loved me and even later maybe she'd marry me, and all the while not knowing fully if she really did love me or not. I'm talking about my W here. If she didn't love you she wouldn't have married you. (btw.. Thats suppose to be a thumbs down)
DeeBrod83 Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I've been through very much the same thing, and though I know this is only like 1% of the time, mine turned out for the best. I got married for all the wrong reasons, and the OM, though at the time we were only friends, showed me how I wanted to be treated: with respect, understanding and admiration. I didn't realize what I was missing until he showed me. I know that sounds lame, but for me that's sincerely what it was. And when I tried to bring my learnings to my husband he blew me off and never tried to put the effort in that I was looking for. I learned then that I didn't want to be treated poorly my whole life and if he wasn't willing to change or work with me on our issues I had to leave. So I did. And the OM continued to be there for me, support me, and listen when I needed a shoulder to cry on. He became my best friend and the only person I truly trusted my feelings with. Long story short, we're still together and I truly don't think I could find a better person to be with. With all that said, I still don't recommend it. You need to take your issues to your wife first, and try and work it out. If you realize in the end that you two cannot make it work, then you leave. And you concentrate on you, not finding someone to fill that gap. Be friends with the Co-worker, keep the relationship open, but don't go in for the kill. Then, if you guys feel it's love and not infatuation, then you have some talking to do. Remember: a person who cheats with you may very well cheat ON you. You don't want a relationship that may very well be forever to be built on a bad foundation.
Guest Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 I'm sorry...this is a bunch of bull. You are a cakeman...either s*it or get off the pot.
freakygal78 Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Hi American Guy, I think DeeBrod offers some sage advice here. It's best to keep it as friendship the only downside of this is that friendships escalate and it's often torturous to one of the parties more than the other - namely the one least physically or emotionally attached to their partner or lack thereof. I feel your pain. It's not easy especially when they give you encouragement but don't outright admit that they share the feelings also.
newbby Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 The biggest issue there, to me at least, is that I think women see divorced men as malfunctioning and to be steered clear of. well, married men should definetly be steered clear of, but judging by this site that doesnt ruin their chances. seriously, i dont think women see divorced men that way at all. i know i dont.
Author American Guy Posted August 20, 2006 Author Posted August 20, 2006 To my detractors: pound sand. To those who have tried to help me, many thanks, you have made a difference and have made me see things a little differently and in a positive way.
movinon05 Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Actually, I have a lot of respect for you. You could easily have pushed this issue but you haven't. Not many MMs can say that. So yeah, you really should figure out your M first. If its meant to be down the road, who knows. You just don't need the drama that goes with an affair, trust me. Its hell.
stillhere Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 I agree with MO............. Especially since you work with this woman, life may be great at first, but think if things don't work out, work will be very uncomfortable. I work with my MM, and we are still together after a year, but if something does happen between us, i dread how work will be. I have to try and act "normal" around him, which is extremely difficult. And i also have to try and diffuse situations when guys are flirting with me right in front of him. He can't say a word, as no one knows about us. For me, this A is one of the hardest things i've ever had to deal with in my life. I have never cried so much in such a short period of time, and it seems to be getting worse. I've never been depressed for this long either. I have even thought of going on medication for it, but i'm afraid of how i will be, as i've never been on any mind altering drug in all my life. Trust me when i say, don't do it. Work on your M, and if it doesn't work out, life is not over. You are free to find someone who will make you happy. And the only divorced men i steer clear of, is men who have been divorced 3 or more times. It's them, not the women!
Author American Guy Posted August 20, 2006 Author Posted August 20, 2006 MO & Stillhere, you both are a big help, thanks for the advice. Ya, I realize that work could be hell because of this situation. Ironically, due to my company's business model changing, my job may become moot and I'll get the boot (no pun intended, well, maybe). At least I have some sort of humor left in me. If I get the boot, I'm changing careers. I've been doing what I do now for way too long, so I have a feeling that no matter what happens, I'm facing some major changes in my life soon. MO, I haven't pushed this issue, but I've nudged it bigtime over the past few months. If she has no idea how I feel about her, she'd have to be brain-dead. Guys are funny, they think they're so sly, but women ALWAYS know. Guys think they can look secretly at a woman and think she doesn't know he's looking at them, but women know, they don't miss a beat. I heard it once said that if a woman is interested in a man, she'll let him know, there will be no question, she'll let him know. And if a man cannot figure out if a woman likes/dislikes him, then she's not interested in him. The irony of these last two pieces of sage advice is that it's bullsh*t; it was given to me by a woman. Not slamming women here but... the first woman I ever made love to was a complete fluke. I had known her for two years, worked with her (this was way before I ever met my spouse) on a daily basis. We'd smile at each other but otherwise, I had no clue. She gave no clues, no knowing glances, nothing. One day, we were both put on some sort of committee and everyone exchanged phone numbers. So I called her about the next meeting, we talked shop and I hung up. Five minutes later I called her again and asked her out (I was very shy). She said "yes" and then asked me why it took me so long to ask her out. My jaw hit the floor, I had no idea she knew I had my eye on her, that I was interested in her and yet she NEVER gave any hint she too was interested in me. Long story short, we had a very short but intense series of dates and then it ended quickly and she moved on to someone else. So the fact that my coworker has given me no clues does not mean she's not interested in me, it just means she's pulled back quite a bit and not just to see what happens with me and my W, she's married and is pulling back as she should. I have never met anyone quite like her. She's so calm, so focused, learns to do more than just her job, has a critical eye for detail, is creative, has a heart of gold, is not judgemental one bit and yes, she's probably the most beautiful woman I've ever met. I know, rose colored glasses. I can see other not so glamorous things about her as well. I've seen her mad, sad, crying, happy, angry, bored, etc. She's approaching middle age as well. She's trying to keep herself fit. I think if she gained 30 pounds she'd still look gorgeous. I'm a fool I know. Grass is greener and all that stuff but if it weren't for hoping beyond all hope, we as humans wouldn't have lasted as long as we have. I hope one day I get just one chance to kiss her, and not on the cheek. If that's the only chance I get to do that, I'll die a happy man (that's a lie but the old addage its best to have lost at love than to have never loved at all rings so so true here). Thanks for listening.
movinon05 Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Well then perhaps she is being as respectful of this situation as you are, even though you did your nudging. Perhaps she does know, but she is not acting on it. That shows she has integrity. As I said before, deal with your M. And if it is meant to be with her, it will. I know that's a hard thing to wrap yourself around, but not only are As bad at work, they are bad in general. The anguish and hurt that is brought down among the families should be scary enough for you. Believe me, its NOT worth the pain!
simona Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 I think she has feelings for you but she realizes the consequences of having an affair and she is maintaining that distance. I am in similiar situation where my boss is very much interested and we have chemistry but I am doing every possible thing to run away from him.I tell him about my son .He won't take him eyes off me. He stares at my body , smiles and wishpers too. I pretend that I do not know anything. Deep inside , I crave to be with him. I see him everywhere. I think about him all the time.I have not been able to sleep too. But Hey, I pretend that nothing has happendedso that he does not go any further. I try to treat him as boss . It is really for difficult especially for woman because we easily get emotionally attached unlike men.She knows this and she is keeping that distance. If she is trying hard to stay away from you , you should also give her some space. I hope that answers your questions.
stillhere Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 The heartache you will suffer is not worth that kiss. It really isn't. My MM just walked up to me and kissed me, thought i was going to faint. He knew i wanted him, and obviously he wanted me. Look where i am. I am in a FULL BLOWN AFFAIR! We are in an actual relationship, but he will never be "mine". Please listen to us, i know it is hard to walk away because of these feelings. I really do wish that i would have found this site earlier and would have listened to all the advice given to others like yourself. You are not in an A yet, and as much as your heart bleeds now, multiply that by 1 million. I have a feeling that she is skidish about entering into an A, and she should be. All the sneaking and lying will take it's toll on you. Some can hold out longer than others. That's why i had always said i would never cheat (never say never), it's just too much damn work. Trying to keep your stories straight, having them call at the "wrong" time, you calling at the wrong time, the spouses finding out. It's not worth it.
whichwayisup Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 maybe my vulnerability to infatuation is because I'm getting the attention I need and crave from other women and not from my wife. Yup, you got it. You need that attention and affection from your wife, whom you love. Not from OW. Talk to your wife about all this stuff. And also start romancing HER - Bring home flowers, show in action too how much you appreciate her and love her.
lostsoul66 Posted August 25, 2006 Posted August 25, 2006 I think you were probably right not to make a move because let me tell you my story which has a diferent twist. I was working for a small family run business for about 2 years. One night several of the staff went out for some drinks and one of the women told me she was very attracted to me. I told her that I too was attracted to her and that was pretty much it at that point. we were both married at the time, coworkers, she was the business owners daughter, I think you get the picture. If it had stopped there things would have been a lot easier I think. However, shortly after that, the flirting at work began, the emails back and forth, the endless stream of sexual innuendos, and it also seemed like her outfits kept getting sexier by the day. She was in a bad marriage at the time and mine was also being strained by some outside forces other than the situation I have described. She told me several times that I possessed all the qualities that she was looking for in a husband and companion. We definately connected on a deep level, a level that goes beyond the sexual, and beyond the physical attration. I would console her, she would console me, there would be some hugs exchanged and some meetings ouside work for coffee or a bit to eat, etc... The flirting over email got more intense as time went on. It all just seemed so natural even if it was wrong since we were both married. Then one day I brought coffee to her at her house. We talked for quite some time, I could tell we were both nervous because neither of us touched our coffee. It was time to leave so I got up to go and she walked to the door, we hugged and then she kissed me. It was incredible. I instantly felt as if nothing in the outside world existed, just the two of us in each others' arms sharing a passionate kiss. We met outside work several more times, kissing, making out like teenagers (mind you, I was 39 and she was 34).We kind of slept together once but it was a bit awkward for both of us. So we just kept it to office flirting, email, and the occaisonal meeting outside work. During this time, she kicked her husband out and filed for divorce. I on the other hand was still maintaining my relationship with my wife as if nothing was going on, but I know she had her suspicions and I would lay awake many evenings stressing over the position I had gotten myself into. Then one evening, my wife and I had been drinking and out of the blue she asked me if I had kissed her and I said yes. Well the **** really hit the fan to say the least. I don't want this to be a novel so let me just say that over the next several days I told her just about everything. Needless to say I had to quit my job and immediately break off all contact with the OW. This was extremely difficult. To have such an intense relationship with someone and then suddenly it's gone. The OW tried to contact me several times over the next few months but for the sake of my injured marriage I wanted to keep my word so I did not reply or reach out to her. That was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. To know that there is a person in love with you and basicallly handing you there heart and all you can do is turn and walk away. It's an awful thing. I'm not quite sure which is more painfull, that or looking into the eyes of your wife of 15 years and telling her how you have lied cheated on and betrayed her. So it's been six months now and my wife and I are trying to heal our marriage, she actually seems alot better than me. Maybe because I wake up every day and I think, is this going to be the day that I break my promise and contact her but then after all this time what could I say to her anyway, she probably just wishes I were dead and frankly sometimes I feel the same way. So anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that I think if we had just been able to avoid the kiss and everything that followed it, everything wouldn't have gotten so screwed up and incredibly painfull and messy, but how do you really know until you go through something like this anyway. Good luck, and thanks for listening.
freakygal78 Posted August 27, 2006 Posted August 27, 2006 Yes, American Guy - please respect her decision as hard is it is to see her all the time. I am trying to do the same with my MM at the moment and as heartless as it seemed to send him an email saying in not so many words 'please tone down the friendliness you are displaying towards me in front of everyone and please start behaving more professionally towards me' I know I've done the right thing - it's hard to aim for that healthy respect with a co-worker you have feelings for but I'm trying my darndest because I know doing otherwise would be opening up a whole Pandora's Box of very bad things. He still tries to circumvent my efforts to forget about him i.e. shoots me loaded glances and sends me seductive music but I have to say the alternative, as thrilling as it would be in the short term, would just take me to a whole deeper, darker level (it's already pretty bad as it is). I have to be honest and say I've entertained fantasies of sharing just one kiss before we both leave our jobs (we finish contracts in december) - the foolish romantic side of me thinks it could just be left there (not that I even know if he would ever do this with me) so that I guess I could have had a 'taste' of what the other side of the fence is like but this would be horrible thing to do to his wife and family and myself and him - you don't need to tempt fate - you always have a choice.
simona Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 Hey American Guy, just want to find how you are doing with your current situation. Why do I feel that I know, I hope you are not guy who is pursuing me , haha The situation that you have described reminds me of my situation except that we are not co-workers , he is my boss.
Author American Guy Posted September 2, 2006 Author Posted September 2, 2006 Simona, I'm not your boss. I remind you of him or someone else. The OW I'm interested in is a co-worker. There is no way she cannot know that I have fallen for her. I have written sentiments to her in which I have told her that I all but love her. I have done things for her that a casual co-worker never does. There is a "thing" I do for her once/twice a week, I bring her something special. Recently I asked her if she thought it was out of line and did she want me to stop. She said "no", that what I was doing was great. She's pushed me away and is keeping me at arm's length but she's not kicked me off the bus entirely yet. I suspect with an upcoming change to our working arrangement she may chose that time to end our closeness. If she doesn't, then I know she's interested. As far as my marriage goes, things couldnt' be worse. I'm over the guilt that has been heaped on me over the years, this is a 50/50 proposition but in my world its more like 90/10 where I'm responsible for 90% and she's responsible for 10%. If we have sex, its all up to me. My wife shows no interest in sex. I'm not a nympho or anything like that nor am I ugly but when we do make love, there's no passion on her part, no drive, no urge. I just think all she's doing is trying to make me happy. Without her having the true desire for sex, all she's doing is going through the motions. I try my best, I do things for her most husbands never do ... ladies first, as long as it takes, ladies first. I'm not selfish, I get a lot from satisfying her first and not myself. Sort of like giving a Christmas gift... I get more from giving than getting. I do dishes, I take out trash, I mow the lawn, I earn a good living, I'm creative, kind, caring, sensitive. And yet I see beautiful women (like the OW at my job) who are married to knuckle draggers who's main focus in life is huntin'/fishin'/beer/cars/sports and oh, yeah, their lovely wives. Why do these idiots get the beautiful women and why do these women go for knuckleheads like I've described? I'd really love to hear what women who are married to these troglodytes really think is a good reason to be with this type of man. I'm bright, have a future, hard worker, earn a living, have a college degree, and I'm exceptionally creative both in bed and in work and in my art (I'm an artist too) yet I see guy's who women fall all over because they can string three multi-syllabic words together and they think these guy's are geniuses. I'd love to hear some responses to this.
shldknwbtr Posted September 3, 2006 Posted September 3, 2006 I have to be honest and say I've entertained fantasies of sharing just one kiss before we both leave our jobs (we finish contracts in december) - the foolish romantic side of me thinks it could just be left there (not that I even know if he would ever do this with me) so that I guess I could have had a 'taste' of what the other side of the fence is like but this would be horrible thing to do to his wife and family and myself and him - you don't need to tempt fate - you always have a choice. American Guy, saw a similar wish to do this on your part. My sitation was very similar recently. Eventually what happened to me is that I got so numb to my wife I did not care, and once you make that decision you will start acting on things. Ok, this sounds great and all but....it will NOT satisfy your urges...in fact it makes it worst because then you think about all the things you should have done afterwards too...You're too nervous to act on anything else, its awesome while you are kissing, etc...but, if things are progressing like this (meaning you haven't just jumped into bed) they are going to continue at that slow pace probably for the same reasons that have held you back before...and then when you are together next and DON'T kiss it will (was for me) be hell. Then you will spend your days wondering what you did wrong, what you shoud have done...arg trust me it sucks. And, my MW has overtly expressed interest in acting on more physically and emotionally and she is STILL backing off...so be prepared. But at the same time, I woulnd't change it. The very least this is forcing change in my marriage, wether it will strengthen it or lead to divorce I don't know. I doubt I will end up with this MW though, but when the next woman comes around at least I will be available.
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